Funny you should write this today. Last night I drove by our old house for the first time since we moved out last October. We lived there for 23 years and loved our time there but it was time to move on. I'm not as attached or sentimental about it as you are. It's more a curiosity about what the new owner will do with the place. I was happy to find out when I met her at the closing that she loved many of the same things that appealed to us. I was pretty much "at peace" turning it over to someone with the fresh enthusiasm and passion for the place that we no longer had.

What I find most interesting is how I've already gotten used to the look and feel of my quite different new neighborhood. The old community had some really gargantuan homes (not ours) that I just got used to seeing every day. Now they seem enormous when I drive by. Also the lots were large and even with gigantic houses they are very far apart. I'd just gotten used to that too and now the space between the houses seems amazingly big.

I was pretty much "at peace" turning it over to someone with the fresh enthusiasm and passion for the place that we no longer had.

That's exactly how I feel about the new owner of our old place. And just knowing that she wanted the house so very much took away any unsettled feeling that I thought I might have.

I know we made the right move, and I adore our new home, new neighborhood, new church, new shopping areas, and the fact that we are about 5 minutes away from my parents and 12-15 minutes away from his. But I poured so much of myself into the old place, that I think it's just going to take some more time to not feel weepy about it on occasion.

We moved almost 8 years ago and it still bothers me. I loved our home and didn't want to leave. My childern grew up there. I am only, now, starting to feel like this home is mine. But, that is because we are basically changing everything about it, making it feel more like us.

I know your pain. We moved into this "used" home last year, it is actually a year today. I LOVED my previous home. Every detail of that house we decided on as it was our last custom built and the best one imo. It is too far for me to drive by but I have pictures of it on my computer that I look at from time to time, but am sad after I do so I dont do it too often. Would have loved to move that house into town so the location would have changed but not my house.

When our children were very young, we lived in several homes in another state, for my late husband's work and education.

I loved the last house we lived in--an early 1900s bungalow with floors like honey, stained glass window, and wonderful built-ins. We were considering buying it, when my husband was offered a job with a teaching position at a college near our home town. Although I was very happy to move 'back home' to be near our families, I
have very good memories of our little family, trekking across the
country all on our own.

Since I can't drive by the houses, occasionally I look them up on google maps, to see how they've changed. The first two were just houses. I didn't like them as much, and I knew they were temporary, so I didn't become as attached as I was to the last one. But I have happy memories of all of them--I understand exactly how you feel.

Oh, that nostalgic feeling, I know it well. Some days it just grabs you by surprise doesn't it? I haven't felt that way about a house, because I've always liked the new one better, but I recently had that feeling when I went to the doctors office for the first time since he retired. 29 years of seeing him, then one day he's not there. Retired. I felt like I was having a panic attack walking in there to see a new doctor.

I often drive past the first home I purchased, and regret just a little that soon after I closed, I became engaged, then married, then baby, then we moved, and while I did the things on my "within two years" list, I never got to the "in 5 years" list. Great location for a single woman, a couple, and a young family.

I sometimes drive past our next home we lived in and am glad to see new owners doing the things we didn't get to (but I do not want to see "my" garden in the back; the people we sold it to were self-confessed non-gardeners. The new people look like they are, though). I miss the neighborhood it was when we moved in, but not the neighborhood it had become by the time we moved out.

I have family living near the house I grew up in, and I love driving past it and remembering how great it was to grow up in that house and that neighborhood, and thinking it would have been a good place to raise my own family.

But, I also drive by the places I seriously considered (and discarded, usually because of price and maintenance) and imagine "what might have been".

Can you tell I'm a romantic daydreamer? :)

Thank you all for understanding. I don't feel so alone this morning.

I also feel it's important (for some reason) to say that I have never pined for an ex-lover the way I've pined for an ex-house! I think that says a lot about my priorities. LOL!

I keep thinking how hard it will be if I have to go into assisted living or nursing home and leave my house. Hopefully not for another 25yrs, but you never know. A friend told me once, "Oh, you'll probably just sit down in the garden some day and that will be it". I knew what he meant by "it". Kind of comforting in a way.

I know exactly what you mean only my experience is sort of opposite yours. My very first house, that I bought all by myself at the age of 32 after I was divorced 17 years ago, was a cute little cottage. It hadn't been in very good repair, so I completely remodeled it myself and gave it beautiful gardens in front and back. A few years ago I drove by out of curiosity and a tiny bit of homesickness/nostalgia, and the front was trashed. My cute little house hasn't been properly maintained and the front garden looked terrible. The same people who bought it from me still owned it. I drove away even more homesick and even sobbing, which surprised me, given I sold it 11 years ago when I got married again.

I also pine for ex houses, not ex lovers. ;)

Oh Bluebell! That would crush me. I'm so sorry that happened to your old place. :-(

I totally understand your feelings, TR. 12 yrs ago, we moved right around the corner from our old house. So many memories there, especially my daughter's birth and childhood. I couldn't drive by for a long time.

Unfortunately, the owners tore out arbors, paths, trees, etc, that my late husband and I built/planted. It hurts to see it, even though I know it's their house to do with what they want.

Time helps. Now I'll really miss this house when we move someday. It was the last house my late husband lived in, so I'm expecting some brutal feelings when I leave.

Hugs! I'm so glad the new owner of yours loves the house as you did. But I understand the pull of emotions and pangs of change.

ETA: Didn't see your post before mine, Bluebell. Our stories are similar. It's hard to see those changes. :(

I'm with you Jen. My first DH and I custom built a home when our children were young. After his death, when I eventually remarried I knew I couldn't live in our family home with another man so I sold it. I don't often drive there to see it as it is forty minutes away and a private community so it isn't on the way to anything. The few times I have purposely driven by my heart just aches for the many wonderful years that I spent there with my beloved DH and our family. I have avoided going there for years because it is so heart wrenching. That house was the home for our hearts and love for each other. I have a very happy life but I still pine for my first DH and the home we shared together with our DC.

MizGG, that would be absolutely gutting! All the hard work you did to make it beautiful, and then the next people come in and rip those things out? Yikes.

The good news is that I really, really, really love the new place. I still have that feeling of waking up and kinda needing to pinch myself to see if it's all true. I love the new place so much that I actually find it very hard to leave it. Going to work - well, of course - I have to do that. But I've also got a business trip coming up soon and I'll have to be away for a few days. I used to really look forward to getting to stay in a nice resort, with a modern bathroom that's mine, all mine, to use. I'd rather be in my own home now. And can I just say again what an absolute delight it is to have a dishwasher now? Something we didn't have for nearly 13 years. ;-)

I greatly appreciate the commiseration, ladies. It helps a lot.

I empathize with you.

The home I sold last May was built to be our "forever home" but when my husband died, it wasn't the same. I couldn't stay, even though I loved the house...our sons loved the house and, if they could have moved it closer to their jobs, they would have wanted it. We had poured our creativity into the house and grounds---I had extensive gardens; my husband had his swimming pool. A young family with four kids now owns the house.

I'm still close with my former neighbors. One stopped by on Sunday; another came to see me yesterday and she, my dog and I, walked to lunch to a nearby cafe/bakery.

This morning, two more former neighbors sent an email, inviting me to join them for breakfast on April 9.

I miss the life I had in that house, but I don't miss the emptiness after my DH died. I miss my neighbors.

I don't drive by the house that my ex and I put so much love and heart into, because he still lives there, alone, in a huge house surrounded by grand concrete columns and five acres of avocado groves in a beautiful hilly area. It was custom built, the Axminster carpets were shipped from England, the kitchen was a dream from a magazine, the three bedrooms had en suite bathrooms and there was a powder room, beautiful architecture and gorgeous custom-built fireplaces in two rooms. I planted antique roses everywhere , and flowering trees, and watched them grow and bloom. When I googled the house, it sat on a barren platform, everything I planted either ripped out or left to die. I was fortunate to find a new, happy life in another house in the hills, much more modest but very dear to me. I won't be looking at the old house again.

It's lovely and a little bittersweet to read all of your reminisces of places where you experienced some special years in your lives. We have moved so many times that I don't have the same connection to any of my former dwellings, but I can understand why you do.

I would miss the gardens I've created over the past 35 years. All of it was a learning experience and labor of love. As much as I like our old house, it's always in need of some repair and I'm so tired of that.

Btw, birdbaths don't breed mosquitoes if you change the water once a week or place a mosquito "dunk" in the bath.

Another romantic here - but luckily I don't pine after my first house. The current owners have completely changed it and I just don't recognize it. They added on to both sides and the back, faced the front with stone, built a detached 3 car garage and added a pergola to the front walk.

Now when I leave my current home things will be dramatically different. We've been here 32 years and we've completely redone this place. We put on a 1,000 square foot two story addition, added a large screened porch, gutted and remodeled 4 bathrooms, widened interior doorways, added a deck, pool, hot tub and landscaped for privacy. My kitchen is my favorite - it's 20 by 32 and I'm not sure how I'll feel when we finally downsize.

We've had such a mosquito problem in this area (West Nile case right in my old neighborhood) that the city has in the past implemented a no-standing-water policy. This includes birdbaths.

It can be very upsetting to drive by an old house.

I have driven by the house I grew up in, and it's a bit upsetting to see the the 2 pine trees so big that they're blocking the entire view of the house! Does no one think to remove trees when they're old and unruly? Do people not know they can and should maintain or make changes as needed?

I remember how hard my dad worked on the house, loving most every minute of it. He was SO proud of his home. I think I got that from him- the notion that you don't let things go to pot, and you work to maintain and improve.

It appears the OP's old house is being cared for and loved, albeit the new owners will have to learn some things the hard way!

I still drive by my previous home...13 yrs later. I always look for my old cars on the road too. Never seen one yet tho ;-)

It makes perfect sense to me. We built a new home that is, in almost every conceivable way, better than our former starter home. I have a shorter commute, go home to a nicer house, in a much nicer neighborhood. And yet every time I drive by that former cute little starter home....I miss it. Its new owners are not taking care of it like we did either, so it's starting to look a little run down.

I loved that little house. We put our heart and soul into making it nice. It sounds sort-of similar to your current situation. I know your former house was adorable - very charming. Your new house is spectacularly beautiful. But it's different and I suspect part of you will always miss that cute little home.

I hope we don't get to that. I have birdbaths, but if you change the wter frequently, you won't get mosquitos. I have also considered a small solar pump to circulate the water to deter them. My trouble spot is underneath my azaleas that line the front porch. Apparently just enough mulch, pine needles and/or leaves to trap some moisture for them. No puddles though -- haven't' figured that one out.

My first house was in the M streets in Dallas and I have always loved that house and regretted not staying there longer. I left it when I got married and moved to CA. I hadn't seen it in many years when I was driving one of my sons home from a music camp in Denton and decided to take a detour off the freeway. I was so heartborken. The house and the landscaping looked terrible -- not different, just neglected. The garage (had a studio behind it) looked like it would fall down if you pushed. A few years later, I decided to drive by again. I figured it would be better or gone. Someone tore down the garage and added on to the back of the house instead. I hope they kept the 1920s charm, but at least they were loving it and caring for it.

We rented as newlyweds in CA and bought a house about the time our second was born. We moved back to TX just 2-1/2 years later, so that was another one where we felt like we should have stayed longer. We did small things to take some of the cookie cutter out of the interior, but ou big project was adding landscaping to the side and back yards. It was a tiny lot, not much more than a patio size, but we managed to add some roses (that was where I had the gourmet popcorn rose I loved), fruit trees (a couple of multi-grafted and a miniature so we got more from limited space) added some tomoatoes, veggies and herb into the back beds -- mixed in ith flowers. DH was back in the areea on business and drove by while there was an open house. The new owner was a photographer and was having an pne house to show his work. The furnishings were different, but they had kept most of what we had done and told DH they especially loved what we had done with the landscaping and were enjoying the fruit. They even gave him a bag of apples to take home, so I got to eat an aple off the tree I picked out and planted.

I guess the things I have missed have all been resolved though I wonder about the next move. We bought this house nearly 14 years ago, and because of the pool in the backyard, I always said we didn't have room for fruit trees. I was resigned to the limited space, but over the years, we've been trying a few things (brought a native plum volunteeer from the laast house with us and have citrus in pots, added mango in a container, found a couple of multi-grafted trees again and in a couple yearss may actually be enjoying fruit we planted and grew. We also redid the kitchen and couldn't' settle for some of the builder disasters again. And we're going to redo the bathrooms. IT would be hard to leave here after making everything our own, but we don't plan too. DH said he was done moving and would leave this house in a wooden box, but if our boys settle somewhere else, ya never know.....

I very occasionally drive past a house that my father built with his own two hands when I was an infant. We lived in that house until I was about 5 years old, and I remember it still. My father (an executive) built the house on a lovely few acres of land that my mother's parents had given them as a wedding gift. They painted the house red; we called it "the little red house." To this day it is still red and fresh and cute even though half a century has gone by. My father, who loved working with his hands, now has the beginning of Alzheimer's disease, and can no longer do the things he loved so much.

A year and a half ago I sold the
house where my kids grew up. It was an old Victorian and my second husband and
I completely renovated it over the years, and then he died suddenly and the
kids were grown and gone. After living there alone for about two years, I sold
it to a friend of a friend. She sometimes posts photos on Facebook of her kids
on the front porch or meals she made in the kitchen, and one recent post was about
her daffodils coming up. Um, no, those are MY daffodils.

I love my new house and location
and I don’t want my old house back, but I have lovely memories of it. I’m so glad
that a new family loves it too. But it does hurt just a little bit.

Eighteen months ago my mother moved into a new apartment which is just half a block away from the first home that my DH and I owned. It's a townhouse and I park in front of it when visiting my mom. It brings back so many memories as both kids were born there although we moved when the youngest was only 6 weeks old. I do recognize that it was much too small for a family of four but it was still our first home, our starter home. It is located in a very vibrant, lively part of town and I miss that aspect of the area.

Our current home, which we then moved to, is our family home and is only 15 minutes away from our first home. Our kids grew up here and when it's time to move on I will miss this home. But again, I recognize that it was/is our family home and we will still be here for a few more years.

I'm hoping that we will have a retirement home which is still to come.

No shortage of mosquitos here. Spraying is already starting for the year. Has your city outlawed fountains too? I realize they're not an issue as long as the water is moving, but that's not always the case.

I do understand the feelings expressed here. One house in particular was where I really learned to garden and cultivated some really neat little wildflower gardens. I had both a shady and a sunny garden established that I hated to leave, but it was due to a divorce from my first husband. I didn't really have a strong attachment to the house, but I really hated leaving a lot of things behind that I didn't have the time to dig up and replant, as I was re-locating temporarily to an apartment. In hindsight I should have dug them anyway, but it wasn't a priority then.

I do drive by the house on occasion and still regret that the current homeowner hasn't kept up any of the gardens. Probably thought they were weeds and yanked them up.

We drive by my childhood home about 35 miles from our current home quite often as it is near our lake condo. The current owners have made remarkable improvements to the home over the years and it looks wonderful. Happy to see that.

I'm going to miss this house. We moved here the year my son headed aross the country to grad school and my daughter left for college. As much as I treasure the memories of our first home where they grew up, this one has felt like My house.

My parents' health issues spurred our move here to live near them and their care became my daily work. It is a labor of love. But anyone who has cared for an elderly parent, especially one suffering from dementia, knows how draining some days can be. When I turn down my street I am so relieved to see my home! This is where I relax and renew. I seldom want to leave, preferring to cook and entertain here and be in my own space with my dogs. This home is my haven.

We built a lakehouse 10 years ago with thoughts that we would retire there. It is DH's dream home. I love it, too, but I've grown more attached to living here than I thought I would. It's private but not isolated, and close to everything I need. I just love the feeling of how light-filled and comfortable it is. I know circumstances may change in the coming years that may alter my feelings, but I am heartsick at the thought of selling this house.

I understand Jen, being a sentalmentalist myself. I visit my bff in IL every year, and each time 'feel the need' to drive by my childhood home, about 35 minutes from where she lives. I think what I really want to know is that the house is being as well taken care of as when we lived there, and thank goodness it is. After the 'drive by' I go to the cemetary, sometimes stopping to get a fresh plant to put in the ground. I pull weeds around the headstone, the whole time talking to Mom and Dad, tears streaming down my/face, but at the same time knowing this is all a part of life. My dear friend sits in the car waiting, while I do what i've been doing for years. I go back to Ca every year, and also feel the need to do 'the inspection', 3 different houses, 3 different neighborhoods. I always get warm fuzzies, seeing all the homes are being maintained nicely, and on the last 'visit', palm trees had been added to the front yard of the first home we lived I. The house, on the canyon as we called it. It was where the kids grew up, then left to be on their own, so bittersweet memories. The other two homes were smaller, since we didn't need as much space with the kids gone. A young couple bought house number 2, and last year when I drove by noticed they had pulled out all the Rose bushes in the front yard, and wondered if they had done the same in the backyard. The last house was a 3 story condo, and also looked out over a canyon. I remember the beautiful sunsets on many evenings. On a clear day, I could also catch a *glimpse* of the ocean. It was sold to a recently divorced woman, who was having a difficult time with her newly single status. She tried to back out of sale the day before closing, but her RE agent apparently had a talk with her, convincing her she was making the right decision. I can only speak for myself, but letting go is not easy, especially in those places you've created memories. When I built my home in Tx, I thought it would be my forever home, but now that DD has moved 'out to the country', almost an hour away, i'm rethinking that. It will be a sad day.

Thank you all for understanding, and thank you especially for the stories shared. These have been very touching, and it's easy to see that many of us have had similar experiences when it has come to leaving a place we have loved.

I realize it's a good thing to feel the sadness of saying goodbye. It means that something has been of tremendous value in our lives.

We've been in our current house for 31 years. We moved in when it was brand new and my oldest was 6 months old. When we downsize in a few years, I know I will bawl like a baby the day we leave not because I love the house but because it's where we raised the kids and have all the memories. I've never loved the house.....a tract colonial.....kitchen is too small, not enough closets or storage, etc.. Hopefully I will get more of what I want in our retirement home.

In June we are traveling for a family wedding and will go to my hometown. I haven't been back in 20 years. The current owners of my childhood home have made major changes. Two of my brothers met them and they were gracious enough to show them inside. I won't knock on the door but am so looking forward to visiting my old haunts, eating in favorite restaurants still there and taking a long walk down memory lane.

Speaking of bawling, yes I bawled like a baby when I signed over my house last year to the new owners. I didn't want to sell it, but I had to due to having to relocate for a job. I too miss my garden the most. But so much about the house too. It was my first home and just about everything about living there made me happy. I had a lot of fun decorting it to make it my very own, and a lot of good memories of friends and family there. In fact, I joined GW because of that, seeking family holiday cooking advice and decorating help. For better or worse my old house is 600 miles away so I can't drive by it, and that's probably a good thing. On the flip side, I moved back to my hometown and drive by my family home almost every week. Since my folks always lived in the same town, I could pretty much see the place whenever I visited if I wanted to. I doubt the new owners are keeping it up as good as my folks did, but it was well sided so it looks more or less the same on the outside. They took down two lovely norway spruces in the back, I guess they didn't like the way they hung down over the house, and all the lovely old sugar maples that were the street trees I grew up with have died. My old neighborhood aint what it used to be but neither are most of the little towns around here. Almost two decades of jobs decline has decimated the middle class and no one wants to buy and maintain all the stately old homes. At least half of them are in quite a bit of disrepair.

Don't birds eat mosquitoes? They should require swallow nests be installed instead.

We have moved so many times, and I do look at those houses online (too far away to drive by). The last move was the worst, because we lived in one place for 12 years and made so many friends there. I hated leaving it, and three years later, sometimes it still makes me cry. My new house is much better, and closer to things, and the children have adjusted fine, but I miss my old life, my friends, my community.

I've had two experiences like this, but neither were houses I owned. One was my parents' house, which I only lived in during college. Dad lived there for 31 years until he died. DH and I spent an entire year gutting and renovating to get it in good repair to sell (he was ill and let it go.) Every spare moment was spent on that danged house! We finally sold it to a young family who have plans to drastically modify it. I think that will be fun to see, but I cannot bring myself to drive by. It's been over a year, and I can't bear the thought of going by and seeing a dumpster with all of my hard work piled in.

The other was my grandparents' house. It was built in 1930, and has only had two owners. The family that bought it from the estate still lives there, and that was 1993. A couple of years ago, my sister and I were in the hometown and drove by. On a whim, we knocked on the door. The man of the house was home, and we explained who we were and asked if we could step inside. He ended up showing us all around. They had modified and updated, but kept the house very much like it had always been, just better. There were even still squeaks in the floor that I remembered from childhood. We were so happy that another generation of kids had grown up in that house, and now they had grandkids too. It was a happy visit.

It's so moving to read everyone's reminiscences, especially from those who have mentioned the loss of a life partner. My husband shares my house passion, and he too poured heart & soul into them, plus the bulk of the hard labor (and suffered the most wasp stings). I look back on the 3 houses we've owned and feel enormous gratification for our dual effort. But I'm amazed at the bond we have for each other that's somehow expressed in fixing up those homes. Is that strange? Does anybody else think this way too? I can't think of our houses without thinking of my love for my husband. It speaks volumes that we've never, ever argued over fixing up a house, not even a small conflict. We are very different people in many ways, but we're totally on the same page when it comes to the house. It's a shared creative outlet, I guess. So the stories from those of you who moved on after the loss of your loved ones hit me a little hard. Too difficult to think about.

We know people who have a passion for travel. They save every penny so they can spend it on an exotic trip, even to the point of living in a simple, plain house & buying used items. Their lives sound glamorous and exciting, in a way, since they've traveled the world & have tales to tell. I like to travel too, but if I have a choice, if I have extra money, I'd rather spend it on house improvement/beautification. Travel memories fade, & you get tired of seeing the same old pictures. But house improvements reward every day for years.

Fun2BHere's comment that she's moved too frequently to be attached to any house is fascinating and made me laugh a little too. The irony!

Here is our 2nd home, a 1956 gem in NOLA that had gone into disrepair. We bought it in 1988 after it had sat empty for 3 years. It was built by a family that owned a stone & tile store. The house had fabulous slate floors (under thick layers of old wax) and wonderful tile & tilework in the kitchen & baths. A strong MCM design style inside, it had built-ins galore for amazing storage, & a well-designed kitchen (but dog scratches on the cabinets). The aluminum windows were shot; they flapped in a strong breeze had to be replaced. We were lucky that MCM design was way out of style back then; nobody else wanted this dated, dirty fixer-upper. I loved the style as a child, though, and was thrilled to get the house.

We had yet to replace the big front windows, and my dream was to put a green tile roof on it (flat tiles, not barrel -- more contemporary).

But a sudden job change yanked us to CT, and perhaps it's just as well, because Katrina flooded the home 9 years later. The owner abandoned the house. This is 2 years post-Katrina:

A young Russian couple bought it a few years ago & fixed it up. They stripped the MCM elements out, but I'm not sure they were salvageable anyway. They were kind enough to let my son tour the house & take pictures when he was back visiting friends. It looks a little Home Depot on the inside now, but I'm happy the house is once again loved and that they have a comfortable house in a great neighborhood to raise their growing family.

Wow, I could pour my heart out. We lived in one home for 41 years. We had our children born there and every tree, shrub and bush were planted by us.

We retired and moved to Florida. We felt keeping the big house would cost too much. It was during the financial crisis.

Our life and house was in Westchester County, NY. A suburb of NYC. So close to NYC yet wooded and lovely.

My best friend was my next door neighbor. She sends me photos of my trees and the land we loved so much. I cry frequently over my house.

I always feel like its time for me to go home. But I can't, someone else lives there.

I so miss home. It will always be home. 41 years is a long time to live your life. I feel every day that I want to go home.

Jane

We lived in our old house for 32 years. While I have driven past a couple of times since or poured over the photos in the realtor ad on line as it's been resold, I haven't missed living there once....well maybe for the convenience of the location...but that's about it. I was so delighted to be moving back to where DH and I both grew up, into our new home, that leaving the old house was pretty easy. I did cry a lot though when the guy was here with the machine tearing down the old home on this property to make way for the new one. That one ripped my heart out...

Jane, I feel your pain. It looks like a paradise. Hope the ache diminishes a bit with each passing year.

After all the love you had (have) for that house I think it would be impossible to just walk away and not miss it. Remember all the painting threads when you did the kitchen and dining room? And the cute cottage stuff you were really into a few years back?. There are a lot of memories of your house even here in the forum!

We are late comers to being homeowners, it's something I dreamt about my entire adult life but as a single mother in an expensive area, it was always out of reach. Now that the dream has come true and we've invested so much of ourselves in it, it's difficult to imagine ever leaving it behind..