Yep, last year a few restaurants opened across the U.S. specifically to offer the European style seating as a draw. There are no 'private' tables. The whole idea is interaction.

One of the most fun I've had was when my soccer team went to play in Germany. I was 15, and there was no restrictive drinking age. It was during Oktoberfest, and everyone sits together at these Lonnngggggg crowded picnic tables. It was a blast. We, of course were a novelty for them, and people wanted to know why we were visiting, how long we were staying, why we thought it was amazing that we were allowed to drink....

Experiencing, and embracing different customs is one of the coolest things. In Germany, we could drink alcohol in the beer tents, but at 15 I wasn't allowed in the arcade. Also, we didn't, but we could have gone in the x-rated theater. Violent films though, are more restricted. The most standout thing for us kids... men just walked onto the grass (like a public park area,) turned away from people, and relieved themselves.

Since then, I've become the kind that just starts speaking to people at nearby tables. Sometimes it freaks them out a bit, but usually people respond well. The only trick is to realize when it switches from a novelty to a pain for them lol. As you can imagine, I fail.

Btw... in the example above, since the young lady didn't respond, is it possible she didn't speak English?

Ooh - I wouldn't like that. Nope, not part of the culture here (New England). Not that we're not friendly (despite common misperceptions, we're very friendly), but if the restaurant seats us at a table, that's "our table" unless we ourselves offer to have someone sit with us.

Such interesting experiences from everyone! Nope, everyone involved definitely spoke English. When I say "older" I would say mid-60s and "younger" is mid-30s. The younger couple didn't have their food yet when we left (you put your little placard up and wait for your food to arrive).

I will try to be more open-minded about this, but I just don't know how I would handle it if it happens to us! I've definitely shared tables at restaurants known to be communal or where the seating is all benches or picnic tables. Just never at a normal Panera Bread/Corner Bakery-style place.

In a restaurant with table clothes and where you are seated, I guess I would prefer not to share, but at a Panera's or such type place, we do it all the time. It can be fun meeting new people.

There's at least one busy restaurant here that encourages that. No surprise but the clientele is from all over the world, and we locals love to strike up conversations with the tourists.

But it's not a new idea. In the 50's my father's step-mother (who was the one Grandmother I had) owned a breakfast/lunch coffee shop in downtown Memphis. It was always packed at lunch, and from her place at the front door/register, she would direct customers to empty seats. Not tables, seats. No one thought twice about it, it was expected.

CF, where are you in Oklahoma? Maybe we should meet? ;)

Moni

A lot depends on circumstance, to me there is no 'one answer fits all', it depends on the type of restaurant, and how expensive the meal is, who you are with, who sits down (remember the screaming baby thread?), if there are in fact other tables available.

In a casual place it might be fun.

I'd smile and say, "Have a seat." I'd start a conversation, and as long as they were polite and didn't answer with grunts, I'd be OK with it.

Not a problem with me at all under most conditions, and Robert is enormously friendly and approachable. I can understand that it could be off putting for a lot of people, though.

When we see some one waiting for a table we always invite them to sit with us.

I generally have no problems with it, as I've met some wonderful people. When DH and I traveled through Europe several years ago, we are still in touch with people we met sharing tables. There are exceptions and one is when I get together with a friend that I only see and catch up with every few months. That time is special to us. We've only had it happen once and the person asking to sit with us was very understanding.

DD and I did an Amtrak trip a few years ago, and decided the best part was eating with different people all the time!

We regularly do what the 30 yr old couple did and we have often welcomed others who need seats to sit with us. If appropriate, we've ended up conversing with our table mates and have had some nice conversations.

In my neck of the woods, sharing tables is quite common in Starbucks, Panera's. However, the question asked is "Do you mind sharing or Do you mind if we sit here?" It is okay to say not but most of the time it is fine. If someone asks if anyone is sitting in chairs, it means that the person asking wants to move the chairs to another table.

Happens in my area often. Some of the BBQue places have tables where you have to share ....as in picnic tables lines up 4 or 5 down the length of the room.

I have joined other people at tables several times, although when I was alone and the other person seated alone at a table. I always ask, do you mind if I join you. I was taken a little aback, though, at using a non-gender specific restroom at a restaurant in Venice. Both men and women were lined up for the single bathroom and it turned out to be a perfectly OK experience.

Where it's always done here is at Costco. There aren't enough tables when people want to buy the hotdog special at lunch. We often ask if we can share a couple's table. We did it just last week and had the nicest conversation with them!

There is a huge family restaurant in Frankenmuth, Michigan where it's all family style dining. You pass the bowls of food around and it's all strangers sitting together.

Right-Costco. I forgot about that. It's tacitly agreed upon that if people are using one end of a bench table, the other end is up for grabs.

we always set across the table from each other. ...I like to see who I am talking to...and if Im setting on same side I get a crick in the neck. and I put my coat and purse on one of the empty seats....no problem for us.

"This is a panera style place where you seat yourself."

Oh, I completely misunderstood. I guess I glossed over the part that said it's a bagel cafe.

This is the norm in many areas. I think it goes to population. I had experienced it in Europe first I think. Then in Chicago, New York, Miami, Denver, and several other large cities. It shows that Tulsa and Oklahoma City have grown. It wouldn't bother me.

Looks like the clue to table sharing is whether this is 'fine dining' (not OK) or casual (OK).

I wouldn't mind others sharing if the restaurant was very crowded and this was the only available spot. DH and I have asked if we could use two available seats, when needed.

For the most part though, if I am out having breakfast with DH, I really would not be interested in sharing a table. There are many variations: 1.You are having a quiet conversation and really don't want others hearing it. 2. You are both involved in your own thoughts and don't want to talk to each other or strangers. 3. You are not interested in hearing a stranger's conversation.

I think when traveling, it might be fun, and I do feel more social in those situations.

We have a Le Quotidian, that has a long communal table. The idea is for singles to sit there and perhaps socialize with other singles.

Perfectly fine on the West Coast, I think. It has never bothered me. I love meeting people and exchanging ideas or just listening to their thoughts.

It didn't USE to bother me until.....

We had this happen at a breakfast diner not to long ago.

The place was packed. DH & I sat down at a 4 person table, all that was available. Another man came along and "joined" us. Definitely put a damper on the conversation DH & I were having.

Apparently this guy was well known and quite popular as people kept stopping by to greet & visit with him. They stood w/their backs to us and we got to look at their backsides while we ate our breakfast. Not the best breakfast we've had.

Next time someone asked if they could "join" us, we told them we were waiting on someone.

Crossed with Ellendi and Pudgeder and this is not in response to the above posts.

My reaction is the same as Happy2b's. Asking if anyone is sitting there is, for open seating in a movie theatre, to sit down, but in a casual restaurant is about taking the chairs to another table. "May we join you?" is for sitting at the same table. If there are other open spots, it's possible to say no by saying, "We're having an important conversation. Would you mind sitting over there instead?" If it's the last spot left, it's probably not a good place to talk anyway, and churlish to refuse.

Pudge, your story reminds of when DH and i were on vacation. We were having dinner at an upscale restaurant. While on our appetizers, a young women stopped to talk to the couple next to us. We were close enough to hear the conversation and it didn't look like she was moving on to her own table.

Finally, my DH called over the waiter and asked if this woman could either join her friends or move on! The waiter thanked us as he was nervous to approach the women. After all she is a customer and his tip could be at stake.

Robert was having lunch at the university cafeteria one day late last fall and "picked up" (my words) a young Army officer eating alone. He was in Huntsville for several weeks for some advanced training, staying in the hotel on campus and attending the required classes.

Robert saw him another time and joined him, and we ended up spending several nice times with him showing him the area, going fishing, etc. We met his unbelievably precious family....four boys under the age of 6, each like a carbon copy of the others, only smaller.

We've gained life long friends now, a real connection was made. All because of a shared table in the cafeteria.

I practically live at Panera, and this is the situation there. We often sit beside people, but usually don't carry on conversations other than hello. What makes me angry is when ONE person sits in a booth for six using their phone or laptop with an empty cup in front of them thus depriving five other people of seating.

Yes, camping is not cool when there are other paying patrons waiting to sit down.

C F, I don't think it's a good measure of your, or any person's sociability, rather it's a matter of cultural expectations. It's about the when, and how socialization is considered appropriate. That 'appropriateness' is a completely learned-behavior. It's often most 'allowed' when you are exposed to such events during youth.

Just as an example, half of my family is Italian, and every Sunday the entire family went over Great Grandma's for dinner. Those meals (really all of them, but these were on the average of 15 people sitting at 2 tables) were raucous occasions lasting all afternoon and into the late evenings. It was The Proper Place to air family grievances, laugh about our weekly faux pas', and share our embarrassments. Nothing was held back except the shameful... those were whispered to the 'needed to know' during cooking and cleaning up lol.

It was just something our family considered normal. But when any of our friends who weren't Italian joined us, they were completely overwhelmed lol. At first they thought we were angry at each other, getting loud, challenging, light insults... and they would ask if they were intruding at a delicate time. It was almost a family sport to first try to draw them out a little, then to rib and make them fight back just a little, then to show them it was all in fun and they were to join in.

It was only later did I realize that some families ate quietly and subjects quite tame for our standards were 'off-limits' at the dinner table.

These things have little to do with how 'social' someone is, or even how outgoing... just to what we are accustomed or exposed.

I remember a seafood place in Boston where you were expected to share table space. But overall, unless up there, or, say at Panera's or another chain, I wouldn't be comfortable in most cases.

However we do have one farm to table restaurant here, which has a really long table and before anyone gets seated there, they get asked if they mind sharing the space. This is fine by me. I think in such situations (which are no means the norm) sharing conversation as well turns out to be fun. But one needs to be notified before being seated at such a spot.

It's actually enjoyable to talk to people at sushi bars, too -- when you are purposely planning for sitting at the bar itself. It's a common ground.

But one doesn't really know aforehand if the the other people at that table are wanting to engage in personal discussion/conversation -- so this has definitely to be played by a severe sense of intuition/ear.

I love meeting new people!

Lily316-- that is one of my biggest pet peeves!!! And it happens the most at Panera-- someone comes in with a laptop, takes a huge booth, and sits there for hours just sipping a beverage while the lunch crowd is left struggling for seating. There was this one guy at my local Panera who would be taking a coveted booth every Sunday and he wouldn't even buy anything! He would sit there with (no joke) a 2L bottle of Coke that he brought in. I was so shocked the staff never made him leave.

I agree, ellendi6161-- being on vacation presents a different situation. Although arguably, there's probably someone who's local when you're the one on vacation. I am so thrilled with any alone time I get with my husband (he works a lot) that when we're out to eat, we are not looking to make new friends. In fact, chances are that we're catching up on what we missed in each other's weeks. It is quite useful to know that there are so many people open to this seating arrangement, though. I am going to keep an eye out for whether this was a one-off thing at this particular restaurant or not. Then I'll know to avoid the restaurant if we can't get a table for 2! :)

For the restaurant, it's all about the bottom line. (Oops, a pun!) The more seats taken, the more profit for the restaurant -- and tips for the wait staff.

CF, that's very bad! This isn't allowable by the manners in some parts of the country, but if the management weren't taking care of the problem, a customer would, here. "Excuse me, sir, we have a party of eight here and this is the only table big enough to squeeze into. Since you aren't eating, will you please move to another table?" Then stand there and stare at him until he moves. :) OTOH, he might be the owner, so it pays to be polite. :)

Places like Panera's or Starbucks almost encourage the "camping" philosophy of it's customers. Some use them as their "office" rather than working from home. When someone walks in, the place looks busy and lively.

However, some do have rules. There is a Starbucks near a high school. They discourage the store being used as a hangout. Only those actually buying something can sit at a table. Otherwise, the kids just took over and there weren't enough seats for the paying customers.

Our local Panera's went out of business. We frequented the store and I don't know why it didn't make it.

When I was in grad school, I used to drive close to where I'd have to be off campus while the driving (and parking) was good, rather than risk being late, and camp in a fast food restaurant reading offprints and other turgid academic literature. It was great because there was enough noise and activity to make me focus on the boring, poorly written material, but not enough to make it impossible to read, and I always bought at least something to drink. Free refills was another benefit of the fast food place. The difference being, this wasn't at peak meal times and if the place were filling up, I'd leave so that someone else could sit. At a proper restaurant with a host and managed seating, I'll also encourage my party to leave, rather than linger, if they have a crowd waiting, or if the vacuum comes out (you can bet they want you to leave if they start the cleaning!). Being aware of one's surroundings and considerate of others isn't hard.

I'm in Madison, WI. It's becoming a trendy thing to utilize "cafeteria" style seating in some restaurants, usually among younger folks. I don't enjoy it in the least (but I'm an introvert who needs my space.) I particularly dislike it when I am paying top dollar for a fancy meal at a very expensive restaurant and discover upon arrival that the venue has cafeteria style seating. This happened at a fancy wild mushroom dinner at "L' etoile" several years ago.

I have always "okayed" someone sharing a table with me at a crowded Starbucks, because seating is at a premium and people mostly just read the paper or their phones, so no biggie.

So, I think this is a generational thing. Younger folks are used to it, older folks are used to their space, especially in the midwest.

I have never been in a situation where it is even hinted that I should share a table, so this is all very interesting to me. Unfortunately, I'm older (68) and since I'm a lone widow, this could happen to me. I don't think I would mind sharing my table if the people involved were sociable. I don't go to very fancy restaurants (too expensive), so that is not an issue. I do like to meet new people and I think it could be very interesting!

DH and I are in our mid-50s and have shared tables both at home and while we're travelling. In crowded cafes either we've asked if we could have the spare seats at someone already seated's table, or we've invited people who are obviously looking for a seat to make use of our spare seats. We've even changed our seats around to make room for others. We don't necessarily start up a conversation with the other people beyond a few remarks, but it wouldn't occur to us to refuse to share if the place was crowded.

On a similar note, we were in a tiny indie cinema with three long (about 10 or 12 seats) row of seats across the space. Being so small, and the movie quite popular, it was pretty well full, in fact there were only two seats left, one at either end of the row DH and I were sitting in (I was next to one of the empty seats).

In walked a couple, obviously nonplussed at the potential seating disaster. So I called to the rest of the people in the row, "Could everyone please move down one seat so these people can sit down?" Everyone seemed ready to do just that until the lady sitting at the opposite end announced she couldn't move down one because the seat next to her was (for some reason) higher than the others (by about 4") and if she sat in it her feet wouldn't touch the floor. So I said "Well then, everybody move up one, I'll sit in the wretched seat and DH can sit next to me and that will leave two seats at this end for these people."

So we all moved, I got the high seat which, even though I have short legs, wasn't really that bad- I certainly didn't notice it. But the lady who didn't want to move would not shut up about it! All through the movie, she kept muttering to her friend things along the lines of "Well, I couldn't move, my feet just wouldn't have touched the floor!" etc. I felt like saying, for Pete's sake, give it a rest already! Problem solved! Everyone happy! (well, except her, I guess).

Years ago in NY city. I was there on business, my partner and I were eating lunch at a tiny cafe when a youngish man sat down at our table. We were fine with that until he lite up a smoke without asking if we were ok with that. We were visiting from CA were it had been illegal to smoke in restaurants for a long while and we had no idea it was still allowed in NYC... absolute gross out.....

It would never occur to me to ask to join a couple at a 4 top. I would assume they wanted their privacy as I would want mine. What is the big deal about waiting for a table to become available? I don't see a table for 4 and cafeteria seating being at all the same thing.

All through the movie, she kept muttering to her friend things along the lines of "Well, I couldn't move, my feet just wouldn't have touched the floor!" etc. I felt like saying, for Pete's sake, give it a rest already! Problem solved! Everyone happy! (well, except her, I guess.

*****

Well, you sort of pried her out of her seat! Sounds like her choices were to move upon your public urging, or look like a mean shrew.

Your good intentions notwithstanding, of course.

I fail to see much validity to short legs fussing - she didn't want to move to the high seat next to her ... she didn't have to: she got a seat at the level that she desired.

Don't tell me that her shoes were glued to the floor where she was and she had to leave them behind!?

ole joyfuelled

Oh my, who made you the seat assigner and arbiter of where this woman should choose to sit? She came and got a seat and you apparently shamed her out of it.

Again, you hardly gave a choice to the woman who got there earlier then you, and earlier than the couple for whom you made the fuss.

I would have dropped the issue and not pressed as you did is my point. I think you acted bossy, despite your inner monologue which continues to praise your actions as noble.

Also, as a person who's not comfortable sitting without her feet supported, I can fully understand the woman's reluctance. I also fully understand how you chipped away at her enjoyment of a movie experience she paid money for.

Her shoes were as much glued to the floor as you were the seat police.

I would feel uncomfortable if someone joined us at our table. I guess I just don't go where that is common practice.

Sue

mimi, you misunderstand. The "fussy" lady ended up one seat to her right, in a seat identical to the one she had originally chosen. Same height, same everything. _I_ took the objectionable seat. She was not discommoded or inconvenienced except in that she spent about 10 seconds moving one seat over. And in fact got a slightly better view of the screen since she was moving away from the extreme left towards the middle. At no point did I try to shame her into taking what she felt was an uncomfortable seat and the instant she indicated she couldn't sit in it I said "Fine, I'll take it." So really, there was no reason for her to have spent so much time justifying herself to her friend.

I would consider it rude if someone joined a table I was sitting at, and I'd get up and switch if they didn't get the message. It is just not done around here unless you count the outdoor tables at a local German restaurant where people sit together "family style," or at other extremely informal events like picnics. That said I've been in European countries where is happened naturally, was expected, and felt charming. Just not done here; not a cultural thing here so would feel almost confrontational.