In response to MountainBreeze.... I agree that its sort of "non-traditional" to ask people to come to a destination wedding that you have no intension of reciprocating their efforts by paying for a meal or cake and punch. BUT I also think that if the guest list is small enough for the people traveling to the wedding you don't even NEED to send invitations. Email, call, have your Mom or someone call... It's always easier to talk to someone about a sticky situation informally than trying to figure out some eloquent way to tell them something they might not want to hear. (you know it comes off impersonal and therefore impolite) Then with the people invited to your reception at home, just make it like a regular invitation...as formal or informal as you want. I mean the economy issues go both ways, but if you go to a family member or a friend personally and say... We can't afford this but love you and wish you could attend; please do if you can afford it as well then you don't even need to worry about half the stuff that I'm sure is on your mind. I have a similar problem have been searching around the web....maybe someone brilliant can help me!! I am getting married in my home town...which I don't live in and neither does my man. We are having a small family wedding with a formal sit down dinner to follow in my home town in Indiana. THEN.... we (my fianc� and I) are coming back "home" to Tennessee to have a follow-up less formal reception celebration with our friends and some of my extended family who also live in TN. Majority of the people who are invited to the wedding are not coming to the Reception in Tennessee. (Why would they it's far away and they already saw us get married?) BUT there are about 50 extended family members (that all live in TN) that I want to invite to the wedding with the anticipation that they will choose to come to the Reception in TN instead of driving to IN. So I was thinking of sending the following: Indiana wedding people get invitations to the wedding with RSVP Cards ( That will Read: Please Reply by X: Accept ____ Decline_____ if accepting: Chicken_______ or Steak________; Tennessee Reception ONLY people get there own seperate invitations to the Reception saying (we were married on XYZ, please join us for a Reception celebrating our marriage at blah blah; Then! Here in lies the problem--what do I do about those 50 family members who I want to invite to the wedding and also give them the choice of coming to the Tennessee Reception? I was thinking of sending them a seperate Reception card (included when I send the wedding invites) that say in a nut shell "in lieu of wedding you can instead attend the Tennessee Reception") Now... how do I word that without sounding like an idiot (see above!) or does anyone of this world wide web have a better idea!!!!! I'm getting married in April of 2011 I've have run out of Freaking Time to be clueless!! Thank you to anyone who responds. StephC.

That's the normal plan nowadays (save-the-dates are a recent invention). Although, even if you don't have a final date, and a venue, etc., you could also simply write a short note to all the family members, and tell them that you're planning to get married there, and a basic time frame. Then send more exact details later when you get them. You needn't wait until you have the travel info, etc. That's how it used to be done, before mass marketing got all involved in the details of the wedding. I would send invites eight weeks in advance for a wedding in which very many people had to travel very far. Never send a save-the-date to someone you aren't POSITIVE you will invite to the wedding itself. And even if someone says to you, "Oh, I don't think I'll come," you should send them an invitation to the wedding itself. (personally, I don't love save-the-dates. They are an invitation, sort of. Which bothers me and creates problems (for example, if someone responds to the save-the-date, they might think you're fishing for a gift if you invite them, even though it would be rude NOT to send an invite). I much prefer the vaguer, less mass-produced personal notes,phone calls, and even e-mail (which is an acceptable substitute in many circles for a personal note by mail) which are the time-honored way of letting people know about events like this.

I rarely disagree with sweet pea, and I don't on almost everything she wrote, except I wouldn't wear a wedding gown, and I don't think your husband should wear a tuxedo (unless it is a black tie party anyway, of course). (I stress that I am thinking of a traditional wedding gown; if you mean a regular dress, even a long white one, that you are planning to wear to your wedding, then wear it, as long as it isn't dressier than what the guests will be wearing, or at least not much -- i.e., if they will be wearing short party dresses, you could go ahead and wear an evening gown, but not if the party is casual or in the daytime.) Your guests won't say anything, but some will be secretly laughing and thinking that you are being kind of silly, and maybe even that "they just really want to have it all -- they didn't care enough about our presence to have the wedding where we could be included, but they still want us to admire them in their finery." This is one of the tricky things about destination weddings; you have to be careful not to be trying to do the same wedding more than one way. But you can have an absolutely terrific party for your home reception, dressy or not as you prefer. Wedding gowns are for weddings, and yours will have been a different day. Wear a smashing party dress or terrific casual outfit, according to whatever kind of party you choose. (I'd rather wear that than a wedding gown any time.) I like the idea of photos or a video from the wedding, but only if (1) either everyone or practially no one (wedding party and close family excepted) at the reception was invited to the wedding -- otherwise you're showing your B-list friends all the fun the A-list had; and (2) if you do a video, have it running on a loop somewhere where people can go and watch all or part of it as they wish; don't sit them down and give a presentation of the film. This is the same issue as the wedding gown; if you want them to see the ceremony, then have them attend it, but don't exclude them and then force them to watch a video or, worse, a reinactment. As to what you should do and what you should have -- well, your imagination is the limit! A reception is a party. So have whatever kind of party suits your personalities, your budget, and your guests' tastes -- anything from a backyard picnic to a white-tie extravaganza. Although I would, as I said above, avoid any type of pseudo-ceremony -- don't fall into the trap of thinking your guests will feel cheated otherwise; they won't -- it would be great to have the same types of toasts and thank-you speeches and, if you have dancing, wedding dances that you would have at any other wedding reception.

First of all ~ Congratulations on your up coming wedding! This is the only time (usually) in your life when this event is truly about you and your fiance - PLEASE, enjoy your ride!! It's only the first time once!! I too am having a destination wedding so I can totally understand your concerns with trying to acommodate everyone. I must warn you, when asking for opinions on this forum, you may not always like what you hear! I joined another forum - bestdestinationweddings.com - because they were more understanding and a lot more positive than many on this forum because everyone there IS having a destination wedding and can appreciate it! With that being said, we too had to invite a lot of people. Actually, what is now happening is that people I didn't think to invite are coming out of the woodwork and want to attend and that is awesome! What I did was a form letter on parchment paper and envelopes. I did a little "Save the date for the wedding of..." on the top third of the letter. On the rest of the letter I put "it is with much excitement and anticipation that we extend this invitation to you and your family. On (date) we will be exchanging vows at/on (the love boat - wherever). I did a short blurb of where and when it would be, a short blurb about which travel agency was handling reservations and gave a contact name and number there, a little short blurb about the hotel and 7 & 4 day all inclusive prices, two sentences about passports, one sentence about our wedding website and a closing sentence that said something like we hope you can make it, let us be the excuse you finally take a much needed vacation, etc. ~ and of course we signed the letters! I did attach a copy of the hotel's fact sheet and a color picture of the hotel (I took it off of the website - it had a PDF fact sheet) Based on the feedback, the attachment REALLY was a nice thing to do and by including the prices it gave a lot of people a dollar amount to associate what they were getting for their money. It wasn't a sales pitch, it just gave people an idea of what it would cost. Our wedding isn't until next November, but I sent the information out last month. For most working class folks with kids, we have to plan our finances accordingly and took that into consideration when sending out the letters so far in advance. Good luck and don't let the negative posts on this forum get you down.