skip to main content

Wedding Gifts: Give both wedding & shower gift?

20 years ago

We are going to my nephews wedding in Maine next week. We live in California. I have not heard of a wedding shower for them so did not have the chance to send a gift. We are planning on giving money for the wedding gift. Do I bring an additional gift as a shower gift?

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (6)

sweet_pea10
20 years ago
No, you don't need to bring a shower gift. There may have been a shower, but out of town relatives are not typically invited to them.
talley_sue_nyc
20 years ago
if you weren't invited to the shower, you don't need to give them a shower gift.

If you DID go to a shower, you would give both, as you know.

If you wish you had been invited to the shower, you *could* give them a shower gift, but I wonder if that might make them feel bad for not inviting you--in which case, don't label it a shower gift.

But the wedding gift alone is just fine--and I bet they'll like it, LOL! it'll certainly fit w/ their decorating scheme.
Related Discussions
Wedding Gift-Help
Q
Comments (19)
Personally I like giving a gift that I know they'd like - if they registered then I search the registry for a gift that's a "one of" - like a Waterford pitcher or an appliance. My favorite is giving a KitchenAid mixer because I know how much I love mine. The only time I buy place settings of china is when it's someone I barely know and I'm not personally invested in whether they remember what I gave. As for cash - this is always a tough answer because the 'usual' amount varies so much depending on region and economic abilities of the giver. After several years of no weddings we recently had several and I am so thankful to my girlfriends who answered this same question honestly. They also said $100 a person. I think we're in the same area - southeast PA and for a family member or close friend's child we usually give $200 even if we don't attend. One of my kids had a formal wedding last fall in Kennett Square and the most of the cash gifts they received were in the $150 to $200 range. I hope this helps. Good luck.
...See More
wedding shower gift
Q
Comments (6)
Well, I think they're lovely, and I'd be thrilled to get one, myself. However, I'm not the bride. Is she very young? Most young people these days I know, don't use clocks as decorative features--they don't need them, many don't want them. They have digital displays on their cable box, microwave, range, cable boxes, etc etc etc, not to mention they all have their cell phones in their pockets. And they tend to prefer digital to analogue, also. Do you know any of the family? Can you ask the bride's mom for a suggestion? Mostly, at showers I've been to lately, the gifts are either: exotic lingerie OR useful things that the bride/groom have expressed a need for. Things like enameled cast iron pots (or other specialty kitchen equipment), or lawn equipment, or nice linens. Again--I'm NOT saying it isn't a beautiful clock--just wondering if it's something a young person might like. Now, if the bride is older--40s,50s or so--then the situation is completely different, of course.
...See More
How to graciously decline wedding gifts
Q
Comments (16)
Just to follow up with the end of the story, our wedding was perfect and we're still in post-wedding bliss. We knew that having a small wedding with family only was important, but what we didn't realize was that because the wedding was so small (and maybe because the wine was so good?) the 2 families really came together and had many long and interesting conversations, really getting to know each other. Since they'd never met, we really didn't have any expectations of how well they'd mingle. As it turned out, they all got along famously. Some of the in-town relatives had so much fun that they decided to join us again at the breakfast for out-of-town relatives the morning after the wedding. On the subject of gifts, only a couple people attending the wedding asked us if we were registered anywhere. I told them we didn't really want gifts, but if they wanted to give a donation in our name to their favorite charity then that would be welcome. They ended up donating at one of our online charities. The other guests didn't ask, but gave gift certificates to online stores. One couple gave a nice cookbook. After the wedding, we had a month to prepare for our west coast celebration which was held on our back patio. We'd spent months fixing up our yard, planting over 200 plants and installing a fountain (a great Craig's List find). I did all the cooking myself, and we hired a bartender. It was a blast! The party was about twice as large as the wedding (60 vs 30 people) and the guests from different areas of our lives didn't mingle quite as well as our families did, but everyone seemed to have had a good time. Gifts ran the gamut. A couple of my friends asked if we'd registered anywhere and we gave them our standard line. One group of friends got together and bought a beautiful bench for our patio. Some gave gift cards. Only a few didn't give anything. Most brought a bottle of wine or champagne. Some that couldn't attend contributed to their favorite charity. One of the most meaningful gifts was a homemade card that my friend created from one of our favorite wedding photos that I'd posted on my Facebook page. She'd had it printed and then wrote a beautiful message on the card. I had read on other wedding sites about how difficult it is for brides to opt out of the whole gift registry hoopla, but I didn't find that to be a problem at all. Perhaps because this is a second marriage and because we're older. As it turned out, I'm glad we didn't register anywhere and that gifts weren't a focus of the wedding.
...See More
Sharing some wedding/shower gift ideas
Q
Comments (11)
I have a number of their pieces that I bought years ago when they used to do the Pa. Guild of Craftsmen Show in Bucks County and also had their work in a local shop. The quality of their work is excellent and I’ve bought it for gifts as well. A couple of weeks ago I came across their shop on Etsy. MFitzgeraldpottery. I remember them being very nice to deal with.
...See More
susanjf_gw
20 years ago
no shower, no gift...in my case, i recently purchased a very expensive gift and bride realized it was a combo...and signed her thank-you card as such...
sushipup1
6 years ago
Another necro spam editor. Please help remove spam by flagging it.
sushipup1
5 years ago
last modified: 5 years ago
( I can't edit or delete my post, but spam was removed.)
PRO
cosyjewelry
last month
The short answer: No, you don't need to bring a shower gift. A shower gift is tied to a shower you were invited to. If there was no shower, or you weren't invited to one, there's nothing to make up for. You didn't skip anything — the event simply didn't happen on your radar, and that's not a gift obligation you owe.

The longer answer, for context: Traditionally these are two separate gifts for two separate events. But that rule assumes two things — that a shower actually took place, and that you were invited to it. Neither applies here. Etiquette doesn't require you to retroactively gift an event you were never part of.

A few things worth noting for your situation specifically:
- You're traveling from California to Maine. That's a significant expense on its own, and any reasonable couple understands that. Travel costs are widely considered part of your "gift" in spirit, even if no one says it out loud.
- A monetary wedding gift is completely appropriate — and honestly, for a nephew you're close enough to travel cross-country for, it's a generous and welcome choice.
- Don't double up out of guilt. Bringing an extra "shower gift" to the wedding itself would likely just confuse the couple, since there was no shower to attach it to. It could even read as an oddly large wedding gift rather than a thoughtful gesture.
- If you want to do something extra, a nice card with a personal note means more than a second gift. Something about welcoming your nephew's new spouse into the family, or a memory from when he was growing up, lands far better than an extra box.
One caveat: If it turns out a shower did happen and you simply weren't invited, that's a different situation — but even then, the polite response is to let it go, not to compensate. Being left off a guest list isn't a debt you owe.

So: bring your wedding gift, enjoy the trip, and don't give the shower question another thought. Hope the wedding was lovely, Vicki — and if anyone else is in a similar spot, feel free to share how you handled it!

Related Stories

SHOP HOUZZ Houzz Products: Great Wedding Gifts for Modern Couples

Give newlyweds a gift as memorable as the day itself, to have and to hold in a special place at home

SHOP HOUZZ Shop Houzz: Classic and Quirky Wedding Gifts Under $200

Find the perfect classic or quirky wedding gift for the newlyweds — all for under $200

0

SHOP HOUZZ Shop Houzz: Great Wedding Gifts for Guys

Give him a unique gift that shows you care and speaks to his true style

0

THE POLITE HOUSE The Polite House: Can I Put a Remodel Project on Our Wedding Registry?

Find out how to ask guests for less traditional wedding gifts

SHOP HOUZZ Shop Houzz: Smart Wedding Gifts They’ll Actually Use

A variety of gifts at every price point for your favorite newlyweds

0

SHOP HOUZZ Shop Houzz: Wedding Gifts for Every Couple

Presents they’ll love and use on more than just special occasions

0

SHOP HOUZZ Shop Houzz: Great Wedding Gifts for Jet-Setters

For the couple whose love is as far reaching as their travels

SHOP HOUZZ Shop Houzz: The Best Wedding Gifts Under $100

Wedding gifts to make the bride and groom swoon

0

PRODUCT PICKS Guest Picks: Wedding Gifts They’ll Cherish

Let someone else buy the blender. These are wedding gifts the happy couple will really love to have and to hold

DECORATING GUIDES Make a Wedding Memorable With a Bridal Shower Brunch

By Kristy Woodson Harvey and Beth Woodson

Brides deserve a wedding shower as beautiful as they are. Gather ideas for a lovely fete from this bridal brunch designed by a pro

Sponsored

NME Builders LLC

2 Reviews

Remodeling Company in New Albany, Ohio