No advice here, but my heart goes out to you both. Keeping you in my prayers.

No advice. (((Hugs!)))

Lean on the folks from Hospice. They will guide you through this journey. My thoughts and prayers are with you & Vic.

I can't imagine how difficult this would be. However, in observing others who have gone thru simiilar situations, they seem blessed with an incredible amount of strength and compassion, just when they need it the most. I pray it will be the same for you.

My heart goes out to you. I am on a similar journey but with my husband's cancer. Everything has been tried during the last 3 1/2 years without success. Sometimes I guess it is just not to be. I hope that hospice can give you all the help that you need.

Hospice will be a bitter sweet blessing for you. You both have my prayers as you find your way through this course. Please don't hesitate to come here if you need to release or need support.

Sending caring thoughts to you. Such a difficult time for you and DH

I agree that Hospice will be so helpful for you and DH.

Ah, such a hard time for you both! I think you will find your answers with hospice. It exists to help he patient *and* the family. You have done and are doing everything you can. Please let others help you both now -- whether at home or in a facility.

A neighbor had hospice at home for several months. Eventually his needs were greater than his wife could meet at home without ruining her own health. At that point, they found greater comfort and peace within a hospice facility, where she could be wife and companion more than homemaker and nurse.

I'm so sorry.

No advice, but just said a prayer for strength and comfort for you and your hubby.

Help him, but do what you can to protect yourself from burn-out. We all have heard such wonderful things about hospice care, and they will help you take care of yourself too. How fortunate Vic is to have you and hospice to help him along his path. Sending you a heartfelt hug. Feel free to share here if it helps.

Not much to add except ditto to what chisue said about considering the possibility of Hospice facility care if his needs in the future become greater than you can manage on your own and with home care. These facilities are wonderful and I urge you to consider your own care and peace of mind as you travel this road. Prayers for your and Vic's peace and comfort.

I'm so sorry that both of you are dealing with this sad and difficult situation. As others have said, hospice will be a such a help and a blessing for you both.

I am so sorry. My heart goes out to both of you.

Don't try to do it by yourself.

Vicsgirl, I'm sorry you have been going through and are going through such a tough time. Do allow people to help you, both Hospice and friends/family, as much as possible. I wish you spiritual strength as well.

I am so sorry for this road you are on. My dad lived with my son and me the last year of his life. He said on many occasions that he did not want hospice, because of things we were told when my mother was in the end stages of cancer. At the end, however, i had to tell him it was time, that I needed them to help me. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, going against his wishes and seeing the look on his face. Hospice was a blessing, though, and were actually only with us for a week or two before daddy passed. They were so nice and so helpful I cried just talking with them. Don't beat yourself up for allowing them to do their jobs. If you find a good organization, they can help take some of the load off of you as caregiver and allow you to focus on your husband and yourself. Taking care of yourself is very important as you walk through this transition. And frankly, without the meds they provided to help daddy stay calm, the end would have been a nightmare for him and us.

I'm sorry to hear all this. It's a burden for you, I understand. Hospice does not provide home 24-hr nursing services. The staff will, however, give you wonderful guidance and advice, and yes, some nursing help. Just not full care. Contact the hospice people ASAP, and in many areas, there are several different hospice organizations, so talk to them all before making any decisions.

So sorry for this journey you must endure beside your beloved Vic.

I don't know if you're aware of them, but there is a Caregivers Forum and a Grieving Forum here on Gardenweb too which you may find helpful.

I am so sorry for both of you and said a prayer for your peace also.

I have been where you are now. In late 2015, Mom's cancer returned, and at 88, she was not a good candidate for chemo. Heck, her body had still not fully recouped from the previous round. Mom, my three brothers, my husband and I met with her doctors and the hospice coordinator to discuss her wishes and options. She decided to let nature take its course and to die at home. Unfortunately, her memory started failing almost immediately and the thing that was the hardest on me was explaining her situation to her every time she asked what was happening to her. None of my brothers lived locally, and DH and I had moved in with Mom when she was previously ill, so we were the logical caregivers. I still worked full time, but DH worked from his home office, so he actually was her main strength, support and nurse. Many people thought it unusual that a son-in-law would take on that role, but he loved Mom and vice versa. He took the day care and I took the nights. Hospice visited several times a week to take vitals, bathe her, change bedding without making her leave her bed, order meds, etc. They were a godsend! Even while she lay dying, she apologized for being a burden, but I made sure she knew she was only a blessing. After I tucked her into bed one night, she asked if I was going to sing her a lullaby too, so of course I did. We both chuckled and I kissed her goodnight. She was gone a couple of days later.

The best advice I can give you is to include him in the goings on of the household as much as you can, continue making memories to cherish when he is gone, and take care of yourself. If there are family members or good friends nearby, encourage them to visit and hopefully they will offer to relieve you for a few hours occasionally for some time for yourself. And if they don't offer, ask. Don't be shy.

Thank you everyone who offered words of hope. I deeply appreciate every one who took the time to read and answer my post.

Vicsgirl, thank you for posting. You reminded me to include the dying in my daily prayers and your husband is on the top of my list. Feel no guilt, you will be with him and that's really all he wanted, let the pros do the hard stuff. You be the comforter and story teller and best friend. Just your nic on here says it all. God bless both of you.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. So many of us have been through this nightmare - you have my prayers.

Hugs and prayers for you both. My husband had pancreatic cancer and was on hospice care at home. The nurses who came to the house were wonderful

I'm sorry, no advice. Big hugs though. I'm sorry you are both going through this. Horrible disease.

You and your husband both have my sincere prayers. How very hard life is sometimes. I'm really sorry.

You'll be in my prayers. My dad died of pancreatic cancer over 20 years ago. He was with us MUCH longer than the doctors had given us. And THANKFULLY, seemed pretty calm about everything that happened. He went downhill very rapidly, and I only had to get hospice help for the last few days. They were VERY helpful and professional. My father had made it clear that he didn't want to be in the hospital, but didn't have anything official. I was advised, that when the time came to call THEM and not 911. I can't even imagine how ANGRY he would have been if EMTs brought him back. He absolutely didn't want any sort of resuscitation.

Hugs, major good thoughts, and strength, vicsgirl. I do not have suggestions beyond this.

Vicsgirl,I cannot offer any advice,other than what you have rec'd from the others in this group.

Sending you long distance (((hugs))) and hopefully some strength to help you both thru.

Please be sure to "take care of the caretaker".

My heart breaks for you and Vic, Vicsgirl. I have no advice to offer, just want you to know y'all are in my prayers. I can understand what you are going through, having gone through something very similar myself, except Alzheimer's Disease was the cause.

It is very important that you take care of yourself through this. God bless you both.

Rusty

Absolutely beautiful ole joyful. Thank you so much.

My husband was on hospice and they were wonderful. My advice, take it one day at a time. My husband and I spent a lot of time talking about his dying and we cried, laughed, jokes and mourned together before he died. It made losing him a whole lot easier. I hope you find comfort in having hospice there.

These wonderful people of the KT have offered the best advice, prayers and well wishes. I add my prayers and hope that this leg of your journey is as easy as it can possibly be. I wish there was something that I could say to bring comfort. ((vicsgirl))