You're right; something is very wrong here, but I don't know that "Electra complex" is it.

It sounds more like pedophilia.

You might google MacKenzie (sp?) Phillips (Philips?), daughter of Papa John Phillips of The Mamas & The Papas.

A few years back, she went public with the story of her long-term abuse, or, as she called it, her "relationship" with her father.

Often, people whose parents have abused them sexually do not realize that they've been abused.

A lot of times, the adult makes the child feel important, or powerful, or "special" (gag), & those feelings are very powerful, very addictive.

It does affect their personalities & their behavior, sometimes making them seem very young for their ages, sometimes showing up as seductive behavior or, going the opposite way, puritanical behavior, sometimes filling them with such rage that they become bullies & abusers themselves.

I'm so sorry, & I wish you the very best.

Thank you for responding. I feel sick to my stomach right now :-/ Trying to figure out the best avenue to take. I will google Mackenzie

You don't sound jealous at all. It would be great if you could see a counselor or therapist that can help you sort this out.

Wish I could. I have no insurance and a limited income. Thank you though I appreciate you responding

I agree that it seems very, very odd. And as for him "adjusting himself" or playing with himself in front of *anyone*, much less his daughter, is downright gross.

Everything you noted may be innocent, but that doesn't make it less strange. Of course it's all a matter of perspective. But even he and she consider it normal, it's surely not normal in a societal sense.

OMG...I feel so bad for you right now. Is there anyone from his or her past you can talk to? Where is this girls mother? I would need to get to the bottom of this, be sure it's not sexual abuse(if so, you MUST report it) & then RUN as fast as possible!

The mother is in another state 19 hours away. She dropped the girls off at dads out of the blue in 2014 Her sister is here but we are not close enough to really talk about anything nor I would I feel comfortable broaching the subject with her. I think he just doesn't realize that he is treating her like a child and being a grown woman this doesn't look good. My next step (After he simmers down) will be to ask if this was me and my son, if he thought it would be appropriate or if she were a boy would he still think nothing of it. He is a stellar man I believe he and his Ex both spoiled her and it is just normal for them. *Cringe* Thank you Lisa and Suzie for your thoughts xo

I don't know what to think of it all.

I can sort of imagine a man, after drinking a pile of beer, maybe adjusting himself absentmindedly. But the touching of his 19yo daughter's thigh is a no-no. I think I would want to have it out with him. Not in front of his daughter. I don't think this is an issue to be discussed with a councillor as you already know what the problem is.

I would want to speak to someone, maybe even BM, to find out if anyone else has had concerns about their odd relationship. Maybe this is something new? Maybe there is an incestual (sp) relationship? It really needs to be addressed NOW.

IMO, by you not reporting this to the authorities, or referring her to a Dr or therapist to find out whats going on, you are condoning this.

Tete I did some googling on the "Adjusting" part and it seems like many men do it. I've just never seen it to this extreme before. I was raised in a home where lots of touching is NOT Ok when it came to the male gender, no matter what. Hugs yes..but the thigh thing, her feet on his, playing with her hair, rubbing her back. UGH :-/ I can be very old fashioned in many ways and wonder if I am overacting at times. But if it makes me queasy and uneasy -it definitely needs to be addressed. He was so offended that I made a scene (In private) he didn't talk to me for days and now he has stopped (Hand in pants) as well as the hand on thigh thing..but still The hugging up and back massages when I walk out of the room continue. :-/ Lisa..I agree. I've put my head in the sand. I friggin hate conflict. My son who is 25 and lives with his father had an odepial (sp?) type of complex around me that absolutely creeped me out. This reminds me of that and is bringing back some very hard memories on my part. And I cannot report it if I am not sure if I am being overly concerned. Does that make any sense? It would be like convicting him with no proof. A friend of his stayed the weekend here right after I moved in and didn't know the situation very well. He made a comment that the daughter was very "weird". She definitely has issues. TO eat with a baby spoon (That I threw out recently) and keep saying "I'm just a kid" (I remind her that she is an ADULT who is old enough to sign a binding contract for crying out loud!) Should I gently suggest that she needs therapy, or that they both do or all of us since we are all living together? I appreciate all of you xo

I don't see it as something that should be reported. I might be completely wrong here but I think both your husband and your step daughter are in the wrong. He is being an idiot, and she is showing you that she is Top Dog Around Here. She might grow up once her hormones are under control (whenever that is) but she needs her dad to stop acting the goat.

I think it's a good sign that he was pissed of and didn't speak for 4 days after you had a word with him. It means that he is not just shrugging off your concerns. A truly arrogant mongrel (I'm not saying he's arrogant or a mongrel. Not at all. In fact, I think he is ignorant)... a truely arrogant mongrel would not listen to you at all and just continue. In which case, I would set the dog on him.

Also, I have a friend whose 30yo son - a little intellectually handicapped - gives her back massages. She hates it. I hate it. (Just to see how he adores his mother.) He needs a partner but it isn't easy to arrange such a thing. I think that these various complexes are probably quite common but seldom talked about.

It requires a sensible, clue-ed in parent to steer things in appropriate ways. I mean, in the case of your step daughter, her father should be doing this, just as you did with your son and my friend is endeavouring to do with her son.

Good luck. It's worth the hassle especially since your partner is your long lost love.

I agree at least he is taking what I say to heart and working on this. He is not seeing that he is treating her like a 12 year old and it makes me soo uncomfortable. I ended up packing my 19 year old sons stuff and putting it on the porch with directions to the homeless shelter. I was mentally and physically exhausted. SD is really a sweet girl but yes she makes it known she lives by her own rules especially by not doing ANY chores unless her father jumps on her case about it and not giving a flying you know what about learning to drive and everyone being her chauffeur. I have gotten to the point where I am throwing away any socks she leaves on the living room floor and about to the point where any darn thing she leaves out will be trashed. He threatened to do that in her room but its hot air. I just open the door and throw her stuff in there and close it. :-/ ugh!! Thank you and everyone else for your thoughts, they really help xo

Stellar idea!! Thank you!

Once they start developing it is creepsville when they act groppy. Some things that were appropriate when they were five years old just isn't anymore. I had to explain that to my husband too. He in turn explained it to his twin daughters. At thirteen they have full set and hips and ass. You have to be dressed. You can't barge in on daddy in restrooms anymore. He can't either. You can't dangle off of him, lay on him, sit on him braless and in booty shorts. You can't barge into our room while we may be naked. He must knock too. There is a new existence of sexual knowledge after a certain age and when that happens, sadly a small wall of decency has to go up and it isn't a comfortable conversation for any one to have. These days you can get accused of all sorts of things even if you aren't a perv....better safe than sorry! A little modesty/privacy goes a loooong way.