I'd give a flower pot to your neighbor only.

I was thinking that sounds O.K. to me - somewhat generous.

Elmer has point.

ole joyful

Normally I would just send one large nice plant to the funeral home so I would in this case do one really large mixed flowers pot to the parent/neighbor. They will have a lot of plants to split up from the funeral. Believe me I know!

I like Ravens idea of doing a big arrangement for mother. Maybe cobsolidating what you have and potting in a big container?

I've put my own dislike of funeral flowers aside and called the florist. I'm on my way to pick it up and delivery it myself to the funeral home.

I think flowers for the funeral are best. I had SO many plants to bring home after my mother died. I've managed to kill them all. Did so within two weeks, actually. And I'm not sad about it - because looking at them only reminded me that my mother was dead.

I'm with Chloecat on this. I was sent home with two plants from my father in law's funeral. I disliked them. They were a painful reminder. I kept them for a few months and then we moved and the movers wouldn't bring live plants. I gave them to my next door neighbor. I was relieved not to have them anymore.

I'm another to agree with Chloecat on this. Plants can be a real burden, a drag. Your flower arrangement will be appropriate and appreciated.

I hadn't thought about the burden aspect. If mom is a gardener, caring for plants could be a welcome distraction. If not, they will be a burden as she may feel guilty about neglect.

Yep, I agree about the live plants. My sister and I had to deal with live plants that were sent after my mother died and then my father and again after my brother passed away. Not only were we out of town and away from home, but we were overwhelmed with grieving, funeral arrangements, paperwork, phone calls, packing up their homes, getting rid of stuff no one wanted and trying to take care of ourselves. Trying to keep plants alive on top of all that was too much, plus when we went home we had to take them with us. Not possible for my sister who flew out, so it ended up on me to deal with them.

It's a lovely thought and any gesture is appreciated, so please don't feel like I'm being overly critical of your thoughtfulness and wanting to do something. My feelings are a result of my own experiences and others might feel completely different about it.

I think your decision to get a floral arrangement was a good one. Bless you for caring!

I think a floral arrangement for the service is more appropriate. I think olychick's suggestion of giving your geraniums in a month or so is a wonderful idea.

I am another who thinks plants can be a pain to deal with. For nearly every family funeral I've attended, no one wants to take the plants, but will take the floral arrangements. Many years ago the nursing home, assisted living centers, etc.. were happy to take a plant or two, but no longer will.

Moonie, I think your decision to give flowers was the best one. And Olychick's suggestion to give them plants later on is a very good one. I gather from your original post that the mother is a gardener, so I'm sure a plant will be appreciated. I've never cared for flower arrangements, it seems such a waste to cut all those beautiful flowers for them to die so quickly. Here, many times, the arrangements are taken to the cemetery for the interment, where they quickly die from the hot sun. Perhaps different places are different, but here, nursing homes, hospitals, even some of the churches accept and appreciate both flowers and plants from funerals.

The plants I have from my husband's funeral are definitely NOT 'painful reminders', nor are they a 'burden'. They are pleasant reminders and confirmation that people cared! Both about him, and about me. I treasure each one!

Donations in the deceased's name to their favorite charity, if it is known, is another thoughtful way to offer condolences and remember them.

Rusty

When my neighbor's husband died suddenly last summer, I was so sorry for her and the family as they were delivered of many live plants to their home. The same thing happened to my mother when Dad died. The plants were a burden.

I understand the "in lieu of flowers...donations" thing, but, you know...flowers lift the spirit. Maybe I'll ask, "In lieu of donations...lots of flowers, please!"

Wow. I'm really surprised that plants are seen as a burden. I can understand it, upon reflection, but my initial thought is just the opposite. They actually last, for the money spent, and can be pleasant reminders. Of course, I have the peace lily that I sent to my grandfather's funeral 20 years ago. My mom kept it until until they were moving and then she gave it to me, about 8 years ago.

When my husband's grandma passed away at 101, the family was swamped with plants.

She was a fairly prominent member of our community and had definitely made her mark and boy did it show.

We could hardly walk through the house, there were so many plants and floral arrangements. It became a headache for my mother in law so I helped her parse out what we could then we loaded the rest in the back of my SUV and took them to the nursing center she had spent the last few weeks of her life at.

The patients and nurses were grateful for them.

With my grandfather's recent death we asked for no flowers. Anyone who has lost someone to Alzheimer's should understand that while his physical body has just expired, we had a long slow goodbye for 9 years.

While we appreciate the sympathy, it is a mixture of sadness and relief that we are feeling right now but I think most of it is really relief.

His suffering has finally ended and the man we loved, we have had years of slowly grieving him.

The last thing we wanted was to have another burden to deal with. Almost all of the family lives far away, trying to divide any of that up would be difficult and if someone really wanted to spend money to show they cared for him, we would rather they spend it by making donations to Alzheimer's research so hopefully a family in the future will be spared from watching a loved one slowly lose their identity.

Ironically, my grandfather was an amazing gardener, I never realized how much work his beautiful yard and garden really took until he wasn't able to do it anymore. I did cry about that earlier this week.

What I wouldn't give to go back in time and enjoy that beautiful sanctuary one more time.

Unfortunately I ended up sending the dreaded peace lily. When I got to the florist, I didn't like the arrangements that were already made up. It was too late to have one made. Still, the peace lily was more appropriate than my own plants, I think. Thanks!

Having just gone through a funeral for a family member, I recently experienced the burden flowers/plants place on the family. My aunt worried and worried about all the arrangements and green plants she received after my uncle died. And she didn't need anything else to worry about!

(On the other hand, I received several nice plants when my father died - one is now nearly 6 feet tall and 4 feet wide! I love it. But I have a green thumb. Everybody doesn't.)

I like plants better than cut flowers that don't last very long. I mostly got flowers when my mother died even though I requested donations to a charity. It all depends on the person receiving it. This isn't related but I got a plant many decades ago from my MIL on the birth of my daughter and I still have it in her old room. I remember no other tributes but that plant lives on.