SHOP PRODUCTS
Houzz Logo Print
fig_insanity

The Mindset of a Rosarian

fig_insanity Z7b E TN
6 years ago
last modified: 6 years ago

Here are some thoughts on the thoughts of us rose addicts. I've seen other posts along these lines, but I couldn't find them. These are personal observations, and not meant to indict, accuse or inveigh against.

Please accept it in the good humor that it was written, and feel free to add to it.

The Mindset of a Rosarian

  • When we see the letters “BS”,
    we don’t automatically think of bovine excrement or its conversational
    equivalent.
  • When we use “PM” we’re
    talking about powdery mildew, not “private messages’.
  • If it’s raining, we want more
    dry weather so we can plant more roses; if it’s dry we want rain to water the
    roses we just planted. If we can’t have it our way, we’ll plant roses in the mud…or
    carry 5 gallon buckets of water that weigh 40 pounds to thirsty roses.
  • If it’s cold, we can’t wait
    for summer. Then we complain about the heat ruining our first flush.
  • When it’s hot, we can’t wait
    for Autumn, then when October rolls around we worry that we didn’t get all
    those rose bands planted early enough before first frost.
  • We can’t decide which of the
    roses that we don’t need, don’t have room for, and can’t afford, that we’re
    actually going to buy- in spite of inconvenient realities.
  • We overcome realities such as
    “two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time” by planting a
    climbing rose almost in the same spot
    as a shrub rose. One will grow UP, the other will grow OUT, right?
  • When the choice is between
    groceries and that rose you “don’t need, don’t have room for and can’t afford”,
    you realize it’s time for a diet anyway.
  • You can always make our
    birthday/Christmas/Mother’s Day/Father’s Day perfect by having a load of mulch
    dumped on our driveway. Manure is even better; the bigger the dump, the better.
    *grin*
  • When visitors observe that
    you have as many roses in pots as you do in the ground, you lie and say you’re
    planning a new bed and know exactly where they’re going to go.
  • If there’s a choice between having
    clean fingernails at your dinner party, or getting that last rose planted
    before company arrives, you decide you’ll use darker nail polish.
  • All of your heroes are rose
    breeders.
  • If your heroes aren’t rose
    breeders, they’re rose rustlers. (Yes, rustlers can be heroes.)
  • Rosarians will lose sleep
    over where to put their newest rose acquisition (that they don’t have room for),
    but their desk (bedroom/kitchen) is organized in layers according to the geologic
    stratigraphic principle of deposition: newest to oldest, top to bottom…
  • When we need therapy…we go
    dig a hole. In the ground. For a rose.
  • We would claim our roses as
    dependents on our income tax returns…if the government would just be
    reasonable.
  • Since the government isn’t reasonable
    and we can’t claim roses as dependents, we claim them as “home improvements”.
  • We plan vacations around the
    distance from our favorite rose retailer/grower/public garden. We may like
    roller coasters, but our true idea of a thrill ride is a heading home with a trunk
    full of roses.
  • When we meet new people, we
    don’t judge them by ethnicity, age, gender, social status or income, but
    whether or not they like roses.
  • We have our favorite roses,
    whether or not they will actually grow for us, and in spite of how many times
    we’ve killed them.
  • We personify our roses. They
    are “him” or “her” or have nicknames. And yes, we talk to them, both in
    exasperation and adulation…depending on how they are responding to our loving
    ministrations.
  • We will try any scientifically
    unproven Voodoo practice if it has been reported to grow better roses for “the
    sister of a friend of my Aunt’s cousin Joe in Kalamazoo”.
  • We can’t remember where we put
    the car keys, but we can rattle off every rose in our garden according to type,
    hybridizer, ancestry, and disease resistance.
  • We’re never convinced a rose
    isn’t hardy until it has died three consecutive winters. If it survives one out
    of three winters, we’re convinced it was our fault it died the other two.
  • We will endure any disgusting
    smell, any inconvenience, or any expense in pursuit of the perfect flush.
  • We think everyone else’s
    roses are better, except when no one’s roses are as beautiful as ours.

Comments (23)

0