I would be very disappointed, but, not surprised. Common courtesy seems to be disappearing rapidly.

Oh, I'd be ticked. Unfortunately I agree with Terilyn.

Ya know....I'd like to tell you I just can't imagine adults acting like that. But in my family it's normal.

I'd feel shorted. I'd like to hear how the money made them happy!

It's not proper to not thank someone, and it's a shame you didn't get a "thank you"!

It would be nice to also hear how it was spent, or how it is intended to enjoy.

When I posted a similar question, several people replied that if I knew the check had been cashed, why make an issue of what I already knew--that They had enjoyed the gift. It was insinuated that I was making the gift about ME, not the recipient. I thought about it and yes, I wanted the acknowledgement and yes I thought it was rude not to thank me for it. But I did not bring up the social faux pas, just let it go. Furthermore, I decided that if there was another event that required a gift to these people, I probably wouldn't bother.

but, but, but, there is a small chance that somebody other than recipient cashed the $ and if you kept quiet, crime would go undetected.

maybe it depends on relationship you have with recipient or their family. If you can be frank w/o ruffling feathers, speak up; if not, let it go. In my case I wasn't close enough and misunderstandings would have been inevitable.

BTW, I didn't like at all the judgemental tone of some of the replies but at the end of the day it offered a chance for self evaluation and I learned about other POVs

"Furthermore, I decided that if there was another event that required a gift to these people, I probably wouldn't bother."

Exactly.

I'm voting with Rhizo on this one ;-) A family matter and I would speak up since an apology is needed here. Takes a village .... and I'm not beyond pointing some of this stuff out to my nieces and nephews. One niece needs some prompting, and her brother gets it right absolutely every time, raised the same, same examples set for them, and only 14 months difference in their ages. Go figure.

The last time my sister sent something to her (adult) daughter (the above mentioned niece) she included a blank self addressed stamped thank you card in the package. We'll get her on the right socially acceptable path yet LOL

I have a niece-in-law and Joe has a niece, both were married around the same time. I went to both wedding showers, both weddings and now they both have newborns. I went to both baby showers and sent gifts when the babies were born and to both baptisms.

Joe's niece sent personalized thank you cards for every gift. With the wedding, birth of the baby and baptism thank you cards she included photos. As I said her thank yous were personal, referencing each gift.

My niece-in-law didn't send one thank you card. Not even for the wedding, nada.

I am 64 and raised that it was proper to write hand written thank you notes in a very short time after receiving a gift. As was my brother. I guess they did not teach it to the next generation. And probably too late to teach her at 34. Now I remember why I haven't sent her any gifts since her high school graduation. She didn't send a thank you then either. LOL

Parents aren't responsible for the conduct of their adult kids, and there's no credit or excuse for the conduct of grown adults that should be attributed to what their parents did or didn't do. Cynic had a few words for the tired chestnut of "How I was raised........." not too long ago which I thought was pretty on-point.

Reasonable adults are expected to have manners, whether learned from parents, peers, living in the world, or learning the hard way by having suffered major avoidable problems when they've acted improperly.

I'd mention it to Brother only to let him know that his little princess is lacking in social graces and let it go at that Having that conversation trigger a late card doesn't fix the problem, that a Thank You wasn't expressed (even with a phone call) when it should have been.

It is disappointing. I sent my niece a gift card to a local spa in her town for her 30th. I had to get her husbands phone number through my sister (my niece's mom) to ask him about her favorite places.

No thank you, no email, no text, no message on FaceBook. I was secretly hoping for an actual phone call, "Thanks Aunt E! What a nice surprise!"

I did mention it to my sister as I wasn't sure if my niece received the gift card. She of course spoke to her daughter and voila! A text message.

Three years ago, DH's niece graduated from high school. I made her a bed-sized quilt with Bible verses and images embroidered on it. It cost about $250, and took me more than 200 hours to make it. I know she got it, as my sister-in-law sent me a picture of her with the quilt. Still no word from her...except for a form letter three months later, asking if we would make a donation to help her pay for a holiday visit to Central America (with her church)! When she graduates from college next year, I'm sure I'll get an announcement/request for gift.

The last two weddings I gave gifts for I never received thank you notes. One I did not attend so I sent a gift. I have no clue if they ever got it, no note. A few years ago I drove 8 hours to a wedding and gave cash as a gift because I forgot my checkbook. No thank you note. I have no idea if they ever received the money. It's common courtesy to acknowledge a gift.

Do I see a niece trend? I received no acknowledgement for the high school graduation gift, the wedding gift, the baby gift, the other baby gift, and the hand made quilt (not by me!). I did hear a thanks for the St Louis style pizza kit I sent when I heard she was missing that ---but only because I saw her at the family reunion, where guess there was no inertia to overcome. I think I'm bad at choosing gifts, but not so bad that I've made it impossible to know what to say. The grad gift was money, the wedding and first baby gift were on her registries, the second baby gift was money, the quilt was just out of the blue, so maybe it wasn't her taste.

This makes me think about the next graduation as my niece has gone back to school.

Pretty much everyone else has sent thank you notes, just not the one niece. I

I don't know what to advise, caflowerluver. I empathise.

I got a verbal thank you for the gift from the last wedding I attended. Nothing written. That's more of a thank you that I've received a couple of other times.

Many young adults have no manners. I taught my kids to write thank you notes when they were children and received gifts. With my grandson , since we are local, a verbal thank you is fine. With granddaughter, who isn't local, no one ever gets a thank you unless she is present and then it's just verbal.I told her father, my son, that maybe she's too busy to actually write a note, but she could email me, text me, message me on FB , tweet, or call. It's so easy. So in the long run it just means I won't go out of my way for gifts.

It has been a year since a very close relative was married. I got the shipping confirmation from the company I ordered from. They are a couple who normally send Thank You's quickly. When I posted the same question here I was told to just forget about it. I still wonder about it and if they actually got my gift.

A thank you is not too much to expect.

Lily316, that is the frustrating part, it's so easy!!! Send a text, an email, it just doesn't get easier than that. I make my kids call when they get a gift. It takes about 2 min. I enjoy a quick text with a pic of the gift that I sent, someone wearing the outfit, hat, playing with the toy etc.

Do you know, I have the opposite problem? People act like it's silly I give thank you notes. It's hard to know where the line is. Sure, wedding and shower gifts make sense, but what other times? Not as certain. I often go the less formal route (text, email, verbal) these days when it's a less formal occasion. I hope that's right?!

This is obviously a thing, since so many are experiencing it. These are kids that were raised writing thank you notes, yet now as adults, it's deemed unnecessary.

I agree Rob. It is so easy now to just send a quick text message. I just don't understand the logic. You get a gift card in the mail from Aunt E. How nice. You put it away or in your wallet. And, don't feel in anyway obligated to thank the person? It boggles my mind.

And, aside Rob, my friends make fun of me because I am always 10 minutes early when it's my turn to drive. Then, I have a friend who is always late by 10 minutes. I'm not sure why she feels this is okay since she is never late for work.

This discussion prompted another thought. Gift giving and receiving were special events activity. These days they are not. I went to get a baby shower gift at Toys R us and I was shocked that in the middle of the year the store was packed w/people and merchandise and the place was buzzing with activity, like the day b4 Christmas. So....if getting stuff is no big deal wouldn't gratefulness fade also? As long as there's prosperity this tendency will remain/increase. So it is good advice IMO, to not make the gift about oneself and not take the lack of TY as a personal affront (easier said than done)

I used to sit with my SS at Christmas and make a big deal of TY writing sessions. With one boy it stuck well. He's in sales and has a good grasp of personal relations nuances. The other, in his 30s, still has to be nudged 1/2 the time!

I get insulted when I don't even get a "thank-you" from someone on Freecycle! If I've chosen a person out of a number of requests, I certainly expect the decency of a thank-you.

If I receive something for free from someone on Freecycle, or purchased an item on Kijiji, I always thank them both verbally when I'm picking up the item (and chat for a bit) and a follow up via email, saying how much I liked it and that it's perfect, etc. I've even sent a pic showing how I've used it, and what it looks like in my home. The perfect example was the entertainment unit that I got for free, which is the perfect kitchen storage item for my baking and casserole dishes, etc.

Jasdip, this is how I try to make sense of it. If you are on a diet and you decide to spend a day at a bake shop, the odds are high that you won't be able to resist and will succumb to a choc w/ sprinkles doughnut. Then you'll feel like a weak loser b/c you didn't not exercise self control and morale is shot. In that example the person simply set themselves for failure/disappointment.

Likewise, if you go out of your way to share among people that go on freecycle, clean it, advertise, to get your discards, chances are high that they won't believe they need to thank you for what you no longer want. If you expect so, You are setting yourself to hurt feelings.

putting ones expectations of oneself on the rest of the world Can lead to hurt feelings. I think for our self preservation is best to be happy that we are thankful rather than lament the ungrateful b@@@@@@@. Again much easier said than done, ha.

She's your niece, your her Aunt. Why not just have a discussion with her yourself? As an Aunt you have many opportunities in her life to teach her, this may be the one thing she gets from you. Heck, she may have sent you a thank you and it was lost in the mail or perhaps your neighbor got it (happens all the time on my street) and she's disappointed you haven't said anything to her. Open up and talk to her, no emails, no text just a good heart to heart. It may be a bit uncomfortable at first but I'm sure it will end just fine.

I don't have any children, I have 25 nieces and nephews and I am confident this is a conversation I could have with about 90% of them. Please do it.

"As long as there's prosperity" I'm not sure that is the answer. In many affluent families, courtesy is taught and practices, and in many it is not.

I remember many of the small gifts I have received, and I would always thank the giver. I was a school nurse in inner city poor schools, and I would get gifts at Christmas from some of the parents, I remember the carefully wrapped in napkins home made candies I got one year, and I knew it was a heartfelt gift and thanked both the children who brought it and the parents.

People make their choices, if they think a gift I gave no matter how small is not worth a thank you, they will not be getting another from me.

I never care if I get a thank you or not. Years ago with husband number 1 we made a list and divided up thank you note duties. I finished my stack in a month or so, I found out much later that he only did like 10 of his and then "lost" his list.

Over two years ago, I was invited and attended a MILLION dollar+ wedding....way too extravagant!!!! I gave an article that was on their registry....and it was more expensive than I would have usually purchased....and still not any type of a thank you! Maybe they thought the 7 course dinner was thank you enough....

If you feel that your gift was not appreciated, remember that when the NEXT event rolls around. Maybe a token five dollar bill will get their attention. (Maybe only send half of a bill!)

chisue that's a clever idea!

My philosophy is, no thank you note (email) for the wedding gift, then there's no baby gift. Or vica versa... (whatever order it comes in these days)

If I can take the time to pick out a gift, a card and wrap the thing, then THEY can take the time to write the note.

Bossyvossy, in one sense you're right. When I respond to a Freecycle post I always ask to be considered, and write a bit of a story, or a note of some sort.

Likewise, when I get responses to one of my items "I'll take it, send me your address" it automatically gets deleted.

How about give it to me (I'm not kidding)

My rule is that if I don't get thanked for a wedding present I do not get a first baby gift.

Several years ago I threw a baby shower for a "friend", made the cake, sent invitations, games with prizes, the works.

I didn't get a thank you from her. No card, no email or text, not even a verbal thanks. I've never given another gift to her and we drifted apart.

A few months ago my 7 year old asked me why she needed to write out thank you cards for her birthday presents when she already told people thank you when she opened the gifts. I just told her it is good to get in the practice and it will serve you well when you are older.