Thanks everyone! I really don't think the male was just being scarce. I had been watching this pair for a week and a half before they started laying eggs. I would always see them together and I would always see both of them. If the female was in the nestbox, Dad sat outside watching. For all four eggs (being laid) Dad was there. If I went near the box I got scolded by both the male and the female. Then that one day as I was watching Mom just acted funny and that was when I realized I hadn't seen the male. Today was day five of not seeing him. I realized I could have missed him when watching but I really think if he had been around when I went down there he would of scolded me too, not just the mom. Now an update from today. I was watching and I saw a male BB! Watched them for a LONG time, lots and lots of wing waving going on by both but mostly the male. Mom would go in the nestbox, peek back out and then fly to the male who was in a tree near it, then she would go back in. She did stay in after awhile also and the male went to the nestbox at one point and peeked in. I went down during this and set some crickets out. Mom immediately went down to eat, male just watched and wing waved. When I went down there mom scolded me, the male did not. I think this is a new male but I guess I won't know for sure unless the eggs hatch and I find out if he feeds them or not, either that or if he gets her to start a new nest. What do you think?? I am going to post this question in a new thread too as I am curious what everyone thinks as to if this is a new male or not. Does wing waving happen during incubation by an established couple?? Donna

Hi Dennis, I am very sorry for your losses of both your father and sister. I lost my mother 7 years ago today, my only son shortly before birth in 1986, and then my only other living child, Erica, at age 18 this past June, in an auto accident. Whether an anticipated death or a sudden one, none are easy. I think we all carry our experiences with death onto and into the loss of our next loss we suffer, and it stirs emotions long-forgotten. I know of that place you described, thinking, "okay, I've got it together now, things will be alright, I WILL survive". Then, whammo, you lose someone, and it feels like someone pulled the rug out from under you. That is how I felt when my daughter, Erica died. Please come back and check in with us, share what you need...we're here for you. Emma in PA

My DD is adopted. We got her when she was 6 weeks old. Her daddy died when she was 15 & couple of years later she wanted to know if I thought it was a good idea to find her birth mom. I thought it was great idea. Get medical history, maybe she was longing to see her etc. She went to couple of meetings of people looking for birth parents & I had told her doesn't always turn out well. Ended up mixed bag. Birth mom was shocked & not happy her secret was out,2 older siblings were glad, cousin was thrilled & very helpful. DD told birth mom dying (couple of yrs ago), she made it to the funeral. It was worth it tho she would have liked to talk to her in person. You will always wonder if you don't contact them & if you do you might have a nice extended family. Years ago it was very shameful to have child out of wedlock, if girl was young her parents stepped in & stopped them from marrying etc.I think they will be happy to find out that you are related by blood. Even if you never meet them you can email or write & would be good idea to find out if cancer runs in family & what kind it was as you might want to be getting checked more often if colon or another type that often runs in families. My parents are 89 & 95 & I know it will be hard to lose them but I see them everyday & help with their care.Glad you had your parents for a long time too. Questions will eat away at you & I think you will at least get some info. Wondering why you never saw your brother if grandparents adopted him, did you move far away & never had contact with grandparents again. Sounds like GP's did make mom give him up. How old was she when he was born, 21, I think if I did the math right? Any indication of who father was & what happened to him? Was she in college? Sometimes parents just didn't think guy was proper for their daughter. I think your mom may not have had much to do with it & therefore was estranged from her parents which would be very hard to deal with. Glad she got a good man in your dad! Good Luck!

Reading all of your posts have made me realize I am not alone in how I feel about losing my Mom.. I lost my Mom Sept 10th 2010 she died of complcations of a debilitating stroke that she had a year prior.. It was my worse nightmare her dying as when she had the stroke in 2009 she didn't really know me most of the time and she had no idea where she was or what happened to her and could do nothing for herself so really i lost her twice.. I had went to visit her the night before she had her stroke and I stayed late and she walked me to the door i can remember her waving goodbye to me how did I know that would be the last time she would do that or be the same person.. I feel guilty for leaving her that night but I didn't know this was going to happen.. I always called her every morning to make sure she was up and had ate and taken her pills but she didn't answer the phone ..I wasn't concerned as she sometimes slept late so I waited a little while and called again she still didn't answer so I called her neighbor and asked if she had seen MOm and if she would go to her apt and check on her I just was not thinking anything was wrong..Her friend did and she said Mom didn't answer the door but she said it sounded like she could hear Mom's voice.. So I got myself together and went to her apt we had a hard time getting in as she had locked the screen door. When we got in I found Mom on the floor in a sort of a twisted uncomfortable position ,I said Mom what happened do you know who I am and she said yes that I was her Mom I knew something was wrong , we called the emergency squad and they came and tried to get Mom up and to stand and her legs were like rubber and she was not speaking things that made sense the apt was a mess as she had been stumbling and falling trying to stand or get some where she had bloody bruises on her arms . We got her to the hospital and they xrayed her and ran tests she had had a very bad blood clot stroke that should have killed her they said but didn't it left her paralyzed on her whole right side and plus affected her sight as she saw double it was bad.. They told me there was nothing they could do she stayed in the hospital for 4 days and then told me I had to decide something ..I knew I couldn't take care of her by myself as I had severe back problems and she was going to need 24 hr care I had no other siblings or no other family close and my Mom nor I had the money to hire someone to help me.So against all I beleived and didn't want to do i had to put her in a nursing home something I swore i would never do .. The year I had her in there was a nightmare in itself,I had to fight with them not literally but you know what I mean to get them to take care of her right I was always upset everytime I visited her as I knew things were not right I would talk to them and ask why ,they would always blame it on some one else she had MRSA twice while she was there and an infection of the colon called C-Diff both staff infections were very contagious.. I talked to people outside of the nursing home to try to get help and called the state and couldn't get anything accomplished they don't care about elderly people and maybe because Mom was on Medicaid maybe that was not good either..It just was a living nightmare I was so upset all of the time after I would leave seeing her it affected my health and I hated seeing Mom like she was as she would not want to have lived if she knew she was having to depend on someone else to do everything for her and she was totally bedfast.. I was the only one to go and visit her as all other family was far away and the nursing home knew that and i think they took advantage of it I tried to go at different times but it didn't help it was just so hard and my husband was not a supportive person for me so i was dealing by myself which was very difficult.. She very seldon knew who I was she could talk at times and sometimes she was silent I continued to talk to her..The times she knew me and was able to tell me she loved me i will cherish in my heart..I was with her the day and through the night till the next moring when she passed holding her hand and singing to her as I always did the whole time she was in there..I would try to get her to sing with me the songs she knew to try to keep her mind alert and talking.. I just have guilt of having to put her in the nursing home and how she had was taken care I understand nursing home are short staff but I think they could do better then they do ,there were a few that really cared and did a good job but most of them could have cared less and the ones that would take the time and do a good job they would let them go so sad.. I miss my Momma so much I miss her voice being able to ask her things and hugs she was my best friend and was there when no one else was always..I feel when she died a part of me went with her there is an emptiness inside of me .. We don't know how it feels to lose a parent or anyone until we experience it ourselves.. Some people can just deal and get on with it ..Lot of people don't want to hear how you feel or what you are experienceing and we need to be able to talk about our loved one it does help.. Some days are so overwheming that I don't I am ever going to be able to deal and then a few days will go by and I am ok but My Mom is always in my thoughts each day.. I know she is by my side at times or comes in my thoughts ,I really don't think it is going to get easier the pain at times is so great..It is just so lonely at times.. It is hard to keep it all in some days I will just cry alot till its all out then i will be ok ..The strangest things will set the crying in and comes on me when I least expect.. My heart goes out to each one of you that has lost a loved one and know I understand and feel your pain.. I do know that if it was not for my faith in God I would be in worse shape then i am I know that he helps and that crying and talking about your loved one is part of the grief process.