A bit of a different slant--Father of the groom shenanigans. When we got married, I bought my fiance a nice navy suit, which was quite the chore back in the day before there were lots of options for tall guys; he is/was 6'4" and 180 lbs. Anyway, I found a nice 3 piece suit in a conservative navy. My father had a nice suit in a conservative navy. I asked my future FIL to wear a nice suit in a conservative navy. At which point he went out and bought a nice suit in a conservative BROWN! I was sooooo angry at him, and since he was the best man I was convinced my dream wedding image for the guys was ruined. So, on our wedding day there was my FIL resplendent in his brown suit. I was still a tad miffed, right till we were all leaving the church and as we walked out the doors, he suddenly gave me the world's biggest hug, with the joyful comment 'now you're part of the family!' and the world's biggest smile to go along with it. He's gone now but thinking of that moment still makes me smile every time. It was a good lesson too about whats important and what's not on a wedding day. Happy memories come from what we do and say, not what we wear...have a wonderful wedding! Ann

Thanks for the words of (mostly) support. Here's an update: I decided to go to the source for information. I sent an email to the Archdiocese of Phila asking what the facts are on this issue. The next day I got back what I believe was a 'form letter email' if you will. It basically stated that at present there is no rule either way on the wedding procession and that there will not be until new Marriage Rite (from the Vatican) is published in english. I sent a follow up on an unanswered question - can an individual parish pastor decide on his own to forbid the father escorting his daughter - if that is her desire? I also asked if this practice is 'not a part of the Marriage Rite' in the future, will there be any wiggle room that would let the father and daughter walk together; or would it be a sin or invalidate the ceremony? I got no response for several days. Since the original query was answered so promptly, I decided that in case I was now being ignored, that I would resend the same email with a header ( second request, third request, etc.) every day until I heard from them. Well, after a week, I got a response, a personal one this time. The Marriage Rite is published with individual differences in different countries according to local practices / customs. Again, there is no current policy addressing who walks with whom; walking with my daughter is no sin and it would not invalidate the ceremony even after the Marriage Rite is published. I gave a copy of the emailed response to a friend of my wife. Her daughter is going through the same thing. It's my hope that she shoves the email right under my pastor's nose and calls him out on it, but I don't know how confrontational she is.

Since your family is from a different culture, I suspect you will be given wide lattitute and not be expected to behave as if you were Japanese. I would suggest reading up on Japanese customs and wedding traditions so you know what they are -- but not necessarily trying to follow all of them. Ask your DIL-to-be and her mother for advice, and defer to as much of it as you comfortably can, diplomatically explaining your reasons for those customs you can not embrace. For example, the offer to rent kimono is generous and kind, but there are many traditions that go along with wearing kimono, and you may inadvertently do something offensive or foolish that would not stand out or offend if you were dressed in Western dress. Obscure (to Americans) things like wrapping right over left or the proper number of layers of undergarments. Also, you both would probably need to be 'professionally dressed' for the event, which may be uncomfortable for you. Giving money as a wedding gift is a widespread tradition among Asian (and many other) cultures, and one you should probably not try to erradicate. You don't need to participate, as presumably, your cultural traditions will be given similar respect. You might also ask to include a select few American traditions -- perhaps throwing rice, stomping a wine glass or tossing a bouquet? Maybe mention the possibility to the bride, explain the reasons for the tradition -- but be prepared to acquiesse graciously if they're not particularly important to you. As for your expected financial contribution, if you can't find the information online, perhaps the Japanese Studies department at a university could help you. Or a library? Or a friend of Japanese descent? Or ask your son to ask the bride to be. Some direct questions can be embarassing, but surely far less so than doing the wrong thing. Your FDIL will want you to make a good impression on her parents, and should be willing to be "uncomfortably frank" to make this happen. Gift-giving is a very important ritual in Japan, and the gifts to and from the wedding couple would be, I imagine, rather MORE important than most other types of gifts. If there's one area where I'd be especially reluctant to break with Japanese tradition, this would probably be it. Get the 'low down' from your FDIL and her parents and explain to the American guests how it works so they will know what to expect and also not feel/appear foolish and ill-bred.

Connie.. you could go with the last one, and add a really fancy, or embellished bolero/shrug/fine knit cropped sweater. If you cant find a fancy one, you can get a plain one and embellish it. All of the ones shown are very pretty. I did a little search, but no fall colors right now. Maybe in a month or two. the link below shows a really fine spun/woven knit. then here are a couple... things too http://chicforless.net/product/1/41/Embellished-Cropped-Cardigan.html http://www1.bloomingdales.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=80677&CategoryID=2910&PartnerID=SHP&cm_mmc=PMD-_-NexTag-_-Product_Terms-_-Sutton_Studio_Exclusive_Shrug_Misses' Here is a link that might be useful: cute georgette dress... But the shrug is what I was looking at. you could really add something special to the neck and front borders on this