Maybe she is trying to be considerate and not expose you to your niece, who your sister says isn't feeling well? Why did you tell her she didn't need to call you when she landed? I guess I'm not following what the problem is.

What watchmelol says. When we travel to our daughter's city, she always wants us to stay with her, which is lovely. But, I snore and keep DH awake, so at home we have separate rooms. When we share a room at DD's, if I keep DH awake he makes it very clear he's not happy, and then I feel guilty and afraid to sleep. On our last visit her spare room wasn't available, so we stayed in a holiday apartment. It was liberating.

I know it is hard but I wouldn't take it to heart. Maybe she has a reason. Maybe your niece isn't so nice when she is sick or there could be other reasons not related to you. Maybe they need this alone time. Myself I would rather stay in a hotel too and do my own thing since I am a night owl and would not want to disturb anyone. I would be more concerned if they didn't want to see me at all while there

I kinda had the same experience last month when DD, her DH and 2adult Grands came to visit. We had made plans for them to stay here and in other DD apt in an extra bedroom; but they chose to stay in a local, close-by motel. Just Did it. I was surprised, but did not make any 'big deal' over it...and you know what? It really was not a big deal. That was their plan....period. It worked out well. They did have other things to do that did not concern us....they are a working family from a different (2 hr) time zone, so I found out they were up and doing what they wanted to do before we were or would have been. We set a time to come for breakfast and made plans from there. I am guessing, but my DD has spent many weeks away from home for training so perhaps she had Motel credits or whatever.....but the bottom line is that our visit WAS wonderful and they as well as we were comfortable. I hope you will just relax and enjoy your prep time in a pleasant unhurried way so that your time shared will be quality time.

I think people here have some good insights about the reasons she may choose a hotel; it's likely not about you or your relationship. I hope you can let go of your hurt and just enjoy your time with them.

I was struck by the title of your post; it was liberating for me to learn many years ago that no one "makes you feel" anything. You may feel hurt or you can chose to not feel hurt, but she's not "making you" anything. If you can change your attitude about that, you will find that you feel much more in control of what is happening, instead of feeling like a victim to your sister.

That would bother me too. My sister stays with me also but if she suddenly chose a hotel with no explanation, I would be upset. Does she not like my cooking or housekeeping? Had I offended her recently? Is my niece seriously ill ? I would think something had changed and I would need to know what it was so I could make it better. Since she does not care to talk about it now, I guess I would tread carefully in talking to her.

As I read your post, jewels, I realize that I've probably hurt some feelings for the same reason. In most instances, I am much more comfortable with a rented car and my own hotel rooms.

Though I think that you should pursue this with your sister simply to sooth your hurt heart, I don't think that you should take it personally. I'll bet it has something to do with the niece and her sense of privacy, etc.

Do NOT put up a wall between you and your sister.

I think this is the wrong place to feel hurt. Maybe they need some mother/daughter time...maybe they are more comfortable staying in a hotel room. I know my DH and I are terrible overnight guests and don't want to inflict ourselves on friends or family.

Instead be glad they are coming and have fun when you see them. Please don't let their choice of sleeping arrangements get in the way of what would otherwise be an enjoyable visit. It will only be needless hurt and suffering to do so, and you don't want to do or feel anything negative which will spoil your time together.

I agree with Sephia, if the niece has some infectious disease it would be an act of love to stay in a hotel and keep you safe.

We sleep in a hotel when we visit my inlaws. Old mattresses, snoring husband, squabbling teenagers having to share a bed, plus feeling like we needed to leave everything clean -it was very stressful. The first time we got a hotel it was a revelation. Now we do it every time.

((((jewel)))) I can't say anything better than what's been said. I hope you feel better now.

We sleep at my mother's when we visit, however I would prefer a hotel. I love my mom dearly but I need my personal space. I am not use to using such a tiny bathroom (it's so small that the plug-in is in the ceiling) and sleeping on a blow up mattress that I have to crawl to the bottom of to get off of is hard. I just can't barely stand being so cramped. My mom wakes up at 4 am and her house is TINY so needless to say we all wake up at 4 am. She started staying at a hotel when she visits us and I LOVE IT!!!! We all have our space now including her 2 giant dogs that she brings that always have accidents on my rugs, and make my dog bark nonstop. You may like them staying at a hotel in the end. I am sorry that your feeling sad about them staying in a hotel, I felt the same way the first time my parents did, now I praise God that they do.

If the niece is not a small child, perhaps she is the one who asked your sister whether they could stay in a hotel, and your sister is protecting her request? Many of us are not used to staying with others anymore, though I always stayed at my mother's and now my sister's because it is perfectly comfortable for me. But when occasionally visiting in-laws, I'm not as comfortable as I would be in a hotel.

I much prefer a hotel room to staying with relatives. It has nothing to do with them at all.

When my son's caregivers went to Scotland about 20+ years ago, they spent two weeks travelling through the country seeing and doing everything they had wanted to do since moving to Canada. Only after they did everything on their to-do list, did they call their family and let them know they were in Scotland.

When my mom and I travelled to The Netherlands 10 years ago, everyone wanted us to come over for coffee. I could have spent my 21 days sitting in one kitchen or another drinking coffee and not doing what I went there to do: See The Netherlands. So mom told them it was my first and maybe my last trip there. And after we are done seeing everything I wanted to see since I was a child, would we come over for coffee. They were good with that.

I did manage to see almost everyone. One aunt kept making excuses as to why we couldn't go to her house. We tried and tried but finally gave up. (and no, it's not because we put being a tourist first. ;) ) And one cousin was in Thailand at the time so I didn't get to meet her.

The point I'm making is: often people go to places not to see you. But to see other people and do other things. It's not that they don't want to see you. Their time visiting is about them, not you. Your sister may not have handled it the right way by not being honest with you, but if she's coming to help out a daughter who isn't well, she probably won't have time to visit with you. Don't take it the wrong way.

Maybe there are health reasons why they want a hotel. All 3 of us have health problems and don't like sharing a bathroom with strangers, so we always get 2 rooms at a hotel when visiting. And at our age, 65, we also like a break from constant visiting. We can go back to the hotel and take a nap, read a book, or listen to our kind of music, have a drink and chill. It makes the visit much more pleasant not to be in each other's space all the time.

Agree with many here. I much prefer a hotel to staying with people - even relatives. We went to London in November and didn't tell any of our English relatives we were there. We are also going to spend 2 weeks in the UK (Scotland, England, Wales) in September, and are not visiting relatives, nor are we sharing our itinerary with them. They're a$$holes, so there's that... lol

I find the older I get, the less I want to spend at other people's houses overnight or for an extended stay.

You can still visit, but then everyone gets a break.

It's probably concerning because it's a change in he normal routine, but try not to take it personally, or make it all about you.

Just see how it goes and try not to put any pressure on anyone.

I agree totally with watchmelol. I would much prefer staying at a hotel and it is nothing personal. I just like my own space and being on my own schedule.

Let it go, jewels. My BIL and his family suddenly started staying at a motel after staying with us several times. I was surprised at first, but now I vastly prefer it. And obviously they do too.

Too much togetherness for me.

I'm sorry, Jewels. I hope it all works out OK.

I'm sure she has good reason, my guess would be the niece wants it that way for whatever reason. To me, it's very stressful to stay with other people and to have others stay at my house. She probably has a good reason that is perhaps kind of a private matter that she doesn't feel comfortable talking about.

Try not to take it personally and enjoy the time you get to spend together.

Life is too short to worry about such things. I understand how you feel, but would enjoy just having time to spend with my sister. No matter where she stayed. :)

I think it's important that we realize that everyone wants to be in charge of his/her own life and that we need to respect choices which others make regarding that life. While they may have been happy to have stayed with us, or done whatever else related to us in the past, perhaps they would prefer to make arrangements for their being near us now that are different, but not meaning to be critical of their past relationship with us in our home.

The daughter in question being 24, she's an adult and the relationship between them may have a bearing on the situation.

I agree with someone who said that it detracts from our independence if we choose the view that "you make me unhappy, fearful, angry, etc". If we make that choice with regard to how we view the situation, we're giving someone else more power over our lives than is wise.

Once grown, we're to be in charge of own lives, and how we react to the views or the actions that others do ... which we can do while still being cordial, considerate and loving to others.

In fact, if we make our own choices, we may feel more free to be kind and generous to others, as we, as an independent adult, feel entirely free to make those choices regarding the way that we live.

ole joyful

Our family found a different solution. Our children live in the PacNW; usually we go up there to visit them. But a few years ago we had our get-together here. We have a very small home, two bedrooms and baths; the only other place to sleep would be on an air mattress in the living room. Not doing that at my age.

So we had the house cleaned spic and span, all polished up, and stocked the fridge (all of them are excellent cooks) and I also made welcome baskets with goodies for each son and wife and our DGS. Assigned the front bedroom to DS1 and DIL and the master suite to DS2 and DIL and DGS, with its adjacent laundry room.

For ourselves, DH and I took a comfortable room in a nearby motel, thereby putting the sons and families together in comfort, but no one squashed anywhere. We would come to the house between 9 and 10 a.m.i, and have an all day visit, going here and there, then dinner either at home or out together. Then around 6 - 7 p.m. DH and I returned to the motel for a long relaxed evening of unwinding and having some quiet. It was wonderful! We all agreed that it was one of the best family visits ever! We did this for 5 days and no one got tired of anyone else and there wasn't a single harsh word...We hope to do it again this year.

I would allow my sister (if I were lucky enough to have a sister) and niece to be comfortable with their sleeping plans, and would not fret about being together 24/7.

sableinca, that was brilliant!

Thanks, nickel - we weren't sure if it would work out happily, but it certainly did!

I earlier had told her that I would take off work when they get here on Wednesday and then take Thursday and Friday off.

They should be there in your city. Please update and let us know what happened.