We just got married on labor day. We were hoping for gifts of money even though we don't really need money mainly because we also really really didn't need any stuff and we needed stuff less than money, not to mention most of the stuff I like would have cost more than we'd be comfortable asking people to spend. We put the money aside to be used for fun splurge stuff like spa days.

Many people (couples) gave $100 but they were mostly friends of my in-laws who don't have a ton of money. Those who had more cash typically followed the $100 per guest.

For the three of my friends who have gotten married in the last year, I gave gifts off the registry for 2 of them and cash for the 3rd because everything on the registry was purchased except for items like a shredder.

Either money or registry and you should be fine, as long as you don't try to get a gift for the house that you aren't 100 percent sure they will like that they'll feel pressure to display when you visit. We got a few gifts like that including one particular treat that hangs on the wall and now when those relatives come over, we need to take down one of the pictures we normally have up to temporarily swap out for the wall decor that otherwise lives in the basement.

This post was edited by beaglesdoitbetter on Thu, May 2, 13 at 21:29

We had so much to buy and appreciated the money, but looking back on it 35 years later, I have no idea who gave me money, but there are many gifts I remember and I remember the giver. Also, the gifts I got that I appreciate were the things oriented toward entertaining as they were things I probably wouldn't have bought for myself. One gift I have that I love is a round silver tray. I have some lovely crystal serving bowls that I use. I have a terrific set of carving knives that I so appreciate and use regularly still.

Reading Annie's reply, I want to amend my reply slightly.

The best gifts I got were not money but very specific items that were given by people who knew us well enough to do that (such as one piece of furniture that I'd seen at an estate sale many, many, many months before that my friend went back to get as a surprise that I had no idea about, for example).

However, it is hard to find that kind of gift...

I'd go off the registry. That's something they've chosen-but lately the gifts I've seen people register for are really dumb. Why register at Target?

Cash is always good, however. It can be used on the honeymoon (or to pay off the Visa bill used for the caterer ;)

Cash wedding gifts are complicated and when you post on a forum like this you will get all kinds of answers. There are regional and cultural considerations. If you go to a large Italian wedding in Long Island the "proper" amount is very different than a church basement reception in the South.

I would do cash and a small personal gift. I recently gave a nephew a cash gift and a small matelasse pillow with their monogram. For years I have saved the rose petals from flowers from DH. I put some of the petals in a sachet in the pillow and wrote them a note.

I recently saw custom map pillows in the Uncommon Goods catalog. I thought it would be a cute wedding gift for the couple that love a special vacation place or their home town,

http://www.uncommongoods.com/product/custom-map-pillow

This link is fun - it takes into account location, type of event, giver's salary, etc.

Here is a link that might be useful: The Envelope

THANK YOU for doing this topic! My niece is also getting married next month and I totally forgot about the gift until now! lol.

I'm also clueless but I also want it to be a nice gift.

So, I'll be interested to read the replies. The couple both have good jobs and they've been living together for a few years now.

Maybe something in brass. :)

I usually give the couple a $100 an also a gift. I try to find something special that can be monogrammed with her first initial, his first initial and the first initial of their last name in the middle.

Right, it's very regional. Now that I lived in the South, cash is discouraged and most people buy gifts.

One of the nicest gifts we got, not on the registry, was a monogrammed crystal water pitcher set. One of my favorite gifts! We use it every holiday.

Another one was a hand-crocheted wedding-ring throw made by my cousin.

Another was a beautiful shadow box scrapbook-like photo frame made by one of my nieces. Not expensive at all, since she was a college student at the time, but a unique gift that is on display.

At least for this wedding I'm going to in July, I won't have to worry about the gift as I'm making the bride's veil....that is the gift.

Personally I like giving a gift that I know they'd like - if they registered then I search the registry for a gift that's a "one of" - like a Waterford pitcher or an appliance. My favorite is giving a KitchenAid mixer because I know how much I love mine. The only time I buy place settings of china is when it's someone I barely know and I'm not personally invested in whether they remember what I gave.

As for cash - this is always a tough answer because the 'usual' amount varies so much depending on region and economic abilities of the giver. After several years of no weddings we recently had several and I am so thankful to my girlfriends who answered this same question honestly. They also said $100 a person. I think we're in the same area - southeast PA and for a family member or close friend's child we usually give $200 even if we don't attend.

One of my kids had a formal wedding last fall in Kennett Square and the most of the cash gifts they received were in the $150 to $200 range. I hope this helps. Good luck.

Well, it's good to know that things haven't changed all that much then!

I will go back and look at the registry again. She's not much of a crystal pitcher kind of gal.... but I'm sure there is something we can give her that she will remember.

Beagles--you crack me up. You didn't think the shredder would have been an excellent wedding gift?

And I am certainly the LAST person who would ever buy something for someone's home without knowing for sure they wanted it! Trust me on that one--I've been a recipient of those gifts too many times.

And as far as the regional amount thing for cash--it's hard because the wedding is in MA, as I said, but the bride and groom live in NM (for now), but she is career Air Force move a lot.

Back to the registries. (did you know you can register on Amazon?)

Thanks for the thoughts, much appreciated.

Do you happen to have any pottery shops nearby. For the last three weddings I went to I had personalized wedding bowls made for the couple. I had an Irish blessing put on one with the couples first names and date. The other bowls each had different sayings. I was able to pick the colors of the bowels too. They are truly a one of a kind gift that can actually be used as a serving piece or displayed as art work.
The picture below is a sample from the pottery shops website. For personalized bowls the artist adjusts the size of the rim and the lettering to fit the phrase and the couple names/date on the bowl. The link provided shows other examples

Here is a link that might be useful: wedding bowls

This post was edited by badgergal on Fri, May 3, 13 at 12:40

For the last few weddings I've been to I started giving a classic, heirloom quality wooden salad bowl from Holland Bowl Mill. I think people genuinely liked this as I got more than a perfunctory thank-you. Last time I bought one it was less than $190 though - on sale I think. You can have them personalized on the bottom - which they pointed out can easily be sanded off. I guess if they don't like it or the marriage doesn't last.....

I usually look at the registry and in the past have purchased something from there. But more recently the whole registry thing just hasn't set well with me. It's like the couple checked off everything in the store and really, are you actually going to use all that stuff? It just struck me as mindless checking off of massive quantities of stuff on a list vs. thoughtful consideration of things they really wanted and/or needed.

Here is a link that might be useful: Holland Bowl Mill

This post was edited by gibby3000 on Fri, May 3, 13 at 10:56

I love the pottery idea above but if they move around a lot due to military, maybe something fragile isn't a good idea.

We also got a platter from my then-boss and his wife that they bought while travelling in Italy.

The last non-money wedding gift I bought was for a young couple of modest means in Florida. I decided to do a sort of theme gift and it went over pretty well. I did a hurricane preparedness basket that included a profane hot plate, a nice quality deep fry pan, a cookbook on one pot meals, and other miscellaneous hurricane supplies that really add up in $$$ when you are just starting out. I also bought a pretty blown glass vase at homegoods that matched the comforter color on their gift registry and the color of the fry pan. It all went in a nice storage basket (storage baskets are handy too). I bought several things at HomeGâÂÂs, the hotplate and miscellaneous from Wally land and the book on Amazon.

It's so much harder to buy for a couple that is comfortable financially but there are some good examples above.

We have a slightly different situation but I'll share anyway. We are going to the wedding of an old friend of DH. Haven't even seen the guy in a few years but really happy for him -- finally getting married for the first time at age 50! We got them a gift certificate to a really nice, newish restaurant that is close to where they live -- and it's getting rave reviews. There is an annual ceramic/pottery sale going on near us next week so I'm planning to get an interesting little bowl or something so they'll also have a "thing" to open.

Everybody likes money! Around me, 100.00 p.p. Is common, unless very close relative or friend.

Thought I'd update. Came down to right before the wedding. I looked at the registry and all the china had been bought. I asked the mother of the bride what she thought about some of the other ideas on there, or should we do "boring" cash. Actually the conversation started by asking if the bride would be changing her name so I could write the check to "Mary & John Smith".....she said yes, and she indicated they really would like the money because they wanted to get some living room furniture.

So, we did the money thing. Told my dd2 to buy from the registry--kind of odd for a cousin to give another cousin money, imo.

Thanks for all the great ideas.

Bee

PS--the wedding was great. Fabulous weather too.

FWIW, if I don't know someone well, I give them money (at least 100/head, sometimes more if they are a relative). But then I am very particular about the card. It has to be very special, hand made, one of a kind.

If i know someone well, I always buy a registry gift, but then I also select a small, personal, surprise gift.