Without question it would be me and my husband sitting on the arm of the couch or standing around the kitchen island. Ugh. So irritating. Happy holidays!!

I agree with theclose. In addition, if the guests include very close friends or family members (DS/BIL), I might confer with them and ask that they keep the ball rolling as we go in and out of the kitchen. The guest who brought the uninvited guest might be involved in a conversation with me after the New Year.

Perhaps the invited guest with the +1 doesn't understand how a sit-down dinner party works?

Either way, when that guest saw there was really no room for their +1, they should sit on the couch with +1 and offer up their dessert and anything else they can to take the host off the hook as much as possible.

Yeah, Happy Holidays!

Pass the Alka-Seltzer.

Even the idiot who brought the uninvited guest likely didn't do so with ill intent, and may have assumed that the invitation included a +1. That's not to say they were in the right, but I think it best to extend the benefit of the doubt. Too, some people are socially clueless but that doesn't mean they're bad people. Of course it depends on the relationship you have with the offender, but I think pulling him or her aside to basically chastise might be unkind and pointless.

DH and I would be perched on sofa arms or standing. If I had kids they would also, if their seats were needed to accommodate others. When I have guests, I feel their comfort comes first.

How old are the kids at this party? If young enough to neither really notice nor care, I'd dig out the cookies from the pantry and the ice cream from the freezer and have a special dessert just for them, so as to have enough of the real dessert to serve the adults.

I assume this really happened? How annoying, but I hope it didn't ruin the party for you.

Ugh! First of all, that is incredibly rude to bring an unexpected guest or guests, and I would definitely pull aside that person and let them know it caused major stress and logistical problems for you. Did this person not understand it was a sit-down dinner party? Did they just assume it was a casual, buffet-style or cocktail party?

I can't imagine being literally out of plates... not even paper or everyday plates? I'd probably move at least a couple of the kids to the coffee table or kitchen island, so the adults could be seated. I'd have the kids use whatever I could find for plates. I'd probably ask DH or another close family member to skip dessert-- or hopefully some guests would decline.

I do think it's a good idea to always make extra food, and have a bit of wiggle room, just to decrease your own stress level.

Plan B-- I'd just have some extra drinks and smile a lot :-) And tell the person I didn't plan on having additional guests. Then let them figure it out :-)

as hostess, it would have to be you sitting on armchair. Appears the person doesn't understand sitdown events, but if you are in good terms, perhaps next time you can nicely remind him/her what that means. Then again, maybe you are a helluva cook and they just wanted to share you with their +1. It was uncouth on their part, there's one in every crowd.

How awful. If there were no kiddos that could be relocated (maybe with a bribe) I would be the first one not in my place at the table, my husband next.

Smile say Merry Christmas and remember that the next time you have a sit down dinner do as they do at restaurants for banquets and always have 10% more food prepared.

eta: did the guest who bought the +1 know that it was a sit down dinner? Or might they have thought it was a more casual party?

First off, I believe one should always plan for possible extra guest/s, just in case. Since that didn't happen in this case, change the kids meal to a picnic on the family room floor. If you're worried about your carpet, lay down a plastic table cloth serving their food on Chinette with plasticware. Don't have a plastic table cloth? Grab a shower curtain liner out of one of the bathrooms. Put on a kids movie turned just high enough for them to hear and not disturb the adult guests. The kids will love it and you'll have solved your seating and place setting problems.
When it comes time for desert, dig out the ice cream and cookies for the kids or whip up a brownie mix just before you set down to eat.

I would like to hear what really happened and what the relationship is to bpathome.

It would be very quickly switched from a sit down dinner to a buffet. Kids at the table and adults where ever. DH and my kids don't get dessert.

There are some people who get upset at things like this but I never do. I invite people to see them and if I have to make adjustments to make everyone feel welcome in my home then that is what I do.

turn the whole gig into a buffet and put the kids on the sofa with no dessert since they already had the fails anyway. Enjoy the company that came to your home to celebrate with you. And after they go home ask yourself, " well, then what kind of people are we???" Holidays are sure full of high expectations anymore.

MIL told me this happened to her years ago when DH was a kid. She had a cookout with burgers and somebody brought extra people w/o notice. MIL was short 4 burgers so she served herself, husband and 2 kids bread with no meat. My husband, not understanding what was going on yelled from one end of the patio to the other "mom, You forgot the meat in my burger". MIL was mortified to say the least, ha

In my family there is no such thing as just enough servings of dessert for the people invited on a holiday. There is enough dessert for a battalion. For a month. Okay, you may not get a creme brûlée because the dog at five but there's going to be at least three other options.

As for the rest: I would consider it a learning experience for the hosts. Expect the unexpected. People can always sit places other than the dining table. I'd invite my DH and a beloved brother and SIL to eat in the living room. I would host the dining room crowd. No extra plates though? That's hard to get around.

So many good responses here, and as a host expecting the unexpected is the best route for me. And it also seriously sounds like you need more plates in the pantry and paper is fine.

I have come to the realization that: people are rude, undependable and clueless but I need them all anyway.

Well, I don't really do dinners that formal. But I'd be pulling the kids aside and bribing them to give up their desserts without fussing. (Dh and I would of course give up ours). My kids love ice cream so if there was any in the freezer they'd probably get that. As far as the plates go, I have a bunch of super nice neighbors and houses are very close to each other here so I'd be texting to find some to borrow and sending ds to get them. I'd set the kids up at the coffee table to eat their meal.

I would definitely be thinking about making it a buffet and breaking out the paper plates (although not all food lends itself to being eaten without a table. Steak, for instance though I guess you could pre-slice it).

You could surreptitiously send out your spouse to buy whatever plates and flatware your local grocery or drugstore offers, assuming there's one nearby.

Quick rearrange...pillows on the floor around the coffee table for the kids and the rest for the adults...hostess goes without dessert, having already eaten the fails...or if there's a "kids dessert" like popsicles or ice cream in the freezer or cookies, perhaps you can stretch what you have.

Reminds me of the old joke about the lady who prided herself on always having enough to eat no matter how many showed up, actually found herself short of food. So she told all her children they were to refuse any food offered. They did as they were told, and then, when it came to dessert, she announced, "All you bad children who didn't eat your dinner, you don't get any dessert!"

The unpredictability of the number of guests is the reason all of our family holiday meals are served buffet style and there is more than enough food for everyone to eat something. For more formal non-family, sit-down dinners, I always poll for the number of guests the day before the dinner.

I think other posters have covered the options for your situation pretty well.

Kids and any adult volunteers (pull aside guest & uninvited guests and ask if they would mind "volunteering") to get set up in another room, with whatever you can find.

Even with buffet serving, don't you sit down to eat? We all just like sitting at tables to eat, for toasts and sharing the Host and conversation, etc. and it's what we've done for 3-going-on-4 generations. I have a table for the buffet in the sun room, then we sit at the dining room table, and at the banquet tables that miraculously appear (with cloth, centerpieces, and candles lit) in the LR and foyer while people are at the buffet!

I confess, I exaggerated about the plates. I consolidated a few years of transgressions into one rant,. I do have plenty of paper plates and plastic flatware. We had lots of bars and cookies to make up for the baked Alaska shortage. But the tables are only so long, and the rooms are only so big. I can add one surprise guest with no one else the wiser, adding another is doable, but adding 5 means I need a stable, since there's no room at the inn!

I may be too gracious, dammit. So I decided to be ungracious and did what Sushipup suggested: I trimmed my list of the guests in question. That was a few years ago.

But seriously, have you ever been invited to a co-worker or friend or romantic interest's family event, only to find that YOU were the surprise? Or do you make sure they are expecting you, AND do you bring a box of cookies and send a thank you note after?

LOL, was thinking maybe petite wife/girlfriend can sit on significant others lap.

Sounds like your parties are popular. Better than having too few show up!

Popular? I don't know, it's just a big, extended family.

i will say, one year a surprise guest was a godsend: he caught the tree just as everyone else realized it was falling! And we never saw him again. Mysterious visitor indeed!

At thanksgiving at my cousin's who lives in a gorgeous location right on the lake, but in a house the size of a shoebox, it was really crammed with people. No room for sit-down dinner for sure so people sat where they could and ate off their laps or whatever...somehow we all managed, all enjoyed the company, all enjoyed the food and look forward to it again next year.

I'm never totally sure who's going to show up, so I make sure I have room for more, food for more, and have people who come bring stuff so as more come, so does more food...helps balance it all out. And believe me, there's always so much food that no one will go hungry.

We seem to either invite just one family or the whole world. So when it is the whole world, we serve buffet and people sit everywhere. Dining room table, breakfast nook, living room sofa, etc.. We have little kids and most of our guests do too and we just tend to the super casual though.

You are a brave host to do baked Alaska for company! I do it for family or friends I don't mind risking failure in front of. How do you do it ahead though? I always do the last step of spreading on the meringue and browning it immediately before serving so it is still warm.

Buffet style--that would have been my go to--that and kids sent else where...but I think the kids/adult separation in an entire different thread. How one pulls more dishes out of the air--well I am guessing there are "not matching" SOMEWHERE. Kids get paper? In the end it is better to squeeze one more than to think of one alone somewhere.

Does anyone else remember the Mary Tyler Moore show? There was an episode when Mary was hosting a sit down dinner and someone, Rhoda maybe?, brought an extra guest (played by Henry Winkler). Mary didn't have any room at the table and had to put him at a little table across the room. Another guest, Lou Grant maybe?. helped himself to an extra large portion of the meat and she had to tell him to put some back. Mary had a reputation of throwing bad parties and this party was one awkward thing after another. I loved that show.

I was just going to mention the Mary Tyler Moore show episode! Lol.

I dont even know anyone who would do that, bpathome! A sit down dinner that is plated and served us difficult to change up at the last minute.

We have two card tables that each seat four and dont take up much room so they can fit almost anywhere. And folding chairs to match. We would just have pulled out one or both of these, i guess. If they were already in use it would mean there were multiple tables set in different rooms and thst dinner was a buffet service anyway so no one would be the wiser.

If the people in question were family members we'd have A Talk. if they were coworkers or friends they'd be struck from the invite list-----unless of course they brought interesting ir amusing guests who added somethibg special to the conversation. People can be forgiven if their uninvited plus one is a great guest. And maybe next yesr just invite the plus one!

Hhireno, I do remember that episode! And sadly, I am a hostess like Mary lol! (And I dance like Elaine on Seinfeld!) But for some reason people keep showing up.

I don't mind mismatched china and flatware (though I do like one pattern per place and not more than two patterns per table)

I wouldn't mind the bringing of surprise guests quite as much if they were properly introduced, as in "this is my boyfriend, yes, we've been dating since last Tuesday" or "this is my co-worker at the hospital, her family lives three states away and we are scheduled to work tomorrow." I think they are more comfortable then, too. But my best efforts at "oh hi, I'm bpath, I'm Terry's mom's cousin, so glad to have you!" are met with "This is Taylor" Um, okay.

Crl, the baked Alaska recipe is pretty easy even for a crowd. They are individual and except for the meringue, just assembled! I can make them in batches days before and store them in the freezer, then just pop them under the broiler, plate, sprinkle with crushed candy canes, and serve. My kids have asked for them for birthdays, too. (Of course, I figure out a way to fail some of them, some how, a la Mary Tyler Moore)

Yes, even with a buffet it can be awkward. I always set the table, except for plates, and glasses which are picked up at the end of the line. That's less hassle for the guests, and I can set the tables the night before. I have a lot of family dinners for as many as 24 people, and I always try to verify the number of guests ahead of time, to make sure that there is adequate seating at the tables.

One time my BIL and his then girlfriend showed up with three teenagers that I wasn't expecting, and had never met; GF's daughter, who evidently needed her 'peeps'--the girl's two cousins. To make matters worse, they were late, and everyone else was already seated. Someone wasn't feeling well and had cancelled at the last minute, so we did have one extra seat available. I handed out more plates and service, crowded the two extra kids in at the table, gave up my seat and sat in a nearby arm chair. Our dinners are almost always a group effort, so food wasn't a problem.

A couple of years later, my brother called about an hour and a half before dinner to say that his new wife's daughter and her family had stopped by that morning and wanted to come with them. I'd had the tables set since the night before, so I scrambled to set up an extra table just through the door in the LR where both groups could see each other, then I asked my kids (adults) if they would sit at the smaller table. I told my brother that if he was bringing 5 extra people, he'd better be bringing extra food.

Even though I enjoy using my china, crystal, and special silverplate, our dinners aren't really all that formal. I've learned to put out a couple of extra glasses, extra plates in the buffet stack, and I roll extra service in a napkin and place one at each end of the table. It's our tradition that senior citizens go first, or get to sit down first, and are served, so that they have a convenient seat. Then come kids, and parents with small kids who need help. I usually serve drinks, so I'm the last to sit down. In this way it's almost as if the older folks are the hosts, and get to 'hold court' ... and I finally get to relax. ;)

I guess this is where the expression "family hold back" comes from. Of ourse, I would be the one with no chair. On second thought, I'd be sending the dumb invited guest with the +1 out to the garage to bring in a patio chair (which wouldn't work well at a dining table anyway). I always have enough food for an army, so there would most likely be extra food. One time I served grilled swordfish which is expensive so I only had enough for the invited guests. Since they were all good friends I told them to enjoy the fish, there were no seconds. My MIL was famous for skimping on the food. One of the first times I ate there, I realized that I had taken more than my allotted portion (has to divide by five in my head) and announced that I had accidentally taken more than I could eat and put some back. After that I always carefully divided by five before serving myself.

As for dinnerware, I'd be pulling out the paper plates and plastic. What else can you do? A jelly jar for a glass. Ha ha.

for Christmas, I wouldn't care... but then again, I have never sent invitations to dinner on Christmas either... I would want everyone to include their SOs and bring a friend who might have had a change of plans... the more, the merrier at Christmas!

I also have lots of plates tho and always have lots of leftovers of all types at Christmas, so it wouldn't phase me in the least. tons of dessert too! I would stand and my hub would be happy to also if need be!

BUT, if I were having a formal dinner party at another time of year, I would be sure to include/ask about a significant other for my guests, but I would generally not want others to come... I only have so many formal place settings and usually, my formal dinner parties are for friends (rather than family) and are more 'structured'...

My own mother had the nerve to show up with 3 extras. As it was, I had already needed to set up a "kid" table in the center of the kitchen because all 12 places at the dining table were full. My two grown sons and I ended up on stools at the raised bar. Once everyone was settled in, she had the gall to announce, "We really should have done this at my home, so there would be room for everyone." She lives in a tiny one bedroom rental with nothing more than a bistro table and two chairs in the kitchen.

I would have the kids eat on the sofa/paper plates and give them chocolate bars or hershey kisses for dessert. I think it might be kind of rude for the host not to socialize with the guests during dinner.

After the first time it happened, I may plan for a couple extras though.

I always do buffet with a set table and twice the amount of food than necessary. I'm so paranoid about not having enough food! If more people came than I had places for, I would pull out the TV trays for sofa sitting.Now if I had a lobotomy and started having parties with just enough food, seats and dinnerware for the people I invited and I had an unexpected guest or two - I suppose I'd order some pizza and call it good.

Unexpected guests is only a temporary annoyance. People who are very late...as in late enough to hold up the planned and timed food items are on a three trikes and your out list. Edited: actually I think it's more of a two trikes and your out.

First, chill out and remember the holidays are a time to embrace EVERYONE. Either do the buffet idea or you and husband sit on chair arm or stepstools or anywhere. Divide the desserts into halves or bite-size pieces. Don't waste your time or energy on resentment or stressing out - not worth it - I know from experience. Don't say a word to anyone about your annoyance - be the most flexible, gracious hostess possible. Next time you do a sit- down, find a pleasant way to specify you need exact number of guests - keep it light-hearted (we're limited on space and don't want anyone to have to end up eating in the garage!) And make enough of everything to feed 4-5 extra people.

I have what I call a Mad Hatter set of China where every person gets a different pattern. I use that for buffets because it's fun. So it's easy to add more settings. The hosting family has to give up their places and give the guests the spots at the table or else abandon plans and let guests eat buffet wherever they can find a seat in various rooms. I always make too much food because I don't like the idea of being short. If the weather is good, try going outside with folding tables and chairs. If I was the plus one, I would make an apology and offer to eat with the kids or in the kitchen and help serve. I did give up my spot once to accommodate an elderly unexpected guest and the host was so grateful. Things happen. Be flexible and guests will understand. Extra frozen dessert stashed away is never a bad idea.