I have been trying to help my husband. He hasn't shown any grief since the day he had to see his father's body at the funeral home. At the funeral he was the only dry-eyed person. I have been doing everything around the house, and anything I can think of to make things easier on him. But I am about ready to snap. NOt at him but at the insensitivity of other people. It is crazy. First, the my FIL's sister (in her 50's) posted an invite to his funeral on facebook. It was supposed to be a private family graveside service because my husband's mother is in a very fragile state right now. It was such a shock and she is not doing well. So two days before the funeral it is found out that his family now has to get together enough food to feed about 50 ppl because my FIL's sister invited all these people to the service and get together afterward. They did NOT need the extra stress of having to do this!! And a simple thing- my parents decided to send flowers my MIL's house even though they really don't know her. My mother asked ME to send them (because I could pick out something she'd like I guess) so I called a local florist and asked that the flowers be delivered to the house on the day of the funeral. The florist calls me back the day of the funeral to say they couldn't get the flowers I wanted in that day so they would be delivered the next day. I didn't want to argue so I said ok. There are more important things. But then I get another call that evening saying the flowers wouldnt' be delivered until TWO days after the funeral. I spoke with the owner who was VERY rude. When I said the flowers were for a funeral he corrected me and said "No they are not for a funeral, they are being delivered to a home address." Yes, dumbass but they have a sympathy card with them. He then asked what the address was even though I'd already given it to the person who took the order previously. He went on to say it wasn't his fault (I wasn't even upset at this point) that his supplier was late and all he could do was have me select another arrangement and he "Might" be able to deliver it by the next day. I found another florist and called him back and asked him to cancel the order. He said he'd already made arrangements to get the flowers I needed (still two days late) and I told him I just wanted to cancel the order please and he said whatever and hung up on me!! Stupid, but I just broke down crying. And at the service, the strangest thing was that my MIL did not want to watch her husband's urn be buried in the dirt (her kids and grandkids wanted to watch) and I definately don't blame her. She is still thinking of him as a person who is alive or has characteristics of being alive and to see that would just kill me. She started bawling and told everyone she had to get out of there and NOT one of her kids escorted her away. MY FIL's sister who posted the thing on facebook took her away. It also seems that my MIL does not want to hear any good things about her husband from anyone. SHe is very angry toward him (probably for leaving her alone) and if anything nice is said she gets mad. So I say nothing. I just don't know what to do.

Saraj, I am so sorry for your loss. I have not had this experience, but I do know that you must allow yourself to go through the grieving process in all its phases. As someone else here said, you cannot skip grief, you have to walk right through it. I would strongly recommend that you call your local hospital to find out about grief counseling, whether individual or group. You reached out for help here, and that's wonderful, but you should also reach out for professional help which will benefit both you and your children. Family and friends' support is helpful too. Again, I am so sorry, and my heart aches for you and your children as well. Post back and let us know how you are doing. Susan

I'm so sorry for this terrible, sudden loss. Your husband was so young. You must allow yourself time to grieve and cry all you want. It's just a process that cannot be hurried, unfortunately. I know everything you do for the first time without him in your life is difficult. Please do post here and go on & on & on all you want. Everyone here cares. Stay in touch. I send you a cyber-hug!

Don't know if I can be much help but I lost my very special husband in 1985. Kissed me goodbye & went to work, I found myself at a hospital that afternoon, waiting only to finally have someone come in & say, I'm sorry, do you have a mortician(at least that is all I heard)So my trip has been long,24 years. He had a coronary & died instantly. We had 15 yr old DD & 17 yr DS.It was like being put on a stage & handed a script & told you had to play the part. Nothing was real until after everyone left. I had visited a lot of elderly people from church & knew what happened to some of them. They very nearly "crawled in a hole"(under the cover in bed) 1 lady had newspapers all over the yard, shades or curtains drawn, didn't look like anyone home, we had turned to leave when she opened the door. She told me that was the 1st connection to the world she had found since her hubby had died, our visit gave her courage to get out. I remembered that & told myself, what if he were sitting here, would he want to see me crying, would he be torn apart to see me like this, so I just put him in the picture when the going got rough. He was always supportive & loving, we didn't fight in the 22 years we were together because we didn't want to hurt each other. We did have I think 6 times we were silent when each of us thought we were right. Those few times ended with us talking it over & deciding together what to do. I did lot of locking myself out of house(carried extra car & house keys in my purse) ran washer without any clothes in it, couldn't spell 4-5 letter words, couldn't look them up as "when" didn't seem to compute in my brain. I'd write woo, woen,just couldn't write small words. Eventually that stopped but it will start up again for short periods when someone close dies. I carry extra $20 in case I forget gas in my car. I learned to do a lot of compensating. I learned that I could stay in bed 1 day if it was rainy or very cold but then I must get up & fix myself some hot choc., read a book, listen to favorite music, couldn't let it continue into the night. I had to have very good reason for that day off. Rest of time when I wanted to "disappear" I forced myself out to a strip mall to watch people leaving the grocery store, did small errand to get it done & not feel useless, maybe just dropping letters off at post office. If things got bad I called my bro. & he listened & that was a great help. I had people wanting me to pay for headstones when I hadn't ordered 1. I got cheated by ins. company as they didn't leave me amount on their letterhead so I wrote it down & had him sign it but they told me I was wrong,lost about $500 on that. Got so I only cried when something good happened. So have a trusted friend or relative as a witness to anything legal you have to do. Time passed & I kept busy. People think widows have all kinds of time!! Right, I had to do all things I always had & what he did also. Putting gas in car was very upsetting, I had never done it. I had handled the bills & such so didn't have to learn that. My kids left home & after a few years, with some wandering & number of jobs, they are great kids(they felt pretty lost, too)Am I over it after 24 yrs??? No, most days I just think of him several times, lovely memories, but seeing a couple holding hands, leaning on each other, I feel cheated out of that. I'm very grateful we had 24 wonderful years together & hope someday to see him waiting for me.Good Luck folks, the pain & rawness does get better & the memories are sweet & worth holding on to & will get you through.