I do not know, I can only empathize. We've been looking for about a year, but prices in neighborhoods that we like we could have afforded at the prices they were asking 4-5 years ago, now they are beyond our grasp -- but we were not able to move 4-5 years ago. What we can afford now IS nicer but I would say marginally nicer. Little nicer neighborhood, 500-600 sq ft bigger (our house is 1200 so makes a difference), bigger yard... but not amazing like I'd been thinking. I guess I felt like after being here so long and saving etc, why can't the great and perfect house be reachable?

To me, your place sounds like it's pretty nice already and has tons of space. But maybe your market is undergoing the same squeeze and lack of houses that our market is experiencing.

I just watch the listings and am okay with waiting for something right. We found two rights last year but our offers weren't accepted. Maybe a couple more will be available this year at some point.

I don't know how you justify the higher price, the main thing is to focus on obtaining a mortgage you can afford. If you really can't afford it, don't move.

Is your present house in the school district you need to stay in? I assume a move would change that.

DD has a close friend in the Boston suburbs. She has 3 children. The eldest was in the local suburb public schools through elementary school - they were pleased. But they did not like the middle school so they sent him to a private school nearby. But with two more coming along and HS looming, they chose to buy a more expensive house in a different suburb that had an outstanding public HS. With 3 children, it was cheaper than paying middle AND HS tuition for all three. It's always a trade-off.

You don't mention the age of your children, but if they're only 3-5 years away from college, the size issue is temporary and you might really be better off staying where you are.

We bought in our neighborhood in KY, 34 years ago. Even with the huge increase in the value of the house, I could not possibly afford this neighborhood today. This is not uncommon.

Thank you for your empathy Melle. I did read your post from December about house-hunting fatigue when I was looking through the forums, so I know you understand.

Anglophilia - yes we are in a great school district. My kids are in 5th grade and 1st grade so we have 8 years for my oldest and 12 years for my youngest more to go. We are looking to stay in this school district but the surrounding towns that I mentioned are further away also have good public school - just smaller than ours. Many people move here for the schools and that is one of the reasons prices stay high even during recessions and continue to rise. However in the last two years prices have risen at an astronomical rate. It is amazing to me what the younger families I see at the open houses are willing to pay. We chose this house and area almost by accident and have made a lot of improvements over the years to get it to the point it is at now. We've been here 11 years and bought the house when we didn't even have kids yet - I was only pregnant with my oldest when we moved.

For a long time this house was great for us - my kids shared a bedroom leaving one spare for guests, and we have another area that we use as a playroom/gym.

We could remodel a little bit, put up a wall in this playroom/gym area to make it a 4th bedroom (it has a closet because it looks like before we bought the house this was a separate room that was made into one).

However instead of spending more on this home, we were looking to sell and move to a slightly larger place with a different configuration that works better for us.

I am trying to sort out in my mind, the angst I am feeling around this house hunt and looking for help with it.

Thank you for the perspective Aprilneverends. I have made this list before when we started looking over a year ago (on and off depending on how depressed I got while looking) but have not revisited it in a while with the viewpoint of what's available in the market in our price range.

I am in a perpetual state of unrest as well - I always say that my mind is a very strange place and the things it comes up with are crazy and never fun for me to experience.

Yes there are a lot of good towns around Boston that have good school districts - the only one I know is the one we live in however. I have a fear of "making a mistake" and regretting it - moving to a different town and fresh start but that we end up not liking it, kids are away from their friends etc. We would pay through the roof be able to buy even our current home again probably.

One thing I forgot to mention in my rant (apologies again) is that every home we have seen so far (700K - 1 M above the expected value of our home) has way way less than what we already have in our house - except for more square footage. But because our house is a townhouse, it would never appreciate in value the same as a single family in the same location/square footage.

Things like central air, gas heat, second floor laundry, square footage spread out over two floors instead of 4 etc.

The homes that I have liked and that seem like an upgrade from the home we already own are about 400-700K above our current range. So at the high end of our range, we are finding homes that would require a lot of work to make them comfortable (for us)

sigh....

Why don't you go ahead and put the wall up for the 4th bedroom? That couldn't cost that much and it could be your guest room. That would let you have a bedroom for each child. Even if you can't finish your current basement into finished room, is it a good storage area?

It sounds like you really like your area and it is perfect for you. Make a different list of just everything you like about your current home. I went through the looking quite a few years ago, and couldn't find anything I like better than my house (warts and all) for less than twice the cost of ours. Everything I found would of had to of had extensive remodeling just like the ones you found.

Take a break from house hunting a bit. I just started purging stuff from my house and moving things around to make it work better for us now. It is amazing how much better I feel about how our house works and looks.

When you feel less stressed start looking again or you may find, like I did, that you just want to stay where you are.

Thank you Sherry - the only reason we have not put up the wall is that that space is pretty impressive for families with young kids - the whole thing could be a play/family room (it was for us when the kids were younger - now its an exercise and video game room) and as a bonus its not in the basement where a lot of family/playrooms are. It has 4 skylights and the big room gives a very nice feel at walkthrough.

Our thought was that putting up the wall might decrease the value of the home in some people's eyes (although increase the function of the room for us).

We do have enough space on the first floor as well - kitchen, dining room, family room and formal living room.

My husband keeps telling me that we just need to sell this house as it has served us well and move to a bigger house more suitable for families with growing/older kids, rather than spending more money on this home.

Yes we do have lots of storage in the basement - the foundation although fieldstone is surprisingly dry except in a very crazy rainstorm when a small corner gets damp.

There is also lots of storage all over the house - big closets (not walk-in - just big) in every room.

We are farther out north of Boston, and sympathize with your predicament. Housing prices are strong and remodeling contractors are fully booked and expensive, and our taxes are not going down. Worrying about making a mistake is valid. Although...how about...what you have now is not perfect. If you move, it will probably not be perfect either.

A single family home, if larger, will also probably have higher heating, cooling and repair related expenses. College is not getting any less expensive, so depending on your resources there are a lot of components to consider. Good luck!

Thank you HB. What you say is very true. I haven't even thought about the maintenance aspect yet. Currently our for sprinklers and snow removal etc are shared by all 4 homes, however my husband and I tend to spend our own money on the front yard and side yards because although its common property, its attached only to our house (being the original home on our lot).

I just want to say a big thank you to everyone for all the different perspectives. It is slowly helping me see clearly where we are at.

I think what we will do next is bring in an architect/structural engineer to see if there are changes we can do, what they would look like (and more importantly what it would cost) to make our home more functional for us! The see if we can find something that gives us all that. If not, we will remodel our current home a bit!

Could you put a nice sleeper sofa in the playroom so it could function as a guest room? That way you could leave it the way it is now. The architect/ engineer idea is great.

We moved up to a larger home when the kids were very small, and hadn't really thought it through, and the increase in heating, cooling, etc. was exponential rather than linear. Also more yard, and with a larger house -- each time it needs painting, etc. that is a larger area to deal with. Had to replace windows, update kitchen....we are happy here but wish we'd educated ourselves a little better. (Now the siding is going and we're looking at a generator after these last few rounds...) Location is critical, and that was a major factor for us. Truly, good luck -- we love this whole area.

It's a LOT less expensive to cover hotel expenses for the occasional house guest than to buy a far more expensive house (with a longer commute!) for those guests. Most people don't have a guest room - I didn't for years. Children can bunk in together when guests come, if essential. It won't kill them, even if the opposite sex.

It sounds like you have a great house, great schools, great commute. For me, I'd have to be getting a WHOLE LOT more to spend that much more money. And as one person said, you have two college educations to pay for. My eldest will be at an Ivy next year, and that's nearly $70,000 a year - no financial aid - not poor enough, but not rich enough, either. That money put in a college fund will make far more difference in your children's lives than a guest room or more space for a few years!

If I've learned one thing in my 74 years on this earth, it's that life is about the choices we make, far more than luck or even hard work. Make a good choice here. Perhaps your children will love UMass Amherst - it's a great state school- but perhaps they would be better suited for a private college or university. That money could give them a choice.

Thank you HB. Our costs to paint the 4 homes in the condo association every 5 years or so is about 25-30k. I can’t even imagine spending that kind of money just for ourselves.

I was thinking heating costs for a bigger (but newer and hopefully more cost efficient home) would be about the same as our draftier house right now - but maybe I’m wrong. We’ve had the mass energy audit done and done the recommendations but it’s not made a significant difference in heating cost.

Anglo - culturally if I told my parents or Inlaws that they had to live in a hotel when they visited we might get disowned lol.

i hear you though - and atleast for now I think our best option is to stay put......we do have two boys so bunking together when we have guests is not going to be a problem!

JL, it seems we have somewhat similar cultures..))

BTW if we come to visit them-the hotel might be an option only after my very lengthy explanation "why"..too many of us, too many of them, like if it's 9 people in a 2 bedroom apartment they'll tend to agree..but will be somewhat disappointed nevertheless.

I'm exactly the same...it can be really hard on me to host many people but I might still take offence if they choose a hotel..I won't dwell on it if they have all the reasons in the world to do so, but such would be my first knee-jerk reaction, even against my best judgement.

This element aside-I agree with Anglophilia..my kids shared a room for years, even with no guests on the horizon..I shared a room with my brother until he left for college..great memories allover even though he did have this habit to read to me aloud passages that deeply impressed him from books he was reading at the moment, and he's 5 years older than me, and the passages that striked him were usually describing somebody's horrible death, in detail, so I'm not sure about this part

(and yeah..not poor enough, not rich enough..not here not there lol..))

The Boston area is a tough market. I suggest you get a ballpark estimate for the cost of moving to one of those areas 30 minutes away. Say it is $15K to move your household goods by a professional mover. Then price out updated appliances and putting in central air conditioning. Add the cost of putting up a wall as you describe. The good news is that updated appliances and central air are not throw-away costs, you may get something back on central air conditioning in particular if you move in a few years. And a non-load-bearing wall can be easily removed later if you find it no longer serves your family well.

Many grandparents find that they actually prefer the comparative peace and quiet of hotel rooms after a day spent with young families.

As you get older most find going to a hotel much more restful than staying in a relatives house unless your family is one of those that everyone stays up all night to talk like my husband's used to be. A comment about the cost of after an energy audit, called that here, and doing the necessary changes is to look at the usage not the cost. Last two years I have reduced my consumption of everything drastically only to discover that now the cost is higher than it was two years ago when we were using more. Cost will always go up even when you use less over a period of time.

You could invest in some folding screens such as they have at several places around this area. Think of it as loft living. All sides may be closed but the top is open.

Maybe a Murphy bed setup in the lower level.

You've got two children of the same sex! They can share a room until the first goes to college! My DD actually has a 4 BR house, but her two boys have shared since the youngest was about 2. They like it! So she has TWO extra rooms.

I'm a big believer in children sharing rooms. Not only does it encourage closeness, it teaches sharing and compromise. Did you know that today, the majority of private universities are going to dorms with PRIVATE ROOMS ONLY in new builds? Why? Because most children today have never shared anything, let alone a room. Some of the big southern universities have gone with private ensuite baths in the dorm rooms - again, just can't share.

And we wonder why college tuition is so high....

Thank you everyone for your many many insights. Anglo - my boys do share a room right now - but my 10 year old has wanted to start sleeping on his own sometimes - and we let him in the guest room. I think he flip flops between wanting to stay a child and tending towards being a tween. I can see him wanting to have some privacy very soon.

Based on everyone's feedback I contacted an architect in our area. She seems very nice and specializes in configuring homes to work for better flow with the area you already have rather than add sq footage. She'll be coming over in two weeks - I am more excited than I have been in a very long time!

i see you speaking of your neighborhood and commute and the schools, but i don't see you talking about your immediate "condo neighbors". That would be a deciding factor on whether or not i continued my search or did extensive remodeling.. We lived in an established neighborhood in Houston the schools had been top notch for 25 years or so, but as time went by, 12 years we lived there, you could feel things deteriorating and now some 20 years later, we are so glad we moved to another area (larger lot for hobbies for us). Schools do become "legendary" but they also become less so as time goes by.

Our condo association is only 4 homes - most of the homes around us are single family homes and the neighborhood is very good. Infact a bit snooty (ok quite a bit) as most of the homes start at $2M+ but I don't let that bother me.

We get along (mostly) with our neighbors, some more than others. We're very friendly with the neighbors we share a wall with, one home has a new family and the last home they don't interact with anyone. One thing that bothers me and my husband is that I am also the condo chair and the other homes treat us as if we are caretakers of the homes rather than co-owners. They reach out to us for issues and expect us to do due diligence etc. when it comes down to finding contractors, multiple bids etc. Its fine I am used to it by now as I've been condo chair for 5 years. It was hard at first especially when my kids were little but now its become routine. I don't get paid anything for my service!

At the same time everyone is at a different income level, so some repairs than one home wants to make may not be amenable to another etc. This is one of the reasons we want to be in a single family - we want ownership decisions over our property and make the improvements we want to make, rather than just making repairs.

Zippity - one thing about the schools being legendary - the town puts a lot of money from the budget towards the schools - our roads are in a state of disrepair, other things are not tended to as well but the schools budget is always well taken care of. I think they know this is why people flock to the town despite high taxes and astronomical home values. Our town is not isolated in this though - lots of towns around have good public schools....

I wouldn't completely quit looking and I wouldn't do expensive changes. Just small tweaks to make it flow for you now (and probably sell better). I just suggested taking a break from constant house hunting. I, at least, tend to obsess if I look constantly for anything. It stresses me out. If I take a break and just let it happen, things are so much better. You may love it farther out, but be sure to drive or ride at the times of day, that you would be traveling. The perfect place my show up anytime where you live now.

I do have a single family home and yes, it is nicer not to have to check with everyone else to do something.

The perfect for your family will show up. (Not "THE PERFECT HOUSE") There isn't any such thing. Good luck. Thank you for helping me put my house and yard redo into a better perspective.

I think that the architectural consultation is a good idea. I did want to comment that the addition of a 4th bedroom would increase the valuation of the property and actually expand the pool of potential buyers. A 4th bedroom and another bath would be even more attractive, but costly. Ask a realtor about these changes to explore whether they are worth making.

Have you considered paring down your possessions? We live a very minimalist lifestyle and are downsizing from 2000sf to >1000sf because we have space we just don't use at all.

Homechef - actually our house shows as a 4 bedroom on the town listing because the two rooms combined that we use as a family room were actually split at some point ( you can see the place where the wall joined). If we change it to a 4 bedroom though, we would be left without a playroom for the kids. I’m hoping the architect will help us decide.

imstillchloecat - funny you ask. Over the last year I have been focusing a lot on paring down our possessions, buying less ( i tried to go a year without buying clothes for myself or the kids) and in general giving away what we don’t use. We’ve cut down a lot - this year for my 7 year old’s birthday we requested no gifts and it was such a sigh of relief to come back from the party with no clutter. But even so, with two kids we do have quite a bit of things. We’re not running out of room in our closets and things like that - that was not the reason we were looking to move. Both my kids share a closet and the guest room closet is mostly empty except the corner I used as a filing and photo cabinet - so although I can’t say I’m a minimalist - we’re working our way down to owning less!

Hi OP, I can certainly relate.... I too have been itching to move but whats in my price range now just isnt where I want to live. Every time Ive ventured out to look either on line or in person I always come home with a new found appreciation for my own house and a resolve to make it work for me. So here I sit!

Unlike 20 yrs ago (when I bought current house) there is now a huge pool of investors driving up prices esp in hot markets like mine - buying for the purpose of either flipping or rental. Generally this is the lower cost affordable housing that in the past would have been bought by first time home owners or lower income buyers like me who have skills and interest in putting in sweat equity.

In your situation I can really understand the need to have your own piece of Gods green earth, where you can do what you want and make it yours. Are there ANY such houses in the areas where you want to live - anything at all, even if at first you might think it too small. Its up to you, but it might be worth rethinking what your space needs really are.

As an example - if I were to move to San Francisco ,say, I would have to scale back my expectations because what I could afford just wouldnt buy much. Probably very tiny and a window that faces a wall! If it has any window at all LOL - but I still might make the choice for the benefit of living in such a beautiful and culturally rich and diverse location. It really is quite doable. You find other ways to meet your needs - I found that I would go to library and coffee shops a lot for a change of scenery and buying groceries happened on a daily, as needed basis vs. stocking up massive amts of food. Had no car - but didnt need one except occasionally rented one. It s just a different lifestyle and really not "hardship" or deprivation - just a different way of living - with different set of pro's and con's.

Anyway I guess Im curious about what, if any, are your options if you were to stay in your n'hood. Any way at all of making it work? In your situation - like mine - the reality is that market just isnt what it was 20+ yrs ago and tax law/ economic policies will continue to change to benefit investors vs the average middle class homeowner.

I know you were writing to OP, but I appreciate the message in your post Current Resident. Lots of good points made. Thank you!

We had that dilemma years ago. We bought a home on a great lot, in a wonderful community not very far outside the city. We compromised on a lot of house features for the lot and the location. Some years later when we could afford to buy a "better" house we wanted to be in the same community. We looked and looked for a long time and found the things we could afford weren't as nice as what we had. So we got over the idea of moving and lived in the house for 23 years until we decided to move to a detached townhome where someone else is responsible for all the outdoor work.

It seems like these days we feel we have to have all kinds of things average folks never had in days gone by. Many car garages, lovely finished main floor laundry rooms, every kid with their own bedroom, lots of bathrooms, multiple living spaces, etc. Sometimes I think it's well worth taking a step back and carefully considering whether you really must have those things. I grew up with none of them and didn't have most of those things until I was in my late 50s. Never really felt deprived in any way.

I read this in the doctor's office this morning in December's Family Circle. Number 6 really hit with me. I started doing little things in the house in November 2017 (instead of waiting to do the big remodel) and I like the house much better.

https://www.familycircle.com/health/emotional/the-online-pursuit-of-happiness/

Thank you Sherry - that was an excellent article with many good points and also links to other great articles and videos!

Painting our home last year after 10 years was the biggest "small change" I made and it did make us very happy :)

I like the gold medal vs silver medal analogy the best - because I think that's the mindset I've been at - not being able to afford to move in our neighborhood has somehow translated in my mind to us being a failure (or not being successful enough?) which is really not true.....

Of course the first problem you have encountered is that in general single family homes cost more than townhouses.

Embothrium that is true, however we had of course taken that into consideration and our price range is twice the cost of our current house.....

Yes, when it was pointed out that the bronze was just glad to be on the platform???.... I think I'll go look for some pillows for the couch tomorrow.

Yes, many townhouses in my area are very much cheaper than single family houses also.

What about keep the current house for school and work, and buy a weekend country house with some land?

You did not mention the increase transportation costs for your work commute if you move. Would your new address mean buying a car(s) and it’s related expenses? When your children are teens will the public transportation at your current address serve them well enough? We lived out in the sticks when we had driving teens. Realistically they each needed their own car. I think we could have funded the first year of college tuition with what we spent on tires alone!

Could you afford a house the same size or slightly smaller that you could at least reconfigure to your liking? Many families in my neighborhood living in 1800 sq feet or less.

I understand not wanting to be tied to a condo association, especially a small one, but going Up from 2700 with a family of four does not seem strictly necessary in an expensive area.

Thank you for the suggestions. To answer the questions asked - we wouldn't need any additional cars as we already have two. Anywhere we move would still be within public transportation distance of the city as that is important to me. However it would be longer and probably on a commuter train with less frequency rather than a bus as I have now.

About the slightly smaller home - any homes that are around even the ones that are smaller than ours are atleast $500k more so I am in the same place where I wonder what the value is in moving (which was my original question)

The architect I had mentioned came by today and had some great suggestions that we could use to make the area we already have way more functional for us as a family. I am thinking about doing those changes (which she said would cost about ($30K) which involve breaking down a wall and adding a couple more windows and one additional door. The windows and door would require condo approval but everything else should be relatively easy to do! She did mention that it would be difficult to add another bedroom to the upstairs as there is value in keeping that big room as it is for now without dividing it up!

I think your desire for a single family home makes perfect sense.
In a perfect world you would find one in your neighborhood, in your
price range. If only!

In a way, you provide an answer to your own dilemma – you should visit and
get to know a few prestigious towns other than your own. That will help
to allay your concerns about ‘making a mistake’ and regretting it.

You probably already know the desirable towns, and they are not
exclusively west of the city. So focus on great schools and an easy
commute, and you may find pricing that is better than in your current town.

I’ve lived in the Boston area for 40 years, and I still come across towns
that I never really visited before, and some are incredibly nice.