No. I chose my spouse for what I believed would make him a good parent and one who would accept me as I am. I was mostly right on the former as he was very involved in our children and their activities. He was a great dad as far as being there for them. Pitched in, changed diapers, spent lots of time with them, led scouts and Indian Guides/Princesses etc. The part I got wrong was that he wasn't that great at discipline and the more difficult side of child rearing . Sometimes that left me feeling like a single parent (adult). As for the latter, he has always let me be who I am, encouraged me to pursue my interests and has given me the personal space I require which is greater than average. So despite the porpoise effect of a long term marriage with its up and downs (and we have had our share of downs) I'm glad we stuck it out and are growing old together.

My father was ahead of his time in helping my mother with us but he really wasn't all that involved in our day to day lives and decisions about us were left to our mother. He was the breadwinner and left the rest to my mom. After she died we had some conversations where I could see he had some regrets on that score. My mother coddled my brother and I was a bit of a disappointment to her. We weren't a good fit to put it mildly.

My handsome late husband physically resembled my father and brother--he was often mistaken for another son. In personality he was very different, which allowed us to have a wonderful, lifelong, loving and mutually respectful relationship. I am a devoted daughter, but I could not stand to be married to someone like my father for 10 minutes. I've learned to ignore the things I don't like about my chauvinistic, sometimes mildly racist and bigoted dad, although it's taken me a long time--neither he, nor I, have as much time left as we once did, so acceptance comes more easily with age.

No. I didn't marry my dad. Dh and my dad both have a sense of humor and are stable people. They are both long term goal planners, but, dh is more of an adventurer and my dad likes to build things. I don't see a lot of similarity beyond that.

Nope, unlike my brother and sister, who are now both divorced, I did not marry an alcoholic.

No.....not at all. My Dh doesn't drink ..... at all, my parents were alcoholics. My Dh can fix, build or repair anything. My father changed jobs every 6 months, he was fired. We never lived anywhere more than a year. My DH has worked for the same employer for 25 years, lived in the same house for 25 years. An exact opposite.

I've said before this that I didn't want anyone like my faithless father. I decided I was only infatuated with two young men. I cooled relationships with two other very solid, dear men I dated -- before they would have to hear a 'no' when they popped the question. (Is there is some kind of primal truth that when a man decides he wants to marry, he will choose *fast* from available women?)

Although I chose carefully, my DH (of 52 years) has proven to possess an even greater depth of decency and honesty than I'd seen in him at age 26. (Should have known, as all dogs love him!)

I don't know how he turned out so well, raised from age ten by a bitter, widowed adoptive mother whose husband had 'stuck' her with him.

Yes and no. My DH's work ethic is just like my dad's. Very hardworking, puts in 150%, never calls in sick. He was an involved father, also like my dad. My DH is not as outgoing as dad was though. Dad was a salesman, could talk to anyone. DH is more of an introvert and would rather pull his own teeth than try and sell something.

No. I had two normal parents and family situation, no major dysfunctions. when growing up. My wife's personality is very unlike my mother's. Neither is better or worse, just different.

My friend lived in a dysfunctional family where dad beat the c@@@ out of mom. She was desperate to leave the horrible family life and married the first guy who asked. you guessed it, the fun-loving, hard drinking and hard slapping (her face) husband nearly killed her. She divorced and was single for about 10 years, which is when I met her. She married again and for a few years married life was bliss. Then new husband hurt his back really bad, got into serious financial trouble, and the abusive side reared his ugly head. It is mental abuse, I've heard him threaten to kill himself and scare her about the prospect of being alone dealing with problems. When I suggest to her that the mental tyranny is a form of abuse, she says she can deal with it b/c it doesn't have the sting of a slap or a punch to the stomach. Is it just me, or isn't this guy just like her dad, just a different variety? She married her dad, not once but twice.

i think most of us flinge at the thought of marrying their mom/dad (gross) so wondering if quick to say NO b/c the image is so unacceptable. I tell DH I have many of his mom's characteristics and he absolutely cringes when I tease him that he married his mom.

No way no how. My DH is smart talented and handsome to me. :)

xfather was moody hated all people, was verbally abusive and molested his eldest daughter, my sister, when she was an adult.

Thank my lucky stars DH is NOT remotely like that. Plus he helps me with all domestic things as I'm a hopeless/ful dreamer and am totally disorganized as a consequence.

Abuse is abuse. The verbal abuse is as bad to me. It doesn't leave a scar so often not treated and not treated as seriously even by the victim. The memory of the words ring in one's ears long after the person is gone. Just as the memory of a blow or slap might, and both undermine one's confidence.

Both extremely wonderful men that I would die for, but different people. Both of them the hardest working men I know,but very different types of work. I would not trade! Miss my father daily.

I was fortunate to have parents who were both very dedicated to each other and our family. My husband is very different from my father in a lot of ways but their beliefs and moral systems are very similar.

Absolutely not...that's probably why it didn't last LOL

No way! My father was a dangerous, sadistic alcoholic, and a few other things when sober, too. I was always very aware of even pale red flags with boyfriends. (In HS, I broke up with one soon after he said he believed a woman should be a virgin on her wedding day, but it was ok if the groom wasn't, and didn't have a reason beyond "That is just what I believe."). I'm still married to a later HS sweetheart.

My sister has been married many times (I've lost count), and reportedly many of the early ones, especially, were like our father.

No. Not at all like my dad. My husband has been on his own since he was 16. Extremely independent. Doesn't know the word "stop". Will tackle anything. Very well liked by almost everyone. Much more so than me. My dad had some good qualities and I was raised in a stable environment in that my parents had been married about 24 years when I was born. I wasn't exposed to fighting between them. No drinking. They got along very well with each other. Jody also doesn't drink, smoke or ever used drugs. Works hard...and was a good dad to our daughter but very different from my dad.

No but DH sure married a woman much like his mom. Event after event in our lives I have flash backs to how my father approached things. DH is NEVER like him. What a relief and pleasure it has been too!!

No, thank goodness. I'm the opposite of his mother and he's the opposite of my father.

We met when DH moved 6800 miles east and I moved 1900 miles west!

No, not at all--perhaps surprising because my dad and I were very close. But my dad was sociable and relaxed--had a good career but was always happy to come home and play (tennis, cards, ball, horseshoes, you name it). We had a lot of fun. My husband was much more serious and accomplishment oriented. He looked a lot like a close family friend (my first piano teacher), to the point where people commented on it. I wonder if that could have been a factor in my choice. :-)

To answer the question, no, not exactly. My father-in-law married me! WAIT, this needs explaining.

My FIL had just finished leading his church through a program of building a new church and renewing the congregation. He was chosen, actually volunteered, to perform our wedding ceremony. It was the first one in the new church. My bride's father performed the marriage ceremony, hence, my FIL married us.

Come to think of it, my bride did have a few traits similar to my mother. She was about the same height as my Mother. The cultural backgrounds and life's achievements were vastly different, but their moral values were similar.

My husband and father could not be more different. My father ran the house like a Nazi guard. He and my mother had the best marriage I ever saw. Never saw them fight, they kissed hello and goodbye, but what's not to like? He had a wife who was the best cook in town and catered to his every wish. We did not get along especially when I got a " mind of my own" which was far different than his. Try religious conservative Republican whose daughter was a crazy hippy liberal. Husband is very laid back or else we would have killed each other by now.

No, like some of the others here, my Dad was an abusive alcoholic and I was determined to marry (if I married) someone totally different. I've been married to him for nearly 34 years now :-)

One thing to keep in mind is that marrying your role models is a very subconscious thing. Not EVER did I say to myself: my future husband is gonna be just like dad or granddad. But read this:

Once as a college brat I was visiting my grands. I am bored stiff, watching granpa read the grocery ads. I think how pitiful and empty and pointless his life is, that instead of checking the latest in music, fashion or discos, gramps is reading grocery ads. Roll over a gazillion years, and I lovingly watch DH read the grocery ads and comment on who had the best deal on shrimp. Yep, I married grandpa, ha ha.

i do think it is definitely A more deliberate process to think about whom you will NOT marry.

What I notice is all the lookalike couples of all ages that I see. When observing those of unknown determination, such as during random encounters in public places sometimes I wonder if I am instead looking at brother and sister. But then they may touch or do something else that implies they are a pair. How is it that there is both a physical resemblance and they happen to be predisposed to get along? I wonder if instead there is a greater tendency to see things in a better light or to compromise when the other also looks like one's self.

An interesting possible variation is that what appear to be gay couples may not as often have these shared facial features. Much smaller selection, so less apt to wait for that mirror image?

I don't think I have, our mother was killed in an automobile accident when I was four. She left five young children with our father. We lived as best we could with him working and trying to care for us, no other family members close\. We had close neighbors who would look after us when he had to work but it would not be enough, he had to place us with an orphanage. So I grew up not around a father figure and I hope that those who did (and still have) will give them all the love of the world!

I married DH twice, first time we both were young, growing up and fearless. Second time was for knowing we were soul mates. I guess I miss those that had a special bond with their fathers, grandfathers as well as a great Mother.

I will change clothes before I go out wearing the same color clothes as DH! That has been a long-standing joke since our then-teen DS once sneered at old folks who wear *matching outfits*.

I've also noted gay males who look like carbon copies of one another, but I don't see that with lesbians, where one usually has some 'butch' aspects. (Can I say that word here?) I've thought maybe gay men are sending a signal that they ARE gay.

I couldn't possibly look like DH, he is a blue eyed blonde and I am a brown eyed brunette. We have made a pact never to dress alike and if we wear same color by accident, one of us changes.

I might have seen more male same sex couples that looked similar than female ones, but I would have to say generally not in both cases. Of course, some hetero pairs look different also. But there sure are a lot of them that have nearly the same features - it's quite a coincidence if they all also just happened to be perfectly matched in other ways, time after time.