U cant worry about what others think ... there is no rule set in stone saying something like: 1 month for each year (sounds ridiculous doesn't it ... I think so) I say u will know when u are ready until then just go out with friends and have fun with life. Your husband would not want u suffering any more than u already have. If a date comes out of it that would be great. Just my two cents. Another piece of advice that u may know already but I will say it anyway :) Some peoples advice may just be given to you at the wrong time in your life. So I like to say take it or leave it but it is given with the best of intentions.

Saraj, I am so sorry for your loss. I have not had this experience, but I do know that you must allow yourself to go through the grieving process in all its phases. As someone else here said, you cannot skip grief, you have to walk right through it. I would strongly recommend that you call your local hospital to find out about grief counseling, whether individual or group. You reached out for help here, and that's wonderful, but you should also reach out for professional help which will benefit both you and your children. Family and friends' support is helpful too. Again, I am so sorry, and my heart aches for you and your children as well. Post back and let us know how you are doing. Susan

I'm so sorry. You've had one stunning blow right after another, & you must be reeling from it. I don't for one minute believe that these are "real" dreams (ie, dreams in which it's really your husband communicating). No way would he show up to torture you. I think they're just dreams in which your inner self is expressing the dismaying sense of loss & helplessness (if you'd known on November 4th, what could you have done? nothing). I'm with Marie: find someone & talk & talk & talk. Cry & holler & blubber if you want. I'm holding you in my thoughts & in my heart.

Carriboo, I too lost my husband through a traumatic and unexpected death. I am 39, and like you I know I have a lot of my life to live, but I am completely devastated by my husband's death. I too feel lost, empty and lonely. He is dead fifteen months now , and I can really identify with where you are presently at. I too felt noone could help me. All my friends and family seemed completely inadequate when it came to dealing with my emotions. If I was overwhelmed, they would want to quiten me with cups of tea or medication. I needed to express all the turmoil, but noone was capable of hearing me. I would cry alone night after night, and listen to Katie Melua. She became my best friend. How sad is that? I wailed as she sang "I cried for you", and all my tears just echoed back at me. After three months, I realised that my deep agony had to be heard and witnessed. My friends and family were not up to coping with my extreme pain, so I found myself a therapist. I had to try a few different forms of therapy before I eventually found the right person. He continues to hear and witness my extreme emotions. It is vital that you too find someone with whom you can openly express yourself. Carriboo, you cling to his friend for as long as you need to. He will let you know if he has had enough of you. I cling to my husband's brother. He clings to me. His friend is hurting too. Cling to him. Don't do all this alone. You have to let it out, or you will become obliterated by all of this. Just last night, my husband's football club called me to ask if I wanted to present a trophy in his memory. It felt like I was just told that he had died. My body went into extreme shock and I was screaming. I called my mum and wailed down the phone. I called a friend and she came to stay with me. I am now at the stage that if I have to let out my extreme agony, I refuse to do it alone. People, despite their discomfort, are just going to have to deal with me. I hope you get to this point too. My therapist told me that if I always curl up, and cry alone, then I am keeping my agony inward. Carriboo, we have to be seen and heard when we are at our worst. Friends and family just have to look at us in the depth of our agony. They cannot take the pain away, but at least they can sense our hell, and that is better than crying alone and receiving absolutely no response. Love from one broken soul to another.