U cant worry about what others think ... there is no rule set in stone saying something like: 1 month for each year (sounds ridiculous doesn't it ... I think so) I say u will know when u are ready until then just go out with friends and have fun with life. Your husband would not want u suffering any more than u already have. If a date comes out of it that would be great. Just my two cents. Another piece of advice that u may know already but I will say it anyway :) Some peoples advice may just be given to you at the wrong time in your life. So I like to say take it or leave it but it is given with the best of intentions.

Irishdancers, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your daughter-in-law. That's another one of those things that just seems so crazy. No matter how hard you try, you just can't make it make sense. You will drive yourself crazy trying to understand why it happened. After the past six weeks, and thinking about it so much, I can only tell you there is no answer. Even if we knew the answer, it wouldn't be good enough. What possible good answer could there be for children to lose their parent? As far as anger, my pastor told me when Ricky passed, that I would have doubt, fear, guilt, anger, etc. and that it's o.k. God knows your heart. He wouldn't have given us all of these emotions if we weren't supposed to have them. My husband was 45, close to your dil's age. I don't know if your son frequents the internet or not, but I've gotten a lot of solace from a site, Widownet. As a matter of fact, I've been amazed at the number of people who have lost their spouses suddenly. I mean, you know death happens all of the time, but you really can't relate until it happens to you. I remember being at the 2 wk point. I was still in shock I think that it had even happened. I had to convince myself every morning that it really did happen. I just couldn't believe that he wasn't still somewhere on this Earth, that he wouldn't come through that door at any minute. I am so sorry for your family. I know this has been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through and I will be praying for you all to have a peace about things. That's all we can do I think, is pray for peace and mercy. You're in my prayers, Sharita

I'm so sorry. You've had one stunning blow right after another, & you must be reeling from it. I don't for one minute believe that these are "real" dreams (ie, dreams in which it's really your husband communicating). No way would he show up to torture you. I think they're just dreams in which your inner self is expressing the dismaying sense of loss & helplessness (if you'd known on November 4th, what could you have done? nothing). I'm with Marie: find someone & talk & talk & talk. Cry & holler & blubber if you want. I'm holding you in my thoughts & in my heart.

Don't know if I can be much help but I lost my very special husband in 1985. Kissed me goodbye & went to work, I found myself at a hospital that afternoon, waiting only to finally have someone come in & say, I'm sorry, do you have a mortician(at least that is all I heard)So my trip has been long,24 years. He had a coronary & died instantly. We had 15 yr old DD & 17 yr DS.It was like being put on a stage & handed a script & told you had to play the part. Nothing was real until after everyone left. I had visited a lot of elderly people from church & knew what happened to some of them. They very nearly "crawled in a hole"(under the cover in bed) 1 lady had newspapers all over the yard, shades or curtains drawn, didn't look like anyone home, we had turned to leave when she opened the door. She told me that was the 1st connection to the world she had found since her hubby had died, our visit gave her courage to get out. I remembered that & told myself, what if he were sitting here, would he want to see me crying, would he be torn apart to see me like this, so I just put him in the picture when the going got rough. He was always supportive & loving, we didn't fight in the 22 years we were together because we didn't want to hurt each other. We did have I think 6 times we were silent when each of us thought we were right. Those few times ended with us talking it over & deciding together what to do. I did lot of locking myself out of house(carried extra car & house keys in my purse) ran washer without any clothes in it, couldn't spell 4-5 letter words, couldn't look them up as "when" didn't seem to compute in my brain. I'd write woo, woen,just couldn't write small words. Eventually that stopped but it will start up again for short periods when someone close dies. I carry extra $20 in case I forget gas in my car. I learned to do a lot of compensating. I learned that I could stay in bed 1 day if it was rainy or very cold but then I must get up & fix myself some hot choc., read a book, listen to favorite music, couldn't let it continue into the night. I had to have very good reason for that day off. Rest of time when I wanted to "disappear" I forced myself out to a strip mall to watch people leaving the grocery store, did small errand to get it done & not feel useless, maybe just dropping letters off at post office. If things got bad I called my bro. & he listened & that was a great help. I had people wanting me to pay for headstones when I hadn't ordered 1. I got cheated by ins. company as they didn't leave me amount on their letterhead so I wrote it down & had him sign it but they told me I was wrong,lost about $500 on that. Got so I only cried when something good happened. So have a trusted friend or relative as a witness to anything legal you have to do. Time passed & I kept busy. People think widows have all kinds of time!! Right, I had to do all things I always had & what he did also. Putting gas in car was very upsetting, I had never done it. I had handled the bills & such so didn't have to learn that. My kids left home & after a few years, with some wandering & number of jobs, they are great kids(they felt pretty lost, too)Am I over it after 24 yrs??? No, most days I just think of him several times, lovely memories, but seeing a couple holding hands, leaning on each other, I feel cheated out of that. I'm very grateful we had 24 wonderful years together & hope someday to see him waiting for me.Good Luck folks, the pain & rawness does get better & the memories are sweet & worth holding on to & will get you through.