This sounds like a pretty stressful situation, the thing about addicts is that they won't get better until they want to get better. Having lived with one for many years I can say it is not a fun situation. Perhaps it is time for you to remove yourself from this situation. Regardless of the money issues there are more troubling things at play here, your partner needs to get sober first.

I have never been so stressed out in my life not even when my husband died. I forgot to mention that his ex even suggested I should find a job ( I am 57 and 'retired' 2 years ago ) so he would be able to support her and the children. However she is not working as she cannot find a job. I do realize he should get sober first but I don't think he can. Thx for your input.

So after you have 'retired' you should go back to work to support him so he can in turn support his ex-wife and their adult children and his drinking habit?

Yes that is a wonderful idea.....

If I was on the receiving end of that golden piece of advice from her I would have given her an earful she would never forget.

Your partner needs to get sober, if you feel he cannot and you are OK with that, then that is your decision, however if you are not OK with this, then I would suggest getting out of this toxic situation. Money is just a small problem of a much bigger situation. Life is too short to live out your days in misery

You made me cry.....You wrote what I have been thinking but I felt somehow guilty for thinking that; even my partner has said I should get a job, long before his ex suggested it. I know I cannot live with an addict even tho I really care about him and love him. The many lies ( I did not drink ), the hidden bottles, the arguments and the promises have finally gotten to me I do realize the only thing I can do is put myself back together and move on. It will be difficult, if not very difficult but I do not want to be or become a wreck that I will become if I stay while hoping/wishing he will change. He has recently told me his major responsibility are with his children, they need his financial support. How different he talked when we first met. He has left his ex the house they bought together including all the trimmings, he left with just his suitcase and clothing. I have, over time, bought items for our rental(s) and to be fair so did he one of his biggest expenses ( $75 ) was our bed which he got from the Salvos . If I wanted something better I should go out and buy it, he could not afford more. I feel so stupid for not seeing the writing on the wall. Thx for your support and advice.

@sprietekop You should not shed a tear or feel guilty ! Your health/sanity/well being should be at the top of your list hun!

His responsibility is to his children, I cannot fault him for saying that, atleast he is doing something right and standing by the children he brought into this world, however they are now adults but I can certainly understand his reasons for wanting to support them. However it is not your responsibility to increase your support for him so that he can support his ex and adult children,

Please do take care of yourself and stop enabling this man to walk all over and take advantage of you. I hope that you find the strength to help you move on, it will get worse before it gets better but by staying you are just enabling a much worse situation and at your expense. Take care!

There's a saying - when someone shows you who they are, believe them! It's pretty clear who/what he is by what you've shared here. I think you've seen enough to know you need to move on. You'll look back some day and be so glad you didn't stay in a relationship with an addict. You need to leave before you lose everything.

Be strong.

Best wishes to you.

Sylviatexas1 has laid it out for you. He needs help that you can not give him. You are in a very unbalanced relationship. Here is the thing, you may think that your heart will break without him. It won't. Get out while you can and then give yourself two days to grieve and then move on. Be sure and eat well, treat yourself to great meals out, trust me it helps. But please, get out !

Oh I cannot believe the interest you have showed me. At the moment I feel pretty much down and am reading your comments/advice over and over again. Deep down I know this is not a healthy situation but it is so difficult to step aside to step out.

@sylviatexas1 . Your wrote: Parasites will feed off you as long as you have assets, & when you have nothing left for them to take, they'll find another host.

This really got me. Before my partner and I met he briefly ( for about 2 years) lived with another woman. That was just after the split/divorce from his wife. I found out that when they met she was living in her own house and had a good job. After he moved in, things changed. He could not find a job, she worked 10hour days to pay for not only her and him but also her own 2 children and last but not least his 2 children. When she lost her job and the house........he left.

I feel so lonely so empty, my mind is turning a million times a second to find the best way out.

Thank you all, Nat Kay, sylviatexas1, share-oh and ingeorgia, for being there and listerning (well reading in this case) to my story. I will try to be strong but it is not easy, I do need time and rest.....I am so tired.

Spriet

As I forgot to write something again, sorry

@ sylviatexas1

Do you think that he and his ex wife (co dependent ex) are in this together ?

Why do you care if he and his ex wife are in this together? It does not matter one way or the other. Taking care of this person and his family are his responsibilities, not yours. You need to set your boundary.

You need to decide how much you would like to 'pay' for this relationship. Do you want to pay with your savings, your time, your emotional, psychological and physical well beings, your dignity, your future, your self respect, your happiness, your sense of security, your opportunities..etc. If you think it is worth it, stay with the person being an enabler, and being an one side care taker expecting no return, otherwise, get out.

You are only 57, you are at the stage you should enjoy your life and do things you could not while in your working years. You could easily live for another 40 years. Sit down and think through how and what type of life you want for yourself. Your responsibility is taking care of yourself.

You may want to tell the person your savings has been depleted, and see his reaction. Having heard lots of sad stories in recent years, it won't hurt for you to get a full range STD test to be on the safe side.

It doesn't really matter whether he and the ex are colluding, the end result of whatever's going on is that you're being royally taken advantage of. This guy is a user and a loser, certainly not a keeper. In two years 20 employers haven't seen fit to keep him- take the hint.

You deserve better than this. Even being alone is better than being ripped off, lied to and had broken promises. You will feel so much better after you leave- possibly not immediately, but as soon as you get some distance from this toxic situation.

Take care of yourself- for sure this guy won't.

Sure you are tired, you are on an emotional roller coaster. I think most of us are women who have either been there done that, or who are healthy enough emotionally to see your situation for what it is. I can not imagine any woman wanting to see another go through something like this. We can see so clearly because we are on the outside looking in. We know this will NOT end well for you but that you can choose how it ends or let it play out until you have nothing left either financially or emotionally. Please,, do not wait for that.

The best way out may not seem the easiest but if it were me, I would start gathering what I could carry and run as fast as possible. I would not say a word to him, I would leave whatever I had to and just go. I wouldn't stop for one single glance behind.

If you have no other support, I think most of us will be here for you . (())

He is using you as a meal and housing ticket. Imagine this scenario: if you asked him to move out and get his own place and pay his own way, would he still "love" you? Would he still want to date you? Or would he go in search of another woman with money? You are realizing the painful truth that has been in front of you for a long time. I am sorry you are dealing with this, but you are stronger than you know. Tell him it's over; either he or you should move out, and then you can put your energy into finding someone who cares about YOU, and not your money.

Nothing will ever change and it all depends on how long you want to live in that situation, if I was you, I would go ahead and move on.

don't know if they're "in it together", & as others have said, it doesn't matter.

What matters is that you will be drained dry & abandoned with no financial, emotional, mental, or physical resources, health wrecked (this is exactly the kind of thing that makes people's immune systems turn on them & destroy them), & no way to recover.

I hope that sprietekop has taken good advice here. My thoughts ran like this: who signed the lease on the place you are living in now. Probably you did. Once you get out of that lease, rent a place on your own. If It has to be in another city that would be fine. You still have money and income. Move out with the least amount of stuff you can and do it quickly, in a few hours.