Ex Wife & her threats
9 years ago
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- 9 years agolast modified: 9 years ago
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Ex wife entitled to ex husband's pension?
Comments (67)So much wrong information here. So, so much. First, the pension: I have the impression that the couple was married when the husband signed on for the pension. He almost certainly made his wife his beneficiary (person who collects if the pensioner dies). Beneficiary trumps everything else, including a will ... so if he never went back and changed it, the ex-wife could potentially be the automatic beneficiary. Also, the couple would have divided the pension along with their other marital assets. This doesn't mean it was split down the middle; sometimes, for example, sometimes a wife gives up rights to future pension benefits so she can have the house ... or sometimes promises that the husband keeps the lion's share of the pension, provided he pays for the kids' college ... or the couple could've agreed that since she stayed home and raised the children -- foregoing her own career -- that she gets the bigger share of his pension. Any of these things, or any number of other possibilities, could be true. Questions that need answering: - Who is the beneficiary? - What is in the divorce agreement? Then Social Security: An ex-wife can draw upon an ex-husband's account ... but one of the requirements is that she cannot have remarried. Any spouse can only draw 50% of the spouse's benefit ... so she'd have to compare this to her own benefit (she cannot draw her own benefit PLUS her spouse or ex-spouse's benefit -- it's an either-or proposition)....See Moreex wife in law
Comments (16)This is my whole point. BM's who do these things are all about control and what they think they are "entitled" to in the name of the kids. "Kill them with kindness" is all good and fine for some but I've discovered that taking away their "control" is what really works. No BM should be calling DH b/c of something that happened at her house. It's not your DH's problem anymore. He doesn't live there. At the same time, what happens at DH house is none of BM's business. The parents should be able to call and speak to kids no matter where they are if it's within reason. In our case, it wasn't so we chose to add $10 a month to our cell phone bill and get the kids a cell phone. Believe me it was $10 well spent. We got the 7 yr old a "migo" cell phone which is age appropriate and prevents him from running up a bill. There are always ways to deal with these ex's properly, you just have to put some thought into it sometimes and make it happen. Most of them are not about the DH or the kids but getting to the woman who replaced them. Most of the time it works until it's you squash her like the roach she is. As SMOMS, we are not powerless and even though a lot of people say (and I HATE this), "It's not YOUR problem, don't let it bother you". Well it becomes our problem. Not only b/c we are human and have natural protective instincts, but also b/c it feels like an overstep of boundaries and an invasion of privacy and NO ONE has a right to that. Sometimes you have to ask yourself, "What if this person were a stranger?" Would you allow such behavior? If the answer is "no", do something. It's time for us SMOMS to stop feeling like and being treated like a 3rd wheel in our own lives! There! Sermon over! LOL Sorry if I got a little carried away there. : )...See MoreSoon to be step...EX wife issue's..
Comments (20)I was wondering if other people have situations simular to mine.Th ex here has been ex'ed for 13 years now.She was wife number 2.I am wife number 4.Number 3 left because of the crap the second wife was doing.Calling and harrassed her and the husband.myhusband has one boy who is now almost 16.His mother is bipolar as well.I don't know what she is tryign to cause or what she wants with the cronic phone calls,it's always about this son.He lives with her,we are supose to get him every other week end,we don't,she changs the schedule beacuse she needs leaves picked up,they needed picking up the weekend before and they had time to gt it done.Yes the calls came even at 12 midnight just a year ago.She wantd to at one point give up her son but she wantd to keep custody.She would take careof all her sons schooling from 40 miles away via e-mails to the teachers,and drive here if she needed to.My husband so graciously said yes to his coming and signed papers to do so.I found the papers.Signed sealed and delivered in his papers he keeps.i was suspicious anyway and to prove my feeling were so i went to look it up,there it was.She would keep her child support money and he will come here and live with us.Yeah! I bet! this was her way of moving in here.She actually met up with my husband and went to dinner over this paper signing. I am still very hurt that he would even think to do something this stupied.In hope his son will be with him?I wonder if he really wants to be with her at any cost.i don't get it.He knows her undermining.She even calls on our anniversary to discus the sons christmas list.Muy comment was you buy what you want and we buy what we want,he'll be happy.Come to find out his daddy bought everything and she gave him 150.00.I haven't an issue with daddy being his santa claus but I do have one with her telling him what to do.I buy ny step son things i know he will really like.Iremember the things he has mentioned over the year and i tell his daddy abou tthem.he says he didn't say it was what he wanted.I asked him if he ever has listened to him at all through the year.I do.I normally do not need a list,especially when I know someone. You'd think after 5 years of me being with this guy the ex would go away.She has a boyfriend and her son said she didn't feel anything for him.She has dated him 3 years now.Well about 3 1/2 years ago after me and my husband married she called my husband and said she was getting married to this same fellow she'd then had dated him 3 times.She was out house hunting as well with her son.my guess is she told him she has bipolar with other and he doesn't want to commet.She did lie to my husband about that as well.He had no idea she had that at all.It was at the wedding his brother was hearing this from friends there.Oh my! I think if i found my sposue to lie like that I would have ennulled the marriage.He didn't find out until she had a breakdown after the boy was born when she went out of town and not on meds.She was going to divorce him because at first she wasn't getting pregnant 9 months inot the marriage.Then low and behold she was pregnant. I am tired of the calls.It has been put to minimal.He keeps his phone on vibrate.He has a new job wher ehe has a phone at his desk and she i am sure calls for stupied things still.After the decision I made on the child staying with his mother and not coming here it really has stopped alot of her calls.I tols my husband it has to be him coming here which means mother dear will be over here,and it is her or me.he chose me and he stayed at his mothers house.he has a councler who really is trying to evaluate the situation.It is soon to believe that it is mother who is the one with issues.my step son knows it isn't him.I made sure he understood it was not him.He has mad ehis friends in his area he lives in and he is now happy with his decision and my decision that he stayed there.theropist are keeping her out of his life as much as they can.She had unfinished bussiness with my husband I am sure.i had to let him go there with theropist trying to deal with the son and the mother and I needed the docotr to push their life to a closier so she can go away. i think her bipolarness is still such an issue that she will not let those sleeping dogs lay still. So agin is it a bipolar issue or the ex issue.Two mor eyears and it has to stop.the calls have to stop.I will leave him if he keeps it up. Bad enough the first ex calls and posses as his brother.he allows that too.He ha smental issues himself to even let that go on.I have thought many times i am bringing up my ex all the time and in his face I will be with it.he can get a taste of it.Now he has real reason to be jealous of my ex.he is handsome and smart as a whip.we were also togther 30 years,27 of them married.He hasn't been maried over 3 years in all of his other 3. thanks,i needed to say something before I explode....See MoreConfused About BF's kid and Ex-Wife
Comments (18)Now that I have completely read the entire thread, I have one more comment. As far as mom putting things in the kids head. Maybe take a step back and look through a different set of glasses. This may not be mom's doing. He is 6. My dd was saying these things to me and to her dad at age 6 and NO one was saying them to her. She is now 11 and told me just the other day, 'I wish you and my dad could love each other'. It was completely out of the blue. We have been divorced for 6 almost 7 years and it's been quite a while since she has said anything like this. She did go further to tell me that she is grateful for my dh and for her little brother but that she just sometimes wished our family was normal. I think maybe a 6 yr old talking about mom and dad together is very normal and does not mean mom is telling him to say these things. The things you would be seeing from a 6 year old if their mom was telling them things would be actual actions and not words. He isn't going to remember to recite word for word what mom said to say to dad's new girl friend. He would be angry at you, disrespectful and he would not at all listen to what you say. And he would be distant with his dad. Those are signs of parental alienation. The child would be so pulled and would shy away from affection from dad if this were happening. Sounds like he just has a lot of memories that he wants to share. In the very beginning of my divorce. I was bitter. My ex had met one lady and they moved so fast. (they are married now). I dated here and there. My friends set me up, I met a guy through work. I even got in to a relationship that ended badly. I did feel like something was wrong with me. How did this man go on and find someone to fall in love with, to move in with, start a new life with and I was just still searching. Sure it's silly to an outsider but according to my therapist I am a very normal person with very normal feelings. What made me even bitter was the new woman was wanting to 'get to know me so that I would know who was caring for my daughter'. I didn't want to know her or what she had that I didn't. Yup, that's insecurity and again very normal. My ex was back and forth back and forth. We'd sleep together and then he would go back to her two days later. She never knew any of this but I was bitter and she pegged me as the crazy ex wife that wasn't over her man. Yup, I wasn't over my husband, my ex husband, my marriage, my divorce, my family, my broken home but he was but not really because he couldn't stay put. It was very hard and after a couple of years I met a wonderful man and I'm very happy with my life however there is still that little pang of, my daughter has two mom's. When she was born I never Invisioned that. Had I known, maybe I would have held her more or maybe I would have taken more pictures. Maybe I would have watched her sleep more because I would have known that I would miss many nights of having her in the next room. Divorce is hard on everyone and just because someone still has feelings and might seem bitter doesn't make them a bad person or crazy. I didn't want to hang out and have coffee with this new person. I didn't want her in my face. I didnt want her to answer the phone when I called because I surely was not calling to talk to her. I don't think I would have felt that bitterness at all had she just let me be and stay out of my co-parenting. She thought (maybe she thought I don't know) that I wanted to know what my daughter was doing when I wasn't around and honestly no, I didn't want to know. I was better off being blind and dumb but she thought she needed to inform me because she was just trying to let me know what kind of nice person she was. Nope I didn't want to know. And I really think had she just stepped back and stopped rubbing her new little life in my face, I could have just been blissfully ignorant and not felt bitter. I bet if you just step back and not even show yourself at all to her, that bitterness will die down. Don't answer the phone when she calls. Don't do pick up or drop off. Don't send emails. Just be your BF's girlfriend and the mom to your kids. Be kind to his son and love him be there for him and she will see that she didn't need to be bitter and her insecurities were unfounded. It took me a year or two to realize that I am in control of me and my relationship with my daughter is about me and me alone. I am the only one that can ruin what we have. But it does take time after a divorce to feel secure in that. I felt like a failure in many areas. But after a while I realized I am not....See More- 9 years ago
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