There's no dilemma. There's no reason AT ALL for you to concern yourself with either a neighbor's bill paying (or non-paying) habits nor any person or company trying to contact them about same.

I'd give the same answer if the person of attention were a relative of yours (not a member of your household or immediate family) or a close friend. I'd also give the same suggestion about any essentially personal aspect of another person's life and a third party's effort to draw you into it.

In my younger days I worked for a little while in the HR office of a big hotel. We got a lot, and I mean a LOT, of calls for various employees (most of which were housekeeping/catering/etc and definitely didn't have their own offices or phone lines) from people who would not identify themselves and said it was "private" or "private business." The word "private" was always the tip-off that it was a debt collector.

Just to be clear Elmer, I don't care about the paying habits of our neighbor's son. I didn't ask for the call and once I recognized who they were calling about, I ended the call. What I'm asking and what you seem to miss (as usual) is if it's more proper for me to let them know, so they can address it before someone else gets a call, or if it's better to not say anything at all. I've never received a call like this, but personally, I'd be horrified if everyone got a call asking about me, so I'd want to know. But everyone is different. They are very good people and I have a very high regard for them, so I'm interested in seeing what the majority would do. Plain and Simple.

If they can call you and involve you in the matter, then you can know it all. If you can't know it all, then they can't call you. How dare they. That said, I'd talk to the son, if you still want to talk to anyone. He's an adult and can handle his own matters. Not the parents.

Thanks for the insult, lukki. You seem to have missed what I thought was a clear expression of my view. I'll repeat it for you.

There's no reason AT ALL for you to concern yourself .....

Put another way - mind your own business.

If it is a bill collector, or even just someone he owes money, or something entirely different, I promise you that such people don't ever not try to contact directly the person involved first. Mail, phone calls, email, etc.

Do not contact the parents. They probably know if their son is in debt anyway.

And I would have hung up when the caller asked for my husband by his formal name. No one he knows calls him that, and he won't talk to anyone he doesn't know.. Quit trying to talk to strangers who call you. Hang up. It is NEVER a call to waste your time on.

I would ignore it and hope it doesn't happen again. If it does happen again then I may want to insure that they remove me from their call list. That might mean talking to the son and telling him that you don't want to get any more calls. But at this point I would not get involved.

I, too, have received one of these calls. (Another reason to dump the landline). You can be sure the collection agency has been calling the neighbors house too.

That might mean talking to the son and telling him that you don't want to get any more calls.

The son has no control over it. The collection agency looks for neighbors who have a published phone number. I'm not sure what the agency wants you to tell them if you confirm you do know the person. Run over and bring them to the phone? Tell them they need to pay their bills?

Several points: First, when I get those calls I ask what it's about and when they refuse to say or say "personal business" (which is the common response) I advise them that if they want my consultation it's $400/hr with a two hour minimum and ask for their credit card number before we proceed.

Legitimate bill collection agencies need to identify themselves as debt collectors, at least in my state. Sounds to me like it could be a private investigation situation who need not identify themselves up front. Or it could be an unscrupulous collection outfit who will do anything to try to collect (and I've dealt with them before). No way would *I* allow them to do such things to elderly people if that's who/what they are. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I let that happen.

And, if someone was calling about me or about my family, friends or roommates I absolutely would want to know about it rather than have the neighborhood gossip grapevine burning the wires whispering their speculation. "Don't get involved" is not appropriate nor is it applicable. You're already involved. If I discovered that my neighbors were getting such calls about me or mine I would never forgive those Mary Milquetoasts for contributing to the scam especially using the I don't want to get involved rationalization. You're involved, face up to it. If you actually care about these people, well let me put it this way, if *I* cared about these people, *I* would tell them and in addition, to save them some embarrassment, since they may not want to talk to the other neighbors, I'd offer to talk to the other neighbors about it and tell them they might get such a call or visit and suggest they not cooperate and leave it up to them to decide if they want to accept the offer or not. Given the incredible gullibility of people these days it's a given that there will be at least one or more who will unwittingly give out information they shouldn't. We've seen how people will believe ANYTHING these days!

There are times when people should stay out of things and there are times people should stand up for what's right. From what's been presented so far, it sounds to me like this is a situation where people should get involved. It's usually easier to do nothing than to do what's right. Often people's morals and ethics are put to a test in situations like this.

If this has been represented accurately, and I have no reason to believe it has not, there's no way I'd sit back and let it happen. But that's me.

Ummm, Sushi, you must have missed where I said, I was expecting a call? AND FYI, just because your husband doesn't use his formal name doesn't mean my DH doesn't, especially when its business. And, why should I not answer our phone if I'm expecting a call? Not everyone's situations is the same as yours. I don't use my cell phone to conduct a lot of our business. For one, we don't get good cell reception in our house and secondly, I don't want my cell number out there so I get those annoying robo calls on it.

Elmer, you always have a way of saying things that come across patronizing or accusatory to me. Maybe it's the formal way you express yourself, but as other's have said, you often don't respond as kindly as you may think you are. All you had to do was say, "It's not something I'd concern myself with so I wouldn't say anything as well" and that would answer my inquiry. It's not what you say, it's how you are saying it. My response to you answers the way your response came across to me; as if I was into their business or cared one way or another about their son's financial issues which could not be any farther from the truth.

If you have the phone number you can look it up ...do a google. I do that with some of the calls I get (I never answer a number I do not recognize but sometimes am curious.) If it was a collection agency I would report them.

I do agree not to say anything to your neighbors.

I don't think that requesting to be taken off their call list will do any good. I have stumbled across websites that give the names addresses and phone numbers of every person who owns property on a certain street. I'm sure whoever called you was using one of those websites.

Elmer and I have so much in common. ;-)

Cynic, you seem to completely get where I'm coming from. If I still lived in a neighborhood where I knew everyone, I wouldn't hesitate for a minute to let them know so they have the choice to either ignore it or address it how ever they choose. I just don't know these folks well enough and people where we live tend to be much much more reserved than I am. That's why I asked.

I don't think so....and I still appreciated the feed back Sushi. :c)

If you got a call, I think it's fair to believe that other neighbors got calls, as well. I've never heard of that type of thing; just what do they hope to accomplish by calling neighbors? Shaming the alleged offender? Hmmm....it's a new one to me.

I think it's awful that a collection agency (if that is, in fact, who it was) would call neighbors, etc. But - oh well.

I'm trying to put myself in your shoes. I have neighbors that I know quite well and others that I don't know too well but we have a smiling and waving and "hello - nice day!" type of relationship. If it was the former, yes, I'd probably just mention it, saying that I think they should know that neighbors, or at least I, are being called. If the latter, hmmmm.....I don't think I would. But it's a toughie.

It's not always debt collectors calling, there are some rather persistent telemarketing operations out there these days and some aren't afraid to spoof the numbers they're calling from.

What could the caller hope to accomplish by telephoning neighbors of "John Doe"? Did they want to verify that he had lived next door? Were they trying to locate his present whereabouts? I can't guess why they'd ask for you DH over speaking with you. Lists of neighbors usually contain everyone in the household.

People can use calls to neighbors to try to discover where someone is today. The aim is to find a 'Chatty Cathy' neighbor -- scarcely best achieved with the formal approach you describe.

I'm in the 'keep mum' camp here.

I, myself, wouldn't presume anything about the phone call and with that in mind I would tell my nieghbours. "Oh by the way, thought I'd let you know that for some odd reason I got a call wondering if I knew your son. I didn't tell them anything and just cut the phone call short". The end..

I would do as Fenton says...never know if your hubs was used as a character ref or what's really going on.

If Lukki told her neighbor she had refused to speak and cut the call short, I think her neighbors could figure out she knew the call was something less than social - not an old high school friend with reunion information ;0)

Mama, I think someone calling for a character or work ethics opinion would have stated who they were and why they were calling immediately, left a message for Mr. Lukki. A debt collector isn't supposed to ask further than possible location, at least technically - they can't say anything about a debt or reveal the reason for their call. (ETA: reveal the reason they would like to know where XXX is)

My rationale for keeping quiet is directly related to a neighborhood drama here on my street. The neighborhood busybody rushed over just after we moved in 8 years ago to spread some ugly and harmful gossip about another neighbor (who happens to be a very likable fellow). I've almost told him a few times especially when I see the busybody neighbor chatting him up, but fear it would make things weird between the likeable guy and us. I just can't see that disclosure would be a positive thing.

That call may not have been a collection agency; It could have been a phishing call looking for information. I'd ignore it. If it was important, they can call again and to other places. My suspicions raise when the caller will not identify why the are asking or what the call is about.

I wouldn't have answered the phone.

I wouldn't say anything about it to anyone except maybe tell your husband. If you mention it to the parents it will just embarrass them and perhaps make things awkward in the future

If I were your respected neighbor, lukki, and you considered me a good neighbor if not a close friend, I would be horrified if you did not tell me about the call. I don't understand why you would hesitate for one second.

Frankly, you needn't be making the judgement calls regarding the reason for the call. Let your neighbor deal with it. I would not poll the neighborhood, either, to see who else may have received a call.

Once you make the decision to inform them, never bring it up again.

Right? Right! :-)

I would think that's a very illegal phone call. It discloses personal information even is she didn't come right out and say it! How the ____ did she even get your phone number? That's the scary part!

My son has horrible credit. We used to get a certain cell phone carrier here calling my # asking for him because he used me as a reference without my permission. Because they refused to fix his phone, he refused to pay their bill so they disconnected his cell phone. I had over 30#'s blocked on my landline because they would call from all sorts of numbers asking for him. One day I told them he didn't live here. They asked for his phone number, which I thought was ridiculous considering they cut off his phone! I told them that too. "You know his number. Connect his phone can call him! Oh, but you still won't be able to do that BECAUSE HIS PHONE IS BROKEN!" Another time they called and when I asked what it was about, they said they couldn't tell me as it would break Albertas privacy act. Then they asked for his phone number. I said I couldn't give that to them as it would break Albertas privacy act. That's when I started blocking all their #s. Because of them, I refuse to ever use any of their products. And I don't recommend them to anyone.

I think what that lady did by calling you is illegal. I would let the boys parents, if not just the boy, know that someone is looking for him and now bothering the neighbours.

I wouldn't assume the call was a debt collection attempt. I've had several similar calls from government or private investigators doing background checks on folks applying for government security clearances or police jobs.

What Rhizo said!

I've had several experiences as mentioned above by fraker. Your phone call need not specifically involve a collection agency.

At one time, when I lived in CA, I had two rather officious gentlemen come to my front door seeking general info about a neighbor. In that particular case, however, they willingly provided authentic identification. It was in the 60's and the government representatives then weren't as fanatically cautious as they are today.

The callers...whether in person or on the telephone...are never, ever the chatty type and usually have very brisk personalities. They give back nothing and crisply ask their questions. If you're unwilling or not well enough informed of the subject to answer their questions...their contact with you is ended rather abruptly.

It turned out my CA neighbor worked for/with the FBI and they were doing a general update investigation involving the neighborhood itself and how much we may have known about this particular neighbor. I knew nothing and said so. The neighbor and his family were very quiet and self-contained. They moved within that year and it was later learned that they'd been in the witness protection program. None of us would ever have guessed that piece of info so it just goes to show that there's generally more than meets the eye when it comes to matters like this.

When any government (or legit business) employee contacts someone, they ALWAYS identify themselves and (if in person) present credentials. Heck, even cable and utility company workers and contractors do that.

One of my kids took a job some years ago that required a Top Secret security clearance. We learned after the fact that two guys (don't remember if they were FBI or contractors) had canvassed our neighborhood on foot one late afternoon/early evening and spoke to neighbors. They presented their IDs when the doors was opened.

Over the dozen or so years I volunteered with Truth Seekers in Adoption in Chicago, we cautioned adult adoptees to use discretion in seeking their birth parents.

Sometimes people would use neighborhood phone lists to try to find people who had lived where the Birth Mom had lived at the time she surrendered her child. Callers used reasons like the 'school reunion' bit or 'looking for a friend of my mothers in advance of an anniversary'. It was in the interest of preserving the individual's confidentiality. Although a large majority of birth parents were happy to be found -- they wanted to have the choice about who was told about the surrendered child. The confidentiality they wanted was from the public at large, not from their children.

There's nothing illegal about using neighborhood phone 'trees'. People use them for all kinds of things, not just debt collecting.

The son is an adult regardless of whether or not he sometimes lives with his parents he's still an adult and unless they co-signed something he's the only one obligated to pay any debts he may have. Calling neighbors is a new one if it was indeed a call regarding debt collection; workplaces and family is typical but then there may now be additional rules that don't technically say "you can't contact their neighbors" while further restricting previous ways of obtaining contact information such as the workplace and from family. Regardless it was an intrusion on the OP, but from my perspective it would be a bit too neighborly-lines-overstepping to go tell them "Yeah I think a debt collector called about your adult son" - if he's in a lot of debt they probably know already but would be embarrassed if everyone else knew too.

...On debt collection generally...

Most debt collection agencies don't use robocall systems when attempting to contact people. If it's gone to collections telling someone to press a certain key on their phone keypad to be connected in a computerized voice recording is unlikely to work anyway. I get a plethora of robocalls using official sounding sort of legal-type vocabulary about how they are legally authorized to contact people to locate me, and THEY ARE CALLING ON MY HOME PHONE. Seeing as I have no outstanding debts, these calls have to be from someone either trying to sell me something or trying to figure out if it's worth it to steal my identity. :P I'd be concerned about the latter given the increase in such crimes these days.

True about government officials ID-ing themselves, unless they are doing something undercover. I have had CHP ask about a neighbor who wanted to become an officer. They wanted to know what type of child/ youth he was back when he lived here even though the family had been gone at least 15 years.

I suggest reading Cynic's post again. He nailed it. Right is right. You do the right thing whether or not it is comfortable. You stated would want to know. Give the same respect to your neighbor.

I still would not have answered the phone. Sorry, but if I'm not expecting a call or the number is not familiar, I don't answer. There's just too many freaks out there and I don't have time to be bothered by them. If the neighbor is having bill trouble, that's their problem. Don't call me and make it my problem. I don't care about their bills or even about their business. If someone is calling to gather info on someone, sorry, call the FBI or police, don't call me.

I agree with Cynic. If these people are known in the community and have a good reputation they maybe mortified knowing this is going on. And yes they may know their son is having money troubles but they may not know to what extent. People hide all sorts of things that those closest to them don't even find out about until it reaches a critical point. I can't imagine that they would not want to know their own neighbors are being called. And as Cynic stated the calls have come to your house so you are involved.

You can politely let them know this happened. You don't have to ask for details or talk to anyone else in the neighborhood. Just politely say I received a call the other day asking for your son. They would not say who they are. I just wanted to let you know the call came to my house. You don't even have to give details unless they ask and just say exactly what happened and that's it.

And if you are familiar with creditors you know that sometimes just saying stop calling me isn't always enough to get them to stop.

I just had a thought.

The OP writes "That's when it dawned on me that this was a collection agency looking for our neighbors son!"

Maybe that's not what the call was about at all. The OP is presuming it was a collection agency.

You could alert your neighbor that you received a weird call from someone who wouldn't identify themselves, looking for the son, and let it go at that.

You don't have to include your presumption that maybe it was from a collection agency. That's your presumption, based on thinking you know the son's financial situation.

You could alert your neighbor that you received a weird call from
someone who wouldn't identify themselves, looking for the son, and let
it go at that.

I really like this take on it. Good point, and easy out for the OP

Linda, you don't answer the phone? I don't always know where a call is originating from. Might be something important. I answer. Yes often I hang up, but I answer.

No, we never answer a call that doesn't have a name on it. I have everyone listed in our directory so we know who it is before we pick up the phone. If its an odd number we do not answer. They'll leave a message if it's important. I already have 50 unwanted calls blocked, but we're still getting a few more.

I don't answer the phone either if I don't know who is calling. If I don't know who is calling, and it's that important, they'll leave a message. And if they dont, then that would have been wasted time out of my life that I'll never get back. I don't want to be bothered with telling someone that I'm not interested in whatever they're selling, or whatever they're calling about. If it's that important, leave a message and I'll call you back. And if it's someone I do want to talk to, I'll add you as a contact in my phone, so the next time you call, I'll know who is calling.

I keep coming back to this thread. I go back and forth. But, in the end, I see nothing wrong with alerting your neighbors about the phone call.

Who knows, maybe they are struggling with how to handle things and this could be a wake-up call for the son?

Sephia and I posted at the same time. We are getting very few calls on our landline. But, sometimes they are tricky. They use the same numbers for my town and if you look quickly, you can think it is a neighbor. For the most part, I let the answering machine pick up. Usually, a message is not left.

I'm wondering if you have caller id, lukkirish. So many people are saying that they wouldn't answer if they didn't recognize the number. I totally agree with that. I only answer calls when I recognize the number or when my caller ID gives the caller's name.

You said that you were expecting a call and that's why you answered; I get that. But ... that makes it sound like you don't have caller ID. And that's ok, too, but a bit unusual these days.

If I don't answer what turns out to be a valid call, that person/company leaves a voicemail (or I pick up while they're leaving a message). No harm, no foul.

We don't get that many fake calls that it's worth having Caller ID. I would have to look at the phone anyway to see the ID. I must 'waste' about five seconds if I answer and it's not a genuine call.

I'm still intrigued by the caller's insistence on speaking with Mr. Lukkirish.

Chisue, me too, it was weird, but I'm guessing it's because he's the primary for the number.

Susie, We have Ooma with caller id and more times than not I don't answer the phone unless I know who the caller is. However, as I've mentioned earlier, I don't use my cell at home. We don't have good reception so I use Voip instead. We have an Ooma which is a great alternative to an expensive land line.

I was expecting a really important call from the Specialty pharmacy for my husband's chemo medication. When I'm expecting an important call like that, I'm not going to skip an incoming call regardless of what caller id says.

What has me a little surprised is all the comments that seem perplexed or have even scoffed at the fact that I answered a call that came into my home on my phone. LoL. Why shouldn't I? We do pay for the service. I not going to refrain from using the service just because I may get a call I'm not thrilled with. Every house hold is different, in ours we have some bills in his name and some in mine but I'm the lucky one who gets to take care of literally everything family or home related. My husband won't even answer the phone much less resolve a call, so it's not uncommon for me to inquire and even redirect a call asking for him to myself.

You know? My question was not about why I answered my own phone. Why I even have a land line or why I engaged in the call and even questioned the person asking for my husband. The question was should I pass on the information about the call to my neighbor.

Thanks for the advise all...be it right or wrong, in this situation, I've decided to just keep it mum and have moved on.

We do have a way of digressing here, don't we? :)

yes. :c) And you know what? I didn't answer a call this weekend and it ended up being Best Buy calling to say someone was trying to hack into my Best Buy credit card account on line. :c(

Oh no! I hate that.

Interesting responses. A few more points. First I forgot to say I wouldn't assume it to be collection, only that it's not legitimate. I realize that some of these calls and such can catch you off guard so you might slip and say or do some things you wouldn't normally. I would suggest to not give them ANYTHING. Don't say that he's your husband, don't say he does or does not know someone, etc. Give them NO info. If they ask "do you know ___?" My standard question is "Why do you ask?" If they so much as ask if you are talking on a telephone, again, "why do you ask?" Until you are completely comfortable it's legitimate, and you're confident you know WHY they're calling and what they intend to do with the information I would assume the call is sinister and it can be to your own detriment.

As for what would a caller hope to accomplish? Sheesh. You really don't know? What does ANY scammer hope to accomplish?

My experience in crime prevention, personal experiences and a diverse background has made me skeptical of peoples' intentions. I've seen too many good people have bad situations. Better to err on the side of caution, and that's one of the reasons why there's no doubt in my mind, since you're involved, do the right thing.

One other thing, it's curious she offered to take your number out of their database, especially on the first call. Sounds very telemarketer to me. But again, I wouldn't assume anything. A collection agency simply would not. It's part of their records. They might make a note that they can't get through via this number but no way would they remove it. PI wouldn't remove it, again records. She may have said it with the intention to get on your better side to accomplish something more at that time or in a future call, but that's not too likely. Lots of bad smells to this call. Which is why I would want to know about it.