Can you just politely respond with, "All food is being provided and is already planned for. Please just bring yourself and have a good time!"

Can I bring anything? is a natural response. Half the time people really don't want to bring something but feel they have to make the offer. I just say "it's so nice of you to offer, I really appreciate it but I just want you to come and be my guest. I have everything under control. No problem" That generally takes care of it.

What everyone else said!! Just a reminder too....anything brought to your party is a gift to you. While so and so may make a famous dish, you are not obligated to serve it.

There may be someone with food allergies or other requirements who may be trying to ensure there is something available for them to safely eat. Hopefully, you know the invitees well enough and have planned appropriately.

Have a great party!!!!!!

Or...you can ask for some money to help with the costs! Just kidding!

Tell your guests to bring nothing, but if they really have a desire to bring their famous dish, then let them. Put it out.

So what if it's cheese cubes or something made from a can?

Is the purpose of the party to gather everyone to be dazzled by your amazing cooking and impeccable taste, or gather to enjoy one another?

Being a generous host involves making everyone feel welcome and appreciated, even if they felt the need to contribute in ways that are below your obvious standards.

Agreed! What I sometimes say is, "A hearty appetite," or "your elderly mother," or some other pleasantry. I also usually reserve a few items that I assign to those who really want to bring something.

When in doubt, be honest. "You know I love your famous XYZ, but it's my pleasure to create this menu and entertain you, and I really want you to take the night off. Okay, you're my friend and I'll confide in you. When people come in with food when I'm putting on a party like this, it creates a lot of pressure for me and I end up so unhappy! Please help me out by not bringing anything, okay?"

Thank you all. The food allergies are mostly me, thankfully. I have made plans with one offer of food to just have a second get together - fun x2!

I like what Lindsey said.

"For me, the most memorable part of a party is the food."

For me, the most memorable part of a party are the people.

"Being a generous host involves making everyone feel welcome and appreciated, even if they felt the need to contribute in ways that are below your obvious standards."

I agree.

"Can you just politely respond with, "All food is being provided and is already planned for. Please just bring yourself and have a good time!""

Great response, but if someone does end up bringing something, appreciate their gift and put it out on the table.

We just received our invitation to our neighbor's annual Holiday party. This lovely couple decks the halls of their home to the max every year! They also provide a wonderful spread of food, which over the years, neighbors like me contribute to because we want to feel like we're adding to the gustatory celebration and cheer.

Our hosts welcome all voluntary contributions with graciousness and thanks. They ask for none.

I think the people who really want to bring something wish to do so perhaps because they have a specialty, or a real knack for cooking and baking.

I doubt you'll see a deli or cheese tray from the store, and if you do, believe me, people will be able to tell the difference between your carefully curated cheese plate and cheese cubes.

(Insist said cheese cubes go home with the guest, too!)

I don't believe in showing up to a party empty-handed. I will ask my host and/or hostess if I can bring anything. If they say they don't need anything, then I will usually bring chocolate or flowers or wine.

What is an "open house," as opposed to a party? Does it lack a specific guest list? Are people expected to show up, be greeted by you, grab a nibble, and be on their way?

To me, an open house is a subscribed period of time, defined by the host, in which you welcome guests into your home to come and go as they please.

It usually involves some sort of theme or reason, and at least some nibbles and libations or refreshments.

Some open houses are fully stocked with food and refreshments by the host, while others invite guests to bring a dish or drink.

A party has a discrete start time (and sometimes and end time) where you are expected to be prompt for the festivities.

Mimi, are we neighbors? :) We too have a wonderful neighbor who throws a party every year at this time. A few of the neighbors take something but I decided on only a hostess gift, as she puts on a lovely and bounteous spread every year.

sjerin- it's such a wonderful tradition in our neighborhood.

I'm thinking of just a little appetizer this year and we usually leave a little present under their tree for them to open later.

I really do enjoy choosing a special dish to bring.

(Every year I look forward to the hostess's chicken divan casserole!)

I agree with Mimipadv's definition of an open house party. In Jane Austen's world it was called a "rout". :) Usually, at an open house, one asks a much larger and wider group of people than to a dinner party. People come and go, and mix and meet new people, and the party is usually spread throughout the public rooms and outdoor entertaining area, rather than being a choice group of people selected because they'll be good entertainment for one another, all in one room. The refreshments are ongoing throughout the time and may just be nibbles rather than a meal, or there may be a room set aside for people to wander into to get a plate and sit at a table.

It's true that at such a party an extra dish of whatever could just hang with the rest, but it is also true that insisting on bringing a dish to be served when the hosts have declined is rude. There are all kinds of reasons, whether they be health, religious, chaos relief, or just the desire for a focused menu, why people don't want guests to bring food. A good guest respects that! If a guest brings something anyway, it is not wrong to whisk it into the kitchen with thanks, rather than putting it out.

Hostess gifts of flowers, baked goods, wine, candy, etc., are for the hosts and may or may not be served/set out during the event. Unexpected food of any kind may be handled similarly. I learned not to serve the wine brought by guests the hard way when a bottle brought that night by a guest turned out to be undrinkably bad, but the guests were too polite to tell us. Alternative hostess gifts include small serving items, books, pretty nappery, stationery, potholders, a plant, etc. It doesn't have to be something perishable.

If a guest brought an unsolicited dish to my open house, I wouldn't have the heart to not put it out. I just couldn't do it.

Now, of course you could argue about allergies and religion, but all things being equal, my joy comes from making people happy and if that means putting out Jane's jello mold, so be it.

I hope that the responses here allow the OP to rethink the take away from the open house. Good food, nay, great food-- as Mario Batali likes to say-- is poop the next day.

Good will, hospitality, warmth and generosity stay with people forever.

" insisting on bringing a dish to be served when the hosts have declined is rude"

I don't think that is true. Courtesy is a complicated dance. Sometimes hosts will decline simply out of consideration for guests who may not have the time or funds to bring food. Sometimes those same guests might bring a little something, if they have little to give they may be all the prouder for bringing a contribution.

"Jane's jello mold"

And you never know, the most humble of dishes may be welcomed by the guests. And Jane will hold her head up high next day talking to friends, that she brought her famous jello mold.

No, Lucillie, insisting on bringing a dish IS rude. OK, maybe not rude, but not exactly proper in anyone's world. The hostess is obligated to not make a guest uncomfortable, and a guest is obligated to not make the host uncomfortable.

I agree sushipup1. My sister always hosts huge parties and I always do all the cooking for them. She provides a large menu comprised of many different things so that no one could possibly walk away hungry. Since I am the one doing all the cooking and many of the recipes are mine I do get offended when my sister tells her guests not to bring anything because she will have a ton of food and some one completely ignores her and brings their "special dish" that they think everyone will love. I'm not saying that everyone wont love their dish...but serve it at your party. If im making 5 different dips, i dont need another one. If another dip was needed you would have been asked to bring one. It also offends her. She takes it as people bring their own food because what she provided wasn't good enough or they thought they wouldn't like anything she had.A few years ago she just started telling people to bring something sweet like cookies or something since I'm not keen on baking. It doesn't stop the dish bringers completely but it has helped. I have developed a rather passive aggressive form of defense though. I absolutely fill all the surfaces of her kitchen with platters and crock pots and baking dishes and bowls and everything I can find to put food in so that there isn't any more room. That seems to have gotten the message across better. I always say "oh goodness gracious me. Didnot my beloved sibling inform you that we would have sooooo much food for her guests to enjoy that you needn't bother yourself bringing something? How odd. Oh well. At least you will have something to munch on for your midnight snack tonight." (Translation: take it home!)

I'm not a food snob. If Jane asked if she could bring her Jell-o mold and I said sure thing, I'm sure we'd all enjoy it. If I told her no thank-you, I'd expect Jane to leave it home. If she brought it anyway, I'd be offended. It is most definitely rude. I don't care if it's a Jell-o mold (which can be quite good!), fresh baked rolls, a side of salmon fresh caught from Alaska or a giant jar of caviar, if I say no thank-you, don't bring it.

I won't say no to someone on a special diet who wants to eat his special food with the company, but he should please let me know ahead of time so I'm not preparing portions for him, and I'll know if he needs the microwave or a special plate or something, and can work it into my schedule. I always try to have something substantial for the vegan or celiac or other special eater.

In my world, people with good manners ask and comply. People ask what they can bring, don't bring dishes that they expect to be served without asking, and bring what they say they're going to bring (or send it with someone if they can't come at the last minute, or at least call as soon as they know everyone is too sick to come and apologize for the item that will be missing). People do not hijack other people's parties. Perhaps this is acceptable behavior somewhere else, but it is not done here.

I'd be shocked if someone brought a covered dish to one of my dinner parties. People often ask if I need anything but my answer is usually no. When I say "no" I mean it. There are types of gatherings, however, where that kind of sharing is fun and appropriate.

We have picnics, game and card nights, and spur-of-the-moment TV nights ( those started with Breaking Bad). We all chow down on a fun, community meal at those times.

And you never know, the most humble of dishes may be welcomed by the guests. And Jane will hold her head up high next day talking to friends, that she brought her famous jello mold.

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Exactly, lucille. And wouldn't that be a great outcome of your party-to make someone happy?

Our wonderful Holiday open house neighbors also do a 4th of July party, and to one of the latter parties, I brought a homemade cheesecake with a berry coulis topping.

You could have put it on the cover of Gourmet magazine, it was that pretty (If I might humble brag!). Yet, that went over just OK while the guests were digging into one of those vanilla pudding with Nilla wafer topping desserts from boxes.

So, good on whoever made that one!

rhizo_1 (North AL) zone 7

I'd be shocked if someone brought a covered dish to one of my dinner parties. People often ask if I need anything but my answer is usually no.

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I would, too. But a dinner party is different than an open house, which is seen as more of a communal gathering.

Oh, well, I guess some people just can't roll with challenges and would rather be right than make their guests comfortable, even if bringing an unsolicited dish is deemed rude.

Rude met with rude doesn't make a "right". Leaving a guest holding their own dish because your refuse to find a place for it is unconscionable to me.

I hope the OP rolls with the punches and takes a relaxed approached by ceding tight-fisted control in lieu of hospitality.

Good luck, OP! I'm sure it will be a lovely gathering with excellent nosh!

If someone I invited (so presumably I value their company) brought an unasked for dish to a party I would NEVER passively aggressively fill the counter so there was no room for their dish. I would graciously make room for it, and let the party proceed. Aren't we missing the point of the Season by acting this way?

I think part of this is how well do the host/guest know each other. I was brought up to ask "What can I bring?" when invited to someone's home. If the answer was "Nothing!" I would still feel rude showing up empty handed unless I knew the host well and had entertained back and forth with them enough to know that was expected.

An open house to me is very different than a dinner party. It's throwing together all the people the host(s) may know: friends, family, neighbors, co-workers - and if the open house is during the holidays these people may bring along their house guests as well. In that situation, I would expect many people to show up with something - wine, beer, sparkling soda, plates of cookies, dips and crackers, the 'famous jello mold' - lol. So what? That's part of the fun!

The move of covering every spare space with food deliberately so there is no room for whatever a guest brought is more than passive/aggressive. It's extremely controlling and not at all in the spirit of a holiday open house.

I am all for pitch in dinners! If you don't bring something, that is okay with us too! But the more food the merrier at least in this neck of the woods! It is a given if you are invited to someone's home for a meal, you take something to add to the meal.

Sue

If people ask me not to bring anything, I don't. If I am not informed one way or the other, I assume I should - at least as a side or an appetizer.

If I'm asked not to bring, they'll get a bottle of wine, or a wrapped small gift they can open later, Sounds simple enough to me. They're hosting; I'll go by their rules!

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Most meals (not all) that I attend are currently pot lucks, and the host/ess these days usually organizes those so that not everybody ends up bringing the potato salad! (It was very amusing the one pot luck I attended years ago when everybody brought chicken! And back in that day there were pot lucks where I was the ONLY person who didn't bring desserts (mainly because I get way too dizzy on a meal of sweets and I always knew better to make sure there'd be something substantial I could eat...)

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PS: the term "open house" hereabouts seems to mean some Realtors are showing off homes for sale.... no one brings anything to those!

There are different kinds of parties that involve food. There are sit-down dinners with all the food provided by hosts. There are open houses ("just stop by for a drink and snacks") with food provided by hosts. There are pot-luck parties with everyone pitching in, often in a work or club setting, or many family gatherings. There are parties where a host might ask a particular trusted guest to help out, altho in a private discussion (a friend brought dessert for T'giving, no one else brought any food.)

If you don't want to come empty handed, bring a bottle of wine, or a potted poinsettia or a box of candy for the hosts to enjoy afterwards. But please don't bring food if the host says no.

Ah! Now, you see, Sue, that's what I meant, that it may be different in different places. If I were invited in your area, I hope someone would clue me in that people are expected to contribute to the meal. Otherwise, I'd show up with a potted plant and everybody would be whispering, "Does she expect us to eat the amaryllis? If so, she surely didn't bring enough!"

Like atremis, here in Maine, if you say you are having an open house, your house is for sale, lol!