Anne, I am not aging alone... :) I am living alone. I am not making any allowances at this time, but then I am "only" 62. I hope to be in this house a LONG long time.

What kind of differences are you looking at?

Moni

Thanks Moni. Differences? Oh, I don't even know really. I guess setting up an executor for my will. Maybe making funeral arrangements ahead of time. Downsizing to smaller place where I don't have to outdoor maintenance. Moving to a place with more amenities.

When I divorced I set up a living will and last wishes document. Both my daughters have a copy and my best bud has one too. My wishes for my ashes are not a secret either. I downsized.. by buying much smaller than we had as a married couple starting in 1977. I hope, it is small enough in the long run, but meanwhile it is big enough to put up my daughter and her family when they are in town. I also have cycling guest very often, via warmshowers.org Yard wise, I think, at some point I shall have a yard guy, to mow. For the really late time, when I can no longer manage on my own, I refuse to worry or make arrangements at this time. I plan to spend most of my time living the way I want to. :)

I live so near the bike trail around the lake now, as well as to a sprouts and a natural grocers. Even big lots and a couple of fast food places are in walking distance. I just wish, my doc wasn't as far away as it is, but tricare prime assigned me to Vance Airforce Base now. Time will tell how all will work out. :)

Moni

I live in the country in a bi level home. I take care of my 82 year old husband who is a stroke patient. We have 4 children and 3 of those children live nearby. The 3 are married, one was widowed 3 years ago and lives further away with our grown granddaughter and her 3 year old son, so they are not close to help. The men in the family do our mowing as they get to use our mower on their yards. They also take out our trash to the road and all I have to do is ask and they will help. I go shopping at least once a week with one of the daughters that live close and they carry in my groceries for me. Life is not easy however it could be much worse. I keep very busy with lots of things. I wish you well in whatever you decide to do.

Sue

I am, in a way. I have a son next door but feel very alone most the time. Widowed, no parents, few relatives left and too far away to see. I am doing 1 day at a time.

I've seen some really nice retirement homes. They serve meals, have elevators, wheelchair accessible, pets allowed, that's where I'd move to. Maybe some place warm. :0) My neighbor volunteers at a hospice, she's 13 years older than myself. There are some good ones out there.

What do you think is the youngest age you could move into one of those retirement homes?

One of my rentals backs an opulent retirement home. There's a little pond, picnic table, walking trail, lush green lawn & trees. There are a LOT of people still driving and some that never leave their apartment. I'd have to be unable to bathe myself before I'd enter one. Here's a link to one in Colorado Springs.

Anne, I think it is more like can you afford to move in one.. than how old do you have to be. Call, ask, bet it isn't much over 55.

I'm aging alone, Anne. I guess the easiest answer to your question is to say I take it one day at a time. I executed all the necessary legal docs after I lost my husband ten years ago so that's no longer a concern. I set up all necessary insurance policies at the same time and although I review them every year...I'm satisfied with the choices I made. I spent much more time reviewing my financial future [Unfortunately...my husband's cancer drained our financial comfort.] and although the financial state of the country threw me a few nasty curve balls since 2007...I've managed to stay afloat because I'm relatively debt free except for a small mortgage. Today I subsist completely on SS. It does take careful planning but it's possible. I think it's safe to say that I'm a realist and believe it or not...that helps.

I rely on local venues for free entertainment when the need arises. My public library offers a host of wonderful programs and special presentations. I enrolled in a couple of adult education classes a few times after I lost my husband to help me improve my outlook on life and rise above the minutia that was dragging me down. I stay involved in my condo governing processes. My town offers a myriad of free entertainment options during the warmer months...concerts, street fairs/markets, etc. There's a very active senior center here. That's not my bailiwick...but it is for many seniors. And they offer public transportation that was a Godsend to me when I had to receive Eylea injections for my AMD. So check out local transportation wherever you decide to move.

Personally...I think the most important issue to consider is health...both mental and physical. Some of my neighbors who are far younger than me barely make it from one day to the next. Some of their maladies are genetic in nature but more often...they've abused their bodies and are paying a dear price for such abuse. Eat a well balanced diet. Exercise...even if it's only a minimal amount each day. Get plenty of sleep. And above all...exercise your grey matter. All the advice that is repetitively offered to the aging public is spot on. I can't emphasize that enough. If you support your body...it will support you to the best of its ability...above and beyond the inherent aging processes. I have AMD, deal with diabetes [which I control without meds] and have a couple of genetic issues I could do without...but at the age of 77 I take no prescriptive meds and have excellent lab work every 6 months.

If you feel you must move...spend the time to find an area that is senior friendly with a hospital and medical facilities nearby; shops and markets that are easy to reach; available [and free or nominally priced] transportation as well as entertainment facilities that interest you. I have all of these and it's perhaps the biggest reason why I haven't uprooted.

Of course...being a stubborn ole Yankee doesn't hurt either. :-) You'll be OK, Anne. Don't push yourself. You've made the biggest and best decision already. You're asking for advice and doing major research. That's so important.

If I recall when my Mother entered assisted living, I think you had to be at least 62, I am sure different places it is probably different. The only drawback is the cost, it is not cheap and it keeps going up. I would check around for assisted living if you are unable to do much for yourself. My Mother's place was great, the local hospital was right next door. Her place did not allow pets but many do, you just have to see what they have to offer. You could do your own laundry there or they would do it for you, no extra charge, they cleaned your room, changed your sheets, made your bed, you could fix your own meals in your room or go down to the lunch room. The food was good as I ate there at different times. The only time they would bring food from the lunch room to you in your room was if you had been sick or just got back from the hospital. The only negative thing I have to say about it was the cost and no pets, but then my Mother did not have a pet.

Sue

What a thoughtful post, Ann_ct. You really know what you're doing!

My neighbor moved to Idaho to live with his daughter and s-i-l but has now decided he wants to live in his own space. He looked around his area and didn't find anything positive (doesn't want assisted living,) until one of the managers gave him suggestions in neighboring towns. He's found a place like MarilynSue describes, though I'm sure it's much more expensive than it was for her mom! He's a social soul and still drives, so I'm hoping this is a really good move for him.

You're so smart to look into this now, Annie. Best to take your time to do plenty of homework and plenty of talking to those who already live in the condo communities and/or senior living facilities.

DH and I are now "elderly". (Although the term extends to much younger ages, I'm claiming it now, in my mid-seventies.) We each have a few *very distant* elderly cousins. Our only close family is our DS, DIL, DGS and DGD. They live 20 minutes away in the city. DIL has a large extended family, and her (elderly) parents are nearby.

Almost twenty years ago we decided we wanted a quieter location, but not *remote*. We moved another 15 miles north of the suburb where we'd raised our DS. We built a single level, easy-maintenance home on an acre. We plan to stay in it as long as it's feasible, adding personal assistance as necessary. Currently, we both drive. 'Town', hospital, doctors, and RR are five minutes away, yet we live on a quiet 'country' road. We employ a landscaper, window washer, and a cleaning team a few times a year.

There are some advantages to being 'onlies'. Nobody is second-guessing you. There are no family squabbles. Although there was no one to share the care of our parents in their old age, they were financially solvent. Although we wanted more children, raising *one* was not a financial burden.

Although *I* am grateful to have a wonderful DH, not every half of a couple is so blessed! (Aging alone has to be better than a miserable marriage!)

We lived below our means and saved while DH was earning a good salary. Today we live comfortably *at* our means. Not having to worry about finances -- or needing to support others -- is an 'up-side' of 'alone'.

We hope to remain in our home for many more years, adding services as needed. There's a huge. very lucrative market in 'assisted living'. We are loathe to turn our lives over to management by others as long as we can manage in our own home. I'd rather pay for services *I* select -- providing, of course, they can be found, and are affordable!

I am not in the situation, but I have a good friend who is. She was married early in life, but not for long. No children, parents are long gone. Her only brother just died on Christmas Day. A few aging or remote relatives in other states.

I don't know her finances, but she is well set, with some valuable property in another state when/if that becomes needed. She has surrounded her self with a huge circle of friends over the years. She does quite a lot of socializing, a few friends in particular enjoy going to cultural events. She likes to travel. Just this morning, she left for three weeks in NZ/Australia. She has lined up lots of friends to take care of the cats while she is gone. She doesn't hesitate to ask favors, but in return she is very giving to others.

She has a few physical limitations, hip replacement, knee replacement. She willingly hires people to do what she cannot. I help her quite a lot (she pays me), with housekeeping, yard, misc chores and tasks that she cannot manage. She hires the gutter guy, and the repair guys, and the carpet cleaner guy. She expects good service, but she appreciates good work and is willing to pay for it.

She has spent the last several years setting up all sorts of legal paperwork. Will, trust, all the pertinent powers-of-attorney, very detailed instructions as to her future living environment. She plans to stay in her house as long as possible, but has investigated various senior living facilities and is on a waiting list or two. And she's planned her funeral arrangements, down to the music for the reception, and who should MC the dinner.

It's all planned and waiting for her. Now, if we could just move her along to cleaning out her house a bit. It's bulging at the seams, and I'm sure I will get to be one of the lucky ones to deal with it one day. Oy.

Well, not THAT alone! I have no siblings, parents died decades ago, DH died 11 1/2 yrs ago. But my daughter lives 2 miles away, and she and her husband will help me when I really need it. I often hire my two grandsons to do small chores for me - sometimes big chores, too. I have a weekly yard man April-mid-Jan for 4 hrs a week. I have cleaning help every other week.

I'm far from "rich" but I'm reasonably comfortable if my income taxes and my property taxes do not go up substantially. With interest rates so low, my income is lower than it once was. I have no debt other than my house mortgage and my car lease. All other bills are paid in full monthly. I have Tricare for Life supplemental to Medicare and it's a blessing as I can get the majority of my drugs free at Ft Knox and with my respiratory problems, I do take a lot of meds. I do not have long term care insurance, but my IRA should cover it for the time it takes to sell my house and that should keep me covered for many years. If that ran out, there is a trust that could be invaded but since the corpus goes to my children, I would prefer not to do this.

I have the Living Will, regular Will etc. What I do need to do is put together a list of instructions for them - my desires for my funeral (they know I'm to be cremated and buried beside my husband), disposal of "things" etc. A project that is hard to get motivated to do...

I am going to have to start making lists and figuring all of this out. Thanks for all of the good responses.

I see that many of us have done an excellent job on completing the paperwork for end of life wishes, a will, and naming of an executor. What I'm not seeing is naming a power of attorney for both health and financial matters. Half of the population over age 85 has some form of dementia. Naming a power of attorney ahead of need is critical.

I'm not aging alone at the present but I am planning on that as a future possibility. And I have to be honest here - it's more than a possibility, it's a probability.

In a few months DH and I will be downsizing and moving to an active, over 55 community about 8 miles from where we live now. The neighborhood has about 250 homes, a pool, tennis courts, bocce courts and a clubhouse where I'm hoping DH will find like minded men to play cards. There are book clubs, cooking classes, movie nights, knitting groups, a gym and lots of various other activities and trips. Our hospital has a Wellness Center about 4 miles away and I usually go there 4 or 5 times a week for water exercises.

I already have friends living there and I'm looking forward to this next phase of our lives. Our current home is very large and it will be a pleasure to have one floor living where we won't ever have to worry about mowing the lawn or shoveling the sidewalk - or even finding someone else to do it.

We're fortunate that at the moment all 3 adult kids live within a 30 minute drive. But like so many young adults they're working long hours and have their own lives to live. But who knows where their jobs or love life may take them.

We've lived here for over 30 years and our area has wonderful medical facilities, entertainment and cultural attractions so I'm glad that we're not moving away.

Maire

More or less. I have a wonderful son who will watch out for me but the truth is I do not want to burden him any more than necessary. I am currently watching out for my very elderly mother and I wish so much that she had made better arrangements for herself. I have all my papers in mostly good order. I have a Living Will, Power of Attorney and Advanced Medical Directive. I've talked to my son about what I want done with my remains (cremation). I keep a folder I call the Death File with my passwords and other pertinent information, such as the name of my financial advisor.

I plan to move to a retirement community when the time comes. I am guessing around age 80, but sooner if it feels like time. I wish so much that my mother had not been so resistant to this idea. Great for her that she remains in her gigantic home (where she lives in three rooms), not so great for me and my son who must constantly check on her, drive her everywhere, be sure she is taking her meds, try to get her to eat well. At least she is healthy for her age. It could be worse but it makes it stressful for me to travel and do things spontaneously. Every time she says that she does not know what she would do without me, it feels like a chain is tightening on my neck. I do love her a lot and want her to be safe.

That is the advice I would give to anyone, whether aging alone or not. Don't be a burden on others. Move yourself to a place where you will get the care you need and have social interactions. Do it while you still have something to say about it.

I settled my father's estate a few years ago, and I encourage everyone to put together what Dave Ramsey calls the "legacy drawer.' List all of your accounts, passwords if necessary, insurance policies, everything you can think of. Put it all in one place. Dad did this, and it was soooo much easier to have all info at my fingertips.

DH and I are only early 50's, but we've done the will, POAs (health and general), and I've written an estate file notebook with pertinent info. If I get hit by a bus, DH will have no clue about our accounts, bills, etc. He could figure it out, but having it written down will surely ease the stress.

Oh, and since I went through Dad's house, I've been telling the gentlemen in my life: when you get to an age of tying up your loose ends, please get rid of your .. ahem .. sensitive photos, magazines, etc. Your daughter does not need to discover that in the nightstand drawer.

I hope those of you without family or without family nearby are active and have circles of neighbors and friends/acquaintances who can help look out for you. It's important to have a schedule of activities that gets you out of the house and in the presence of others, no matter what the context is. People who join in with different groups and with different activities aren't alone.

Our paperwork was taken care of long ago and is current for the requirements of today's laws.

Neither retirement communities nor moving from the area we've lived during our adult lives hold much interest for me. The day may come when we (or one of us, if alone) decide we want or need to have a different living situation. I could see moving from a suburban to a more urban setting for ease of access to activities and services but I think that's many years down the road.

I think Maire Cate and her DH will enjoy their selected community. Some of their friends are enjoying it. It sounds like a good 'fit'!

Friends of ours bought a nice house in a new "55-and Better" community in California as the place was being developed. However, since they didn't golf or play cards, and rarely used the pool, they were paying for facilities that they didn't use -- and that were underused in general. It was 'as advertised', well maintained -- and expensive -- but sterile. It was also 'nowhere' -- long drive to everything. When we visited for a few days, the absence of human life on the streets left the impression of driving through a cemetery -- albeit one with mailboxes.

This particular community wasn't a good fit for them -- and it was harder to sell their house than a similar SFH in the small town outside the gates. (BTW, the town's schools and services were declining due to the anti-tax Senior voters in the gated community.)

Our friends are now happier living in a SFH within a university city.

I'm alone for the most part. Kids in a city nearby that I see pretty often. I have been a little depressed lately, last Winter and then this past week. I think it has to do with the gloomy weather and my ankle is sprained and not healing because of my work. It's been almost 4 months since I first injured it. Finally applied for a desk job but haven't heard back about it yet. Last week was awful too, the charge nurse on nights gave me our two dying patients. Of course, they both died that morning within 1 1/2 hours of each other. Then I found out one of my old coworkers had a massive stroke Friday and died. She was only 66. Way too young. She just retired maybe 2 months ago. Makes you think of your own mortality and how much I want to retire and enjoy life, travel while I still can and spend time with my kids.

I need to do my will. Have had a form to fill out for a couple years now to take to a lawyer, provided by an insurance company associated with Dave Ramsey. I've also thought about buying a condo when the dogs go to heaven. Not sure I can live without dogs. It would be really boring and lonely without them. Haven't really decided what to do about my living arrangements. The house is getting older and will soon need a new roof. The sunroom needs to come down, etc...I have someone who comes and cuts my grass for me now.

It's a probability for me too and one I am trying to get used to. DH and I very close to our son and daughter. Both were wonderful all through their twenties. Then 30 hit and both married spouses who don't get along with their families and aren't interested in adding a MIL or FIL to the family. Other family members are dead or very far away. So we are basically alone except for friends and short visits with the kids. I am relatively young (49) but both DH and I lost our dads when they were 52 so longevity may not be in the picture. Taking it one day at a time and just hoping to put enough away to retire and be able to live in my modest home if I do end up alone.

Edited to say that this thread and the responses are why I love this forum. I like the real life situations that are talked about and I get depressed reading the humblebrag social media posts from friends, co-workers and family in which everything is so wonderful all the time.

Kathsgrdn - it sounds like you're going through a rough time - losing your coworker, a stressful job and the gloomy winter weather isn't helping. I hope you get that desk job soon for your ankle's sake. I understand your comment about dogs, but many condos allow them so moving to one doesn't necessarily preclude you from having one.

Do you have a good friend to help you think this through? Someone who can act as a sounding board. Would a conversation with your kids be useful. Perhaps you're not ready for a change at this time, but at the very least please make an appointment to prepare your will. That alone might offer you some peace of mind.

I hope your ankle feels better soon. Maire

I am in a similar situation to the OP, husband and parents died, one sibling who is far away and can't be depended on, and his son who is far away and busy. I have taken care of all the paper work. I am fortunate to live in a nice neighborhood and have given keys to a couple neighbors who would notice if I haven't retrieved my newspaper. If I need help I plan to hire someone to help me. I think moving is a very difficult stressor, and besides I have a dog now and can't imagine living without one, unless I can't walk. My elderly neighbor has hired someone to walk her dog and do all kinds of other chores for her, even though she has children. He stops in twice a day (lives nearby). If only everyone could have such a nice neighbor. He often brings my paper to my door step while he's walking dogs.