I would like to point out that since the thread was started in 2002 I would hope the situation has come to some resolution. Either that or the OP's son is the only 25 year old still in middle school. What you should do is lie to your kid and tell him that grades are monumentally important. That's right I said lie. Grades are somewhat important, and they certainly make paying for college easier. Having said that, knowledge is way more important, I would far prefer my son get a C with complete understanding of the material than get an A with no real understanding of the material. There is a myth about college in general that most parents simply don't understand. Your incredible Ivy league schools have the small advantage of degree portability, but a degree earned from a large state school in the state where you want to work can be nearly as strong. There is a significant amount of research that shows HR directors are biased towards their alma mater, so for example if you want to work in central Ohio then Ohio State is a great choice, mostly because the HR director is statistically more likely to have graduated from Ohio State than anywhere else. The Ivy league only negate some of that. Furthermore, if your son intends to continue to graduate school then even High School performance will not be looked at. Grad schools care about entrance test scores disproportionately, all other factors pale in comparison. When we look at applicants for graduate programs the things we consider are: (1) test scores, (2) work experience, and (3) interview, undergraduate grades only sit in the background to help answer "can the student handle the rigor?". Finally, there is a LOT of research that shows good grades are not an indicator of a successful career and or a happier life. The most significant indicator for success in the work place is participation in an extracurricular sport. The fact of the matter is a B/C student with a strong social life is more likely to be successful than an A student without one. In the end, please make sure that your son/daughter understands the material (please, for the love of god, teach them some math). If they don't understand the material, especially math and english, fix that! Keep their grades as high as you can but don't sacrifice socialization for grades.

Oh, honey. Can't we fix up your SS and my SD and throw them to the curb??? I feel for you, but at least your husband is on your side. I have tried everything in my case and my DH is just burying his head in the sand. W/ us, I was taken advantage of so badly by his son, who lived w/ us for a couple of years at the end of H.S. and for breaks from college. Then, these SDs started crashing in on us during college, always w/ a crowd. Now, this older SD moved in for "3-4" months. It'll be 6 mo. in the end of the month and I'm just sick of it as it's very disruptive to my 3, almost 5, and 7 y.o. boys. Anyway, your situation stinks. Your SS CHOSE to be an adult when it was convenient for him to be an adult, but when it's easier for him to play the "poor son", he reverts back to being a child. I feel for this poor baby he fathered. I actually commend him for wanting to step up and be a father, but he needs to first recognize himself AS AN ADULT! My parents have had issues w/ my brother. My dad is calm all the time, but once just lost it and asked my mother how she'd have felt if he were in his 40's and still totally relying on his parents for food, money, etc. I would simply tell him that you're proud of the hands on father he is trying to be, but that the first step is for his child to respect him. Does he want the child to see him as an overgrown teen? (I have huge issues w/ so many of today's adult men who still view themselves as 16 y.o. boys!) Of course he should be able to see his baby whenever possible, but you and his father don't need to go through that stage again. Say you'd love to extend to them a standing invitation for Sunday dinner - tell him to come over early, let you both play w/ the baby, eat, then he can GO HOME! It's time. He's made adult decisions so it's time to be an adult. And, I'm w/ you - the technicality of being in school is a joke. Come on, being in school means you are taking enough classes that you are prevented from holding down a real job! He needs to grow up! Good luck, keep posting, Dana

All of you ladies are so right!!! I am so thankful I found this forum, to give me the courage to do what I knew inside I needed to do. After my last post to lilysuzanne last night, I sent him a text message (he was at his mom's with is kids). It was around 2:30am... if course I couldn't sleep. The text said basically I couldn't be in this relationship with him any more & I would talk to him in the mornign when he came home. This morning, we had that conversation. I did break up with him. As bad as I hurt, I feel that much more liberated. He kept saying stuff was about his kids, but as I pointed out to him, nothing he said correlated to his children. It was all about him and his fear(s) of committment, "manning up", and DEMONSTRATING his love for me. He referenced the times less than four that he has attempted to do family oriented things with me and his children. He said his son feels uncomfortable because of tension that he feels, and felt 1 or 2 other times when we were all together and his father and I were upset with one another. I reminded him that we have NEVER argued in front of or around his children; not even when we were all the same house. He said, it was "ONE" time his son flet like we were angry with one another and it made him feel uneasy... Now, everytime I am around he (his son) gets that feeling. My answer to that was: 1. The only way to overcome negative feelings is to be consistently positive, and taling advantage of those moments when the opportunity presents itself. 2. The tension his son felt was the uneasiness that we all have being on pins & needles around each other the less than four times I have been around them. Moreover, my BF does nothing to counteract his son's excuses. 3. He knows just like I know, that if a child hears bad things from BioM for years and dad does nothing to counteract the negativity, then the child will feed off of that. He said he knew that I have never done anything to disrespect or hurt his children. His children would respect me in my presence, BUT he needs to make sure that his realtionship with his kids is guarded. He is concerned about how they "view" him. To me, that was a bunch of mumbo jumbo. Another excuse! His children will always love him. All he has to do is do what is right. We went on and on--- so much was said... but the bottom line was that I told him I just couldn't do this anymore. He agreed that I was a selfLESS person, and had given up a lot. He left the house, but called in 5 minutes trying to confuse me... but I held my ground! He said... "Everytime I think we are making progress in our relationship, and getting closer to the goal of marriage something comes up to step in the way of the plan." I know his goal was to catch me off guard and say to myself, "Self, you are moving too fast. Slow down. He was about to ask you to marry him. Give him a little longer... another chance." Luckily, I could visualize every post on this forum from last night. I almost gagged, that he thought after all we talked about that I should wait one more day to move "closer..." Is he crazy? Wait! Let me answer that... YES! He is CRAZY! 9 years is long enough. THANKS LADIES, and angelz DH (for giving me a man's POV, whiched helps me to seal the deal).

It looks healthy enough from the top. I suspect it just went dormant and waited for conditions to improve. Cacti can often survive a lot of neglect, if kept dry. It should be in gritty soil with at least half perlite or other gravelly material. If it isn't, repot it now. It should be moved gradually into bright light. Too fast and it will sunburn. Give it very light waterings at first, and let the soil dry out completely before watering again. If it sits in wet soil while dormant it will rot. No sudden shocks. Hopefully it will fatten up and begin to grow. Then you can start treating it more normally. Good luck!