oh Lord...how do you teach your kids communiction skills...

7 years ago

OMG...I brought something up to DD and it reminded me of trying to talk to her dad!!! I didn't say that to her but I felt it in every bone of my body!! Even just trying to talk to someone about communication without them getting defensive, how do you go about that??

DD is 15, maybe I was expecting too much...I don't know.

Featured Answer

deegw

7 years ago

last modified: 7 years ago

I have two daughters, 19 and 23. What you said about the girl was not mean but it certainly wasn't a compliment and really isn't appropriate.

That being said, that doesn't give your daughter an excuse to be rude to you. The best thing I learned about talking about sticky subjects with teens is to stay on message and after you make your point, STOP. Teenagers are wizards at spinning the conversation around and making themselves the victim and ramping up the drama.

To me the issue is that she was rude and disrespectful to you. Tell her that you are sorry that she feels embarrassed by what you said, tell her it is not acceptable to call you names, give her an example of an acceptable way she could have expressed herself and END IT.

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Comments (73)

localeater
7 years ago
I didnt read all the comments, I am stuck on imagining that poor girls feelings when someone says to her, " yeah you are such a loser, even so and so's mother says you have NO personality". I might have been that poor girl at 15- my heart bleeds for her if what you said gets back to her. You're the grown up.

I suggest modeling kindness. The philosophy of 'If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing' still has a place in the world. As a parent you dont join in to 15 yo girlfriend gossip as a peer, you can listen and then discuss(not text) your daughter about it later. Occasionally you may ask a question, but this will probably cause all conversation to cease.
tibbrix
7 years ago
I'm also struck by, in a question about how to communicate with someone, it seems every communication between you and your daughter was either by text or phone.

My question is, why are you texting her with this rather heavy stuff...or phoning her? She must be off somewhere doing something, and you are interrupting whatever it is she is doing with texts and phone calls to have a "teaching moment" between a mother and daughter? It is very hard to teach anyone anything over a text or a telephone anyway. That kind of stuff really is best left to sitting down in person and turning the phones off. Texting is really for messages, not conversations. "Supper's ready. Please come home", kind of thing.

Also, it sounds like you were being defensive, which is what you began saying makes conversations with your daughter difficult. Because, as I said, serious communication is very difficult via the written word, it's hard to get the full dynamic here, but from what you've told us, it sounds to me like your daughter is quite sensible and has good instincts.

But please, put the dang phones down and really talk to each other, face to face, in person...and that isn't just for you by any means. I am so horrified by the distraction those stupid things cause and how many parents I see yakking on those phones as they are driving their children around or taking their kids for walks or at playgrounds...rather than interacting with the children. Same goes for adult interaction too.

I predict we are going to see some serious problems when the first generation of kids who were raised by parents who spent their "quality time" taking to someone else on the phone comes of age. Breaks my heart.
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eld6161
7 years ago
last modified: 7 years ago
We as parents have all been in your place. Of course you are hurt that your daughter thinks you are mean. Who wouldn't be? I think the following sums up what most of us here feel.

Stop, take a deep breath and use this as a teachable moment for yourself.

1. Own the fact that you were inappropriate in your comment. It was, that's a fact, no backpedaling .

2. Never offer opinions about your daughter's friends, unless asked. (Obviously never have this conversation with another friend in the car.) Take this to heart right now.

3. Realize that you can't "fix" this by multiple texts and conversations. You said what you had to say, your daughter heard it and she will not change her mind. In her mind this incident ,as well as others, shows to her that your were mean.

4. The hard part: take a good look at yourself and really see what your daughter is seeing. I am sure you don't want to come across as "mean" when you deal with the general public, but perhaps that is the way you are perceived.

5. Each day is a chance to start over. Be more aware of what you are saying and/or doing to others in your family and out in public.

6. Move on. Don't let this consume you.
always1stepbehind thanked eld6161
westsider40
7 years ago
And for your partial penance, please and always say hello and goodbye First to your children's friends. With a big smile. Model the behavior you wish to happen.
dedtired
7 years ago
OMG, 15 year old girls. Lord save us all. Face it, you can't win. This too shall pass.
4boys2
7 years ago
Oh well, lesson learned..eld6161 #2-Now when she comes home complaining about her boyfriend,don't tell her that you never liked him anyway...It makes for uncomfortable family dinners when she marries him...
Yayagal
7 years ago
last modified: 7 years ago
Saying someone doesn't have "much of a personality" is a negative thing to say about anyone. She may be shy, she may have issues etc. or maybe her Mom and Dad didn't model to her on how to socialize. You don't know. I would have been mortified if my Mom said that to me in front of others. I know you never meant it to be mean but it is mean spirited and so all you can do is apologize and try harder. I have a granddaughter who won't say or repeat anything about anybody and looks down on it. She's taught me a lot.
carolb_w_fl_coastal_9b
7 years ago
last modified: 7 years ago
Yayagal just stated my first thoughts on reading this. An adult saying such a thing about a child is a.k.a. 'punching down'. Focussing on the delivery & not the message is a way of minimizing, disregarding somebody's feelings. Teens are becoming adults by, among other things, learning how to argue for their ideas. They need to practice on their family, which should, ideally be a safe environment in which to express themselves. IMO, the daughter had a good point & showed more compassion & respect for her friend than her mother did.
Sueb20
7 years ago
"Woman, know your place," by Mtn. LOL. Perfect. With almost all my DD (age 15) friends, if I'm driving, I pretend I am invisible and mute unless someone specifically speaks to me. I am allowed to be goofy with a couple of her friends who we have known forever, but with newer friends, I am simply the driver (or the distributor of food, or whatever).

And agree that "communication" can't be taught via text.
always1stepbehind thanked Sueb20
tackykat
7 years ago
Yayagal and Carol B. and Sueb20 are hitting the mark squarely. Be the parent, model mature behavior and don't try to be their friend or "fit in."
always1stepbehind thanked tackykat
always1stepbehind
Original Author
7 years ago
Just so we don't go too far on this poor girl who is about to commit suicide because of my comment. A. It's not likely my comment is going to get back to her and B. this isn't some poor pathetic girl who has no self esteem and my comment is going to push her over the edge. NOT saying my comment was ok, but ya'll need to calm down..If anything, this girl is one of the slick one of my DD's friends. A manipulator /user type. I know how she operates to get what she wants. DD is even starting to see it.

@westsider...Yes, that is one of my biggest pet-peeves...especially because I'm one of the parents that do A LOT of carting around for DD and her friends. Girls that get in my car and don't say boo and especially NOT saying thank you. UGH!!! And I always remind DD to say thank you when other parents pick up or drop off whatever!! Just basic manners...I do make a point to greet DD's friends and say bye when we drop them off. And yes, this particular girl is the biggest offenders, doesn't say hello and doesn't say thank you.
Oakley
7 years ago
Always, this isn't about the girl, it's about your daughter and how you offended her. As was stated above, we've all been in a situation like yours. We've all had a touch of foot & mouth disease with our kids or their friend's at times. I agree some here were too harsh in their replies and they can overshadow the calmer replies.

I only carted around boys, and let me tell you, they can be stone cold silent. Some are just that way. Blame lack of manners on her parent's, not her. At least for now.

About the girl being a manipulator, this might call for a private talk with DD, pending on her mood.

Did you apologize with no "but's?" :)
always1stepbehind
Original Author
7 years ago
last modified: 7 years ago
@Oakley....ok so it's not just me...the boys are silent...or when they do talk they are very quiet. I just thought it was my sons particular friends!! She opens up and mentions things of the different girls they hang out with and when I see certain things especially in core girls she hangs with like this particular girl, I will make a comment or sorta graze over it to feel her out on it and most the time we can have a conversation about it. She will talk to me about who was at this party or that party and so n so and so n so she thought had been drinking. I always remind her if shes somewhere that she doenst feel comfortable or goes somewhere with a friend and they go off doing something that she doesn't want to do, she can always call me to come get her so in that sense we have a pretty good rapport...we just need to work on when its something that DD wants to hear or is feeling offended :-)
isitdoneyet
7 years ago
I have to second the suggestion to purchase "How to talk so kids will listen and How to listen so kids will talk" I did that years and years ago. It changed my relationship with my 16 year old daughter completely. It was so valuable I incorporated it in my professional life and it changed everything. Get the book you won't be sorry.
always1stepbehind thanked isitdoneyet
User
7 years ago
Another "whew! It's not just me" about boys. The boys I taxi are *silent* in the car. I ask generic questions about their weekend plans or how their summer is going. If I didn't, it would be dead silent except for the initial "hello" and the final "thank you for the ride." They are perfectly comfortable with the silence.

I am pleased though with their manners in initially greeting me and thanking me (as well as being ready on time... )
terezosa / terriks
7 years ago
Just so we don't go too far on this poor girl who is about to commit suicide because of my comment. A. It's not likely my comment is going to get back to her and B. this isn't some poor pathetic girl who has no self esteem and my comment is going to push her over the edge. NOT saying my comment was ok, but ya'll need to calm down..If anything, this girl is one of the slick one of my DD's friends. A manipulator /user type. I know how she operates to get what she wants. DD is even starting to see it.

Flippant and defensive
tibbrix
7 years ago
Always, YOU are the adult. Behave like one. I'm sorry to say this, but you are behaving like a nasty teenage girl yourself.

"DD is even starting to see it."

Exactly. That is how it works. Teens have a whole social structure thing and they need to discover these things themselves and weed them out. When parents get involve and start being the architects of their kids' social lives, it usually comes to no good. Butt out, and imagine that that girl was your daughter. It's possible some other mother is saying really nasty things to her daughter and her daughter's friends about your daughter.

What good does that do anyone? Teens are evolving; it's a tough stage. If you think this girl manipulates to get what she wants, don't YOU fall for it when YOU feel YOU are being manipulated by her. Other than that, butt out, including where your daughter is concerned.
eld6161
7 years ago
last modified: 7 years ago
I don't think you can assume that your comment would not get back to the girl.

Side story: My youngest was over weight as a teen. In freshman year of high school all students are invited to a dance for a fund raising for a local hospital. Interestingly enough, the girls have to ask the boy.

The girls wear formal dresses and the boys wear tuxedos. It was very difficult finding a dress. From experience with my oldest, I knew most girls would opt for a dark toned dress. The only dress that fit and that my DD liked was a sparkly light blue gown. So we bought it and she enjoyed wearing it.

A few days later, a "friend" told her how she herself did not like my DD's dress and even her mother agreed that it wasn't flattering! I am sure this mom did not intend for this comment to go straight to my daughter.

Needless to say I had a long discussion with my DD. I explained that the most important thing was how SHE felt in the dress. The take away was that it was mean spirited on her "friend's" part. What good could possibly come out of such a negative comment?
l pinkmountain
7 years ago
I wouldn't hold on to that encounter too deeply. I work with adolescents and they are notoriously over dramatic. They are experiencing a lot of social things for the first time and they need to learn the skill of moderating their emotions and taking in the whole big picture, etc. Best to just role model being chill if that's what you want your daughter to be like. She'll catch on in time . . . or not, but I'd still be chill about it. I know it was hurtful and upsetting but that's just the way it goes in families sometimes. She's just a teen and she just got upset and went off. Give her a chance to de-escalate. I've said some things that were "out there" once and a while when I get upset, so I'd just consider it a bad day and move on.
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sushipup1
7 years ago
And you want your daughter to model YOUR behavior? I hope she doesn't.
always1stepbehind thanked sushipup1
User
7 years ago
I have a feeling that all of this advice is falling on deaf ears. Many people have recommended that you might want to rethink how you are handling things with your daughter but you don't seem interested in that advice - you only seem interested in and respond to the comments that put teens in a negative light. Your comments make you sound like a teen girl yourself, and your daughter seems rather sensible. Sorry to be harsh, but that's what I'm seeing.
always1stepbehind
Original Author
7 years ago
eld6161: I'm sorry that happened to your DD. I grew up not being the skinniest of my friends and it's not easy being overweight as a kid. No, I can not guarantee my comment wont bet back to DD's friend.
tibbrix
7 years ago
Doesn't matter if you can guarantee it or not, or if it gets back to her or not. That is completely irrelevant. You need to be the adult you want your daughter to be. Do you really want to raise a gossip who, as an adult, is still making petty and nasty comments about other people? Or would you prefer a daughter who grows up to be a non-judgmental, gracious, kind person who understands that the human population is made up of varied personalities, body types, interests, etc.?

Indeed, character is how a person acts when they are guaranteed to not be caught. If you are not wiling to say it/do it if you could get caught, don't say it/do despite a guarantee you won't get caught.
blfenton
7 years ago
My MIL is a nasty gossip about friends and family. When my kids were young and she started spouting I would remove them and me from the room.

I know this isn't quite your situation - but it's just a warning to be careful.

There are many people who don't mind listening to those who make critical or judgemental remarks about others and there are those of us who can't abide it.

Many young people these days are taught in schools about making unkind remarks, does it stop them, no not all of them but perhaps your daughter is one of those who will stop them. And if she is you should be proud of her.

Her behaviour, your behaviour and your relationship with her are the only things that should concern you - not the behaviour of anyone else.
Darcy
7 years ago
I'm not going to pile on about the piping in. Instead, I'll suggest that when you are really ready to communicate with your daughter, lure her to your car. Turn on the radio to a station she likes and drive through somewhere to pick up a soda (or whatever) then drive on past wherever she thought you were taking her. Drive all the way out of town, into the country some place where escape is difficult. Then turn off the music and keep driving. There is some magic that happens when the two of you are alone, sitting side by side, without having to look each other in the eye; it gets the tongue moving. HER tongue, not yours. Listen to her. Don't listen with the intent of waiting for your turn to talk, but because you really want to hear what she has to say. The thing we're missing in society today is not the ability to communicate, it's the ability to be communicated to. Best of luck.
sushipup1
7 years ago
If you want your daughter to model good behavior please do not do as suggested by Darcy. If you lie to her and effectively kidnap her, how the hell is she supposed to trust you? Bad idea.
User
7 years ago
last modified: 7 years ago
When I'm taxi-ing my kids and their friends, I don't partake in gossip but I sure as heck don't just sit silently behind the wheel as if I don't exist! I ask questions, I engage them in conversation, I encourage discussion--with ME included in the discussion.

The kids know I'm there. Their filters are already on. They're not going to reveal anything deep in the car with me being silent, so I use it as an opportunity to practice polite, social discussion with them, which I believe every teen can use.

My kids are awkward teenagers. But parents with whom I carpool tell me how nice it is that my kids will talk *with* them during car rides. This is something I'm very proud of. Even though my kids would prefer to play games on their phones or chat back and forth with their friends during that ride, they know that if they are spoken to, they are expected to engage in conversation with adults.
Darcy
7 years ago
Oh goodness, sushipup, I made a mess of that, didn't I? The part you objected to was mostly a lame attempt at humor. I do believe in taking kids on long drives. I do not advocate lying to them or kidnapping. There is a small gray area in there though. Telling my kids "We're going to have a long talk in the car" was not a successful strategy for me. "Let's go get an ice cream (latte, Slurpee, etc.)" worked much better. I don't count that as lying because I never told them we were ONLY going to get an ice cream. And that part about escaping? I don't really know about that -- my kids never tried to get away. I think they secretly craved our rolling conversations as much as I did.
MtnRdRedux
7 years ago
Lisa,

But if you thought I was being literal, did you think I also meant the bit about wearing the cap? Just to clarify I was trying to deliver my advice with some humor by being hyperbolic. These parenting threads can be brutal so I wanted to lighten it up a bit. Of course you are not a chauffeur and children, awkward or no, are expected to be polite and that includes the ability to make small talk with whomever.

That does not change my advice.: Do not insert yourself in a conversation and absolutely do not gossip with your child and their friend about a third party.

I'd be willing to wager that most posters end up regretting asking for parenting advice. It can often come across as harsh. Personally I don't mean to be harsh and I think all of us have made similar, if not far worse, mistakes and so I hope any advice is considered in that context.
always1stepbehind thanked MtnRdRedux
sushipup1
7 years ago
Darcy, thanks for making that sound much better. I still think that some 'white lies' are ok, but most made to children who will find out they are lies are not. Just say, hey, let's go get an ice cream and talk, just the two of us? What happens when you use a subterfuge like getting a treat as a cover is that it doesn't work the second time. That's when the kid thinks, oh, no, another "talk", Better to be straight about it. The kind of white lie that works is 'you look great', 'your hair is lovely,' stuff like that. Kids don't like to be fooled.
Darcy
7 years ago
Sushi, But it DID work the second time around, and the third, and fifteenth, and twentieth. Maybe my kids just weren't that savvy ;)
sushipup1
7 years ago
Or you are an okay mom. Which is high praise.
always1stepbehind
Original Author
7 years ago
I think when you tell kids "lets go to lunch so we can talk"...I think they are already putting up their guard. My son is like that with their dad. As soon as the ex says "I'll pick you up for lunch"....son is like oh, no here we go. For me, I have always found my kids naturally start talking when we're driving but without me saying "let's talk".

I hear a lot of parents say they miss driving their kids around because that was their time they had their kids captive attention and kids parents full attention.
User
7 years ago
Mtnrdredux, I didn't intend that post for you and only the last statement that I added as an edit was a joke on my part. I apologize--I've revised my post to better reflect what I wanted to say.

I feel like the OP has taken a lot of heat here for a faux pas on her part. Yes, it was gossip-y and not appropriate, but she was engaging kids in discussion. I think she deserves some kudos for trying.

None of us are perfect parents. I agree these parenting threads though bring out some pretty harsh judgements. Even more so than the political threads because our children and how we approach parenting are very, very personal to each of us.

Parenting my children scares the h*ll out of me on a daily basis. I regularly second-guess myself and wonder what permanent damage I'm leaving on my kids, or what I'm neglecting to teach them that I'll regret later. I make mistakes every single day. And I wouldn't dare share them here.
tibbrix
7 years ago
last modified: 7 years ago
I don't think the criticism is only about parenting, Lisa. I think it is also about an adult behaving in such a manner. It was hardly a faux pas. It was really uncivil behavior which no adult should be engaging in and in fact is behavior adults have a responsibility to teach children to not engage in. Every generation of parents has their cultural "thing" which afflicts it. One generation is too lenient, the next too authoritarian, for example. I think an affliction now is there are too many people who have become parents who have not entirely grown up or have achieved the appropriate maturity themselves. Adults should know better than to not only gossip but to speak like that about children. they should also know they'd be sickened and furious if they knew another parent was speaking about their own kid in such a way, and that alone should tell them it is not appropriate behavior for adults.

I'm not judging her as a parent. Being a parent is a very difficult thing, and from what she's said, it actually sounds to me like her daughter is rather sensible. My criticism was strictly from a humanitarian position, that adults should never behave like that,
User
7 years ago
Tibbrix, your comments are exactly why I wrote my final two sentences of my latest post.
tibbrix
7 years ago
last modified: 7 years ago
I don't understand your comment, lisa. I specifically said I wasn't judging the parenting part of it. Being a parent is so hard, an inexact science, to say the least. Your last two sentences don't apply to anything I wrote.
tinam61
7 years ago
I tend to agree with Lisa's latest response. I am not a parent. Although I have been involved with children for many years, I would never give parental advice. I am really a bit surprised at things that have been said to the OP in this thread. Why not help someone rather than beat them down?
always1stepbehind thanked tinam61
always1stepbehind
Original Author
7 years ago
Thank you Lisa. I went away from here yesterday feeling awful...I thought maybe I was being too sensitive. It was posted that advice was falling in deaf ears because I wasn't replying back to certain posts...but I felt like if I reply then I'm being "defensive" so I just left it alone. I too was surprised by some of the things that were said.
Oakley
7 years ago
Oh Tib, do you ever read what you just wrote? This is twice now in the past week you said you weren't judging then proceeded to judge.

This is what you wrote: " It was hardly a faux pas. It was really uncivil behavior which no adult should be engaging in and in fact is behavior adults have a responsibility to teach children to not engage in."

That's not being judgmental? Really? Not only was it an uncalled for lecture, you called the OP "uncivil.' Nice.
Lavender Lass
7 years ago
Bus pass?
tibbrix
7 years ago
last modified: 7 years ago
Must be different when Oakley wants to lecture someone.

Oakley, I didn't say I wasn't being judgemental. I am.

Please read what I wrote. What I said is that I wasn't making judgements about her being a parent. In fact, I said it sounds like her daughter is quite sensible. My judgement was of the

Considering the icky tone of your comment here, Oakley, not sure you should be scolding others. It's that glass house thing again.

Yes, it is not civil behavior to gossip and certainly not to make comments about other people's personalities, esp. children and especially other people's children. Should I remember that you don't believe it is uncivil to do so and make some unkind comments about your children? I'm pretty sure you'd not see that as civil, and I'm pretty sure you'd appreciate people suggesting I not speak about another person/s children that way.

Perhaps you believe gossip and adults judging other people's children, to their own children no less is civility. I disagree with you. I think also, that I have certainly not been alone in criticizing that here, so your comment here is pretty disingenuous. Don't be okay with all but one. Not good. aNd yes, I'm judging that.

Feel free to gossip about other people's children and their icky personalities. I don't because I think it's wrong. To each his own.
tibbrix
7 years ago
last modified: 7 years ago
I guess Miss "Tib, do you ever read what you just wrote" Oakley didn't read this part of my comment:

"I'm not judging her as a parent." Just a smidgen ironic, Oakley.

Sigh.

Tina, I don't see suggesting an adult not gossip about children, not bad-mouth others, esp. around their own kids and peers of the one they are bad-mouting, is giving parental advice. To me, that is such an obvious do-not-do-this thing that it would be errant to say, Do not do this" to someone who has done it.

As for the parenting advice that was given, the OP ASKED for advice on how to communicate with one's children.
tibbrix
7 years ago
I'm sorry, Oakley. Next time I won't say her daughter sounds sensible, which I guess is negatively judging the mother, somehow. Instead, I'll say it sounds like she has no personality. Apparently you'd be okay with that.

Actually, no, not going to do it. It's not civil, and it's wrong.
tinam61
7 years ago
Tib, I didn't say anyone else here should not give parental advice. I, not being a parent, simply do not feel comfortable in giving parental advice. Yes, I realize what the OP asked. Much of the advice or thoughts given was perfectly fine, but there were many unnecessary comments made. As a few have mentioned, parenting is not easy and every parent makes mistakes. Offering advice is one thing, make snide comments is another. Darcy IMO is a good example, she said something about not piling on, but making suggestions.
tibbrix
7 years ago
Tina, I think suggesting that adults not gossip, with children, about other children, is very good advice.

and it is advice about communicating with a child, which is what was asked.

I also think that, judging from the response, that - Oakley's rather selective comment notwithstanding - most here had that part of the OP's narrative jump off the page at them since most clearly saw it as a pretty serious issue, which it is (again, hardly a faux pas).

That, to me, did not fall under parenting advice but really was a general observation resulting from what I suspect is the reaction by a lot of people of surprise that an adult would participate in conversation like that.

If I hear someone bleat out racist or sexist or otherwise offensive comments, yep, I tell them it's offensive. If you don't, as Maya Angelou said, "you are part of the problem."

I don't think the OP needs to read the comments as judgmental but instead can practice some introspection, assess the comments and the sentiment behind them, and yes, learn something from them.

That is a good thing.

The only comment I thought was out of line was Sushi's about hoping her daughter doesn't model that OP's behavior, and that one got 3 'Lkes" (and no chastisement from Oakley!).

I thought that was personalizing it and making a general statement about the OP as a person rather than the one item, so to me, that comment was wrong and crossed a line.

If we go down a road of criticizing criticism, where does it end? There is no end, only potholes of double and randomly applied standards based not on a principle but on personal ego and pettiness (again, using Oakley's comment as an example).
runninginplace
7 years ago
Ahem, stepping carefully around the virtual kids rolling around in the online hall punching and flailing at each other....whether it seems harsh or not, often what one hears online is a more unvarnished view of the kernel of truth in a situation.

More than a few folks, including many who have BTDT, have pointed out that the OP's behavior was out of line--and I agree wholeheartedly that it was. Raising teenagers is not for the faint of heart and heaven knows they, especially the female version, can be almost impossible to be around.

However, mom was wrong, daughter is expressing a core truth and mom would be very well served to put aside defensiveness and listen, really listen and think carefully about what she's hearing. It doesn't make anyone a bad parent or bad person to admit she's made a mistake. In fact that's the very essence of what I think we all hope to do--show by our words and deeds that we can learn, apologize and try to do better.
MtnRdRedux
7 years ago
The bad parent is one who doesn't even recognize any issue and isn't trying to find a solution. The OP, simply by posting and giving this so much thought, deserves kudos.

Wasn't there a post here recently where people bellied up to the bar and admitted parenting mistakes? I think I steered clear of that one. I couldn't come up with one that sounded genuine but was not too damning! GW can be tough!
Lavender Lass
7 years ago
I just want to say, your daughter is very fortunate you are driving her around, let alone her friends. Most of my friends were in walking distance. It was a real treat, when a parent would drive us to a friend's house...let alone drive us both around. Your daughter is very lucky.

But as for the comments, I would not say anything about her friends. The next time she says something about you being mean, you can own the high road and tell her, I don't care if this is a good time. We are going to sit down and talk about this right now. Bringing it up later just doesn't work, IMHO. Better to get it taken care of when it happens, like any other discipline, no matter how old they are : )
always1stepbehind thanked Lavender Lass
kittymoonbeam
7 years ago
The great thing about life is still having time to make each day a better day and to make yourself a better person. I liked my friends mom because I felt we could always talk and she never judged us. We could ask for her opinion or if we didn't, she just listened. My mom loved us so much, but as a teen, I felt she said more than I really wanted to hear. My friends mom was just right. She never said anything about anyone that wasn't flattering but she did have strong feelings about religion and politics and kids trying drugs or fooling around. She was more formal, but never aloof. I thought of her as welcoming and kind. I always wanted to be that kind of adult and hostess. If she was stressed out, I never saw it. I think she provided a kind of stability and calm for her family and friends. Whenever I think of the time she took to listen to me, I feel grateful because looking back, she was actually very busy.

oh Lord...how do you teach your kids communiction skills...

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