Saraj, I am so sorry for your loss. I have not had this experience, but I do know that you must allow yourself to go through the grieving process in all its phases. As someone else here said, you cannot skip grief, you have to walk right through it. I would strongly recommend that you call your local hospital to find out about grief counseling, whether individual or group. You reached out for help here, and that's wonderful, but you should also reach out for professional help which will benefit both you and your children. Family and friends' support is helpful too. Again, I am so sorry, and my heart aches for you and your children as well. Post back and let us know how you are doing. Susan

Carriboo, I too lost my husband through a traumatic and unexpected death. I am 39, and like you I know I have a lot of my life to live, but I am completely devastated by my husband's death. I too feel lost, empty and lonely. He is dead fifteen months now , and I can really identify with where you are presently at. I too felt noone could help me. All my friends and family seemed completely inadequate when it came to dealing with my emotions. If I was overwhelmed, they would want to quiten me with cups of tea or medication. I needed to express all the turmoil, but noone was capable of hearing me. I would cry alone night after night, and listen to Katie Melua. She became my best friend. How sad is that? I wailed as she sang "I cried for you", and all my tears just echoed back at me. After three months, I realised that my deep agony had to be heard and witnessed. My friends and family were not up to coping with my extreme pain, so I found myself a therapist. I had to try a few different forms of therapy before I eventually found the right person. He continues to hear and witness my extreme emotions. It is vital that you too find someone with whom you can openly express yourself. Carriboo, you cling to his friend for as long as you need to. He will let you know if he has had enough of you. I cling to my husband's brother. He clings to me. His friend is hurting too. Cling to him. Don't do all this alone. You have to let it out, or you will become obliterated by all of this. Just last night, my husband's football club called me to ask if I wanted to present a trophy in his memory. It felt like I was just told that he had died. My body went into extreme shock and I was screaming. I called my mum and wailed down the phone. I called a friend and she came to stay with me. I am now at the stage that if I have to let out my extreme agony, I refuse to do it alone. People, despite their discomfort, are just going to have to deal with me. I hope you get to this point too. My therapist told me that if I always curl up, and cry alone, then I am keeping my agony inward. Carriboo, we have to be seen and heard when we are at our worst. Friends and family just have to look at us in the depth of our agony. They cannot take the pain away, but at least they can sense our hell, and that is better than crying alone and receiving absolutely no response. Love from one broken soul to another.

I can feel your pain - I lost my husband in April of this year. He was 53 and died of pancreatic cancer. It does get a bit easier at times, then at times it hits you anew - just take it one day at a time. This is a bad time of year if Christmas is a big deal in your life - it was in ours. Come and talk to us on the singles forum here at GW. Here is a link that might be useful: GW Singles forum

I don't care for any of the paint samples on the walls. They only highlight the pink tones in the paneling by being so gold or brown/gold. I also wouldn't do burgundy, as you have so much of it already in the room. I would first consider finding a color that is the same as the background color in the paneling - a soft creamy ivory tone, and just use that. The entry area feels kind of dark and closed, so a light color there would work. I would then take the same paint and paint all the ceilings, both in the entry and the living room. The white ceiling only works to make the walls look even more pinky-peach in contrast. By painting out the ceiling in the paneling background color, you will lessen that considerably. I would get a larger area rug for the entry, something with a creamy field and burgundy accents, which again will tie into the LR but keep the entry lighter in feel. I believe I see a cabinet of some kind in the entry area where the coats are? Be sure you have a lamp there for some warm lighting for the entry. I would take the four small flower pix on the paneled wall in the LR and hang them in the entry in a grouping. I would change out the mats to a neutral, to show off the flowers themselves - you don't even see them in the burgundy matting. The frames are fine. By bringing some of the burgundy onto that entry wall, you will introduce the burgundy color in the entry that will then lead the eye into the LR. I would take the larger piece in burgundy matting and use that over the fireplace - having two pieces of art on that fireplace wall that are matted in green kind of makes it feel like you were trying to match the art, but they are not hanging together so it feels disconnected. I would take all those balls out of the tall vases on the fireplace and puit them in a bowl somewhere - they are lost in those vases. Then find some tall, fountain-like grasses and greens to put in the vases for softness. It seems like you have so many great family photos. I would have them all framed in complimentary frames and use the large paneled sections behind the couch to hang them in a striking grouping. By using those instead of the burgundy matted collection, you will stop highlighting the color of the paneling, and instead will have a varied grouping of photos that will become the focal point. I would also move the photo screen and tuck it in a corner or near something so it doesn't feel like it is just floating in the room by itself. I love the little chest you have by the entry, but I don't like it there. It is heavy and dark, and feels like a barricade to the front door area. I would remove that and leave that entry open. Maybe you could move it over to the other side to where the little green bench is now? Try to get some pillows for the couches that are creamier in their background color, to lighten the feel of those pieces. They could still have a print or a stripe, but should have a lighter overall background that brings in the wall color. Something like this, tho this particular pillow may not be right, but the idea of a lighter background is the key. crewel pillows I don't see much ambient lighting in the room - at least in the views we have, only one lamp on an end table, and that is too small. Put that lamp on the little chest that I had you move over to the other side of the room. Get a bigger lamp for that table, perhaps another lamp to sit on the sewing machine (I think) that is behind the couch acting as a console table. More lighting located lower and that is warmer will also affect how the paneling is perceived, and will keep the eye more focused into the center of the room and away from the walls. I think your room has lots of wonderful things going for it. Settling the entry will help, and then tweaking the LR space and its accessories will make it all feel finished and cohesive.