I agree for separate if they can't put on happy faces and be civil for the child. If they can behave, they should participate as requested by the child. Best is pose together (they are the two who made the child), pose with each parent separately, pose separately with new spouses, pose all together, both sides with spouses.

The point is to all behave well, and all be included. With digital photogarphy it probably doesn't even cost more, or maybe a little for time. It's also a good idea to get one print of each pose and put them in an album. Since all were taken and all in the book, the child only has to display the ones liked best, though it's circumspect to be even handed. If that's just one with just the parents, then it's easy enough to show the new spouses their place in the album, and make them feel included even if they're not on the wall.

No matter how much acrimony there has been, the offspring shouldn't have to bend to it. Much better to be polite and even handed and set a good example for the elders.

The day belongs to the adult child, not to the divorced parents. By your description they are still acting like high schoolers who had a breakup before the Junior Prom. Honestly, to not speak to each other 20 years later is pretty sad, and to even insinuate that they might not act civilly to cast a pall on the event is selfish.

The adult child should be asked what his or her wishes are. Each parent should agree to do what's requested with a good attitude. They both need to suck it up and act properly for their child's benefit, something they haven't previously done. If either feels like that can't do that, they should stay home.

Yes, it's common sense. Each should smile and act like an adult, do what they're told, keep their mouths shut.

I agree with Snidely. If the event is for something like the adult child getting married, then the divorced couple needs to suck it up and put a smile on. We had something similar happen when my daughter got married. He husband's parents had a very bad divorce. They were barely civil to each other. The groom's father remarried when he was a kid and his father wanted his new wife in all the photos. The photographer put him in his place and told him how the pics were going to be taken. I was glad she did this. My daughter and her husband were pretty upset with his dad.

I will say that they did have the step-mother in pictures. They just wanted one picture with just his parents. I didn't feel that was to much to ask. But on a side note, the picture didn't turn out well. The parents both had plastic smiles but at least they had a picture.

If the child wants a picture with both parents, I agree it should be taken.

I hope the parents can hold it together enough to be pleasant to one another and pose for photos.

If one was/is a horrible abuser or addict, or somehow is still very destructive, then all bets are off.

I will add that if this is a wedding, the other side should be considered. When my brother got married long ago, his wife's parents were the divorced couple who couldn't get along. The bride's solution was to have the photographer take no posed family pictures. The photographer caught one snapshot of my dad with my brother and that's it for our family. So there are no pictures of my mother with her son on his wedding day. She never mentioned it to them, but she was sad about that.

Thanks for your input I will keep it in mind. Just wanted to know what is expected as reasonable. boys are not as sentimental so pic taking might not even come up.

I would take the picture with both parents and put their spouses on either end so that they can be easily cropped out!

Now THAT is genius! Ha ha