All Hat and No Cowboy

6 years ago

last modified: 6 years ago

I started the day late after driving around town chasing some canning lids and I was thinking by golly I have simply got to get to some of these weeds in the garden.

It was High Noon when I got back, but I'm thinking I'm tough so I grabbed me ole pardner, a Resistol Panama straw with the 1940s Cattleman's Bend Oklahoma Special. You know the kind, just like Hop-a-Long used to wear and went out of style with pointy toed boots and Elvis Presley's side burns. WAAAAAAY Cool.

So I meander out me patch and tied Trigger up to a cornstalk and looky there, a nice fat cucumber. And, looky here what I see, about 10 of the purdyest Tabasco peppers standing up tall like miniature Screaming Meanie Red Whistler bottle rockets. So I grabbed those and moseyed on over to the bean trellis. I was having to look up in the sky picking beans looking almost straight into the sun. Sweat was pouring into my eyes so hard It got to were I couldn't see so I wiped the sweat out of my eyes and continued on with my chores and thinking that I must be eating to much salt as that sweat is burning. Burning. BURNING, I mean REALLY BURNING. Yikes, the peppers!

After the second lap of circling the garden on my hands and knees I finally found the end of the garden hose. Yep, you know it, turned the nozzle and for once in my life I had remembered to turn the water was off. I was thinking that this will at least lead me back to the house. So hand over hand I go on the garden hose. Then something whacked me in the head on the way. Not sure, but I think it might have been a garden rake. I finally reached the house and ran inside and got the facet running on my eyes. After about 30 minutes of crying and blubbering I could partially see again and found my corneas lying in the bottom of the sink. So I stuck those back on and was blinking looking out the kitchen window and thinking to myself. Those weeds don't look so bad. You know what, they really don't look that bad at all. Yes, those are some DAMN FINE LOOKING WEEDS.

I'm done for the day and I don't care if Charlie Brown's Great Pumpkin voluteered to sprout up ready made dead center of the garden. I was lying in bed afterwards with the AC on full blast and Irish tater slices sitting on my eyes and thinking to mesef about what you guys said about cowboys.

Funny how a couple of the tiniest little peppers not 2 inches long made me feel like I was All Hat and NO COWBOW. I think me old trusty hat is still lying in the back yard somewhere where it can sure enough spend the night. Tough guy.................. pffffffffffttt

:7)

Featured Answer

Macmex

6 years ago

Dawn, back before 2012 I purchased an habanero plant. It didn't produce very well, but I was happy to harvest a few ripe peppers. I thought, "Well, at least I have seed for next year." I brought the ripest pod into the house, put it on the cutting board and proceeded to cut it open and extract the seeds. Then, as is my custom, I cut off the very tip of the pod and tried it for flavor and heat. HOLY COW! I was nearly blown over backward in my seat!!

I went out and examined the plant label. It said "Scorpion Habanero." I left those pepper halves, on a paper, on the table. For several days, I periodically thought, "No, it couldn't have been that hot..." So I'd pick it up and touch it to my tongue and think "Yikes! It IS THAT HOT!" Like you, I have no need for that much heat. I never grew those seeds. Shortly afterwards my brother introduced me to Murupi Amarella (which was wrongly labeled as "Ají Yellow #2.) It's about as hot as a regular habanero, but the pods are small and slender. I love the flavor and intend to grow that one from now on.

I need to clip Jerry's post for future reference. It is very well written.

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Comments (13)

Turbo Cat (7a)
6 years ago
I don't know how I missed this! It made me laugh. :)
Macmex
6 years ago
Peppers can be dangerous, so can the sun!
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Okiedawn OK Zone 7
6 years ago
I don't know how I missed this either, but it is as funny as can be. I guess it made it further down the page than I ever seem to get.

Jerry, Thanks for the laugh. I hope your eyeballs recovered.

George, I agree on both counts.

Back in the springtime, when Tim and I were at a nursery down in the DFW metro, we saw a nice selection of pepper plants of the type that I don't grow....like Ghost peppers. I thought about getting one, then asked myself "who are you trying to kill with that pepper?" and decided we didn't need it. We'd never be able to eat one, and in fact, I don't even like the thought of handling one. I feel like Habaneros are about as dangerous as we'll ever get in the pepper world.
AmyinOwasso/zone 6b
6 years ago
I missed it, too, and it is hysterical. As my DH says, laughing WITH you, Jerry.
LoneJack Zn 6a, KC
6 years ago
What a hoot! What a story teller you are Jerry! I hope you got your corneas put back in the correct eye.

Actually I think Elvis side burns are back in style.
Nancy RW (zone 7)
6 years ago
Yep, you have a way with words, high drama, and a good yarn, Jerry. Thanks for the laugh today!!!
Nancy RW (zone 7)
6 years ago
Had to read your story to GDW tonight! He howled and I re-howled!
Nancy RW (zone 7)
6 years ago
Yes. George, I did the same thing. Jerry I have to take it to Wyoming with me tomorrow to make all my friends up there read it!
AmyinOwasso/zone 6b
6 years ago
Ha ha Nancy, I read it to DH, too.
nowyousedum
6 years ago
My late husband liked to make salsa. He took a bathroom break. The screaming lasted a while. Now, this could be funny or sad, but he did this two more times over the years. He was intelligent, but not smart, lol! Jerry, thanks for the laughs and the sweet memories.
Okiedawn OK Zone 7
6 years ago
George, That's the sort of mistake a person only makes once.

My worst habanero mistake was to grow a no-heat red habanero (Zavory) in the same year I grew the regular and very hot red habanero called Red Savina. I grew them apart from one another so I could harvest separately and not mix them up. That worked. I harvested the Zavory peppers into one plastic bowl and the Red Savina peppers into a separate plastic bowl. Both bowls were identical in appearance and the peppers looked enough alike to me that I couldn't tell the two different types apart. I should have labeled the bowls while harvesting because once I was back in the house, I got the two bowls confused which ended up being a problem when the big bite of Zavory that I took so I could see if it truly had habanero flavor with no heat actually ended up being a big bite of Red Savina. (sigh) It was a painful lesson but one that I learned well and never forgot.

Jerry's post is well-written and very entertaining.

One day---maybe no a really rainy day or something---or in the dead of winter---we need to start a post where everyone can admit to their worst garden mistakes. That would entertain us all for a while.

Dawn
Nancy RW (zone 7)
6 years ago
I like that idea, Dawn!

All Hat and No Cowboy

Macmex

Comments (13)

Turbo Cat (7a)

Macmex

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