Was -18 this morning and windy. Last nights wind chill was almost a -60 with all sorts of warnings. Now a -9 and still very cold due the winds we are getting. I did go over to the PO to pick up mail as I did not go out Sat or Sun. Roads still icy

dedtired: In your post, you wrote "Today I am making a new mushroom soup recipe in the slow cooker." If it turns out good, would you post the recipe? Thanks. Since I'm retired, I too try to stay home on the weekends. And I try to not run errands or go out to lunch at noon. It's hard enough for work people to go through a line or find a table at 'lunchtime', so I don't want them to have to wait on me when I can go earlier/later. Shirley

Good for you Sunflower! I've been thinking about your situation over the past few days, and had an epiphany a few minutes ago, and wondered if that might apply. You seem like a sensible and reasonably mature (though young - under 30) person who's goal-oriented. All good. And you talked about moving forward with your relationship -- and I get that. Moving forward in a relationship is generally what we like to do. It's the normal and logical progression of life: High school, some high school boyfriends, college, some college boyfriends, graduate, get a job, set up life with an apartment, career, more boyfriends. Then you find a BF you especially like who especially likes you, and you move forward -- maybe live together, then get married. Then you have kids, raise a happy family, etc., etc. You spoke of moving in together as 'moving forward', and I'm wondering if in your mind, is somehow is. Like it's 'advancing to the next stage of life' -- moving your game piece forward, or 'growing up' another degree. And in a sense, it is. It is moving to another stage of life. But viewing it from that angle makes it sound like it's automatically a good thing -- a step ahead, a move forward. And in reality, it isn't at all! (Does the teen mother who marries her high school baby daddy somehow 'win' by going through her step-forwards quickly?) It certainly can be a move forward -- with the right guy at the right time in the right circumstances. But it can be every bit as much the learning and growing experience to say "No" as it is to say OK and move in together. Laying out your ground rules -- the way you did by specifying that he had to get his finances in order -- That's a very empowering thing you did! If it turns out we were all wrong and he is a reponsible guy, then he'll respect you for taking a stance now. And if he's a weak link, that'll become evident too, and probably a bit sooner now. You're doing the right thing Sunflower! And that's really a step forward.

"When I have complained, he told me I needed to find friends to do things with..." It seems to me, Artsielady, you have attempted to discuss your wants and needs with this fellow and he has given you his solution for your problem. After my first husband died, the first man I seriously dated agreed we would tell each other if we were becoming disenchanted with some facet of our relationship...to give ourselves the opportunity to modify our behavior to address the needs/wants of the other...well, after a year or so, I was not happy with some things and had approached him on several occasions in an effort to discuss issues of concern. One time, I made the mistake of dropping by his home during the telecast of a NASCAR race. I told him I really wanted to try to sort through some things with him and his response was to suggest I needed to find someone I could "chat" with. He was not suggesting I find an online friend; he was making a condescending remark about my relationship with my first husband (I am & he was a mental health professional)... I took him seriously and decided to be open to other relationships...within a few months, I met the man to whom I have been married for nearly 11 years. He did me a huge favor when he made his mean, hurtful remark. I don't know if your DH suddenly began spending 75%+ of his time with his children only after you married; if so, perhaps you are a victim of "bait & switch." If your DH's behavior is nothing new & you simply hoped things would be different & his choices would change once you married (making you higher on his priority list), well, then, you may be a victim of your own naivete..... Either way, I hope you and your husband find a way to discuss your wants and needs; that these discussions between you are based in mutual concern and respect; and that you find your way to accommodating one another in a way that satisfies you both.