What does your husband have, if not a terminal condition?

He does not have any disease, and he is not in pain. He is just deteriorating. He has been dying by inches for 18 months.

Alzheimer's?

We all die, life itself is a terminal disease.

It seems that you may not be getting enough information from your doctors. You can call your local hospice provider (or maybe more than one, depending on where you are located), and ask to talk to a social worker. Get more information about what is going on. Also contact you local Area Agency on Aging and see what other services might be available.

From long distance and the internet, and not knowing anything else, it seems that you need to talk to professionals besides your husband's doctors and find out more about what is happening.

Age and deteriorating take their toll, but we all face the same fate, and it helps to have the information about what is going on.

Does your husband have a document that expresses his wishes for end-of-life care? It's his choice for that, and you should be informed about his wishes.

Keep coming back here.... there are a number of people who may check in and give you some good feedback. I think, from long distance, that you need some more information and a lot of good support.

Helene

Not sure what "dying by inches" is, results of stroke,bad heart, filling with fluid? Dementia? In Ca. they have been talking a lot about that when my dad was in rehab his roommate got better care once he was considered "under hospice" friend has congestive heart failure & is at home & they keep mentioning, hospice care came, even a dr. My mom is 90 & isn't under hospice care at least they never call it that & nurse comes twice a week & checks her out,foot dr. came months ago & really messed up her foot so they have to watch that(cut nail back too far & got infected), she gets fluid from congestive heart failure(mostly in left leg but has moved up to lungs & trip to hospital for few days) but if I can keep her on very low sodium diet & taking Lasix she does well(unless relative shows up with something salty & she eats it,so try to find out the difference in care. Mom has private insurance along with medicare & other 2 people had only medicare so may be way to get more or better care if you are sick enough but don't have private insurance.

Either you have not received much information from the medical staff, or you are not telling us the entire story. There is usually a medical reason that a person is dying by inches. What meds are you giving him and why? I do wish you the best.

I think the doctor thinks the help would be appreciated. I was surprised to hear that my husband qualified for hospice when he wasn't terminally ill. I was told they could step in for 6 months and then reevaluated. I didn't use it because I would have no say about his meds and care. I was told if that happened and I was not happy I could just fire the company.

Migdaw, I don't have an answer for you except, I'm wondering if caring for your dear husband is taking its' toll on YOU. The thing that came to mind was that maybe the doctor thought you needed a little help so you could get out of the house for a little while, or to just take a little time for yourself. I would bet you could use it. I'm sure your care for him is excellent, but don't forget, you have to take as good care of yourself as you are giving him.

When my Mom was in her 70's she started getting weak and was coughing up green slime. Her doctor told her that her body was dying and she just had to accept that. This doctor was my children's doctor when they were small. I had learned later he was not a good doctor. I told Mom he was only good for colds and minor things and that she needed to see my doctor. She of course didn't think I knew as much as the doctor. Finally when she couldn't walk through the house without hanging on to furniture and she got scared and went to mine. He listened to her heart and said she needs a pacemaker. He put one in and before she left the hospital he said her color is much better. She recovered completely. Later my doctor had something like a stroke and couldn't practice anymore. The doctor filling turned the pacemaker off and said she didn't need it. She started going down hill again. We found a heart doctor, he didn't think she needed it either, but he believe us and ran his tests and finally put a heart monitor on her. When I took her in the next morning, he read the results and wouldn't let us leave until he got a rep in to reset the pacemaker, 5 hours. He said I couldn't let her leave, her heart almost quits beating at night. She could die in her sleep. My Mom live to be 97 so be very sure your doctor is competent or get another opinion.