Invite both and if feasible, make the guest list available so that there are no surprises. It's possible that they want to 'make up' but need a venue.

ETA: I love Facebook invitations because you can see who's going.

Make it a big party so it looks like no one was left out. I've had so much drama lately that I'm just thinking why can't people get along? I just want a peaceful life with no malarkey.

I agree. Invite them both. Let them work it out. Hopefully they are mature and can do so. Not your job.

Oh good grief. They’re adults so treat them as such. If you are friends with both then they both would have some clue that the other would be invited. This is not your problem. Let the one, or both, who can’t act with civility decline the invitation.

I would check with each of them, telling them your intention to invite the other. You don't know what the falling out was about and how deep the wounds are. You can judge by their reactions as to whether inviting both would be a good idea, maybe a chance to mend their friendship, or a huge mistake.

Knowing no more about it than you've shared or know, I'd carry on as usual and invite them both if that would have normally been your course of action. They can make a grown-up decision to either be civil and gracious during your event, or decide not attend a party where the other might be present - and leave you out of it.

Years ago there was a falling out between two couples that were part of a long time group of friends. There was good reason for the estrangement as it turns out, but for the most part the rest of us respected their privacy and 'played dumb'. One or the other would find out who may be on what guest list and decline invitations as they felt appropriate and it wasn't ever discussed, the rest of us stayed out of it, never trying to play matchmaker or devil's advocate or calling attention to the rift at all. It's still going on now in this decade ;0) and the 4 of them can only be found at the same very large event, never smaller gatherings but it's their choice and no one tries to balance invitations.

Ok, I can do that. How about socializing? I met #2 thru #1 and have socialized separately in the past. I hope I can continue to do so as both are great fun. Sigh, I hate the thought of losing either one.

@Morz, I hope my deal turns out like yours. Neither has said to me what happened but I’m pretty sure something did happen. I have no intentions of initiating that conversation.

PK, I don’t do Facebook but I admit that on the evites I get where you can see who’s invited and who rsvp, I find it useful. I’ll think about online invite. I was gonna do a cutesy flyer but not written in stone.

Invite them both, no need to share the guest list with anyone.

Maybe they will use your gathering as an opportunity to make amends with one another. If not, it is their problem.

I think the fastest way to lose one of them is to talk to either of them about their "feud". If they are so inclined, it's possible, if you lend either an ear, that they may perceive you as their ally and become offended if they find out you're still being social with the other one. I'd be ready with an "I love you both and want you to keep your issues with each other private."

Olychick, I would be so surprised and disappointed if they started talking but I have made a mental note of your last phrase, just in case

Continue on as you've always done. Their problem is not yours and you shouldn't make it yours. They can make their own decision as to what they want to do.

Invite both and say nothing. As soon as one finds out, they may call you and tell you if the other is coming, she won't. Then she'll be mad at you for "taking sides." Don't allow this to happen, please.

You are friends with both of them, you enjoy both...invite both. And unless its your style to share your invitation list...don't. If either of them should ask if the other is comming just say yes and leave it at that..They can either stay and have an enjoyable time or leave...their choice. Don't let their issues with each other shadow your get together. I hope you have a lovely time.

do they know that you know they're on the outs? if not... just plan the party and invite both.

Love everyone's sensible advice. I encountered a similar situation a while ago. I ended up not going to a gathering but it was my choice. I also was thinking if the gathering is large the two enemies don't even have to talk to each other because so much else has been going on.

I have nothing to add to the advice except to say that if either of them contacts you to decline, simply say something like, "sorry that you won't be able to make it, I will miss having you." A simple response like this allows you to acknowledge that the one declining won't be attending without becoming involved in their feud.

Good luck, it's always difficult to find yourself feeling caught in the middle.

Plan your get together and invite whomever you wish. Everyone has a choice to attend or not and really is not your problem. Life is just too short and there are more important issues to deal with.

I understand you bossyvossy...It's a shame to have to walk on eggshells and risk losing one as a friend.

Hopefully, you are inviting some maybe boisterous folks too..and serving a little wine. Both are great buffers.

What would I do?? I would hem and haw and fret about it for a few hours until I became overly annoyed and realized that they are grown adults.

Then I would send my invites to whomever I so choose and let them work out their personal issue personally.

Yes it's annoying and yes it can affect my life but...not my chair, not my problem.

While I agree that all are adults, age does not guarantee "adult behavior". When DD had a brunch following her first child's christening, she invited a lot of people, including friends from high school. Of course, all the godparents were invited as well.

In came the high school friend and her husband. She walked into the LR, saw one of the godmother's in the dining room and had a total meltdown. DSIL finally got her and her husband into their small study off the entrance hall. She proceeded to yell at him and ask him how he could possibly invite the person whose husband had cost her father his job. DD had totally forgotten that the husband of the godmother had been part of a Board of Directors who forced out the CEO who was the founder of the country. If DD had remember, she might not have invited high school friend, but this was a brunch for about 50 people - not an intimate party. She left the party quickly and didn't speak to my daughter for at least 2 years - they do now.

I'm not into high drama in any situation so unless you can count on these two behaving in a civil manner. I might leave them both out.

I think you’re over thinking this Bossy. It’s irrelevant how you met one of them. Whatever has taken place between them is their issue (not yours). Invite them both and don’t allow “their” issue to dictate your behavior.

I wonder if this "feud" started between the kids and has infiltrated to the parents. Anyway, it seems like you're already expecting drama of some kind. I'm curious as to how you heard about this issue....who said what to you?

There's no doubt that I would invite whoever I wanted to my party and that I would not be roped into their issues. Remember, each party will have completely different stories.

I refuse to be a party to gossip and the petty squabbles of friends, family, or neighbors. You have to have a backbone, though, to take on that role.

If you want to stay out of it, then do. Not sure how you found out they were feuding but it really isn't your concern. You plan the party you want and they will do what they will with your invite.

It has come to my attention b/c I could see/hear kids playing almost daily, or going to school together and it has abruptly stopped. Additionally, #2 has not attended the last two gatherings. This is not Real Housewives of Richmond TX so no gossip network. Is just me regretting that my hunch may be right and pondering, w/your comments, about how I’m going to stay out of it, b/c that, I will.

i know GW is full of enlightened people that love everybody all the time and live in never ending harmony, but in my neck of the woods, sometimes nice people break up from the dumbest of reasons and don’t recover. That makes me a little sad, not to mention the walking on eggshells aspect.

Hi less-than-bossy,

What?

You've missed some of the criticisms, or unnecessarily critical comments that get posted here from time to time?

Not frequently, granted ... and usually others jump to the defence of the targetted one.

We can be thankful that, all things considered, there is a major measure of sweetness and light, here.

I'm in the camp of invite 'em both, and count on them to be respectful.

ole joyfuelled

Some of our neighbors dislike each other. I stay out of it. I would love to have a BBQ but we have so much discord on our street that I won’t.

The neighbor to my left and the neighbor right behind me (their yards adjoin), don't speak to each other. I am much closer to the one behind me because she was here first, and I think she is special. Anyway, other than by location, I don't get in the middle. Not planning on having a party soon. If I were you, I'd invite them both and let it be their problem.

The tail shouldn't be wagging the dog.

see/hear kids playing almost daily, or going to school together and it has abruptly stopped.

that breaks my heart. Can't understand why the kids have to be punished for the adults' behaviors. Sad

I agree Rob. If they have a problem with each other, then it should stay between them, not the kids.

I would still question if the kids started the feuding.

Kids are the first to be weaponized when adults fight. It's for their own good, of course.

Yes, that's what's going on with my feuding neighbors. Kids are not allowed to play with each other, which is especially difficult because they can see into each others yards.

Bossy, when is your event? Please let us know the outcome. I’m thinking that both parties will come, behave and your event will be a big success.