What was your reason? Pests, mold, smell, potential damage, visitors?

As a senior in HS unbeknownst to me my parents planned to shampoo the carpet in my BR while I was away for the weekend. IIRC my bedroom looked marginally better than your first photo. It never looked that bad again after the consequences were laid out to me in detail when I returned. Good luck!

Best wishes and try and hang on to both your sanity and perspective. Not an easy battle.

oldbat, good for you! It never got *that* bad when my daughter was a teen, but I've seen some rooms in person that made me want to retch. You could not see the floor.

P.S. I'd love to see her face when she opens the door to her room. LOL

oh snap!!! mama's not messing around. Good for you.

I love the lampshades. I promise you will miss her when she's gone, mess and all.

I also congratulate you!

No kids here, other than the doggie kind, but I can honestly say I NEVER did anything like that in my bedroom as a teen. I was too busy decorating it, and took pride in it and WANTED to keep it neat. Holy mackerel! DO report back on how tomorrow goes?

It has good bones. :)

Hope your kid has a sense of humor about it, but it was time. Good luck!

DH, I and my girls all had the messy room gene as teenagers. I 'm not naturally organized and finally learned to organize when I got tired of losing things and being unprepared.

Rather than put away the laundry I washed, dried and folded for her, my daughter would put it back in the dirty laundry basket. Pure evil.

My mom wouldn't even let me throw my sweater on the bed. So mean. It was her house.

There is a floor in the room!

Linelle, my tween boy has tried that a few times and then I made him do ALL the laundry for our family of 5 all weekend and he doesn't do it anymore. Now he is onto wearing the same outfit 3 days in a row thinking I won't catch it. Argh.

good luck with the cleaning!!

Your "before" room is pristine compared to what my oldest son's room used to look like. Fortunately, he doesn't live with us anymore (he's 25). Good luck!

My husband did this many years ago with DD, but he made her buy back each item. Everyday an item stayed in the bag, the price per item went up. I think it cost her nearly $50 to get the entire mess back (and yes, it had to be put away). Never again messy and as a 45 yr old, her house is always very tidy.

ok..so that wasn't that bad after all..my DD's room..

(it can be much worse true. so much worse. I've seen a fair share of different houses in my life. i never forgot some)

I'm so on board with you, oldbat2be!

you know, they do show progress. DH told me to leave my DD alone, that the battle is lost..even tried to lock her door so I wouldn't be able to enter and start screaming and cleaning..

now she's in the dorms. her room is still a mess(but she does clean the mess when she gets tired of it..once in ten days or so, as her mood strikes). but guess who cleans the kitchen, washes dishes after those who didn't, tidies the living areas? my messy daughter. how can't some people understand they can't leave mess when they share space? everybody has the right to come into that kitchen in the morning and not to be disgusted..and have something clean to cook in.

at least that lesson she learned. and everybody was telling me how I should save my breath.

Well I didn't think so. my job is to bring up a considerate person. tidy or not-that's more in the genes or less. but considerate-up to me

(only she repeats the same mistakes..she told me "Mom you were eventually doing stuff instead of me, that was your mistake"

so now she tries to get her friends to clean after themselves of course. but in the end I guess whoever's disgusted the most cleans it..

Good luck! and you're so much better than me..I can't see an unmade bed...would do it all, and then make the bed. very pedagogical. lol

Linelle I so understand you. I was brought up like you

My kids-wouldn't put fresh laundry in the stuff- to- wash basket..but they would throw stuff they've just worn in the basket, dirty or not, just as not to hang it.. I think I did laundry every day. I thought it will be always like that. Lo' and behold..they eventually learned how the washer and the dryer work..:))

my daughter also loved throwing clothes on the floor

that drove me crazy. You complain you don't have enough clothes-I buy you new/give you mine-and you throw them on the floor??

I'm less strict though..my parents would throw my stuff out of the window. If I'd attempt something like that. Maybe be with me following the stuff..

DS though-takes after me..one less thing to worry about. He's very tidy. especially in comparison to his sis..

One of my oldest was like this.

Side story: She did the same in her college apartments. It worked to our advantage as the carpet stayed pristine under all her clothing. Total deposit back.

Whether this becomes a thing, depends on your child. Sometimes other more serious things might be going on and the room can be the least of your problems.

Oldest is still messy. She owns her own place and I don't see it from where I am sitting. It's her life and she can live it the way she chooses.

Youngest keeps her place neat and clean.

Keep us posted.

Update - no great drama last night; I said I was going to bed and she could start work in the morning, and I wasn't going to discuss it.

nosoccermom - I'd just had it. DD will start her senior HS year in the fall and I'd like to stop fighting about the same things.

Delilah66, lisaam, linelle, always1stepbehind - thanks, I am hopeful that things will be better. I need to take the blame for a lot of this because I've let it get to this point. I've had a tendency to do everything, myself. It's turned out fine with older DD but not with this one!

d_gw - lampshapes are askew due to makeup application (sigh). Yes to missing her - but I want to make sure she goes away in the first place!! (Another thing on the list is to make her realize that she can either take the lead on college visits/searches and focus on schoolwork, or plan for community college).

Linelle - I remember trying on clothes my mom had just laundered and ironed and throwing them on the floor :(

suero - When it's hard to open the door...

Hockeymom84 - attagirl, I like that one!

Sueb20 - nice to hear! Other moms have told me they just stopped going into their kids' rooms....

Anglophilia - I like that approach. Perhaps after this round?

aprilneverends - Great story about your daughter, it does give me hope.

Indigo Rose - Good suggestion, just not sure it would sink in at this stage:) I very much like the points you and april make about bringing up a considerate person.

eld6161 -- Too funny about the pristine carpet, and very true about other serious things potentially going on.

Thank you all for listening and the excellent advice!

I have one messy and one super neat kid (go figure). Yet, even the messy one draws the line at "unsanitary." So, there's a difference between mess and filth.

Having recently gone looking at rental apartments for one of my kids, I can't tell you what disgusting places I have seen.

What, however, really boggles my mind is that many renters/friends of my kids are completely clueless that, yes, bathroom caulk and grout will mold if you take six steamy showers a day and don't wipe the water off and/or turn the fan on; that range tops, counters, fridges, etc. are not self-cleaning; that the "strange white spots" on the mirror and the wall behind sink are the result of looking at yourself from close-up while brushing your teeth; that that "sticky, yellow substance" in the kitchen is grease; that the "crusher" aka garbage disposal, doesn't crush and dispose of all your kitchen refuse; that berries, coffee, etc will stain your white sink, and that, no, the vacuum cleaner isn't broken; it's just that after about one year, someone needs to empty it and cut loose all the hairs from the rolling brush.

The list could go on. I'd say about 3/4 of these items are known to my kids, so I didn't completely fail.

Good for you! She'll thank you in the future.

I would have been beaten and sent to live in the barn had my room ever looked like that. I'm not avocating the strap, just saying what would have happened to me. Kids gotta learn. Better late than never.

When my young nephew came to live with me years ago, there were issues, LOL, to say the least.

At 7 he was expected to make his bed every day, not perfectly of course, but it looked tidy enough. He was to keep the floor clear and clothes put away.

He took pretty good care of his clothes, but after he told me "laundry is girls' work" he was put in charge of bringing all the laundry downstairs, sorting, and pre-treating every week, "forever."

If he grumbled, he also got the privilege to wash, dry, fold, and put it all away. The grumbling quickly ceased. It was amazing!

He was a little clothes-horse and really did take good care of his clothes. I showed him how to shake out and brush off items to be worn again. I set up some hooks so he could air them and put them away at bedtime. I did his ironing and mending of course.

He sat out the next day's school clothes and items at night on a bench. He kept all his shoes lined up under the bed.

He had weekly room inspections and after the first two, they were a breeze.

We did have the "my privacy" issue. I told him he would have privacy once he lived on his own, made the house and insurance payments, and bought all the furniture. I did check his stuff, at least once a month.

One time, reaching into a high top boot, I felt the dreaded plastic baggy. My world crashed.

Pulled the bag out. It was FULL of Skittles. Ok, "no food allowed upstairs" at all, but Skittles were a pleasant surprise.

He came home and was shocked "you looked in my boots?!" "Of course."

I gave him a candy jar and let him "hide" it in a bottom kitchen cupboard. I assured him we would not eat his candy - ever. Once I "hid" a second jar of candy behind his. He was tickled pink.

I've always lived with the "nothing goes on the floor but your feet" idea. It saves accidents. Of course while playing with trucks and Legos and such, they could be on the floor, they just had to be picked up afterward.

He was very organized after a while. He was really good about putting shoes and coats away. He liked to "see" all the shoesin a row.

We never had hidden items problems again.

When DD was in high school she took a demanding course load and was heavily involved in a sport so I cut her some slack if her room got a little messy.....plus, she was such a good, straight-arrow kid I think it was her little way of typical teenage rebellion.

OTOH.....when youngest DS got an apt with a roommate sophomore year of college and we went to pick him up at the end of the year.....I was horrified! The Health Dept should have been called for the kitchen and bathroom.....I tried to keep it cool, but he got a lecture about cleanliness on the way home about how he wasn't raised in a filthy home, how he needs to take pride in his surroundings even if it's a rental, it doesn't take much time to clean once a week and to clean up as you go, etc. He lives with his GF now and their apt looked fine the last time I was there...I'm sure she had a lot to do with it!

Your pictures make me laugh. My older son's room was a hazardous waste dump. He loved animals at had all kinds of caged pets, including ferrets which easily escaped a cage. I found the in the ductwork of the house once. I used to think my son would have to stand at the door and be catapulted into his bed. He grew up to be a neat freak, although he slides back into old habits when he comes home.

I remember a scene in the movie Close Encounters where the mother walked into the boys room and it was a disaster. The entire audience burst out laughing because most of us had something similar at home.

oh my..that reminded me..far from being the worst houses I ever saw(I saw houses that were owned by very sick people..extreme hoarding..the majority were both..i can't describe it and won't go into it as it's too graphic)..but our friends used to have several chinchillas..chinchillas had their own room..but they didn't want(and shouldn't) to spend all the time in their cages..so for several hours a day, they were allowed out of the cages and roamed freely..to stretch their legs or something..:) they're not hamsters, a wheel won't do it for them..so understandable..but no one cleaned the room..our friends just closed the door.

So they showed us their chinchillas as I love animals..let me tell you, the impression I might have gotten from chinchillas quickly paled. I hardly remember them. The mental image of that room is still with me.

So for a little balance, I will tell you that my PARENTS were the messiest people in my house growing up.

Students nowadays are so..I'm not sure they're really clueless btw..maybe they choose to be clueless. As not to put any effort. If somebody picks up their mess even better. They're supposedly really smart young people, ambitious and responsible enough as to pursue their education. Most time, they should be fine with figuring very basic stuff that dwelling and co-existence requires.

I spent 4 years in dorms myself..individual rooms could get messy yes..but if anyone of us even would dare to not clean the kitchen after they cook and eat? I can't imagine what would happen. We had maybe 10 rooms on each floor, one kitchen one shower..so say 20 people? Other 19 would corner that one offender and make him understand in a sec.

Some things do land on you with age and experience

When teenager I would try to not dress weather appropriate, because most coats were ugly, hats I disliked..also wasn't considered "cool"

so it's much nicer to get that virus or cold when somebody brings you tea and medicine and makes you chicken soup and whatnot

while in dorms I quickly understood being sick is not what it was anymore. No one's fretting, no one has time to worry about you, they don't want to hear you coughing, and you need to get yourself to that doctor, get the prescription, go to a pharmacy while all feverish..hold your cough..and still be ready for these mid terms while at that. Even if you have many nice friends around.

So I can't tell you how fast I started dressing properly for the weather after I had this experience of getting sick not as a child anymore but as somebody who lived by herself.

I rmember telling my two boys "I'm going to vacuum today". They knew that they better have everything off the floor or it might just get broken or thrown away. Many times I found things thrown in their closet but at least it was put out of sight. Both boys grew up living in houses that are clean....in fact, my one son is a "house husband"...retired and does the housework. As a teenager my room was clean...mother helped me decorate it and I loved it. Now my younger sister was different.....you could tell where she undressed...her clothes were in a pile in the middle of the floor. There is hope though, her house is very tidy now.

Our cleaning guy comes every other week. For two of my kids, simply saying "cleaning guy comes tomorrow" is enough to get them to straighten their rooms. (Probably because when they were younger, I assured them that he would vacuum up their toys.) For the Messy Guy, though, that didn't work, so eventually we just had the cleaning guy skip his room, and we looked away (which was easy since his room was the only room on the attic level of our house). But I did on occasion threaten his life if he didn't clean up, and he would do it. I could not be happier that he is now messing up his own apt., and my attic "guest room" is clean and fresh smelling!

My two boys received laundry baskets for their 16th birthdays -- they started doing all their own laundry then. DD actually ASKED if she could do her own laundry starting around age 13. I was happy to oblige!

As someone else said, I found it hard to give my kids many "chores" when their school workload and other activities take up so much time. My youngest is a high honors HS student and a gymnast (which takes up about 30 hours a week). Am I going to also have her vacuum the house? No way. But she does her laundry and keeps her room clean and voluntarily bakes great treats for the family, so she's a keeper. ;-)

When I was in HS, my mom worked full time and I came home to a list of chores EVERY day.

My kids have very demanding schedules as well..very demanding indeed.I also admit I often felt sorry for them to ask them to really clean..unlike me when I was a kid that also came to list of chores every day..but it's not even about asking them to clean-I mostly asked them not to make a mess:) much easier. Especially my DD..lets say my expectations of her were really mild. Make your bed, pick up your stuff, throw rubbish into the basket not around it, wash your dish after yourself. Very different from my list of chores.

Also..it's not like it's going to get easier as they grow older..at 23 I had a family, a baby, a full time job and a master degree(or equivalent of such) to work on..yet it's not like laundry and dinner and floors etc just waited for me to get less busy. You don't get less busy. Takes a lot of time lol.

I'd rather them be more prepared..

It's also very frustrating when you can't find something important when you need it..or you find something that you really don't want to find..so I think it's crucial to somehow organize your environment. Or else will hit you in the worst moment possible

Obviously everyone is different, and for some it's natural, and for some is real hard.

Yet one -mostly-can learn. He probably won't become the opposite of what he is(even though can happen), but will be easier for him himself and the ones he's surrounded with, eventually.

My room was always messy as a kid, but so was the rest of the house. If my mom ever visited during college/early 20s and things were messy, she would just say that I came by it honest. And try to clean it! I'm like, do your own house! With roommates, I'd keep common areas clean even if my room was a mess. Told them I would try to clean my share, but to feel free to tell me if it was my turn to clean the bathroom because I was likely not to notice.

I'm much better now, I think I've eventually learned that it's much more pleasant when things are clean and easier to keep it clean than procrastinate and do a cleaning marathon. For messy people (doesn't seem like any on this thread, lol!) I recommend http://www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/

I like the name of that site caligirl..I'm going to study that one:)

I had to do the same thing with my daughter a couple of times when she was growing up, the first time, I did exactly as you are doing, the second time, I held on to the majority of her stuff for about a week and threatened to give it to Good Will if I ever had to bag it again; I was consistent so she knew I wasn't kidding. It's not easy, but just like other skills, it's important for our teens to learn.

You're teaching her to be responsible so she'll be a productive adult. That's what parents are supposed to do. It's a shame that there are so many parents who, for whatever reason, don't understand the concept. She may be a bit unhappy about it now but she'll thank you for it when she's older. And let me just say, after surviving the teen years, that is a conversation you will cherish forever.