I just lost my dream house

13 years ago

DH (and the D doesn't stand for dear obviously) and I are going through a divorce. He wanted to keep our house since he has a business attached to it (well, in the garage). I didn't really love that house.

I found the perfect house just a couple of blocks away in town. It was exactly the house I've dreamed of living in and I could afford it and it was in the exact location I wanted.

But he dragged his feet on his re-fi. We finally had an appointment with the mediator to work out a settlement in a few days. I was supposed to meet with my realtor to make an offer today and we just found out that it's gone, under contract without contigencies (just qualifying for the mortgage and it's not an expensive house).

I'm just sitting here trying not to cry at my desk.

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Comments (48)

kacram
13 years ago
OH, Paula. I'm so sorry! I'm sorry you are going
through all this stuff. Please have faith that
there WILL be a better, more perfect home just
around the corner! Did you put your bid in, just
in case the other offer really doesn't make it?
alisande
13 years ago
I'm sorry you have to go through this, Paula. I'm sure you had dreams of living in the house, and wonderful ideas about how you would make it uniquely yours. Yes, we can imagine what the D stands for today......

The only consolation I can offer is that the buyer has the advantage in the current market. I'm sure if you keep looking you'll find something else you'll fall in love with. When you do, let us know.
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I was in exactly your situation two years ago. We weren't really looking, but then found a house that was unique (it had won a major architecural award), and was perfect for us. And we knew it was not going to stay on the market long. We put in a full-price bid contingent on selling our house, and lost out to someone who made a full-price offer with no contingency. A week later our realtor called and told us the successful bidder had left the country on a business trip, and had not completed the deal before leaving. The seller was willing to cancel the winning offer and let us have it...if we went with no contingency. We decided to say 'yes,' even though we did not have our own house on the market. The only saving feature was that the house was being leased and the lease had 3 months to run before we had to close. We put our house on the market on November 1st and got an offer in the first week...that fell through. We got another offer in December...that fell through. We moved into the new house in January, with our old house still on the market. Even though the market was hotter 2 years ago, Thanksgiving, Xmas, and the first months of the year are not a good time to try to be selling. To make a long story short, it took 2-1/2 months after we moved to sell our old home, and it only sold because we agreed to come down in price by about 8%. Fortunately, we had no mortgage on the old home, but all of our equity was tied up until we sold. We had to take out a humongous interest-only bridge loan, and had about $2300 going out the door in payments each month for the privilege of owning two houses. In addition, we had utility payments and property taxes to pay for both houses, and had to drive across town to check on the old one a couple of times a week to clean up muddy footprints, clean sinks that had been used and left dirty, lock doors that had been left unlocked, and turn down the heat that had been cranked up. So how do we feel in retrospect? Great! We are really glad we did it, and still love the new house. It was nerve-wracking to have a huge (temporary) mortgage that we had to pay for out of savings, and it was annoying to have to keep checking up on the old house. But it was worth it. As long as you know what you might be getting into, go for it. Just have a backup plan. If the seller doesn't take a contingency offer, are you prepared to make another offer that's not contingent? (You could make an offer that is not contingent, but gives a closing date several months off.) And how long are you able to handle having two houses, both financially and emotionally?
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nodakgal
13 years ago
Oh Paula! I am sorry.
Keep looking, there are SO many homes available now I just know you will find a great one!
(((Paula)))
socks
13 years ago
That is a terrible disappointment, but it just wasn't meant to be. As kat said, be sure your realtor puts in a back-up offer for you.

I know you will find something even better.
wanda_va
13 years ago
I'm sorry, but I agree with Kat that you will find your perfect house.

You should put a contract on it, just in case the other deal doesn't go through. Hugs!
Sally Brownlee
13 years ago
I too agree. Make sure the selling agent knows you are qualified buyer. Many, many deals are falling through these days!.
My ex bought his house exactly this way...for a better price.
Good luck with it...when one door closes...
Try to be positive about other opportunties as well.
paula_pa
Original Author
13 years ago
There is very little on the market here. The rental market is just as bad which is why I wanted to buy. I've had an awful time getting landlords to rent to me since I have young children. I am a college graduate, a professional, with an excellent credit rating but that doesn't seem to matter. I practically had to beg a local realtor to rent a house to me and when I looked at it, it was horrible - 30 year old carpeting, paneling, 70s kitchen, wet basement, mildew odor, carpeting in the old bathroom (yuck!), trailer on blocks behind it on one side, house with a yard full of old cars on the other. I had to beg for that???

Oh well, I am past the urge to cry but I have to pass by that house everyday and I will never forget 'what could have been'!

And yes, I am waiting in the wings for something to go wrong but it doesn't seem likely. If it's something in the inspection then I probably don't want it anyway and it doesn't seem likely that one couldn't qualify for the mortgage at that price (and there is a USDE 100% mortgage available).
deemarie5500
13 years ago
So sorry that you are having a difficult time.
(((Paula)))
nicole__
13 years ago
Wow! Sorry about that loss....but I believe it will all work out. Keep thinking happy thoughts....
patti43
13 years ago
Keep your chin up, dear Paula. At this time you just have to take each day as it comes and hope for the best. Housing does seem to be a problem in your area, but until that contract on "your" house is signed, it ain't over! Keeping happy thoughts for you!!
mrsmarv
13 years ago
Please don't despair..."your" house is out there just waiting for you to find it. I'm a landlord and I'd be tickled to have someone of your caliber rent from us.
Please let us know when you have good news ;o)

(((Nora)))
sylviatexas1
13 years ago
Don't count on the Realtor remembering in time to call you if this contract wobbles or falls through:

put a back-up contract on the house.

I wish you the best.

ps:
If you've been working through the listing Broker, unless you've signed a Buyer Representation Agreement with her/him, at least consult with another broker about representing you;
a different broker would have no one's interest but *yours* to consider.
Hellion
13 years ago
So sorry Paula, hope things go your way soon.
maddielee
13 years ago
Put a back-up contract on the house ASAP. Even if your Realtor tells you 'don't have to'. Contracts are falling apart everywhere right now.

Where do you live that there isn't much on the market?

ML
paula_pa
Original Author
13 years ago
I do not want to leave Nick's school district so I am limited to looking in one small town, in the lower end of the price range which limits me even more. There are under 30 properties on the market right now, and only about 7 in my price range. Only about 3 of those have more than one bathroom. I really want at least an extra half-bath. Can't see living in a house with two boys and only one bathroom.
lilliepad
13 years ago
My philosophy is that everything happens for a reason.I just found out yesterday that the house we were praying for sold.Not in the plans right now so we will wait and see what God has in store for our future.Be patient.Something else even better will come along.
tammyms
13 years ago
Sorry about this Paula.

Same thing happened to us several years ago when we had been looking in a certain school district and missed out on a house that seemed perfect.

I was so upset. Everyone told me that things happen for a reason. I thought baloney. We kept looking, soon found a better house closer to the school and we signed a contract and our realtor took it to the listing agent's home. She got there right before another agent brought another contract. Later found out the other contract was a friend of mine who was looking to get into this district too. I guess things do happen for a reason but I couldn't see it at the time.

Keep your chin up. You'll find something even better.

Tammy
lydia1959
13 years ago
If the sale isn't final yet... it could still fall through. If it does go through and you lose the house I'm sure something even more wonderful will find you soon!
marilyn_c
13 years ago
((((Paula)))) I'm so sorry for the difficult times you are going through, and I hope you do find your dream home soon.
kathi_mdgd
13 years ago
Stay positive,God work in mysterious ways,maybe this isn't the house for you,only he knows that.
As far as the one bathroom goes,that's not the end of the world either.I've been living in my house for 43 years,3 bedrooms 1 bath.We raised 3 boys,1 girl ,dh and myself here.Over the years we also accomadated many others.You find ways to make it work.I wouldn't give up my house for anything.Right now our 25 year old GD lives with us.All our kids are grown and gone,but someone is always coming for short stays,and sometimes longer ones.

Hang in there,it will all work out.
Kathi
susanjf_gw
13 years ago
wish i could wave a wand and make it all better..

i'm so grateful you at least qualify for a home..my pal's dd went bankrupt. lost her home...how ironic she just got a full-time job at a bank.
ont_gal
13 years ago
It wasnt meant to be Paula...you have to look at it that way...as far as that "DH" of yours goes,hes' a *pri**"..typical..arent they all?
sue36
13 years ago
"I've had an awful time getting landlords to rent to me since I have young children."

Why tell them? I thought it was illegal to discriminate against people with children? It is here.

I hope you find another home you love.
juellie1962
13 years ago
I'm sorry for your troubles! But someday you might just thank your soon to be ex for dragging his feet; something might not be quite right with that house and you'll be grateful you didn't buy it! :)
country_sunshine
13 years ago
oh golly... I am so sorry for what you are going through. But the others are right...get a back up contract just in case ..... and if it isn't to be, then I know God has just the right place for you.... Keep the faith.

Carolyn
lynn_d
13 years ago
Crap! I'm sorry that you missed out on this one, Paula, but will keep my fingers crossed that another has your name on it.
paula_pa
Original Author
13 years ago
I grew up with 6 people using 1 bathroom (we eventually added a second bath sometime after I was 10 and I'm the youngest). I don't think a family needs a bathroom for everyone but I need that extra toilet! Nick has inherited his dad's tendency to spend half his life in the bathroom. This house I wanted only had a toilet and sink built into the dining room closet but that was great as far as I was concerned.

I should have asked for KT power when I first saw it!

I know everything happens for a reason but when I couldn't find a rental I thought that meant I should buy. When I saw that house that was everything I've always dreamed of, I thought I was meant to have it.

We are mediating this week then he will complete the refinancing. My back is against the wall here now. I need to find a place to live.
glenda_al
13 years ago
Sending you best of thoughts.

Been through a divorce and it's not fun.

Good luck on finding the home for you and your boys.
wifetojoeiii
13 years ago
Paula -

I was in the EXACT situation that you are in, and I agree with some of the people before me - things happen for a reason. As a result of not getting the perfect house, I was looking for a house(remember, same situation) and I met my current husband - long story, but "new" husband and I were looking at the same house at an Open House(after I lost the perfect house)and he asked me for coffee and, thirteen years later - it all worked out.

I know it is tough- but if my hindsight is any indication, maybe have a cup of tea and try to relax and know it will all be o.k.

My Dear sister is separating from her husband, and I have been helping her thru all the heartache also.
janie_ga
13 years ago
Maybe you can ask for the house until you can find a place. He screwed up and drug his feet- let him move the office until you find a place.

The two house I owned in GA- the people who bought them from us actually put in bids right after us when we got the houses. They had to wait between 1.5 to 4 years for us to "move out of their houses". Both got better houses for their waits- we did many improvements in both.
lilliepad
13 years ago
Pula-what you said about landlords not wanting to rent to you because you have small children reminded me of a story my mother use to tell my DB and I.She left my alcoholic dad when I was just a baby and DB was 18 months older than me.She had no skills other than waitressing and had no place to go.She had found a job and had been looking for several days for a place to live but nobody wanted to rent to a single mother with kids.(Guess times haven't changed much since 1942!LOL)She had walked all over the little town where she lived,with two babies in tow and was tired and DB and I were cranky.She stopped at a little place that was for rent and the landlady told her she couldn't rent to her because she had small children.Mother looked at her then looked toward the river running a little ways in front of the house and said,"Well,if I go throw them in the river will you rent to me?" She rented the apartment to her and she and mother became good friends.
Just hang in there,your home is out there.
Granlan_TX
13 years ago
Paula, I'm sorry you're dealing with so much right now.

Hope is everything at times like this. I wish you and your sons better days full of hope and happiness.

Granlan Hugs
mom24
13 years ago
Sorry you missed out, Paula. With all the other frustrations you are going through, I'm sure you just wanted that to work out so you didn't have to worry so much about a home for you and the boys. Sending you lots of good thoughts for something to work out for you. Stay strong.
liz
13 years ago
AWW Paula...I'm sorry on all counts...just remember when a door closes a window is usually open if you just look a bit...

((((Paula))))
kayjones
13 years ago
Yes, Lillie (and others) have said it all - GOD has a plan for you, so pray and let go and let GOD guide you. We will add you to our prayer list - prayer DOES WORK! It will all work out for the best.
Marilyn Sue McClintock
13 years ago
No advice here but just want to send you a big hug and hope things are looking up for you soon.

Sue
zeetera
13 years ago
It's not over til it's over. Rework your figures and see if you can offer a bit more and then present it to your real estate agent. She can always send it to the seller and say here's an offer, just in case your current deal falls through.

I was in a similar position and did that. I had already planned where to put my furniture, lol.
cate52
13 years ago
You might check with the local banks on forclosed properties... and offer to rent... or make an offer.. And ask around the real estate people/bankers about vacant properties that haven't sold..if any are available to rent...
FlamingO in AR
13 years ago
I hate that you are disappointed, Paula. I'm really sorry and hope that you find something even more perfect, soon.
jannie
13 years ago
I'm so sorry. Divorce is hard enough, but the parties should try to work things out without inflicting pain on each other. Maybe you could rent for a while, and try buying after all the financial stuff is finalized.
shea
13 years ago
I'm really sorry for everything you are going through, Paula. How about your "D"H allowing you and the boys to live in the house until you can obtain something suitable in the area you need to be for Nick's school? It would be so much easier for him to get temp housing than the three of you. He needs to put those children ahead of his own convenience for crying out loud.

I agree with the other advice to put a contract on it in case the other one falls through. Then if that doesn't work out, forget that house. I know you will be driving by it frequently, but don't continue to long for it and cause yourself extra stress. Just keep looking ahead and not back. Good luck!
paula_pa
Original Author
13 years ago
I've so depressed - I feel like I've been dumped LOL. I know there are other 'fish in the sea' but it doesn't seem like it right now. I drive around thinking no other house compares yet I know it isn't true.
Mickey15
13 years ago
Hold tight, Paula. Something will come up for you, I know it. Hugs.
evatx
13 years ago
I hope you find another house you love. Good luck! (((Paula)))
sjerin
13 years ago
Before we found this house, we thought we had found the Perfect House. Turned out someone else had already put an offer on it and it was accepted. Some months later this house came along and I've been thankful ever since because I have a wonderful block full of friendly neighbors. I now know from someone who used to live in the neighborhood of the first house, we wouldn't have found that good fortune there. Hang in there, Paula; something better will come along.
joyfulguy
13 years ago
Sending some good thoughts, Paula, and hopes that things will work out well for you and the boys.

As for boys and bathrooms ... they tell me that girls are no dreams in that dept., either. Especially if they've achieved teendom.

ole joyful
paula_pa
Original Author
13 years ago
I drove through a different area yesterday, for Nick's football game, near where my sister lives and where I used to live. I am not kidding, I probably could have counted a hundred for sale signs. Maybe even more. And that is the supposedly desirable area. This is the boonies. That's the problem - this area wasn't built up during the housing boom so there isn't excess inventory. What is on the market in my range are the unsellables - one bad location (next to the biggest 24 hour gas station in town, at the busiest intersection), one has a cesspool, one is a peeling Victorian (I don't want to deal with old peeling possibly lead paint with two young children).

This is the type of area where people don't move in and out of very often, they just move around and no one is moving around since there is no place to move to.

There really isn't a neighboring town south (there's a big mountain) and I don't really want to go any further north but even if I did - those towns have even less to offer.
nodakgal
13 years ago
Oh Paula!
I feel awful for you. All I can say is hang in there and offer hugs which won't help you much.

I just lost my dream house

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