Having a hard day

SandieFL

I lost my husband just over a year ago.We were married for 50 years and renewed our vows on our 50th anniversary. The last year of our life together was very painful.He died of lung cancer. He died a month shy of our 51st anniversary. What would be our 52nd is coming up this month. I don't even know how to put down what I am feeling but I know that all of you share my feelings.

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lchrizz

I'm so sorry that you're having an especially hard day today. You've been through a lot with your husband's illness and passing. Allow yourself to grieve. Is there anyone you can call or visit? I hope that you can find solace in family or friends who will support you. *Many hugs* PS I just happened upon your message. Somebody must have sent me here to wish you well.

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SandieFL

Thank you for the hugs. I do have two daughters and a son and grandchildren. They do help me and I have friends and have joined a support group but sometimes I just don't wan t them to know how much I am hurting. I have lost my Mom and Dad and all three of my siblings.I just want to talk to one of them and I do. Especially talk to Jim. Trying to take it one day at a time,but some days are harder than others.

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lchrizz

Sounds like you're an independent woman and you've done everything you can to get through this. I'm sure your husband would be proud of you. I've never experienced the depth of grief you're feeling so whatever I say probably won't really ease that pain. Just ask for help when you need it, and be sure to really emphasize that you need help on those hard days. You've probably spent years helping others (we moms do!) and your family and friends would be happy to help if you asked. Take care.

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sylviatexas1

I'm so sorry.

excellent messages from wise heads already, & the only thing I can add is...

'Especially talk to Jim'

Dim the lights, put on some soft music (or not), light a candle, focus your mind, & when the spirit moves you, talk to him.

Take care of yourself..

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Tmnca

I am so sorry for your loss.

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mama goose_gw zn6OH

I'm sorry for your loss, SandieFL, and sorry that you're having a difficult time. I lost my husband 5½ years ago--sometimes I think about the things that only he and I shared, and that I am now the only one with those memories. Give yourself permission to revisit those memories of your husband, and just know that you aren't alone.

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JoAnn_Fla

Hi Sandie, I am so sorry for your loss. I know just how your feel, it will be 5 yrs for me in Sept. . I think we chatted a few years ago. I would love to talk again, I seem to have lost your email if I had it. email me Here

I have a website that may be of some help to you.

Hope to hear from you soon.

JoAnn

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SandieFL

Hi JoAnn, I think that I remember you.Where in Florida do you live? I need you to tell me where on here to find the email links. I am not very computer friendly and have a terrible memory. Hope to talk to you soon. I am getting ready for our Women Alone Meeting at my Church.We meet together the last Sunday of every month.Gives us someplace to get out of the house and someone to share with.

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JoAnn_Fla

That sounds like a group I need! I couldn't find a way to email you or find a like to it and the email I linked of mine didn't work so here it is again. I am in North Fl, 50 miles from the Ga line. email me soon.

joann8581@gmail.com

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JoAnn_Fla

How is the group going or is it over? The first several years are very hard, its a struggle everyday. email me anytime you want to talk. I hope things are getting better for you,

JoAnn

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SandieFL

Hi JoAnn, still having hard days.Now I am worried about my son who seems to have some of the same problems as his Dad and my side of the family.He is on oxygen full time and doesn't seem to be getting any better. He still misses his Dad so much and I know how much he wishes he could talk to him. I am going through depression and trying to deal with things,but I know that a lot of it is stress. It has been a year and a half since losing Jim and last month was hard because it was his birthday.We always celebrated his birthday on the 4th of July so that whole month was hard. Thank you for sharing your site with me.

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JoAnn_Fla

So sorry its still so hard but that's the way it works. I still have hard days. My son is also having some problems I think my husband had but never acknowledged. I think it takes at least 4 yrs to get adjusted, I'm still working on it at 5. Now I wonder if I was ever married its been so long. It feels kinda unreal. Email me anytime you just want to chat. Talking always helps. No one ever talks about my husband anymore.

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SandieFL

JoAnn. I know just how you are feeling.It has 18 months for me and I miss him more everyday. Also, my son has some serious health issues. My daughter and her children are having a hard time. I want to make it all go away and just can't. My Church has a group called "woman alone" and it seems to help. I want to grief counselling at Hospice and that was just too hard to handle. I think of you and keep you on my Prayer List.

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l pinkmountain

There are great grief groups and not so great ones. My dad went through two not so great ones before he found a great one. I hope the "woman alone" group keeps helping you Sandy. If not, keep looking around, new support groups are always popping up. My dad is going to a new one this month, started by a local pastor who lost his wife and two kids to a car accident when he was younger. The only other thing I can offer is virtual hugs, know you are not alone, I feel the same way about my mother and anything else sad or stressful that happens in my life, it just feels that much worse. Baby steps is all we can do, just try to keep going but not get down if we don't make huge strides every day.

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SandieFL

I just connected with a woman that I went to High School with.I don't really remember her,she was one of the popular girls and I was very shy and quiet.I joined Classmates from my HS and told about my Jim and she emailed me.She lives in Florida.It has been 6 years for her and she is not doing well at all.We email and talk on the phone.She is not in the best health and she has two children but she doesn't talk to them.She talks about ending it. She is in therapy so I know that there people who know about this. I have given her some suggestions but she won't except them.A woman at Church told me about Griefshare.Com and it tells you how to get in touch with a support group in your area.I am still dealing with my own grief.Seems that it isn't getting any easier.I have never lived alone and it isn't easy being alone.I don't drive so I have to depend on my children or cousin to take me to the doctors or to get groceries.I think having to ask for help and missing Jim so much,is part of the problem.If I could just get out some maybe it would make the days not seem so long. I really want to be a help to this woman but don't know what else to do for her.Any suggestions?

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Mrs. S

I feel so bad for you Sandie. My own mother is still grieving after my father passed away 9 years ago. Her life has gotten so much smaller! She will never take my advice. But I do have some for you! I am glad you are internet-savvy. Please look up a senior center or YMCA near you. There are dozens, hundreds of older folks there, having many activities and social events, and just sitting around. If nothing else, it is a GREAT resource for learning how to get around town without a car, making friends, taking up a new hobby, trying out a new low-impact exercise class, or alternatively, giving back by helping with some of their programs. They have introductory bridge (or advanced bridge).... but most importantly, is the opportunity to make connections. And our senior center has ride-sharing programs, vans that don't cost much (if any) money, excursions to our local malls and Botanical Gardens, and all kinds of other places. I would start there if I were you. It is a transition, and you CAN DO IT. You can do it. Please be strong, for your friend, and for yourself. My thoughts are with you.

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JoAnn_Fla

Hi Sandie,

it hasn't gotten much better for me either, it will be 6 yrs in Sept. I do stay busy but not very happy. All you can do for your friend it talk, you know how that is, no one wants to talk about their loss except the one with it. Just keep her talking it will help both of you. How long has her husband been gone? It will take time then more time as we have found out. does she live near you? If so get together with her. Is it possible you can learn to drive now? That would give you a way to go. I am so sorry you are stuck there alone. Suggest she get a pet, that helped me in the beginning the most. we all need something to take care, love and a reason to get up every morning. If it wasn't for my little dog I would have stayed in bed many a day.

Prayers for all of us here.

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