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teenage stepkids driving me over the edge

11 years ago

I've beeen reading blogs and doing stepfamily seraches on the internet for years. I've gone to counselling. I've vented to girlfriends. I have bought and read the books on step-parenting. I have 3 kids of my own, who are in their early 20's and adore their stepdad and are all living independently, working and in university. My husband has 4 sons between the ages of 14 and 21. The two middle children (17 and 19) will be the death of this relationship. It's been 8 years of tears, frustration, ultimatums, but nothing ever changes. Now, when they pull stunts, their dad talks to them and they deny, deny, deny. Even when there is no other plausible excuse, his response is "what can I do? they say they didn't do it". So the lesson learned for these kids? Just lie. In fairness, they've learned from the master: their mom. They don't live with us ( we wouldn't last a week if they did). And now I have told my husband that given their disrespect and constant lies, and their overall toxic behaviour, I don't want them in my house. This has caused a lot of tension between he and I but I am not prepared to walk around on eggshells in my home with kids who treat me like this. He can take them out for dinner, or do whatever, but not while I am home, under my roof. This is half my house. He is quick to tell me he loves me yet he lets his kids call me psycholady with no consequences. I am worn right down, sad, but just coasting until I can figure my way out. He is a great man on so many levels but he is so petrified of losing his kids that he continually caves in. neither he nor his ex can parent to save their lives. The kids are spoiled, and run the house. The question is: do I tough it out another few years until they finally grow up, or will it never really change even when they're adults? He doesn't want to let go and seems petrified by my very quiet demeanour of late...but not enough to ask me the questions that will lead to the big discussion. The second the topic comes up, the arguments ensue and all hell breaks loose. Can't believe this is my life... Advice?

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