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sarahkm77

Save me from my mother in law..

9 years ago

Thought that would get your attention. I can't stomach her coming over here and decorating my new home! I am having trouble with what to put over my fireplace ... Is this mirror a no go? It will eventually be mounted. I am hopeless. The room is long and so has been divided into a tv area and a separate sitting area .


Comments (61)

  • 9 years ago

    My opinion? (I'm not a MIL....yet) I think the frame is too big for the scale of the fireplace. It seems to be overwhelming the marble and by the virtue of the size of frame is too big. Same mirror with a smaller frame in the same style would probably work.

    sarahkm77 thanked blfenton
  • 9 years ago

    In my opinion, no to the mirror, and move the very colorful painting to another location. The painting is competing with the fireplace to be the focal point.

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  • 9 years ago

    I also think mirrors should be placed where they reflect something beautiful or interesting. And the colorful pairing on the right is too commanding and takes away from the beautiful fireplace. So, maybe some metal sculpture piece that is light and airy and in sliver that better complements the fireplace.

  • 9 years ago

    I have to agree with others that the mirror is too big and the wrong shape. You have a lot of rectangles going on so I would use a round mirror or one like the post above - and I would keep the color light.

    Diane

    sarahkm77 thanked powermuffin
  • 9 years ago

    I would also move the painting. It's lovely, but competes with the stately elegance of the fireplace. BTW, I love the black surround.

    sarahkm77 thanked Bunny
  • 9 years ago

    I think the mirror can work if you want it to (as long as when you hang it the reflection is not something awkward or unpleasant). The metallic color ties in nicely with the marble surround and like Auntjen said, it provides a break between the two bold paintings. Looking only at the mantel, if you want the mirror to work, you do need some accesories and the mirror will be a backdrop. On its own, it is a bit blah.

    Looking at what we can see of the room as a whole, it is contrary to use a FP as a room divider instead of a focal point. It looks a bit naked and cold rather than warm and welcoming. It also bothers me that it is off center and the two sides don't seem balanced (I'm more about balance than symmetry), so if you want this look to work, I don't thing you can hang a mirror, add some It's going to take some more finesse than that.

    The rug on the left - can you turn it or relocate it so that it is not partially in front of the FP? You can place one rug on either side, one in front of the FP or both. If the room is large enough, perhaps to rugs on the sides and a round on in the center... Give the center of the room a purpose -- either redivide the room to include the FP on one sside or the other or make it a third spot with a bench, table, pair of small chairs -- or use a backless sofa, bench or pair of benches or a large ottoman to be a seating area that can serve either side of the room -- or just be a spot to sit and enjoy the fire.

    Figure out a purpose and then you will have an approch to work from. It's not the mirror that is an issue so much as the space in front of the FP. Make it work for you rather than against you.

    sarahkm77 thanked lascatx
  • 9 years ago

    the pic posted by acadiafun1 is a much better décor display but the OP pic is OK. A few black accessories would work with it. I am more concerned about well meaning MIL taking over. I suggest you nip it in the bud SOON or she'll just take over the most fun aspect of "nesting". I would give her a not too subtle hint. I guarantee you that she knows better but if not stopped she will continue. She just misses decorating, her home is prob. the way she likes it so no need to decorate any more--so hey, DIL is a blank canvas so I'll go for it, ha. Some parents make the mistake of thinking their children's homes are like branch offices of their own and unless you set the boundary, lovingly, you're done for. Ask me how I know this.....

    sarahkm77 thanked bossyvossy
  • 9 years ago

    (My mil dropped off unsolicited decades old hand me down upholstered furniture without warning while I was out of state on a business trip. We hauled it to goodwill. What a pita.


    She also destroyed by severely over pruning a holly bush that I really loved and she hated--she wanted us to get rid of it so she "forced" us to while "helping" dh garden. I would have waited years for it to grow back because I'm just that stubborn but we needed to put the house on the market because we had decided to move cross-country--she didn't know that when she did it. So we dug it up and had to make other landscaping changes to make our front yard look decent to put the house on the market. I was out of state again when she did this.


    I am sure many mothers in law are just wonderful, but my advice if yours is prone to this sort of thing is to move far far away. Or never leave the house and plants unsupervised.)

    sarahkm77 thanked Nothing Left to Say
  • 9 years ago

    I am not a fan of mirrors over the fireplace. To me, if it's used as decor only then it should reflect a nice view like woods, water or a skyline from the opposite side of the room.

    I don't know if your are for this, but if you post the rest of the room, maybe there is art that you already own that could go there in place of a mirror.

  • 9 years ago

    I'm in the "too many rectangles" camp. I see something in a softer or irregular shape with a dark and interesting frame on the mantel, not necessarily a mirror. Could be metal scroll or something. And some ginger jars, or other objects grouped and layered on the two sides.

    sarahkm77 thanked nutsaboutplants
  • 9 years ago

    I agree with what Mayflowers said.

  • 9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Put your foot down now (moving across county helps too). Do not allow her a key.

    My mother-in-law would try to paint and wallpaper my home (she is OCD). She bought tons of wallpaper during year 3 of marriage (I hate the stuff), brought it over and said she'd wallpaper as a housewarming gift. I told her that if she put it up, I'd tear it down with my teeth! She thought I was unreasonable. Hubby told her don't do it.

    Year 15 we allowed her to paint 1 accent wall of a bedroom thinking she would just be able to get it out of her system. No, while we were at work, she kept painting all the way around the room, then painted the woodwork, the door and most of the way down the hallway - then couldn't figure out where to finish... grrr. Lived with a hall wall 1/2 painted because bedroom color would not go with LR colors.

    Year 20, when visiting from out of state, she thought we needed our master bath freshened up during a winter visit with us in AZ. She had been told in no uncertain terms to NOT paint, move or paper anything. Yeah, right...

    When I got back from work one day, my FIL was all excited to show me what they had done for us...I became UNGLUED when I discovered she had begun painting a bathroom blue. They painted the ceiling, the fan, the vanity, half the walls, with paint drips over everything (tiles, shower, floor, sink, windows!) The in-laws had planned on staying staying with us for a few weeks as snowbirds, but I told them they had to be out by the next day, and I left the house before I killed them. Hubby got home an hour later, and she told him I got "upset" and he should settle me down. He walked into the bathroom, took one look and told her to pack her bags that instant and be out of our home that night! He told her he was surprised I was willing to let her stay the night... He called a local motel and got them a room for the night ($259.00 ! HEIGHT OF SEASON!!!) They left, and then drove home the following day-and we have not had any problems since!

    17 years of bliss since then...I love my hubby, but even he thinks his mom is cuckoo!

  • 9 years ago

    I think we collectively might sound like a board full of mother in laws.


    Is is she good with Pinterest? I would find a few inspiration photos and then channel her help in to looking for more similar ones . Then you can edit out what you don't like and help her to see your vision (maybe keep a private board for the things you actually like the best)



    sarahkm77 thanked Kippy
  • 9 years ago

    Sarah one other idea I have. Try moving the picture up a few inches as well as the mirror with the painting a bit higher than the mirror. I think the mirror "sitting" on the fireplace mantel is part of the problem. Then add some accents on the mantel and see how that works.

    sarahkm77 thanked User
  • 9 years ago

    I'd consider the board full of mother in laws comment. You haven't said anything that indicates your MIL is a or a tyrant. Nothing to indicate she has come in and dumped furniture or started painting or making other changes without your approval. Don't look for trouble where it doesn't exist and don't blow whatever is there into more than it is.

    You don't want to be told what to do or how to do it by you MIL or anyone else in your house, but you don't need a bunch of people egging you on to a full scale battle with your MIL either. The goal is to figure out how to decorate your home in a way you are comfortable with and get alng with your MIL. There are plenty of ways to "think about it", "Live with this a bit and see how it feels", "sleep on it and move it the other way tomorrow or next weekend" or even ask her what it is that she is trying to get at and try to take her input as you would a friend's. You don't have to agree, but you do have to accept that she's a part of your life as long as DH is. Respect her opinions even if you don't agree -- and don't reject them just because she's your MIL

    And I think the best decorating choices are either obvious when you come into a room or they evolve as you figure out how you want to live in the space. And both can be true too.

    Sounds like you have some good ideas, but may need to let the dust settle a bit to see how things settle into this home. Try the mirror in some of those other places if you aren't sure. Sleep on it, try it for a bit..... those things actually work. ;-)

    sarahkm77 thanked lascatx
  • 9 years ago

    no no no. I don't care if MIL is reincarnation of Mother Theresa, she has no biz "decorating" DIL house unless, specifically asked. However, if all she did was buy a mirror she thought you might like, then you can hang it wherever YOU want, or if you hate it, say thank you and donate. Most women want to enhance their own home, it's a rite of passage. Nobody should interfere with that, no matter how sweet they are. Setting boundaries doesn't automatically means being mean. Title of this thread is "save me from MIL" so obviously DIL is overwhelmed or close to it.

    sarahkm77 thanked bossyvossy
  • 9 years ago

    No to the lovely mirror over the FP. While I understand you're wanting two separate areas for TV watching and sitting, the FP is begging to be the center of attention. I would love to see more pictures of the room/its contents so that suggestions can be made. I agree with the posters above that said the large painting to the right needs to be on a wall by itself. It is distracting from the FP and itself in that location.

    signed, I Am Not a MIL.

    sarahkm77 thanked User
  • 9 years ago

    First time I've seen artwork inspired by a dog bed.

  • 9 years ago

    Alright-- here is the room taken from various angles -- long and narrow-- used to be two rooms so fp is not centered in the room. Once you open the front door and stand in the entry way to the left is the room- I took most photos from there- and there is a small doorway by the French doors . Will love all your advice but will have to just stick to the furniture that's here as my credit card is on a time out!! Obviously small things are doable but new sectional etc is not going to happen this year! Xmas tree will be gone shortly- advice for over that way would be great as well. We are a family who spends a lot of time in this room together(hello monopoly game still in play) so at this point in my life I am going for comfy / liveable not " don't touch that, eat on that, sit on that."

    Pardon the Xmas mess!

  • 9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Just for the sake of seeing how a darker frame would look on the mirror/mantel, could you put the map from the wall where the mirror is now? I think you've done well to make some cozy, family friendly areas in an awkwardly shaped room.

    sarahkm77 thanked Olychick
  • 9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I do like the look of the black..

  • 9 years ago

    The map is much better--ties into the FP surround and the colorful pictures on either side look much better with it. Great suggestion Olychick! I don't think you want the mirror over the sectional, though. But that's a good spot to have waiting for the perfect piece to come along. I, too, think you have done a nice job with your room. Have you tried turning the brown rug the other way so that it extends to in front of the fireplace? Or maybe save up for a larger rug that would cover that far. Your first picture looks a little cut off because of where the rug stops.

    sarahkm77 thanked junco East Georgia zone 8a
  • 9 years ago

    Thank you! So is this going to save me the hassle of finding a perfect mirror?? Should I just keep that map pic there? I have three different maps in the same frames -- one tucked away so I didn't even take it off the wall. I plan on taking all the photos down on top of the smaller sofa -- the mirror could go there maybe? Would reflect painting/ fp. The rug drives me bonkers-- as it is small and doesn't work with chair and sofa.. Agree I need a larger one or nothing at all-- but then wood coffee table on wood floor may be too ..well.. Woody.

  • 9 years ago

    Leave the mirror sitting on the mantle, and love it exactly as is, with no plans whatsoever of changing it. Then, after MIL is gone, take your time finding something else you'd rather hang over the fireplace. All you need right now is a placeholder, so that MIL won't waste her money buying something that she thinks will "fix" the problem of your mantle decór.

    sarahkm77 thanked BB Galore
  • 9 years ago

    Yes to the third map in dark frame over the fireplace!

    sarahkm77 thanked sumac
  • 9 years ago

    I agree with laskatx and junco. That brown rug would drive me nuts as it is competing bigtime with the fireplace. The beautiful fireplace should be a focus, not a misplaced divider. And I like the black-trimmed mirror.

    sarahkm77 thanked littlebug zone 5 Missouri
  • 9 years ago

    Just from another angle... Should I mount it or just prop it?


  • 9 years ago

    Does anyone else feel like they must be seeing only half of the posted replies? Because I don't see anywhere that Sarah said MIL bought the mirror, that MIL was for or against the mirror or really what issue there were other than she didn't want her MIL coming over and decorating, OK, I got sucked into the assumptions of a lot of replies, and then went back to see what I was missing. It wasn't there.

  • 9 years ago

    I was just wondering the same thing, lascatx. How does MIL figure into the room? Did she bring the mirror over? I'm confused! ;-)

  • 9 years ago

    As far as I can tell, we are supposed to be better than inviting MIL over or MIL was used just to get attention to the thread.

  • 9 years ago

    What about a round rug? It's awkward having the edge of the rug cutting the fireplace off at an odd spot, a round rug might avoid that problem. It doesn't have to be a big one, maybe just slightly bigger than the coffee table. I would suggest an oval rug but I think the same problem might occur.

  • 9 years ago

    I like the brushed nickel finish. The thing that concerns me is that you're letting your MIL have that kind of control over your decision making. Maybe it's just the perception that you have of her. Maybe if you let her know nicely what you like and don't like, she would accept it, and not say anything about your choices from now on, (keep her thoughts to herself). Good luck. You can do it!

  • 9 years ago

    When she comes over, her MIL likes to hand out unsolicited decorating advice.

    I like the map over the FP also. The other two maps are over the sectional, correct? The thing for me is the large artwork to the right of the FP, the FP just "alone" in the room and the too small rug. There is a lot of disconnect in the room. For example, in the pictures, all the bright artwork in on one side of the room and all the darker framed maps/photos are on other side of room. How do you feel about hanging art over sectional a bit higher? Moving large painting (currently to right of FP) to the left of the FP? I would also like to see table to left of FP used elsewhere. Hang smaller art that is currently left of FP over sofa (you said you wanted to take down those pictures).
    What is the piece in the corner behind the leather chair (sectional side of room)?


    sarahkm77 thanked User
  • 9 years ago

    Hmmm. Can you tell us whether MIL actually gives you decorating items or advice? If advice, then her crime is offering unsolicited advice, a painfully common misdemeanor in families. It does seem to me it's causing angst and you should politely let her know it's no help or just ignore for the sake of good MIL/DIL. However if she's getting in there w/fabric swatches, etc. I stand firmly by my comments and recs

  • 9 years ago

    Its a pretty room you have, the furniture arrangement is good. I do agree that the colorful art should be spread around. There is too much color on one side of the room and no enough on the other side. Above the sectional I can see a great colorful horizontal piece instead of the maps.

  • 9 years ago

    I like your room and the dec tweaking offered here are great suggestions. Your nest is cozy.

    sarahkm77 thanked bossyvossy
  • 9 years ago

    i love the paintings on either side of the fireplace, i like the black frame better than the silvery frame above the fireplace... but not crazy with the map above the fireplace with the paintings on either side-- i think a mirror is the better choice. a mirror with the paintings as are would be what i would choose...

    maybe with all of these differing opinions you may go rushing to your mil to get her advice!!?? ;)

    sarahkm77 thanked busybee3
  • 9 years ago

    Very nice cozy room. You have a great eye for decorating.

    sarahkm77 thanked jlj48
  • 9 years ago

    Thank you to all of you--some really great tips that have allowed me to open my eyes a bit more to the room! With regards to my mil---she believes she is a decorating guru and is also a shrink--so sometimes she can mess with your head! thankfully over the years--I have learned to bite..but in a nice way! when I first met my husband she had her claws in his house--it was not my taste at all! So she has taken a backseat which she is not a fan of--we both I guess have set our boundaries. I think my husband asks for her advice just because he feels guilty and wants to give her the satisfaction that she still has input into his life. He is good--he listens and then doesn't do it! I don't like giving her the satisfaction....but thats a whole other story and probably an entirely different board! : )

    Now back to the fun stuff!! Alison0704--the painting in the far corner is another colourful one but much smaller--I agree that I need to spread out the colour more. Its just that wall above the sectional is the one that is least looked upon--and the colourful paintings are the first thing you see. I was afraid the room was looking very "Hugh Hefner" ...dark wood, brown leather etc..so needed to see the pop of colour as soon as I walked in my front door. I agree with that end table--it hasn't been sitting well with me. The rug will move over more away from the fireplace once my shedding xmas tree gets tossed out the front door-however, I feel that it will still make me batty. we are painting in a few weeks --all the pictures will come down and we will start from scratch--looking forward to making some changes!

    I can't thank you all enough for your insightful comments...about my paintings, furniture and my MIL!! What a supportive place!

  • 9 years ago

    Feng Shui rules say that a mirror is used to bring light into a space and/or reflect something beautiful like artwork or nature, flowers, etc. So, if you don't use it above the fireplace, try to place it where it will bring light or reflect beauty and don't allow anything to clutter in front of it as it doubles (reflects) the clutter.

  • PRO
    9 years ago

    Send MIL this link...that will do it!

  • 9 years ago

    I read over all the replies but I have to ask? Will the mirror fit over the fireplace vertical instead of horizontal? Maybe it is too tall. Then you could put candlesticks, vases, or plants on either side of the mirror. Someday you will find just the right mirror, or at least that is what I like best.

    sarahkm77 thanked erinsean
  • 9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Another idea: I might leave the map above the fireplace and try stacking the other two where the tall tree painting is - think it would make a nice grouping with your fireplace . Maybe move the painting that's to the left of the fireplace to above the the sectional couch and the tall one to that space to the left of the fireplace, but further left of the little table, kind of behind the leather chair. I can't really tell if those sizes work in those spaces.

  • 9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Just to add to what's been said, I'm not a fan of that particular mirror in your room, although I do like the mirror. The map works better for me, and may I add I think your fireplace is especially pretty, it's a style I'm always drawn to and have never had. The one in this house is all marble including the mantel, hearth.

    No mother in law issues here. I am not one, and my own had 10 children - I married #6. She was happy if we were not fighting with each other, paying our bills and were all well fed - other than that she had no time to care - too many of us ;).

  • 9 years ago

    I was asking what the piece of furniture was behind the chair, not the artwork.

    Hope you can ignore MIL and enjoy her visit.

    sarahkm77 thanked User
  • 9 years ago

    I think it is a lovely mirror but does not complement the rest of the room. The map looks very good -- find somewhere else in the house for the mirror.

    sarahkm77 thanked raee_gw zone 5b-6a Ohio
  • 9 years ago

    Thank you-- the mirror is going elsewhere! Alison- it is an old letter writing desk..

  • 9 years ago

    How about layering the mirror behind the map? Prop them both with the mirror behind and to the right.

  • 9 years ago

    I love layered fireplaces.