how to help a grieving mom


tomorrow I am going to visit my beautful cousin who lost her 20 yr old daughter today. She passed away after complications from surgery. She held on for a few days after surgery and passed in the hospital. I adore my cousin and loved her daughter deeply. I will be seeing her under horrific conditions as she is unable to fly her daughter home for burial until Sunday. They are in another state apart from where they live as her surgery was performed in a hospital several states away. I cannot even begin to fathom the pain she is suffering. I will be flying there to stay with her until they can bring her beautiful girl home.

I am pleading for any information on how to help her survive this horrific tragedy. I understand that I cant heal her pain but any suggestions will be deeply appreciated.

Bless you all who are suffering with the pain of losing a loved one


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My suggestion, for what it's worth, would be to tell her you don't really know what to say, the nightmare is overwhelming, don't know what to do except to be with her, adding love and prayers for her, and help any way you can. That might mean making phone calls, staying out of the way or getting IN the way, dodging well-meaning but unwanted people or attention, making arrangements, listening to crying and screaming and saying nothing, anything at all, really.

And then be sure to have a hand to hold, shoulder to cry on, lots of tissues, water to drink, coffee, sandwiches, blanket, anything else you can think of she might need and forget - medications you know she takes, her favorite books or pictures of her daughter, whatever.

When I lost my beloved father, the last thing *I* wanted was people telling me they knew how I felt - they didn't, they couldn't, because he was MY father and I had a unique relationship with him. The only things that actually helped was my brother saying nothing and just holding me, my daughter bringing me dinner when I couldn't eat and my granddaughter sleeping on my shoulder and letting me hold her.

Best wishes and my prayers to your family ...

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I'm so sorry.

Virginia had a lot of excellent advice;
the everyday tasks can be a burden, so you can do things like being sure she has bread & milk, & remembering to be sure that somebody feeds the pets, & cleans the kitchen & the bathroom, & carries out the trash, & makes sure the car has gasoline.

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thank you for the helpful suggestions.

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