My suggestion, for what it's worth, would be to tell her you don't really know what to say, the nightmare is overwhelming, don't know what to do except to be with her, adding love and prayers for her, and help any way you can. That might mean making phone calls, staying out of the way or getting IN the way, dodging well-meaning but unwanted people or attention, making arrangements, listening to crying and screaming and saying nothing, anything at all, really. And then be sure to have a hand to hold, shoulder to cry on, lots of tissues, water to drink, coffee, sandwiches, blanket, anything else you can think of she might need and forget - medications you know she takes, her favorite books or pictures of her daughter, whatever. When I lost my beloved father, the last thing *I* wanted was people telling me they knew how I felt - they didn't, they couldn't, because he was MY father and I had a unique relationship with him. The only things that actually helped was my brother saying nothing and just holding me, my daughter bringing me dinner when I couldn't eat and my granddaughter sleeping on my shoulder and letting me hold her. Best wishes and my prayers to your family ... Virginia

How disrespectful it is to the deceased to have a topic such as their tragic death be used as an opportunity to climb onto a soapbox and chant mantras. It's as disrespectful to the person as the Bible-wavers protesting at funerals, and equally inappropriate IMO. The pendulum swings both ways to the extremes a lot of times and I often find both ends to be equally out of touch. Enough on that. Back to the topic. My condolences to the family, friends and community.

I think you handled that well. And you know your neighbor - we do not. I found it a learning experience to see some of the different responses. We have a life long friend who lost her son. Every year on his birthday and the anniversary of his death, I send a 'valued friend' or 'thinking of you today' card, or call and see if they are free for dinner - but something. She is so appreciative to know he's being thought of by someone outside the family and welcomes the opportunity to talk about him. I don't think that will change, it was 10 years this year. I do admit its the only active reminder of a date of death I have in my calendar, but I know her well enough to anticipate her need.

I honestly don't know what to suggest. We've had 7 dogs in 50 years and all had a canine companion - except for our last dog. None of them seemed to grieve the loss of their companion other than a few days of mild uncertainty. They seemed to be more sensitive to our sadness and would come and sit next to me or put their nose in my lap when I was upset. They were all indoor dogs and part of our family but not lap dogs although I doubt that made a difference. We had one set of siblings - brother and sister and Cleo was the alpha of the pair. Your photo of your 2 Frenchies sleeping back to back reminded me of how they slept. When Cleo died Ozzie seemed more attentive for a few days but quickly resumed his normal behavior. As for having the companion dog witness the euthanasia or seeing the body afterwards - I don't think it makes a difference. You could ask your vet about that. It seems unnecessary to me. We've known our vet for over 25 years and he is remarkable. He has always taken his time with exams, answered all our questions and he and DH often talked about various pet and human illnesses and treatments. Our dogs were large breeds and we took them to the vet's office. But he came to our home for our last one. I'm still getting teary eyed as I write this because it was just last week. The 3 of us sat on the floor petting her and holding her head and when it was over this wonderful man cradled her in his arms and carried her to his van. Maggie will be cremated and her remains will join the other 6 in the back yard under the beech tree. DH calls it his secret garden and he's planted ferns, hostas, and hellebores there and he has a wrought iron bench where he likes to sit with his coffee. I know what you're going through - it is such a difficult time for all. Sending hugs... Maire