I did not say that mother's day should be shut down because I'm sad that my mother died. I said that many people find it a sad day, for many reasons and that it is highly commercialized. I really cannot think of another holiday that so many people find sad. I have friends who find the day sad because of an inability to have children, due to the death of a child, due to the death of their mother, and due to a very painful estrangement from a child. As I said, I find it a little sad, myself, because of my mom. I find it annoying to be wished a happy Mother's Day, when I am not a mother. The incorrect and thoughtless assumption that underlies all these wishes is that every woman of a certain age must be a mother. On the other hand, the OP must deal with a person running around her workplace, asking women if they are mothers, which is really none of his business to be asking, imo. If you don't know people well enough to know if they have had children, what business do you have running around asking every woman in a workplace? There are other things that I find pretty annoying about the day, but I don't really want to get into that. Commercialism had really taken hold of this holiday in the past several years, and it seems that they are successfully making it a bigger deal every year, all in the quest for more profits. I do not need to be told how I should feel about the day, btw. I don't like it, and I have every right to my opinion.

Edited to add: I know TWO women who are in their 40s (one in her mid 40s and one in her late 40s) who have not had children because they have not been married. Both would like to be married and have children. Neither has found the right person to marry and it's possible that it could never happen for them. Neither is currently dating anyone, so marriage isn't likely to happen any time soon. Mother's Day is a pretty sad day for both and they have both told me, in different words, that it is a painful reminder that they are "alone." Both have told me that, even if they do marry, they are now having difficulties that would make it difficult for them to conceive. They both say that other holidays can make them feel a bit lonely, at times, but nothing else does it so badly as Mother's Day.

I always feel left out in all the gushy "mom" posts. Kittywiskers, don't let it bother you to much.

I had a monster.

I won't post to the mother threads anymore.

It was time to check that capital completely off.

Moni

It's an old tradition so don't take it personally. I remember going into various places over the years and being asked if I was a mom and then given a rose. I think the last place it happened was at Home Depot a few years ago.

Wow...I am amazed at the different thoughts. IMHO....I'm sorry if you were hurt, but...it was Mother's Day. If your co-worker got a raise...would you

automatically think you had one? Or, as someone said, should you get a

Birthday gift every time someone else gets one? Or...I agree with Snidely....then, he should have had one too? Or...if a friend's Mother

Day gift was bigger than yours...do you start complaining? Good Grief.

I always wanted to be President...should I get a big bouquet on President's

Day? (JK...a little anyway).

Last....I know there have been lots of abortions out there...no judgement!!!,

but...should they have that Mother's Day Rose, etc., that "everyone" gets?

KittyW, what your co-manager did was insensitive. There are a few comments on this thread that are even worse, because I can allow for the possibility that the co-manager's actions were just thoughtless, while these comments are intentional. I would argue with their logic, but I'm too disgusted. I can only imagine the dark lack of empathy on the part of a few of you.

But it's not the same as a birthday or President's day or a participation trophy or a raise. There is a very distinct emotional component to Mother's Day for some women that isn't felt during other occasions.

I guess it bothers me that people are equating being sad on Mother's Day as the same as demanding equal attention/praise in every occasion of life. It's an unfair and dismissive comparison that makes affected women sound petty and irrational for their feelings.

And this is exactly why we are losing so many things that we value. Child A doesn't like Halloween because in the country they're from, they don't celebrate it. Now children B-Z don't get to dress up for Halloween because it offends one child. Child K isn't a Christian. So the rest of the kids don't get to put on the Christmas play at school that children here have done for hundreds of years. So now it's Mothers Day. For one of who knows how many reasons, Adult woman A has no children. So now we can't give gifts to the rest of the women who do? NO! We get shamed into celebrating the day that was given to those who do have children. So, should I ask nobody post pictures of their perfect family because, A) my oldest son was born with Down Syndrome and B) my oldest son died 3 1/2 years ago? No. Actually, I want the opposite. I'm happy for those who have "perfect" families and I love seeing everyone else happy because it makes me happy. So, no. Your co-worker didn't have to give you a flower. Life sucks. It isn't fair. Pull up your big girl panties and be happy for those who did get one.

My 2 cents worth. :)

My old gospel-based church celebrates Mother's Dsy in this manner...

When you (men and women) enter the church, there are two trays of pinable fresh flowers. If your mother is living, you take a red flower. If she is deceased, you take a white flower.

The simple flowers can be pinned on a jacket, shirt, dress, purse, or tucked in the hair.

Practically everyone has, or had, a mothering figurehead in their life. We're honoring having had mothers.

Then during the service the women who are mothers are asked to stand and a special prayer is offered for them.

I'm wearing my red carnation, so thankful I still have my mom. I'm proud and prayerful for my friends who are mothers, or want to be mothers, and I'm extremely grateful that I realized at a young age that I never wanted to be a mother.

We do the same flower ceremony for Fathers' Day.

But a church is entirely different from a workplace.

That wouldn't have bothered me. But I'm not a mother,because I don't wish to be. I understand why those that wish it but can't would feel sad. And in a workplace, it's unprofessional to single out a group of people to receive gifts for a non work related reason like that. But it was a nice thought for the mothers,and was not like it was malicious towards the non mothers.

I did get a little agitated yesterday though. I was at work,and everyone that came through asked me if I was a mother. When I said no,most people would say"oh,well have a happy mother's day anyway." That's fine. I equate that to someone wishing me a happy Hanukkah. I'm not jewish,but appreciate the thought. I got agitated when my "no" was met with "why not?" (Okay,that didnt annoy me,what came after did)To which I answered that I did not want children. Then i was told things like "yes you do." Or, "You HAVE to have at least one" and "You'll change your mind,don't wait too long." I should point out that not one mother,or any female for that matter,has ever said these things to me. Not even my own mother. I have heard the same bits of "advice" since my mid twenties from men though,which i always found rather odd.In a world where so many children are born unplanned and unwanted to "mothers" who are completely unfit to take on such a task, I'm surprised that this attitude still exists toward those who are responsible enough to know that they either don't want or plain don't need to be responsible for the well being of children, and take steps to prevent it. I have read that there is a rise in numbers of people who have decided not to have children, so maybe in a decade or so,attitudes will change.

All that being said,while motherhood is hard,it is also now a choice. In most cases,in this country anyway ,from start to finish. So while I appreciate the hard task mothers have taken on,especially my own, I don't often feel super sympathatic to those who like to tell me that my own life is sooooo much easier than hers,as a direct result of the choices we each made. But I digress. I'm sorry that your managers actions made you feel left out and sad.

I don't think anyone is saying that mother's shouldn't be recognized or given gifts on Mother's Day. I'm certainly not - I'm glad that the people in my life who are mothers are getting recognized. It's hard work. I don't think it should be taken away. I don't see it at all the same as people who are offended by "Merry Christmas" or other holidays. I'm not offended by Mother's Day.

However, celebrating the mothers in your life is different than someone going around questioning whether a woman is a mother or not and giving out flowers based on the results. The latter could lead to some unintentional hurt feelings, as shown in this thread. It's not a bad thing to be aware of the issues that might be hurtful to others, whether you think they are being over-sensitive or not.

More empathy and less judgement is the way to go.

I agree with chi. Mother's Day is for mothers. But don't single out, via asking. She says it so much better, though. Being put on the spot could hurt for so many reasons. Best to avoid asking.

The flower thing, sadly, is almost gone. I used to buy my mom a red, her mom a white every year. Now, it's my mom a white, and my sister a red. Except--I have to ask a florist to get them from the back. Sad!

Bears repeating.

"There are a few comments on this thread that are even worse, because I can allow for the possibility that the co-manager's actions were just thoughtless, while these comments are intentional. I would argue with their logic, but I'm too disgusted. I can only imagine the dark lack of empathy on the part of a few of you."

As reported on PBS, the woman who 'invented' Mother's Day did so to encourage recognition for a mother's care in raising her children. She was horrified to see it become commercialized and died a pauper, having spent all her money trying to get it repealed.

I appreciate the sentimental wearing of red and white carnations to honor one's living or deceased mothers. It should be a *personal* choice, not a commercial opportunity. I am happy that my child and his children recognize me as their mother and grandmother and make a point of showing it on this day. I don't want to be recognized by the world and its brother, who have no idea if I am a mother, much less one to be congratulated.

Adding... When our son was about twelve, we located and spoke with his birthmother. We sent her flowers that Mother's Day. I wasn't sure about doing it, not wanting it to be a reminder of her loss, but wanting her to know we celebrated her AS a loving mother. (She lived alone, so there was no problem with this being a private matter.) She was *thrilled*. She said she was overwhelmed to be acknowledged as a mother. I believe this became a turning point for her. She had been 'stuck' in her life. Nothing can repair the loss of a baby, but *knowing* her difficult decision had indeed resulted in a good life for son was healing. She married within the year and has children within her marriage. We have gone our separate ways, absent fantasies, guilt or destructive 'family secrets'.

I choose not to have kids and I've heard it all too amylou321. You'll want them one day...Um no thanks I'm good lol My husband and I don't want kids and like you said it shouldn't be looked down on for making a responsible decision and not having kids just because "we're supposed to." Our pets are our babies. People around me know I love my pets as my kids and will wish me a Happy Mother's Day. I appreciate it very much because I do love them very much and take care of them as best I can. Good food and lots of love and attention.

I have only gotten upset once on Mother's Day. I had a friend who went out of her way to post on FB that women who have pets aren't mothers. I explained to her that I have to take my pets to the vet, make sure they eat the best food to keep them healthy, clean up after them, and always make sure they are loved and safe. She said if you don't go through childbirth you're not a mom. :\ I then explained to her that most likely she won't have to deal with loosing one of her children before she passes and I've been through it many times. Still nothing. All of my other friends came to my defense/rescue. :) I know a lot of people say pets aren't the same. Well God gave me a love for animals and trusts me to take care of them just like He trusts others to take care of their children of the ones He puts in their lives. :) My pets are my kids and I don't care what anyone else thinks 8)

If I was at work and the same thing happened it wouldn't bother me. But like you said I can see how just being in a different mind set can make something like this hurt and I'm sorry it upset you. You are entitled to your feelings. I'm so sorry you had a hard day with what happened. Here's a rose :) @->------

The commercialization on this day is sad. I sometimes buy roses (a dozen) for my kitchen and they cost $10-12. Over the weekend I went to get flowers for some of the moms in my life and those same bouquets were $30. :\ I asked the lady aren't these the roses that are usually $10? Oh no those are our premium roses...BS :|

That's no different from the commercialization of any other "holiday". Flower prices go way up on Valentine's Day, Memorial Day, etc. And yes, sadly, most holidays are commercialized, taking away much of the true meaning of the celebration/observance. For example, why in the world is the trend for kids to get gifts at Easter? I can understand candy/egg hunts (even though they have nothing to do with the real reason of the holiday), but presents? Crazy, IMO. (Sorry for going off-topic).

Everything and I mean everything is over overcommercialized. I always remembered my mother with a card and dinner out. Today BILLIONS are spent and the average gift cost $190!! Same with Halloween which used to mean buying a bag of candy, putting a pumpkin on the porch, and making or buying the kids an outfit to wear. Today aisles and aisles of Halloween appears months before the day and billions are spent . The world has gone NUTS for every single holiday and don't get me going about the Super Bowl hype. !!!!

It wouldn't have bothered me. I'm sorry you felt slighted.

I am child-free by choice, so not receiving a rose wouldn't have bothered me. However, I do think it incredibly insensitive to walk around a workplace asking women if they have children and then handing a rose to those who do. As others on this thread have mentioned, many women who don't have children are NOT child-free by choice and something like this could be incredibly hurtful for them. Why not find out through the course of natural conversation who has kids, and then leave something on those people's desks if you feel the need to celebrate this holiday in the workplace? IMO that's more a more thoughtful gesture for both mothers and non-mothers.

It was insensitive, but seems the intent was good, but not thought out all that well. I'm sorry it felt like a slight. I'm sure there's a kernel of hurt in there which is sensitive.

Women can be nurturers and care givers and Moms to fur babies and aunts etc, etc., all of which fits the spirit of Mother's Day.

Don't be hard on yourself!

I have kids and I have a mom and I'm happy to celebrate Mother's Day with them... it's not necessary for anybody I work with to give me a flower and I would feel bad for someone not getting a flower just because they don't have children.

My mom's church had a "Daughters' Dinner" a week ago to celebrate, because not every woman is a mother but every woman is a daughter. I thought that was wonderful to include all women of the church. And, it still left the actual day for moms to be celebrated.

Or how about treats and flowers left in a central place with an announcement to staff "In honor of Mother's Day there are flowers and treats available. Please help yourself."

I was childless by choice for the first 15 years of my marriage, so that may be why it wouldn't bother me. I was constantly criticized for not wanting children at the time, and then when I finally had one....thinking they could all shut up now....I was criticized again for deciding to only have one. I really didn't care....thought it was funny since most of the most vocal criticism came from women who I would hardly consider good mothers. More flack for deciding to breast feed for an extended time. I am glad I was in my mid 30's and old enough to feel secure in my own decisions because I really didn't care what they thought....it didn't change me, one iota. My daughter has chosen not to have children. I think I'd make a pretty cool grandma, but I support her decision 100%. I don't see it as any of my business.

Olychick, I like your idea!

I am so sorry for those that feel pain from this holiday for whatever your personal reasons are.

I am sure that the thought that was intended by people running around wishing all women a Happy Mothers Day was a good one with absolutely no idea that their words would be hurtful.

I always feel sad and hurt on the anniversary of my first child's death but fortunately that date rarely coincides with Mothers Day.

This thread just goes to show they should not have given anything to anyone. Proves my point how you can offend someone simply by saying "good morning" to them. It was supposed to be mothers' day, not women's day. If it went to all women then all men should get it and it can be called people's day if you want to cut the selfishness. Then let's include the animals, plants, mothballs, street signs and cell phones and go from there. Then, let's get all bent out of shape about how someone should be offended if they had a sex change and didn't get a rose because maybe they wanted to be a mother (but aren't).

Let's just outlaw Hallmark Holidays once and for all. That will solve all the sadness these greed days bring.

Did you actually read the thread, cynic?

I am shocked by the amount of sarcasm and mocking tones in some of these responses. I feel sorry for people who lack empathy.

cynic -- You seldom fail to amuse! Good lord, "mothballs"! I agree about greeting cards, too. My most prized cards are the ones my son made for me, creating his own 'hallmark', a little green frog logo he drew on the back and called "Morris".

I am completely in favor of people carefully deciding they do/do not want children. However, it is insulting to both to equate a pet with a child. (There is NO comparison as to which is the greater challenge!)

I think I can read between the lines of Cynic's reply. I get what she's saying

Human beings are not mothballs.

I have a dog that I LOVE...but those that do not have children could not understand the love and care of a child vs a pet.

I am howling with laughter at those who said they never became a mother because they never married. Marriage is not a requirement for pregnancy. LMAO

As for the way the OP posted, the person handing out the flowers was a boor. That she was hurt is understandable, but not logical - IMHO.

I choose not to celebrate Mother's Day. My mom died three years ago, and my life has been much more peaceful. My daughter brought me flowers, then she and I went shopping.

I feel odd when someone besides the people in my world wish me a Happy Mother's day. I appreciate the kind thought behind it but I'm not their mother so it makes me feel awkward.

My daughter lost both of her grandmother's this past year and this was the first time my sisters and I didn't have our Mother with us to celebrate. Sure it put a pang in my heart to mourn her instead especially as I watched other's buying flowers at the nursery or listened as they shared how they'd spent the day with their Mom's. Even though I miss my mother deeply, I still I enjoy hearing their stories and I'd be sad if they didn't feel they could share them with me.

Whether it's being unable to have children or experiencing a loss, it's all part of life and the cards we are each dealt, that doesn't mean the world should have to change just because. So I do think you were being over sensitive and even though it was done with good intentions, I also think it was inappropriate for your work to hand out roses.

One cannot feel empathy if they haven't experienced the situation. One can feel sympathy, though.

I am sympathetic to women who hoped to have children and weren't blessed with any, women who have lost a child, and the other sad situations noted here. However, I still do feel that it's Mother's Day, not Every Woman's Day. I have no children, as I said above. I'd have loved to. But I don't feel hurt or excluded when mothers are honored. Again, they're mothers and I'm not.

In fact, I was at an event on Saturday where all women were encouraged to take a rose for Mother's Day (it was not a Mother's Day event or in any way associated with it). I felt weird about it because I'm NOT a mother; why would I take a rose? However, a very sweet person said "No, but you HAD a lovely mother, so take it in honor of her". You know, she had a great point. I did take it and I have it in a vase and think of Mom every time I walk by it.

Regarding pets - I am totally in love with my pets and devoted to them, to the extent of the amusement of several of my friends on occasion. They're my heart. But they are not my children. I don't suppose to compare my wonderful life with my beloved pets to being a parent, which I think is the hardest and (hopefully) the most rewarding job in the world.

Edited to fix a misplaced word.

It's been long accepted as a good idea that supervisors/managers should NEVER ask employees questions about their personal lives that don't bear directly on the performance of their duties. Information an individual volunteers is fine but the personal subjects should never be brought up by a superior. This could be a smaller, less well-informed employer or a well intentioned person lacking good judgement, or both.

At the same time, no one should be so out of touch with their feelings as to create landmines that others are likely to step on and cause an explosion. There are holidays, calendar dates, past birthdays and anniversaries that happen every year. Yes, many bring up memories of people who have departed from our lives or unhappy things that have happened before. Life continues, we all must come to grips with unpleasantness and misfortune in our lives and move on.

I'll make one exception, and that being those who must deal with the death of a living child. Or a stillborn birth. I can't begin to imagine dealing with these and I think people who suffer with such horrors should do whatever they should do. But for the other situations, life must go on and we all make the best of what we have, as lukki said.

For some people, marriage IS a requirement before children. I don't share that particular belief, but many women DO feel that way. They are doing what they think is right. I don't think it's particularly nice to laugh at people because of their personal beliefs about this.

We ate out twice over the weekend. One restaurant gave me a fresh carnation, the other gave me a free dessert. No one asked me to verify my status as a mother.

For kitty and anyone else who would like a flower.

I don't really like mother's day. When I had a mother, I used to send her flowers. The last one, I forgot, what with taking care of my kids and my awful job, I just forgot. Told my mom I would take her out for lunch to make it up. The night my kids and I were packing to fly out to see her and my dad, she died, suddenly. So, mother's day is always a reminder that I forgot her that last year. I had to work this year for Mother's day, don't really care about that day. Today my daughter wanted to hang out so she and my son met me and my exchange student at Shaker Village and we took a boat ride and then went out for burgers and shakes. So, guess we kinda celebrated anyway.

Oh, and my best friend lost her mom last week. : (

Kitty - I can understand your hurt. I don't think you are being overly sensitive. There is something about Mother's Day that is different and more personal than other holidays. I can't quite explain it but I can understand how you feel.

I think Mothers are to be celebrated and I think the manager was trying to be kind. I have lost a child to miscarriage but am fortunate to have children. I don't know the hurt but try to think of the intention behind what he was doing.

As lots of people have stated, It's a nice gesture for Mothers day however, I can understand how it would upset someone.

If you choose not to have children, haven't found the right partner or can't have children, there isn't a national day to celebrate your existence.

Things like this can be a harsh reminder or can make room for jealousy but, I don't think this is a reason for a work place to not make mothers feel special.

Kitty, I understand you no longer feel hurt... it was a passing moment worthy of note - don't worry about how you felt then or feel now.

At any rate, I was out at a restaurant Sunday. As an acquaintance joined me, she was handed a flower by the staff. I'd already been seated, no flower. Suddenly, the staffer gave me a rose, too, wishing me a happy Mother's Day.

"But I'm not a mother,", I immediately thought, and wanted to hand it back. But I'm not one for a scene, and besides it was actually quite pretty. So I thanked the waitress, and after she left, I noted, "ah, I guess being a cat - mom must count?!"

(I had a hysterectomy at age 31, and while I regretted being childless when my brother had two daughters, I'm fine about this now. For me, Mother's Day is simply remembering my own mother, and acknowledging the full and largely-happy life she had lead.)

Years ago when we'd go out for Mother's Day everyone was given a flower. I always felt guilty, since I'm not a mother. I even mentioned it to the person handing out the flower, and she said every woman gets one.

At the diner where I eat breakfast at least 5 days a week, the owner gave "EVERYONE" a free danish pastry on Sunday. He said it was "For Mothers and the Men Who Put Up With them"

Me, my daughter and my sister all went to brunch and the sweet lady who served us brought us all carnations even though neither my sister or my daughter have children, both by choice. She said that mothers of fur babies count (both have fur babies) and I told her my sister Has always been close to my daughter and very instrumental in her upbringing. Lots of different kinds of moms out there

In our church on Mother's Day every year, the minister at asks, "Everybody who had a mother, raise your hand! We are celebrating our mothers today." Then later during the children's time, he tells them that all members of our church are responsible for guiding the children to adulthood. Then he enlarges on that by saying that all women in the church are mothers to all the children. And he ends children's time with asking them to pass out potted geraniums to all the women present.

It is very sweet to see a 3-year-old approaching you with a bright pink potted geranium and a smile.

I do think its a huge insult not to give all roses, there are many that raise children and aren't their own but relatives and many struggle for years to have children and can't and other reasons, there are single dads,etc. that are both mom/dad raising their kids. I had always wanted lots of kids growing up and then finding out at 17 that I have a chromosone disorder and will never have children talk about devastating. And to sit in church on mothers day and watch them giving out flower and nothing my way, did me in every year. I love where I live in retirement home that they gave flowers out to all ladies and then mothers day card the night before slipped under our door, that was wonderful to me to be thought of as they did.

I've been following this thread with interest and quite a bit of surprise, too. I am really surprised at some of the responses. Report to HR? ? Really? ? I had no idea celebrating motherhood was such a touchy subject!

Kittywhiskers, I am very sorry you were hurt by the co-manager's actions. To me it seems like you were over sensitive, but I've never been in that position, so I really don't know.

It just doesn't seem right to me, though, to give everyone a flower, or whatever, whether they are a mother or not. That belittles the meaning of the day. Maybe a flower of another color to those who aren't mothers to celebrate the fact that they had a mother? Telling everyone "Happy Mother's Day" simply indicates it is a day for everyone to enjoy.

Rusty

It was clumsy on management's part. They could have done better as many people up-thread have said. Frankly, at the last place I worked, the less interaction I had with managers the better -- I would not want a flower from those who treat(ed) me like dirt.