Not just no. Hell no. When the two cats we have are gone, no more animals for us. I love them, but I don't want any more.

And tell the rescue woman to quit calling you. If she insists on calling, don't tell your DH.

You've done heroic work. Now you deserve to rest.

Change your phone # and don't tell your hubby.

There is only one reason for you to take on another rescue. That would be because you want to do it. You do all the work so you get to make the call. Don't allow the guilt tripping. DH has to put on his big boy pants and quit his sniveling.

Only you can make that call......for me, I cannot imagine being without a dog. When Georgy leaves us, I will be around 85............I am sure there will be some older dog that will need some TLC and I will be wanting to give it.

You are a special person! I have a special needs dog ( chf and failing kidneys and chronic bronchitis) and it's rough. Our previous dog had some special issues that were brief as she died within 8 days of having a massive stroke. Those 8 days were filled with daily vet visits and so many tears. When my dog now passes I will not get another. I have been waking up with him for 13 years as he has always been a sickly dog. Some nights he sleeps through the night others I am up 4 times a night. I found a homeless cat in the woods and I am in love with him as he is so EASY. He cuddles, eats and sleeps. He can get himself up and down the stairs- he is just plain easy and honestly it's nice. I can't handle anymore sickly animals, it's completely exhausting. I love my dog so much, it's been a wonderful journey. I love waking up in the morning with my dog and cat asleep next to me...it's like heaven. On that note no more sickly animals for me after my dog passes.

Bless your loving heart for all the animals you have taken care of. But now might just be the time to put your foot down and say no very loudly.

Only you can make the call. And you should listen to your heart.

Bless you for all the babies you've helped.

Oh gosh I don't know. All I can think of is how lucky Cody was to wind up with you. Yes, it was tough but Cody was well loved and cared for during the short time he was here and your being able to do that was so generous. You're like a palliative care for pets.

Your generous heart needs a rest. Tell your DH that the answer to this phone call is no and tell the rescue lady no phone calls for the next __ number of months. Who knows what might happen at the next phone call.

• A hard and very personal decision..we've had dogs in the past but I never felt so much love for an animal until our last peke, Sasha. Our children and grandchildren do not live near us so Sasha was like another little one. We had to put her down in Nov. of 2006...by Jan. of 2007 I felt the house was too empty. My husband said he'd go along with whatever I wanted, since I did most of the care. We got Caesar and, although he is not Sasha, he gives us such joy. He is a wonderful little guy. Since he is 10 now and we are 70 I don't know what we will do later....

ChloeCat, she doesn't call me. She calls the house. He's the morning person, so he gets the calls. :(

Yes, but NOT a special needs dog.

There are many healthy, homeless pets that need good homes, who will provide you with the emotional support you now deserve.

Bless you for all you have done but it's clearly time for you to retire from animal hospice volunteerism. It seems like the only place to shut it down is at the shelter.

You'll need to demand that they remove your name from their call list, immediately and permanently. If I were in your situation, I would make that demand in person AND in writing.

In my household, we make decisions like that as a team. When we haven't, it never turns out well. It is terribly unfair of your husband to lay the burden of pet care on your shoulders. Should he bring an animal home.....take it back!

If your dh needs a dog, he could foster for a while so it wouldn't be permanent.

To be fair, DH doesn't lay the burden on me. He does do his share, although, it is disproportionately smaller. He's 78, is diabetic and has a heart condition. The giggles and the cuddles sooth him. He does know better than to just bring someone home. But, he's not beyond begging. :)

Tell the rescue to stop calling. If necessary, block their number. Since having a dog helps your husband, think about getting one of your own, a healthy one. Bless you for caring

My heart goes out to you. You clearly have such a great deal of love and caring to share. You need some nurturing now. I agree with those that said to consider getting a physically healthy dog in need of a good home- if you could entertain that thought. I hope you don't feel guilty about drawing a firm limit on this decision not to care for a special needs animal at this time. You have done your part and that of many other people. Be gentle with yourself- even if it means being firm with your sweetheart.

You mentioned, "he's 78, is diabetic and has a heart condition. The giggles and the cuddles sooth him."

I am a huge believer in the physical and psychological value of pet therapy, the unconditional love that a pet provides, is probably more effective than many of the medications we prescribe.

You are a wonderful person to have taken in special needs pets. It's draining for sure. I have always had pets for my entire adult life and cannot imagine life without them. My last bout with sadness was only two weeks ago when my 17-year-old beloved cat died. She was frail and I knew her days were numbered and I vowed to pare down when pets began passing away. So what did I do last October? Rescued a Maine Coon cat someone had dumped in an alley in my town. If your husband has the need for a pet, get an adult cat who doesn't have special needs. Cats are easy and love the attention.

This is a decision only you can make. But I agree with both Mdln and Lily. For someone with health issues who needs soothing, few things do that as well as a dog or cat. And a cat - or even two cats - is easier than a dog. I've had dogs and cats, alone and in every possible combination, and now have just two cats, and they bring so much happiness and calm to our home.

Animal shelters are filled with mature animals who are healthy and just want a quiet home where they will be comfortable and loved, but are passed by because they've passed the "cute" puppy-kitten months. They can be the greatest companions!

Lily - I am sorry for your loss. I understand your bringing home the Maine Coon. For me, the only thing that helps with such grief is a new rescue.

Every person copes with death in his or her own way. It may be that after your recent loss of Cody you need some time. There is no need to say 'never', just 'not now' and your husband should respect that.

I think you should be honored for your many years of work providing homes for special needs dogs. Thank you. And I think it is nice that your DH supported those efforts.

I'm so sorry about Cody. It hurt so bad to lose a pet, but when it is so quick, I think it hurts that much more. I agree with Lucille, talk to your husband and tell him you need more time. Call the rescue and firmly tell them the same thing. Tell the rescue not to call for any reason, that you will call when you are ready.

Clearwater
– To answer your question Would you do it? - Yes,
I would and have done similar against the advice of friends,
coworkers and acquaintances. Why? I have a soft spot for animals,
particularly for the more unfortunate ones and it was something I
needed/wanted to do. There was no pressure or begging, strictly my
choice.

In
your case you say I'm done. I'm drained. And today the
woman from the rescue called. I can't face it and DH is whining and
sniveling again. Taking care of
a pet involves a huge commitment. You have been given excellent
advice (although I wouldn't suggest lying to hubby or changing your
phone number). If in your heart you really don't want to, say NO.

A good compromise for the both of you might be a healthy pet. Please take care of you.

You've done your duty and are burned out. You are being unfair to yourself to continue with dogs who need more than healthy dogs. Adopt a healthy dog, not a puppy, which dh can enjoy and help with. Would that still be too much?

Alisande- that almost made me cry!

You shouldn't do what you can't handle at this time. Maybe at some point in the future, but it sounds like you've burned out right now. Over 50 years is a long time. Take a break and when/if another time comes along you will know it. Bless you for your big heart and your time in taking care of the ones you've had in your life.

What you've done is wonderful but you've made it clear you are SO against the animals now you should not have them. Clearly you resent your husband over this and you'll be resenting the animals too and those negative feelings do come through to the animals. You've said you can't handle it. So don't. Might as well be blunt and no offense intended but you need to put on your "big pants", too, for the benefit of the animals and for your own benefit. Whether we would or not is irrelevant because we're different people. You're stressed out, that's clear. You need to get yourself rested and in order and then you might consider doing something in the future. Don't feel bad about it. You've done a tremendous thing. But you should not be doing anything more at this time. Good luck to you.

I feel like you are the wounded pet now and need comforting. Take a little time to pamper yourself and then entertain the idea of a sweet healthy cat. They require little care but give ssoooo much back.

I don't have any advice, but want to thank you for loving the animals you have. They were indeed lucky! Best wishes for the decision you make.

I think your DH needs a pet companion. There are plenty that need homes, but are not sick, injured or broken.....and will be euthanized if no one takes them in. THAT'S the one you should adopt.

Alisande.....that was so sweeeeeet of you to rescue her.

Perhaps your husband likes cats? They are less work if healthy and are soft and cuddly. Make sure to get a calmer one. It's very difficult when one of a couple has needs and the other has the opposite needs.. A compromise can be worked out but it will take some thought. Can he walk at all? Perhaps a weekly walk with a neighbour's dog or at the local animal shelter? The solution that's right for both family members will appear if you just work on it.

Don't let yourself be convinced! Resentment is not good for a relationship! I'm sure part of it is that you're a caregiver to your DH to some degree as well.

Right now, YOU have Special Needs. A healthy dog could most likely 'Help You' through your healing journey. A loving 'healthy' dog can also help fill the hole in your husband's & your hearts by making HAPPY new memories.

Grief has many phases that have to passed through and folks grieve in different ways. Your hubby needs a dog but you don't need the extra work. You might want to consider meeting in the middle with a small bred healthy dog. (small dogs eat less, have smaller accidents, have longer life spans than large dogs & etc) You need to give yourself time to heal from all the past deaths.

Consider giving a healthy dog a chance to return some of the love you have shown to past dogs.

If not now, maybe later.

Ask them to stop calling you if you want but remember the folks at the shelter have also seen allot of death & sadness. You & hubby have been their Loving Rescue Angels who they had to have been very grateful for. But sometimes even angels need a break!

I agree with the general consensus -- it is okay to say to your husband and directly to the shelter, "No, I need a break from pets for the time being. I am not prepared to handle any amount of responsibility for them. I will let you know if/when I feel different. But for now, the answer is NO, our household is not accepting pets."

Repeat as necessary.

cynic - Where do you see resentment in anything she has said?

I am so sorry about Cody. It's heartbreaking to lose them at any age, but so young is even harder. Tell hubby and the rescue lady that you just cannot do it right now and will re-evaluate how you feel down the road. We all need a break sometimes and it sounds like you are way overdue for one.

i feel as though if you are asking KT, you already know the answer. in your post i got the feeling that u wanted reassurance to say "no" to DH and shelter person.

my advice: give yourself a break, a month, 6 months and see how u feel then. you don't always have to have a special needs dog. you could also foster, then u would get a break now and then. its ok to need a break. just because u say "no" this time, doesn't mean u can't accept a pet later. its not "all or nothing".

Would you feel the same way about taking in a new pet if your dh actually took responsibility for it?

As someone who has always had a lot of pets I completely get where you are coming from. I've never really taken in sick pets but have had pets that got sick for different reasons. Between 2012-2015 we lost my father in law and 6 pets. 3 of them were ferrets which have a lot of health problems, 2 were cats that were both 15 and one was a young cat.

I totally get it. You love animals but the thought of losing another one is just too much. I hate the sound of my phone ringing now because I'm always waiting for bad news on the other line. If one of my pets even looks at me funny I think what's wrong are they ok?? It's a lot for the nerves, heart and brain to handle. My house is full of pets and they are healthy but I worry about them all the time because I love them so much and was kind of caught off guard when the other ones passed. I just worry I'm going to miss something I should have caught.

You do need to take a break. If you feel that strongly that you want to say no to something you feel so strongly and compassionately about then you need a break. And your husband needs to understand that. Explain to the shelter the situation and why you're saying no and I'm sure they'll understand. Please don't feel guilt for saying no. You deserve a break and some love too and maybe one day you'll want to try again when you've healed. Like others have said maybe look into a healthy adult cat to keep you and your husband company.

I had a similar situation several years ago and I finally told my DH that I needed to both mentally and physically decompress, as one feeds off the other. We waited almost 2 years to adopt a dog, but during that time period we both volunteered at our local shelter 3x per week which helped fill the void he was missing and gave me the time I needed. It was a win win for all.

Thank you all so much for your thoughtful answers and insights. Each of you, in some way or another, have honed in on what it is that I am feeling/thinking. Guilt is a big factor.

I feel the guilt, knowing there is a pup that needs a home and guilt knowing that DH is feeling the need for a pet. One of the things that gnaws at me is the fear that if we are lucky and the pup lives a long and healthy life, he/she will outlive us. I couldn't bear the thought that a treasured friend ended up unwanted at the end of their life. Frankly, the thought scares me to death.

I just really do appreciate you all taking the time to share your thoughts with me and giving me a sounding board.

I'm sorry about Cody, I know from personal experience that loosing a pet that has your heart is incredibily difficult. Sometimes it takes time to heal and sometimes it takes longer than one would think it would take. I still mourn a cat I had and she died 6 years ago next month. If your husband is adament about wanting a dog, bringing a less needy pet into the home may be a good option for your husband and you as well, but I wouldn't accept the responsibility until I was 100% ready. There's no reason to feel guilty about it, you are human after all, right?

As far as a pet outliving you, a lot of people, including myself and my older sister, have made arrangements for a family member to take our dogs. I've agreed to take hers, she's agreed to take mine and another family member has also offered. Maybe as a way to thank you for all your help, the rescue could reassure you that if something were to happen, they would care for your dog and find it a good home.

We have willed our two cats to DS1, with his permission.

Best of luck with whatever decision you make.

I haven't read all the responses, I didn't want to be swayed. Or maybe talked into it? lol I would be no, No and NO!! I would also tell the rescue shelter do NOT call us again. Bless you for your love and kindness to those poor animals in need, but the toll it takes on your heart is sometimes unbearable.

Our sweet Jack has been gone for 4 years now and I am still adamant about no dog. DH feels the same way. (Although, in all honesty, I love my son's little Katie so much I would take her, if I absolutely HAD to. If it was a desperate situation.)

I'm afraid all the whining and sniveling in the world wouldn't sway me this time.

Good luck! Let us know what you decide please?

ETA: And you know, now that I read your post again, YOU do all the doggone work! Another reason for a great big NO.

We've had four Westies in over 50 years of marriage. I regret taking -- *keeping* -- the Westie Rescue pup that was our last dog. He had to be euthanized over a year ago, after 15 years. I do not want another dog NOW.

Our last dog required a special diet. He was a puppy mill dog and just about nothing about his constitution was 'right'. Someone had to be here to feed him three meals a day and provide meds. Vet bills were constant. Only upon reflection have I recognized how far those thousands of dollars would have gone towards helping *human beings* in need of basic food and shelter. I find it more than a little embarrassing.

I know that having a pet can be fulfilling or provide some people a reason to keep going. Were I a widow, or my DH a widower, either of us might have a pet again. Maybe.

A former neighbor had a series of Airedales and questioned buying another when he was 85. His wife had died. He didn't want the dog to outlive him. Etc. He got another Airedale. He got another, another Airedale. He lived to be 100! (It *was* a problem finding live-in help for the two of them!)

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chisue

Vet bills were constant. Only upon reflection have I recognized how far those thousands of
dollars would have gone towards helping *human beings* in need of basic
food and shelter. I find it more than a little embarrassing.

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Why would you feel embarrassed because you provided necessary vet care for your dog? People live in expensive houses with high mortgages, buy expensive cars, have expensive hobbies, buy expensive "toys", go on expensive vacations, buy expensive clothes and gourmet foods they don't need, eat at restaurants several times a week or month. How much money could they give toward basic food and shelter for other human beings if they moved into a cheap apartment or very modest house with a much smaller mortgage, or bought used cars or didn't go on expensive vacations or didn't buy all those things they don't need? Why is it just fine to spend on all of that, but veterinary care is embarrassing?