Thanks everyone! I really don't think the male was just being scarce. I had been watching this pair for a week and a half before they started laying eggs. I would always see them together and I would always see both of them. If the female was in the nestbox, Dad sat outside watching. For all four eggs (being laid) Dad was there. If I went near the box I got scolded by both the male and the female. Then that one day as I was watching Mom just acted funny and that was when I realized I hadn't seen the male. Today was day five of not seeing him. I realized I could have missed him when watching but I really think if he had been around when I went down there he would of scolded me too, not just the mom. Now an update from today. I was watching and I saw a male BB! Watched them for a LONG time, lots and lots of wing waving going on by both but mostly the male. Mom would go in the nestbox, peek back out and then fly to the male who was in a tree near it, then she would go back in. She did stay in after awhile also and the male went to the nestbox at one point and peeked in. I went down during this and set some crickets out. Mom immediately went down to eat, male just watched and wing waved. When I went down there mom scolded me, the male did not. I think this is a new male but I guess I won't know for sure unless the eggs hatch and I find out if he feeds them or not, either that or if he gets her to start a new nest. What do you think?? I am going to post this question in a new thread too as I am curious what everyone thinks as to if this is a new male or not. Does wing waving happen during incubation by an established couple?? Donna

gold, there is one that is from recently. They are working on it my DS said . So much has changed and they are trying to figure out a lot of things. It is all so exciting for them. It is the Google reviews next to the map....click there and then scroll down a little bit...titled the professor !! Thank you doonie...they are indeed hard workers ! We are leaving early in the AM. texan you sure would DS is a great chef...and dil is really a wonderful front of the house as well as desserts. oh denali : please do and do let my DS and dIL know that you " know" me from here...they love it !! jan the camera is packed !! Will have a report next week. deedee...I loved that line too ! They don't do lunch but you stop by for dinner !!

Well Momof5angels, can I share my touchy pictures-of-mom-and-dad story? I have the same situation, except it's not one picture, it's a bedroom full of pictures like this. Childhood pictures of the three of them, or pictures and drawings of just her mom. I think I'd be more understanding if (from all their accounts, I've never met her) she was a loving wonderful mom. They tell me she was/is a drunk, a user, a seller, and had several BFs behind dad's back. One of SD's complaints is that her BM would come home from work, go to her room and ignore all 3 of her children. Dad made major life changes and wanted his then wife to clean up her act too. She didn't want to leave her BF and partying ways, so he divorced her and they shared custody. (Only the SD is his. Other 2 were fathered by someone else.) Five years later, I enter the picture. Dad has since gained full custody of his then 14 year-old daughter. It was SD's choice to leave mom's filthy, unkept house where the live-in BF hung around drinking all day. Well, my custody arrangement w/ my ex requires that I live in my current town. I let my then-just-dating guy know this immediately and he let his daughter know she'd have to choose whether to live with us (4 hours away) or stay at her mom's. BM flipped out! She threatened to have a friend of hers come over to the dad's apartment (while we were house hunting) and rape her own daughter to punish her for even thinking of moving away! What kind of mom threatens her own daughter to have some thug rape her as punishment? Well, SD decided to come live with us. (14 then, 19 years old now.) I know it's hard to leave your home town and move away from friends! (I'm a former military wife, moved 20+ times over 9 years!)We made all sorts of accomodations to try to ease her pain of having to move away: taking her back for every school holiday and summers to visit her friends and family. (Expensive!) Unlimited Internet and cell phone access to her friends/family. I certainly don't expect SD to deny her past! I want her to treasure the happy moments, like we all do from our childhood. BUT! We all eventually move on into adulthood. I was a professional photographer and we have TONS of current photos of all sorts of family functions. I do scrapbooking, painting, collages, sewing etc. and have let her know she can invite friends over from her new school or our new congregation for any of these or other activities, but no. For the first 2 years of our marriage she spent her free time online or talking to all her old friends w/very little effort to make "new memories" to hang on the wall. I talked with my husband letting him know I appreciate we all have previous memories to treasure, but she seemed stuck in "Little Girl Land" and was in denial. We had a discussion with her once to encourage her to do things with us, make new friends, start taking the steps to becoming a young lady. She bawled (literally) about "not having a childhood." She was 18 then and had no plans regarding her future. A job? College? Move out eventually? I'm just the meanie "not letting her have a relationship w/ her dad." Our parent-child relationships evolve over time. She was 18 then w/graduation just weeks away and it still hadn't dawned upon her to make plans for schooling or employment!It's not that she doesn't know, it's that she doesn't want to learn ... at least not from me! I was stunned. Oh yeah, you had a childhood, I told her. Unfortunately, it was pretty crappy since your BM neglected all 3 kids! (So why is she the one STILL adorning the walls?) I try to be understanding that since BM didn't teach SD any personal hygiene skills or etiquette, it isn't automatic. But, I ask my husband, she's been living with you for 4 years now. So why does she still belch w/o saying 'excuse me'? Spit phlegm out the window? Take food of my plate? Keep her room in total disarray? I'm "the bad guy" for expecting her to not sleep in till noon, take a shower and be presentable every day, (not just when we'll go to services), further her education so she can become self-sufficient some day, and bother to include us in her major life decisions? I'm the one driving her back and forth twice a day to two different schools so she can take foreign language classes, to doctor appointments, etc. I don't WANT to replace her mother. I want her to learn from my varied experience, not criticize my cooking, home decorating, etc. I love her dad, and she's part of him. I guess it must be crappy to have to accept that your mom is a disappoint. Maybe she feels she'll be disloyal to mom if she likes me? I wonder this because now she does do things with other people here. And I mean other people MY age(40), not just with other teens. She goes to their house to watch movies, eat dinner, etc. I ask her dad, how does letting her do this promote family unity? Sure, I think these other women are great friends to have, but now even they replace me and take her to functions I should. They'll have some congregation event and my SD, not me, is the one invited to share a dish. Am I the wife, or is she? Example: I recently invited my husband to go to bed early for once, so we wouldn't be so tired for our "private time." His response? "When do I get to spend any time with (SD)?"(They spend hours watching movies together almost every night of the week!) Anyway, I'm going on and on ... guess it's not just the pictures of "Mommy Dearest" still on the wall that bother me. BTW, I am also a high school teacher and deal with some pretty rough teenagers every day. My students send me cards, give me hugs (nothing inappropriate) and say "thank you" for sharing life's hard lessons. My husband's response to discomfort over walls of BM photos? "It's her room." Excuse me? If my 18 year-old or 9-year-old hung a photo of their father, or our former family, in "their" room, I would talk with them about part of healing is moving on. My girls' dad left me for another woman, has since left her and is now shacking up with a third. (I only hear this through the grapevine, I don't ask!)So does he have a place in my home? No. In their lives, yes. Hang those pictures on your apartment walls, not my house. I gave my ex tons of family photos to give to our daughters, but no, those will not hang on the walls of where my current husband is to be respected. Am I being too sensitive? What do you all think? THANKS! No one I know personally understands this from their own experience.

DrPax- I am one to always suggest sticking it out, but with this one I am reluctant to do so. I'll give you a bit of my background to explain my reason. My father was a single dad from when I was 8 and my sister 10. I ended up marrying a single father. My heart goes out to you in many ways. Here are my thoughts: 1. Looking back, my father was an emotional basket case for two years after my mother. He wasnt there for us, checked out emotionally and traveled as much as he could for work. So I give you immense props for being there for your children. Post-trauma is when you need your "available" parent the most, I speak from experience. 2. Take care of yourself. You are still a man and dads need some adult TLC too! My father took care of us, went through many nannies before finding the "right" one (thatÂs an entirely different story), and then he began going out. That took 2 years, and by then, my sister had become queen bee, i.e. very territorial. So by the time he began feeling up to dating again, no woman was ever good enough and she was a nightmare (IÂve always been more mild tempered on that front)! Our children see us only as parents, so they donÂt get that we need to go out too. So, take time for yourself and let them know that. You are always there for them, but you need to be there for yourself too and they need to know that. 3. Single fathers are a great but extremely delicate category of human beings if you ask me. My now husband was so famished for affection, was so eager to love, but was so overwhelmed by everything concerning his children. It took much patience on both his and my part to find a balance with his childrenÂs demands and both of our needs as a romantic couple. If I can compare it to anything, it was like dating long distance, where you want to be with the person all the time, but you just canÂt Maybe, because I saw it with my father, I was willing to wait. But I also knew that being patient would pay off because I knew that I had fallen for a great guy. 4. When I first started dating my now husband, I did so much research with books and websites, I talked to any bio and step parent I could, but nothing (and I mean NOTHING, not even the blended family I was born into) prepared me for the actual reality of marrying with children (and I have it really good compared to most). The odds are against us second timers; but I truly believe it can be done. But if youÂre not ready, youÂre just not ready. Hence, point number one with a corollary, take good care of yourself. With your last post, it really sounds like you know what you need/want. 5. The "friend" introduction made me giggle. My father did the same thing, and we ALL knew that his friend was a Friend. Family dates worked best for my husband and myself and all the children. We went bowling, out to dinner, to the movies, brought the dogs for walks and by the end of it, it was OK. I was DadÂs girlfriend, and that was that. I then went to the house, and once I hung out with the children without my husband (I was a mess by the end of it!). My father was and still is so reserved and stiff when it comes to emotional things, but I just wished he had been more open and honest with all of us kids (bio and none). I knew what was going on, but my sister suffered tremendously for the lack of communication. She still calls it dishonesty, but my father just didnÂt know how else to handle it. Can I condemn my father? Can I condemn my husband for wanting to take it REALLY slowly when I was ready to marry him the day I met him? No. I have much empathy for both as I do for you and really, any single parent out there. Your girlfriend sounds like a well-intentioned person, but if you arenÂt ready, you just arenÂt, and there is nothing to it other than that. If she is willing to take the time, then I wish you all the best, but maybe you need more time to get on your two feet, no?