We have also cut back on our family too. Our sons usually get a combined gift with their fiances. They are around 50 and can buy themselves gifts of whatever. The grand kids that live out of town all get a gift card, The two here I usually buy a little more for as they are closer to us and help us a lot. My sisters I usually will buy a token gift but the great nieces and nephews are young and I spend less than 20 apiece for their gifts. Cutting way back.

That sounds like a good plan. I've never cut back, because I've never gone overboard. Of course "overboard" is a relative term, and I admit I give my grandchildren more than one gift. But I consider what they need as well as what they'd enjoy, especially with the little ones.

I know what you mean about STUFF, and I try to avoid gifts that could fall into that category. I really do enjoy giving gifts that will make the recipient happy. Although some might say that includes money, for me there's no pleasure in giving money. I have, however, enjoyed giving gift cards to carefully chosen stores or restaurants. Again, some might say there's no difference between gift cards and cash, but I say it's all about individual perception.

This year I'm excited about several things I've bought for family members. I hope they will be excited too!

I love your plan!

I really disagree with our own families trading gifts amongst grown adults (who range from comfortable to very wealthy), and now, growing children, some of whom are getting way to old for gifts.

DH and I need to decide what we're going to do. We'll be visiting both sides of our family and do we go empty handed? Do we bring a host(ess) gift? Is that going to be confusing? Will we look cheap if we give gifts to an 8 year old, but not his 16 year-old brother?

It makes my head hurt.

I give cash to my grandkids....14-25....and also to my adult children and spouses. Everyone is so hard to buy for...and It is hard for me to walk in the stores and I like to physically see what I buy. For the grandkids, I found an idea on Pinterest....get McDonald's French fries boxes and fold the bills in shape of "fries" and put in boxes and put in a McDonald's sack....I think it will be cute...might stick in a MD gift certificate with the bills also. I give my kids and spouses money to buy something for their homes, but that amount might be cut back some also. Two families do not need the money, but one does desperately...so it is a hard decision.

I've cut back substantially and was giving serious thought to donating to a charity in the name of each adult child. is that too impersonal? These adults need nothing and get what they want when they want it. I kinda wished my family donated in my name, I would love to see $ going to my local animal shelter rather than spending time returning/regifting half of what I'll be receiving. bah humbug!

Bossyvossy - why don't you just tell your family that this year you'd prefer that they make a donation to some organization that you support? They would probably be relieved at not having to figure what to get you. Rather than just "wish," tell them!

It's my DH's family that celebrates Christmas and it's now only his sister that we exchange with. WE still send great niece and nephew Christmas checks, but no longer parents as they never sent us anything. These are the children of my DH's deceased older sister and we do want to keep in touch so we send checks for their children's birthdays and Christmas.

Side story: I used to go out of my way to find interesting gifts for the children. One year I was asked what was it that we sent? The kids tore all the gifts open and they din't know who each gift was from! Also, the mom seemed to make a big deal of the expensive gifts, not so much for the times I sent things that were more old fashioned, i.e. not electronic. It was more economical for us to sent $50 then to keep getting more and more expensive electronic type gifts.

For years though, I wanted my daughters to have the Christmas experience of lots of toys under the tree because it wasn't as if they would be getting things from lots of other relatives.

But, each year, I buy less and less. And oddly, it's things that they tell me they need or want. Few surprises. They are 26 and 28 and it's really me that is hanging on to th tradition.

We have a few friends(couples) that we exchanged with, but one couple asked that we stop. Hurray! I think no one wanted to be the first to say it. Instead, we all went out to dinner to celebrate the holiday.

We did that long ago....but now we have 4 GGrand children and wondering how we are going to begin again. Youngest GD is 18, so the gift giving...unless we see her... will soon end. We have sent Harry & David Pears, to the families in the past.... and may just do that again and let parents do the gifts. They don't live locally.

Sounds like a lot of people want to change their gift giving habits but don't want to be the first to suggest it.

I would love to hear of somebody who did this successfully. I fear my family would find me presumptuous for saying something about it. Maybe I should do it for DH and make sure he reads it out loud or something, and watch for reactions.

There was a thread about homemade gifts. For those who do not want to give 'stuff' when the giftee already has plenty of 'stuff', a homemade gift may be welcome. Cookies, homemade jam, a lasagna, all might be very much appreciated.

It sounds like a good plan. It depends upon the person as to what I give. I really try to give either consumables or something I know someone wants or needs. Family gifts work for some people. My dad is diabetic so I give him and my step-mother meat or meat and cheese gifts. My niece and nephew have certain colors they love so they get a shirt or jacket in that color. A couple of my siblings are single so they may get a little more like homemade goodies and a gift card to a favorite place to eat. My sister also likes me to buy her clothes. I have six little nieces and nephews under 5 years old that will probably just get a token fun gift.

I have been told by my DIL and son to not overdue it with the grandkids. Yes, I admit when I had just one grandson, I did buy way too much for him. Christmas was always a special time in my home growing up. We didn't have much money but it was a time to get things that we not only wanted but needed, like new clothes and shoes. I know Mom and Dad did without to give my brother and myself the best Christmas mornings possible. It was also family time with midnight mass and visiting relatives. I think I have tried to make up for that kind of Christmas since my family is so small and I want it to be like what I had growing up. No one else in my family feels that way, so I tried to make it special for my grandkids. But this year, I am following their wishes and so far I have bought two gifts for one grandson and none yet for the older one. I have to be very careful what I get him as his mom is very particular about non violent toys and things with lots of pieces, such as Legos, which he loves to play with. So, I am still thinking about him. As far as my son and DIL, I usually give them gift cards mostly but I found out that the stores I got them for are not where they want things from as in the past. And I know from experience that sometimes they get sold to others. This year, it will be one gift card for each and maybe something for them as a couple, if I can think of something! Hubs hates shopping so some years I go with him and he pays for what I pick out. That is not a gift to me. I try to surprise him with at least one thing that he has mentioned he would like but wouldn't get for himself. Some years I succeed but this year is a blank. So, this Christmas will be much smaller, mostly because I don't know what to get anyone and I am tired of trying to make everyone celebrate a holiday they don't want to celebrate.

I stopped buying presents YEARS AGO! The whole Christmas present giving has gotten out of hand, and IMHO it's really just ridiculous when you think about it. It's a total waste of money to be going around buying stuff willy nilly when you have no idea what people need or want, you see these people a couple times a year, if that. Why should we be forced to buy presents for everyone. Well that's my story anyway...as it pertains to me. I do not have children so my situation is different than for some. I certainly wouldn't buy presents for all my sisters and brother and for all their family members, and then there's the in-law side of my family...if I bought for everyone, we'd be busted flat in Baton Rouge. :(

When ArkansasGirl says, "Well that's my story anyway...." it sums up what I've been thinking about this topic: Everyone's situation--financial, emotional, geographical, etc.--is different.

I don't get why people feel the need to do something they don't want to do. If you'd prefer that people give a charitable donation in your name, just tell them. What I did in my family was to let those who tend to get me gifts know that I was going to make their life easier so they wouldn't have to figure out what to get me, and to just make a donation to the local Humane Society. Or take them some pet food. I don't need anything and it's a silly waste of time for people to try and get me something that I don't need or want. It makes the gift giver's life easier because they don't have to waste their time and energy figuring out what to get me. I don't need anything.

Many years ago, my father & his brothers & sisters (there were 12 siblings!) decided that there were just too many of us little Boomers running around for the siblings to buy presents for everyone.

so they put all of our names in a hat & each one drew a name/some names.

I don't know how they determined how many each couple drew out, maybe the parents of 3 would draw 3?

& they all went together to buy something for Granny & Papa;

I think it was a television that first year.

Although I know that I grew up in a time in which parents were financially better off than grandparents, it still seems to me that gift-giving should be from parents to children, & of course that the children should give thoughtful little presents to their parents, so that they don't think of their parents as slot machines.

but I still think that grandparents, having shouldered the burdens of raising a family & of taking care of their own parents, should just make a pot of coffee & wait for their families to show up with the feast, that they should be able to retire from hosting & to sit in their recliner & enjoy the party.

I admire all of you who help your children & who are so generous with your grandchildren, but...it seems to me that you do that stuff all the time anyway!

Maybe rather than "cutting back", you can look at it as "getting back to the core of it all".

A wise man once reminded me that the gifts we exchange at Christmas are just supposed to be tokens to remind us of the gifts of the Magi:

& each Wise Man brought *one thing*!

I haven't given gifts except to my children and husband in years. My mom has, in the past, received a stocking full of little things that she enjoys. This year I am taking her to a couple of Christmas choral concerts. If I ever have grandchildren I will probably give something to them but that will be dependent on the wishes of their parents.

ETA: I have 2 nieces(sisters) who have told my brother (their dad) and their mom to give the grandkids one thing each and that's it. My sister has 3 grandchildren and she has been told the same thing by her children - cut back on the gifts to the grandkids. The grandkids are all under the age of 5 and don;t need anything. Maybe this generation has it right.

This thread is interesting, and has a lot in common with another recent one concerning homemade gifts.

I don't know why so many people waste their time (and/or their money) to find what THEY think recipients will like. The target is missed more often than not. Why persist?

When my own kids were still teenagers, we switched from guessing to asking what was wanted for birthdays and Christmas. Cash was often requested. Today, they're all adults but we still ask. After declining the need to be given anything (they were raised properly!), each will usually say that cash is fine. For our little grand-kids, we'll get them a small toy or two (that their parents choose for us) that they can be excited about and also give checks for their college funds. We stopped with gifts for extended family and friends ages ago but still send cards.

A few years ago my daughter suggested we pare it to one gift a piece. But then the two of us would tie on gifts on the packages , so then she suggested we'd pull names out of a hat. I vetoed that because I love buying for her, did not like to buy for her husband, so then the rule was...NO gifts for adults. I'm loving it. Then Granddaughter turned into an adult and has two babies so she's cut and the kids get toys and books. I've bought grandson some clothes and was looking for sweaters at the Gap when his mother said tonight he needs NO clothes and hasn't worn some he got a year ago which he denied. He has every electronic gadget made so I'm in a quandary.

lily316 CASH or gift card

Just got a note from my mom telling us to not buy her anything. I admit it, I've been struggling what to get her as I already do that on an ongoing basis. And like me, she has so much stuff, she'd rather spend time together. I think it'd be fine to cut back and I told her to please cut back on me, as I don't want things either. I hope she takes it to heart!

@snidely, i guess TV sitcoms prove that the practice of guessing just the right gift is silly as entire shows are devoted to regifting but the notion of asking what somebody ones doesn't sit well with me either. I'm not a gift list order taker either.

We only buy for our children and grandchildren. No friends or other family. That is the way we have done it for years. They get cash and some gifts from us. Years ago we would buy for all of our families and it was fun but took up too much time. Sometimes they get gift cards as well. We all get together for Christmas Day meal at noon.

Sue

I ask my kids what they want as well - they're in their late 20's so they know Santa doesn't exist and I don't feel like wasting time guessing what they want. Cash is usually the answer and I'm ok with that.

I totally gave up on Christmas presents. No one gets any, and I always wish for the same. Some people seem to think I need some anyhow... and are looking disappointed, when I don't reciprocate. HELLLLLLOOOO, I said, NO PRESENTS.

No-one needs more stuff, with me at the top of the list of the NO more stuff people.

Moni

I'm with those in the camp of not wanting or needing more stuff. We just moved and it is crazy how much stuff we gave away, donated to organizations, sold on Craigslist and threw away. I am loving the fact that we are pared down and haven't begun to fill the storage space in our new house. The adults in my extended family don't exchange gifts, but we do a homemade gift exchange for those who want to participate - just bring one homemade gift. We do still give gifts to the grandkids (my nieces and nephews), but they even have way more than they need and are hard pressed to come up with more stuff they want. On my husband's side, my MIL insists on getting our Christmas wish lists. She's not very happy that I won't give her one this year. In the past, she has taken the list and purchased every single thing on it. It's supposed to be a wish list, not a shopping list! There are no little kids on my husband's side, just my step son who is 20. Even he can't come up with anything he wants.

I am so happy that there are so many who feel the way I do spending time with the family and enjoying a good meal and conversation at Xmas is the best gift of all.

enjoyingspring

I am so happy that there are so many who feel the way I do spending time with the family and enjoying a good meal and conversation at Xmas is the best gift of all.

********

Not to mention when you're spending hundreds or thousands to arrive at their door!

I thought it strange that so many people polled during the pre-holiday sales said they were buying a few gifts, but mostly they were shopping for *themselves*. Maybe this is in anticipation of receiving cash gifts? I fear it is just greed, but...maybe. Most of the purchases were luxury items.

We receive gifts in our names to our favorite charities -- ones that benefit *humans* in need. (Not pets.) We give the grandchildren a few toys and some small bills. We give our DS and DIL a check. (Their home is awash in toys and 'stuff'. I think the check goes towards something *substantial*, but it is 'no strings -- a gift.)

During the Great Recession, I was struck by TV interviews with people in the substantial homes they were losing to foreclosure. The houses were full of 'carp' -- electronics, toys, gadgets, small appliances, 'decorative' items, just mounds of 'stuff' that was clearly visible to the viewer. They'd overextended in more than just the mortgage.

Just greed? No, I think it's more likely just being sensible. By now, most people know that retailers compete with each other to come up with the best pre-Christmas deals. If you need/want something and you don't need it right now, it makes sense to hold off until the price comes down in November, and buy it then.

I cut back on gifts and cards years ago, saying that I gave to charities instead ... but I got the receipts, that helped at income tax time.

I've been losing more loved ones and friends, recently and realizing how much I value them, am keeping more in contact, but seldom including gifting, and mainly throughout the year.

Many approaching seniorhood (whatever that is) are either considering downsizing, or have done it and, having parted with many valued things, have little enthusiasm for giving houseroom to some new thing for which they feel that they have little need - or want. Many prefer time with the loved one, instead.

Gave brother a cheque for their fiftieth wedding anniv. ... and the cancer support agency that he dealt with for prostate cancer about ten years ago sent me a receipt, so I sent it back, asking that they send it to brother, as he pays more income tax than I do: mine is minimal, mainly due to financial management and substantial charitable, church and political giving.

ole joyful

A few years ago, I asked my in-laws if we could cut out gifts for birthdays. It was just getting too hard to think of anything they needed or wanted and I was getting tired of turning myself inside-out to try to find gifts for them 3x a year (Mother/Father's Day, birthdays, and Christmas). My MIL, the difficult person that she is, said she'd be happy to not do birthday gifts anymore but actually still sends birthday gifts for my husband. That's certainly her prerogative, but we don't reciprocate per the agreed on plan.

And, at this time of year, I longingly wish we could stop exchanging gifts at Christmas, too. Inevitably, there is nothing I receive that I LOVE. In fact, as I unwrap gifts, I'm mentally consigning it within seconds to three slots: Goodwill, Sell, Throw Away. I think about how the money our family spends at Christmas would be much better used by a charity or our local food bank.

Bah humbug!

I don't have a lot of close family, so I do tend to not cut back for those I have. Although it is hard to know what my nieces need, like or want (they live in Florida and I am in New England, and they are both very "style" conscious in an early-20's way -- so they get gift certificates or cash). My brother and his wife are easier. This year I now have a great-nephew, so I will find things to send via mail.

My local friends will wait until after the holidays as I am not mobile yet -- although one friend will get something special for being the main saint helping me out during my period of immobility!!!

I admit I've been using the sales to stock up on things I need more than buying Christmas presents. Kohl's had some great sales on bras last week. I've been buying winter clothes for the kiddos since it is now getting cooler and they have all changed sizes. I bought some new running shoes in a brand that is comfortable. We're on the lookout for a new tv since this one is on the blink. Heard those go on best sale around the Superbowl so hoping to wait it out.

Check the prices after Christmas, compared to those that claimed to be "sale" ones, before ... same with SuperBowl.

If there's been a big Christmas season and much of the extra merchandise is gone ... maybe not outstanding prices after, so one is taking a bit of a chance.

ole joyful

My husband came from a very large family and they gave gifts to every single member. My husband was in the military and because we did not live in their area, we were considered exempt from the gift giving and receiving - this was fine with us. However, when my husband retired and we moved back to his home area, we were expected to participate in all of the gift giving which ended up being very large numbers; we could ill afford this, but did it. During our Thanksgiving family gathering the next year, I worked up the courage to ask what they thought about each of us drawing a name from a hat and that would be the only gift purchased by the name drawers. Everyone was very glad of that suggestion and very happy to have to buy only one gift.