Went through the same thing with my DH daugther. but she was 6 or 7ish at the time. Its understandable. She feels now she is competeing with you and is expressing it like a 13 year old. Dont let it bother you. Always keep open communication with her and your bf. Dotn think too far like having kids now. Keep dating and live together , take it one day at a time. More important. You and your Bf have to be on the same page and stick to your relationship. His daughter does not dictate your time or how you date your bf. You are the adult.You are in control with your BF. Let him speak to his daughter, let him keep at it with her. You keep your cool and at her age, the teen years she is also going through alot of emotions. Give her space and give her time. If she acts out during vacation let her father deal with it. Dont let it get you down. When she acts like a baby, then leave her with her dad to deal with and you get out and enjoy yourself. You make sure you show her that her behaviour is not nice and that it wont get your down. She wants to behalf nasty then she will have to deal with the consequences. My SD doesn have text messaging and i wouldn't accept it either between me and her. Just gives her power and i do not let her have any since now adays she is being rude. She's a teen:) Thats how they are. Deosnt matter if they are biokids or stepkids or adopted kids...its the age! But it doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Stand your ground and you keep telling her how you feel. BUT if she gets a rise out of you being hurt then you ignore her tactics and say its a wonderful day and your are soooo happy. :) There will be many games , and many ups and downs..i'm sure she does like you . She just needs to adjust and really understand that she doesn't have to be threatened by you. This is what it is. She feels that now that her dad has someone, he wont be as close with her even though the times of seeing her haven't changed. Over time you will prove yourself with your actions and words. Be friends but if she resists..don't force it. you can only be friends with her...not her mother. So if she doesn't want to be friends with you..its ok. I told my SD...if she doesn't want to be friends that's fine with me. I have alot of friends. But you be respectful towards antoher human being..if not..the door is there. Swing both ways..I dont care who you are related to.

Welcome to this board! It is really such a great tool in keeping my sanity as a stepmom! The advice I give you is to really take things slowly and think about the worst case scenerio and decide if it is something you can live with. My hubby has sole custody of my 3 stepkids. But we can not erase her from our existance. She has moved out of state 3 times and come back only to leave again. Each time taking a piece of the kids happiness with her. She has made plans with them and stood them up without so much as a phone call. She has been gone 8 months now without as much as a phone call. We have no idea where she is living or how to get a hold of her. Her family knows which state she is in---which is no longer the same state as us, but that is about it. They can't even contact her! Each time she reappears with promises to the kids, which she does not fill. Then we are left picking up the pieces. At times the kids lash out at us because they are upset with her. But then they will talk to her on the phone and be nice as pie because they fear that she will disappear again if they don't. Its horrible to watch. So sole custody isn't a fairy tale ending. OR you could have a situation like justnotmartha or imamommy where the ex makes everything a fight. Imamommy has been in and out of court with her hubby and his ex. That can get costly. You could have a situation like doodleboo where the kids mom is a druggie and has bad boyfriends that you don't want the child around. You could have a situation like lovehadley where the mom is violent and drunk and uses the child as a weapon and excuse for everything. There is no easy part of stepparenting. Its twice the work of regular parenting and a very thankless job! Would I go back and never have married my hubby? NO WAY! I love him and the children. But I will not lie to you and tell you this was an easy road. It has been a struggle at times. And we have argued over the children and his ex. But we are always able to talk things out. Great communication is the key to success in any relationship, but more so in a stepfamily situation. I wish you a lot of luck and I encourage you to do a search on the posters I have mentioned and on my self on here to read some of our posts and what we have gone through. I also encourage you to come here often for advice or just to vent or share stories.

You are doing a great job and I hope you boyfriend appreciates your efforts. A routine within your househole will reap benefits, especially with sleep. And when I raised my own bio kids I bought loads of parenting books, they really did help alot over the years. Your boyfriend will need to read these too as he should do the 'parenting' part. She is very young but can learn quickly the ways that things will happen in your house. It's hard when there's an ex like that. I too have one lurking that gossips and spits venom about me to anyone who is stupid enough to listen and to the kids. I feel (as is the case with my own) that kids if left to their own devices and nurtured to love and accept have an unlimited capacity to love. But when they are raised to hate and blame and conflicted with loyalties/disloyalties, that comes easy too and it is so destructive for everyone. You sound like a very caring, proactive person, hope things start to improve. :)

On the food end of things (Since this is the Cooking Forum). I MISS good sushi and sashimi out, especially the varieties of fish I can't find and make myself (ie Yellowtail/Hamachi). I miss being able to sit at the sushi bar and banter with the sushi chef, who really knew what I enjoyed eating. I MISS being able to drive down to CT to avail myself of the best seafood shops - Stew Leonard's and ShopRite have excellent seafood counters. Western MA has slim pickings (I could go towards Boston, but I LOATHE the traffic patterns there). I MISS my jaunts down to the Korean H-Mart supermarket chain. If I drive outside of MA right now, I trigger a choice upon return, even if I am only gone for part of a day: COVID test and wait at home 3 days to get the results back, OR forgo the test and wait 10 days to leave my house (actually I could be in my yard, which would make my chickens happy, as they'd still need to be watered and fed.) I miss the olive bar. I liked doing my own mixing and matching, and I never want a full container. I MISS relaxing at restaurants with friends. Beyond the food.... I MISS getting together with friends, any where. I do occasionally meet with one friend who is single like myself. But that's once a month, if that. I miss physical contact with other humans. Until October, when Obi-Wan had to be put to sleep, I did have affectionate contact with one of my cats, who was a lap-buddy. The surviving cat is not really affectionate. She prefers to sleep at the foot of my bed, but away from my feet. I just want some good hugs. And good face to face conversations. I MISS get togethers and gatherings. Last June my brother and other immediate family were supposed to get together with me, drive to Maine, and place Dad's ashes with Mother's, in Penobscot Bay. We hope we can do that this summer.