Son Got Engaged, wedding planning not going well

dollfanz

My 34 year old son finally got engaged for the first time to a lovely girl. I have only met her once as they both live in another city. Since the engagement, the wedding planning for them has not gone well. I know this is normal but every detail seems to come with problems.

At first it was the money. So my husband and I gave them pretty much all the money they need for the wedding. Then they couldn't agree on the venue. She finally won that one out.

Now my son doesn't want pretty much any of my family there. So basically we are paying for a wedding for 150 people and he doesn't want to invite any of my family.

Mind you my family is small. 15 people. Which again we are paying for. So I told him fine. Invite who you want.

That was the end of the phone call. He just texted me and said he was returning our money tomorrow. I texted back, fine. That was it. I don't know where things will go from here. I can tell you my son is a bit of a control freak.

I really feel bad because we sent this money, not really being able to afford it but wanted to help take the stress off of the 2 of them. But him not inviting my family is terrible. It would cause so much pain and chaos in our small family if they weren't invited. I don't know what to do.

Maybe I'm not even invited anymore. Who knows.

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kitasei

You all have to keep focused on what's really important -- the impending marriage - and not the wedding. Accept the return of the money graciously, and let him know that you want his marriage to succeed. It is not a good sign if he is embarrassed of his family, but so be it. In any case, the couple should have the kind of wedding that they want but also that they can afford. Let it be a pot luck picnic for 150 or an elopement. But remind your son not to take his eye off the prize -- the marriage ahead- and that you won't either. Good luck! Oh - you could ask if you could host an engagement party or party after the wedding to introduce the bride to your family and friends.

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kathyg_in_mi

At 34 he shouldn't even be talking to you about money! When our DD was about to be married my DH told me he planned on paying for her wedding. I said Oh No! we still had 3 boys in college and I told him she has expensive tastes, Plus we helped her thru medical school by buying her a car, paying for auto and health insurance, plus we have 3 more weddings in the future! So that's what we did. Gave her $10,000 and said do what you will with it!

Each of the boys got the same. But along with the money DH told all of them they should use it towards a house. Didn't happen, but he just had to say it.

All of our kids appreciated what we gave them. Kathy G in MI

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dollfanz

He did call and apologize and said his fiancé told him "It's not about all YOU anymore" I like this girl already. So family is invited now. Thanks everyone.

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tfitz1006

I think it's kind of crazy that you'd offer to finance the entire thing, sorry.

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Beverly Hills

Nosy question, but where did the money end up? When there are family members who expect to be invited but the bride or groom doesn't want to, a destination wedding is a good answer. Like really far away and expensive to get to.

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