I'm going to entitle my memoirs "Cats: Why We Can't Have Nice Things"
IdaClaire
8 years ago
last modified: 8 years ago
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Bluebell66
8 years agomsmeow
8 years agoRelated Discussions
Toto toilet to go with Memoirs pedestal sink?
Comments (4)I love the Porcher lutezia sink but it is too big for my space. I am going with the duravit 1930 series, which has a similar look. Either one goes with the toto promenade as I checked them out in person. I'm using the lutezia toilet instead of the toto though, as I have one already and like the look of it. I've had it for 4 years and have had no problem....See MoreI'm going crazy please give me advice
Comments (41)There's something really odd going on. Could someone be staying at his mom's house with her/them? Is there an Ex wife or someone his mom likes that she would help cover for? Don't get confused by the phone bill or other stuff he shows you. He could have been using prepaid phones and accounts you are not even aware of. How were you able to rule out all the clients he was afraid you would call from the phone list? Were these clients even on the phone list? Anyway, why is he calling his mother so much? That's insane just by itself. And, why is there a fraud alert on his account? Please, just talk to a lawyer. Again, you don't have to do anything. But, the lawyer may really be able to help you and at least point you in the right direction. I'm sure they have all types of experience with this kind of stuff. And, like cindy mentioned quit asking him for stuff; he is only going to give you what he finds safe, may even be able to doctor stuff up. Plus, you are giving him the heads up so that he can hide stuff... by using other phones, new accounts, etc. Personally, I would ACT like he won and even "act" a little sorry (don't let him move back yet or anything just tell him you need time to think), but I'd hire a PI and talk to a lawyer today (but don't tell him) and just go from there. He's probably not going to be truthful to you at this point anyway. If you find out your concerns are unwarranted, fine, but with the way he's acting, you really need to find out from someone other than him. Good luck. Keep us updated....See MoreI'm afraid to leave my husband with his daughter!
Comments (5)Set up your boundaries. 1. Have your H and his D draw up a contract as to (a) how much she needs to save , (b) how much she needs to help with foods, rent, and (c) the deadline as to when she MUST BE ON HER OWN. Both will sign it. 2. Give her about 6 months to save money and move out. If in the meantime she does not save money then the contract will stipulate her moving out in 2 weeks of notice from you. 3. Treat this as a business with a renter. 4. I have seen so many cases with people with mental illness who will use that to CONTROL and ABUSE others with their FOG, (Fear, obligation and Guilt). Recently, in my hometown a 70 yrs old mother robbed a bank after deleting the family's retirement and savings to give to this 40 yrs old son who spent money on trips to paris with his xwife. The adult child would call mom and expressed his depression and suicidal thoughts on not having enough money to pay for his bills. mom then took out 75K from the H's inheritance, 85k of mortgage on their debt free home, to keep on making this adult child happy. As of now, she is serving a 4 years prison term. THe moral of the story is never, never let others control you with FOG....See MoreI'm younger than my stepdaughter! Not good . . .
Comments (9)Wifey, I really do understand. My childhood was also smattered with abuse, physical, verbal and sexual. I'm also a survivor and a very strong woman. I have been on my own since age 16, managed to finance and get through most of college on my own, and at age 35, I now own a pretty strong company that I built from the ground up. As a survivor type, I never even entertained the idea of "can't", giving up or not making life work for me - I really didn't have any other choice. I've learned this is not something everyone is programmed with and I am very lucky to have these expectations of myself, where others are too scared to consider or can't even see life's possibilities. You're absolutely right, blood sucking spongey types seem to practically hunt down survivor types. I have to fight them off constantly and most are from my side of the family. I've learned to recognize them right off but most of the time I still try to play the hero until I get disgusted with them and then I play the avoidance card. Only you know your limits. I guess I just hate to see her win. :) I also know that my survivor background causes me to expect more from people than "normal" people might. I also share your feelings of "well if I can go through this and be this strong in my life, why should I sympathize with someone who makes no effort at all?". I guess my own answer to that question in the middle of my sleepless nights is: I'd rather be me than them. Knowing a little more about the relationship with you and your SD, I would think you shouldn't offer any more of your money to her at all. That should be a boundary you set with her and her father. If you wanted a relationship with her at all at this point, I would insist that it be strictly a mentor/friend type relationship so she can hopefully learn how to grow from you. If she thinks she can con you and be nice to you long enough for you to give her cash, you aren't making any headway at all, just making matters worse. And if she won't accept that type of relationship, then you did your best in offering, and hopefully she'll figure it out on her own someday. I wish I had better answers for you. My husband is ten years older than me, so I related to what could be the unspoken part of your situation. In my situation I wondered if maybe I didn't accept this man in some way to fill the father slot that was left in shambles in my childhood. When I look at it in that light, I begin to question whether I may be suffering from jealousy issues that aren't present in "normal" SM/SD relationships. Examining the possibility has given me more gas for tollerance until I am sure. Oddly enough, the question of how life would have been had my father had the personality of my husband, isn't so much comforting, but scary. I can't imagine what it would be like to be so nurtured and unprepared for this rough world we live in. Another byproduct seems to be the years it takes before family considers your relationship with your husband valid. They seem to think you are going to flee with half the bank account someday. My father was 24 years older than my mother, so the age difference has never been a problem for me, just everyone else. What fun! More unspoken, yet heavy stress. I sit here and I honestly do not know what I would do in your shoes. My situation is rosey compared to yours. What helps me through all this turmoil is communication with my husband, but if yours won't talk to you about it, I don't know how you could ever be expected to move forward. I don't think you are a bad person, a whiner or any of that. If you are like me, you were at your total wits end before you even thought to Google this board. I think anyone on here who creates a dialogue with themselves about these issues is facing the issue and questioning how they can make it better. I haven't yet found a posting on here from a step father, which to me is very telling. It's funny, my husband is so awestruck by the person I am and the things I have accomplished in the face of adversity. He is equally petrified of his children ever having to face these same things. I have explained to him that everything I went through made me a stronger person...that I VALUE these parts of my life because they made me who I am. I don't mean to sound cocky but I can look at myself in the mirror each morning and know I did the right thing the day before and I am very pleased with my progress in this life. Really, what more can you hope for on this journey than that? Sorry this is so long - I pretty much rambled as I went. I hope things work out for you whatever you decide....See Moresas95
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