Sad that her apparent neediness to converse with others is the very thing that drives those others away. It is kind of you to invite her to the gatherings.

We have one of those types next door. She is an elder widow that often won't even answer her door when the church elders stop in to check up on her, but never fails to corner us if we make eye contact. A terrible gossip too.

Sad situation indeed, I have people like that in my family. Thankfully I don't see/talk to them much.

Your appendicitis remark was hilarious, was not expecting that. Thankfully I didn't adorn my screen with oatmeal. ;)

We have one like that too. It is awful when she gets going, she talks nonstop and so much of what she is saying is ugly gossip. She loves to talk bad about everyone. I avoid her like the plague. She cornered my husband a few weeks ago and after 40 mins he said I gotta go and she was embarrassed. She wants to know every detail of what all the neighbors do....so gross! She even asked my husband what I do and where I go...ugh. She definitely has a mental problem and is very paranoid. She mentioned to me during one of her marathon filibusters that she looks out the window all day and is afraid of people she doesn’t know. How sad, what an awful way to live.

Since she talks without stopping, wonder if she takes pharmaceutical energy enhancers.

I'm at a point in my life where I can't and won't waste time on people like this. If she were to start motor mouthing at me, I would bluntly say to her 'you talk too much' and just walk away.

I have one of those too and was feeling very resentful because being polite usually meant I was late for something or whatever I had planned to do outside didn't get done. The more I tolerated it, the worse it got. Now I just go about doing whatever I am doing in the yard or if I have to be somewhere, I cut her off rather abruptly, get in my car and leave. Unfortunately, it seems to be the only way, otherwise she can disrupt my whole day.

Maybe she could take her dog( as long as it is friendly). To nursing homes where they would enjoy petting the dog. A lot of people do that. When my mother was in the nursing home there was always someone bringing in their pets. She wouldn't be bothering anyone as the residents would just nod off when they got bored....and she could go on to the next one. :)

I have a neighbor like that as well. I try to be patient but I end up feeling resentful because I'm wasting precious minutes of the time I have left on this earth. I'm kinda a quiet loner so I don't understand that personality at all.

A short "thanks for stopping by" and walking away. If they follow or continue, I'd keep moving and just ignore.

I have a neighbor like "that". I've tried to get her to get another dog after hers passed. She has such an outgoing personality, so much love to give. A rescue dog or 2 or 3 would flourish under her attention.

I would just have my excuses handy. Such as, oh gosh, the I have to go put my clothes in the dryer now! Or, I've got to go to charge my phone, or OH! What time is it! I gotta go!

And then leave with a pseudo-compliment-"youre so sweet, but I gotta go" and accompany with the body language of turning away.

People that talk non stop do not know how to have a conversation. That requires listening.

I've never had a neighbor like that.

I once worked with someone like that. At first, I felt like I needed to be polite and listen as well as respond appropriately to what she was saying. It didn't take me long to realize that she didn't care if I answered or not, she just liked to talk. When no one was around, she talked non-stop to herself. Once I figured that out, i just continued doing whatever it was I needed to do even if it meant leaving the room or the building. When I'd return, she'd still be talking and didn't even seem to have noticed that I'd left.

If your neighbor is anything like that, you could probably do the same kind of thing. As it is now, she's chasing you away from outdoor projects you're working on and keeping you from finishing up when you'd like. If you do get trapped and the constant talking gets to you, just say something like going inside to get a drink, snack, use bathroom, make a call, etc.

It would be such a blessing if a place like 'next-door' could have a matchmaking service for 'just friends'. Two talkers together might vie for time a bit but they still might have a ball talking to each other all day.

Better at home than at work, it's easier to escape. It sounds like you'll have lots of practice to get good at it.

I've had a few friends like that through the years. I can't stand it. I'm still distantly polite to all of them but I actively avoid all contact with them. Machine gun chatter is what I call it and it exhausts me. I hate getting blasted with a verbal onslaught which has no end.

Maybe a, "I'm not able to visit right now - I want to concentrate on my task." Or, "I need my quiet time when I'm in the garden/yard, so I can't visit with you right now." I'd be a broken record until she went home.

We have ceased allowing her to disrupt our activities, thus my statement at the end of my original post..... but it will always be a minor issue. I choose not to be mean to her, MrsM, by telling her she talks too much.

We are good neighbors to each other in spite of this problem. And guess what? She doesn't call on the phone to drone on and on! If she needs to tell us something, I get a brief text! Yay! She gets a big plus for that.

I have a brother like that and a co-worker. Last time I visited my dad with my kids my brother wouldn't shut up and my dad was trying to talk to us. I told my brother to shut up, very rudely, which I felt kinda bad for later. He didn't take it too well. He drives me nuts. Am going back to see my dad, next week, he recently had a pacemaker put in and is in a rehab facility. I'm only staying a few days and am dreading it because of this brother. I know he's lonely, lives with my dad and no one else to talk to but he needs to get a life, a job, etc...

You and Rhizo get together and see if you can pitch each other's talker into exchanging phone numbers. You will get relief and you might just make two lonely people very happy.

Now I am curious: IS this a 'personality disorder'? What's the diagnosis and how is it reached? Can people be helped? It seems a shame to miss a full life if you could be helped.

Yeah, I thought the personality disorder assessment was a bit harsh myself. Unless it is based on a known clinical diagnosis. Or something else more definitive than their self-centered grandstanding.

And, yes, it's self-centered. So I wouldn't worry too much about making it clear one needed to get on with their own business, and doing just that.

Without making up a story to justify it.

Wow, it’s almost as if you could become a prisoner in your own house if you have to run away from her while in the middle of outdoor chores! I have way too much to do outside to stop and chat endlessly when I am busy. I really don’t mind the occasional chat with a neighbor, which, believe me, is infrequent as we all have property to tend to. I don’t think I’ve ever come across anyone quite like that.

I do have a dear friend who always wants to make most of the conversations about her, her family, or her problems/plans/whatever du jour. She does let you tell what is going on with you or your side, but you don’t get to elaborate much, and then she is back telling you a lengthy story about something. There are 3 of us who go out to lunch or dinner to catch up. I always come away from our get-together feeling like the other friend and I didn’t really get to say much.

The thing is, even if YOU think it's being mean to tell her to stop talking or that she talks too much - SHE wouldn't think you were being mean at all. These types of people have no filter, and also no understanding of rudeness directed toward them. Sadly, I work with TWO of these people, so I spend the majority of my workday with earbuds in (with no music or anything - just the earbuds); they assume I'm listening to music and walk past.

My mate planted vines on high trellises on one side of our yard because she was so often waylayed like that by our neighbor. But this neighbor was basically a a very likable person. It turns out, she was at the beginning of dementia (Alzheimers, maybe).

I also have known a person with bipolar disorder for whom meds apparently did not do nearly enough. (Chronically homeless, really not able to take care of herself.) I'm not certain that the talk-talk-talk was part of her disorder, but she talked non-stop much of the time. I'm sure it made it worse for her that most of her jabbering was critical of others and meant to say how fine she was.

Of course we don’t know this specific person, but I disagree that she wouldn’t even notice if you were rude to her. I have a neighbor like that. I don’t feel that it is a “personality disorder”; I think that it is social awkwardness. That is certainly true of my neighbor.

She’s a very bright person and has a very technical job, high level. But she is socially very awkward. She talks forever, and always about herself and her problems. However, she is very sensitive and easily hurt. She is not selfish or non-feeling. In fact, she feels things very deeply and rudeness cuts her to the quick.

I find no harm in being kind while being strong.

>> Edited to fix typo.

It may just be loneliness.

Obviously, I cannot relay exactly why I used the term "personality disorder", but there is certainly something out of the ordinary going on with this woman, exceptionally so. Far beyond what I would call lonely or awkward.

She holds a high level position in the aeronautics field; I don't know how much she has to work as a team player or if she's on her own much of the time. I strongly suspect the latter.

It's a challenge at times, but we've learned to pretty much carry on with what we're doing when she latches on.

G'nite, all.

In my experience (living in an area with many, many highly educated and very smart technical people), many engineers are socially awkward.

An old joke - you're at a party, how can you tell who's an engineer?

A - It's the person who's looking at their own shoes when talking to you.

How can you tell who's an engineering manager?

A - It's the person who's looking at YOUR shoes when talking to you.

Haha...I wasn't going to bring that up but the jokes (and true stories) around here about rocket scientists are common. Some are barely functionable in the real world.

My husband works at the University of Alabama here in Huntsville, where the emphasis of studies is anything that supports the space research industry, genetic research, etc. A few of the researchers and professors are a bit nutty. World renown scientists have made this city their home, creating quite an intellectual soup. It's wonderful.

The stories are funny and their eccentricities are legendary. Our neighbor probably falls into this category and we prefer to treat her with kindness.

Most of you have probably figured out that rhizo and I live in the same general area, so yes indeed, the ‘rocket scientist’ stories are many and many are so true! Since I am one (retired), but with a right and left brain that work pretty well together, I can attest there are a lot of times you have to just shrug and go on. There’s a lid for every pot, as some say.

DH and I have wondered which of our childhood friends and classmates were ADHD or somewhere on the spectrum for Asperger's. The general public has become aware that children with these traits are often unable to absorb social clues, while some are exceptionally talented within proscribed areas -- often fine detail.

We aren't as aware that there have always been people whose brains are wired in these ways. Perhaps adults like those irritating forum contributors are among the 'differently-wired' population.

If that is the case, might there be no 'feelings' to be hurt if someone abruptly terminates the endless talk. Could the 'talker' be 'programed' to hear, "STOP!" without taking offense?

Just a few years ago, I spent a most enjoyable afternoon visiting the Rocket/Space Center in Huntsville. Just as we entered, we were approached by a volunteer docent who asked if we had any questions. I said we'd just come in, didn't know what to look at. He suggested we accompany him on a personal narrated tour during which he could answer any questions we had. He was a retired engineer/scientist who'd spent his career there and enjoyed his gig as a docent, interacting with visitors. It was fantastic.

I think few Americans know that "our" rocket knowledge and expertise in the 1950s and 1960s, from our ICBMs to our first satellites and including the moon launch vehicles, came in large part from the German Nazi rocket scientists (who'd developed the V1 and V2 missiles) that we grabbed at the end of WWII and brought to the US. They ultimately wound up in Huntsville and became the brains of the American rocket development effort. Wernher von Braun and many dozens of his team. Our docent was a little reluctant to speak about it but I asked and he said that when he'd started working there in the late 60s there were many such Germans from the original group still working there.

That's fine as long as there wasn't any Braun-nosing going on.

You would of thought his house would have been much larger.

http://www.collectspace.com/ubb/Forum41/HTML/000688.html

Rhizo, i was a little tickled by the responses you've gotten. Some years ago I had posted about the very same topic and got ripped apart by some posters for being unfriendly. lol

Moonie, sounds like you mean "ticked" rather than "tickled", lol. I'm sorry that you felt scolded.....we all take that risk, I guess. Perhaps I presented my neighbor in a different manner, and our relationship as more sympathetic or you simply had to deal with some unpleasant people.

There are times that I have wished I had never brought up a topic but not often. Then, too, there have been some deeply judgemental people here in the past.

This thread has been thoughtful, interesting, and helpful and I thank everyone who has participated. I hope that you were able to resolve your neighbor issues!

rhizo, haha! In my case, I ended up planting a string frame of morning glories with a back drop of sunflowers to block the small area that my neighbor could see me through. Maybe it did seem unfriendly to some but my backyard is my sanctuary. At the time I was still working and only had sundays (and not all of it) to spend in the yard. It was so frustrating to have my neighbor take up that precious time with nonstop chatter. When she started showing up with her bottle of water and plopping herself down at my patio table, I knew I had to take action. She disturbed my hummers! But, I did feel guilty enough that towards the end of the day I might would holler and wave to her. They divorced, sold the house, and the neighbors now are pleasant to stand at the fence and chat with for a few minutes several times a week. I'm retired and have the time for neighborly chitchat. :)

"Could you suggest a Church she could join?"

Lots of people don't go to church and making any kind of suggestion like that (asking or presupposing someone's affiliation/preference/desire of this kind or indeed assuming they even have any) seems ultra personally invasive. Don't you think?

Yikes, Lynn....that's making some huge assumptions on your part.

Maybe hang an egg timer around your neck, to turn when she shows up, and tell her that when the sand has all gone down ...

... it's your turn to talk?

On the other hand, could you visit her house some time and ask whether you could deal with your concern, then share at least some of your reactions to her volubility, asking how much awareness she had of your reaction to her habit?

Sometimes some people would appreciate some gentle and friendly feedback. You will likely have some inclination as to whether such a course of action might be appreciated.

By her ... let alone by you!

ole joyful