Serenity...I see what you're saying, but I don't think I'm going to ask for a copy of the divorce certificate, I think that would sound like I don't trust him and I always like to trust someone until they prove otherwise. Work and gossip is not an issue, we live an hour apart in a big city and have very different lines of work so that will never get mixed up. I know I'm not their step mother, I'm Daddy's gf, but I'm the only one so I don't think it's too traumatic for them having me around. Their mom has a new man now and from the sounds of it is trying to buy their affection with day trips and half the gift shop. Good luck with that. Bunglogrl...I asked him if he had been playing the field a bit since he'd been separated (hoping he had!) and he said he hasn't dated anyone. I agree, he should have been seeing different women but the fact is he was alone for a year or so and didn't. He's just not that type of person. I know another recently separated man with 2 small children and he has been sleeping with about every 3rd woman he meets if the rumours are true. Some people need to, some don't. My bf is a relationship person, and that is not such a bad thing, having been cheated on by my last boyfriend, it is attractive for me to be with a man that sustained a relationship for so long. Obviously he is not like my ex that just wanted to go and screw around. I do see the point when people say he is just looking for a replacement wife and here I am! Well, is that such a bad thing? He likes having me round and making me dinner and buys me little gifts (something I am not used to either). I haven't come across many people that like to be alone. I have done all the things you do in your 20's, college, work, travel, a few boyfriends, and I know I'm ready now to settle down and I'd like to get married (but not desperate to, I never had the "princess day" fantasy about the white dress haha) and have my own baby soon. I don't mind helping out with his kids and he does frequently ask me for advice about parenting. He knows I'm not a parent but I tell him what I know and it usually works if he does it. He told me he has done his grieving for the relationship, and wants to move on, so if a new wife is what he wants, then that's not such a bad thing. I'm very independent, I work full time, pay my own way and I still travel without him, so it's not like I'm going to slot right into to being his housekeeper, chef and babysitter. We are both respectful to each other and know we are lucky to have met each other. There are a few reasons we want to move in together. He can't pay his mortgage alone and I can't afford to buy a house on my own (house prices have skyrocketed in the last few years in my city). Plus we live an hour apart so with our jobs, the nights he has his kids, the gym and social committments we don't get to see each other very often. I know it sounds like a rush but it doesn't feel like it. It takes months to buy/move houses anyway so it likely won't happen until the new year. Anyway, I'm working it out with the kids, and I have told me I want to help him and I can, if he asks but he has permission to tell me to shut up if I go overboard or offend him. Thanks for all the advice...

You know, the more research and blogs I go on regarding the topic of being a step-parent (to children of divorce), the more I think Dr. Laura was right. Dr. Laura said that divorced parents should not remarry (nor even really date) until their children are out of the home. Just seems to me that whomever the divorced parent remarries or gets involved with, winds up paying a high price for someone else’s divorce. When you marry someone, you are to be connected at the hip, so to speak. Sometimes this works where the step-children (adult or not) recognize dad or mom’s new spouse. But, usually the step-mom, for example, winds up a) having much responsibility for these children with no recognized authority, and b) becoming the scapegoat simply because it is much easier to go after step-mom, a non-relative than going after a relative, blood. AND, I’ve come to understand that there are some with children who even think that when they remarry, their spouse somehow magically agreed to be put in that position! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read something like, “Oh, well you knew so and so had children, so now that they are breaking your heart and trashing your home and making your life a hell, you have to put up with it.” Sorry! If anyone expected that when they married someone with children, then there would be no remarriages period. Which brings me back to my original thought. Maybe Dr. Laura was right. Divorced parents should not remarry (nor even really date) until their children are out of the home. (Sure, there can be problems with adult step-children too, but if one thing, disengagement is easier with adults.} Seems like two people can’t stand each other, get divorced, and the ones to pay the heaviest prices are their children and the people they go on to remarry. Very selfish of these divorced parents, in some ways I think.

same song indeed, jenn. This is intimidation, & you & hubs are enabling it; buying them soda & providing them with a roof is like paying a blackmailer. You *never* get them "paid off". They'll always be there, demanding more & more & more. & screaming is physical intimidation, which escalates to elder abuse. which supports one of my pet theories, that grown men who abuse their nearest & dearest often were overindulged brats who always got their own way, at first by tantrums, then by physical intimidation, then by hitting & punching & terrorizing. I channeled my father on jenn's thread; on this one, maybe y'all can imagine what your own fathers would have done with an adult son who lay around all day & lived off his dad & screamed when he was "asked" to "help.

Eh, I'm still not going to 'judge' SM on drinking if the binge was at SD's house yet. I don't drink at all and I think that whole event would have tempted me to want to hide in a bottle (or under a rock, behind a shed, heck anywhere but where I was) Dad's not getting off the hook here. What was dad thinking with bringing soon to be SM to SD's home for a vacation/visit on the anniversary of Mum's death, take daughter to a shopping center and announce after he had told his daughter he would not be getting remarried 'hey, guess what, honey, ______and I decided we're getting married'. Geez, why not just hit 'er with a bus. Some tack, Dad. Considering OP was already having major problems with having dad with a girlfriend, I can just imagine how OP reacted right then and there and continued on through out the 'holiday'. Evening ended up with soon to be SM tilting the bottle heavy and mumbling 'but we're lonely' , I certainly would wager there was a whole lot of emotional activity inbetween announcement and binge. Second binge we hear about is when OP arrives at her parents old home where dad and SM now live which has gone through lots of redos', had no pictures out of OP mother and a SD/SM 'war' already in force. I have a hunch something was left out of the retelling of this little setting too. I already stated a drinking problem if it is indeed a real problem should be case for concern, but the majority of the ranting issues OP pointed out and squealed about in her very lengthy post had nothing to do with drinking. The drinking is a small part of what has OP all fired up and angry.