They need to be evaluated by a psychiatrist who can prescribe appropriate medications.

Went through this. He made an appointment with the local teaching hospital and I went with him. I kept him honest and gave the physician another point of view so they could see the whole picture. So can you go along?

Unfortunately I have a nephew who is bipolar and it has been such a difficult struggle for him and his family. His mania led him to spend lots and lots money-like three boats, a new truck, a race car and so much more. It got so bad that his wife and children basically shunned him although they all live in the same house. They had no understanding of why their husband/dad was suddenly this irresponsible person whose personality was totally foreign to them. My sister (his mom) seemed to be the only one to help him. He went through and is still going through medications and therapy. He had been on medical leave but now is back at work and trying to get the financial issues dealt with. He of course has also suffered the depressed state of this disease as well. He is late 40s.

My niece (my brothers daughter) also suffers from bipolar but with determination, medications and full family support is doing very very well. She graduated from college and is married and teaches autistic children. Doing very well. She is 33.

My best advise is to support this person no matter what their needs may be. Be patient and understand this is beyond their control. If need be go with them to dr. appt, counseling support groups or anything else they would benefit from. Also understand this has no end-it doesn't go away but in many cases a person can live a relatively "normal" life and find happiness when they find their way out of the fog.

I wish you and your family members strength.

There is help. Meds can make all the difference. Don't hesitate at all to seek proper medical help.

Get the person to a doctor for diagnosis, medication and therapy. Read about it so you can understand. My DIL has the diagnosis and the meds, but spotty therapy as far as I can tell. She continues to drink excessively. I hope for a better outcome for your family. She seems to use her diagnosis as an excuse for some seriously outrageous behavior. She has never apologized for anything. Her behavior has caused serious damage to our family. It didn't have to be this way. Consider that your relative's problem might have another source. I think starting with a good physical would be a good idea.

The doctor who diagnosed the disease will be the best source of referrals for psychiatric care. The immediate family should be educated, too.

My favorite cousin was diagnosed with this harrowing illness when he was a young student at Yale. His life has not been easy; I consider him heroic in the way that he has struggled to maintain a relatively normal life, build a successful career, and have a beautiful family in spite of hospital stays, medication effects, and the never ending pressure of his disease.

I have a friend who was diagnosed with bipolar after she had her first child. As Satine said, it is not curable and is a life long struggle. Medication and therapy are helpful, but finding the best balance of medication takes time. For some people, lithium is a miracle in helping them maintain a more normal life. Acute episodes can occur throughout the course of the person's lifetime. Genetics plays a key role in the onset.

me again. What Robb said struck home. DIL's therapist never spoke with her husband or any other family member. She wouldn't be able to tell the truth about what she does and says. the condition leads to poor decisions about financial and sexual behaviors.

A distant family member has it and her poor dh went through the mill before he could get her in for help. That's the irony: the person will usually say, "There's nothing wrong with me and I'm not going to a doctor." He was told he had to wait for an instance where she was a threat to herself or someone before they would take her against her will. She was put on meds and at first seemed like a zombie, but they were adjusted and she is well and happy today, with a child.

Yes my previous helper is bipolar and so is her little boy. She had very little care growing up since her mother was also bipolar and rarely took her meds so she would take off for days on crazy binges, drugs and alcohol etc. So she basically raised herself and her grandmother helped, she was running wild in her teens and got pregnant two times. She has 2 boys one lives with her one the other with the father. She now goes every week to a therapist and several doctors and they have her on meds but it is a challenge to get the right combination. Her son does the same. She is a great gal I love her like family and have done a lot for them. But she still has horrible depression and has tried many times during her life to commit suicide. I can't imagine how terrible it would be to have to live this life. She has moved away and I have not heard from her in a long time, I worry about her and him but at this point there's nothing I can do.

My neighbor has 2 of her children that were bipolar and they have both committed suicide. So devastating for her and their families. It's like you are on the crazy train ride and you can never get off.

A good doctor, educated intensive family (and friends) support when it comes to finding, then staying on the right medication. And time, this all takes time.

A close friends son was diagnosed just after his 18th birthday, right at that age where his parents had less legal control. He went from model son, A student, student body president and an athlete who competed at state level to someone we didn't know, right before our eyes.

If I could recommend a couple of books that might be valuable in understanding, We Heard the Angels of Madness (Berger) and An Unquiet Mind (Redfield Jamison) are two that will be helpful.

Our daughter was bipolar as was/is several other family members. At first we didn't know where to turn and how best to help her. Then we found NAMI. That is the National Alliance for Mental Illness. Sadly we lost our daughter to this little understood and hard to treat illness.

Here is a link to find a chapter near you. I hope your family and the one who is 'lost' find the help needed

https://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI

Pam, I was downplaying why I was there. I didn't want him to act like it all was fine when it was way way way over the top! Just to say, I fully hear you

(((lgmd_gaz)))

I would say I lost my husband, but he's still alive. My son has to live with a shadow of a father. He really misses him and remembers what he was like before he became ill. I can't say that I know what you've been through, but I mourn along with you.

I dated a man for several years who was bipolar....what a roller coaster! He decided he was okay and refused to take his meds...and one night he tried to choke me...and that was the end of our relationship. When he was manic, he was so much fun to be with, but sadly, the depressive was terrible!

Our ex dil's brother was diagnosed bi polar and now the whole family claims to be. It is very sad to see some with it. I know the brother was also into drugs and alcohol and didn't seem to be able to hold a job. He has recently passed away and was only in his 40's. He had so much wrong with him I really don't know what the cause of death was.

Jim, did I understand that your doc gave you a years worth of meds?

The Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison

I have a brother who is 69 and has had it most of his life. I think it first appeared in his late teens during the 1960's. He turned to drugs and alcohol to self medicate. It is amazing he is still alive after several major car accidents and burning down his house. He has a college degree but has been fired from almost every job he has ever had.

He also had several DUI's and can no longer have a license. He knows if he drives and is caught he will go to jail. His wife couldn't take it and after 7 years divorced him and took their daughter and moved far away. That was about 25 years ago and he hasn't seen his daughter since then. He refused to go to see a doctor and get medication years ago. I don't know if he changed his mind and got help or not.

Over the years everyone in the family has tried to help him in every way possible but you get tired of helping when it seems he won't help himself. Years ago our mom gave him $5000 to get into rehab for drugs and he took the money and went to Jamaica with a girlfriend. I worry about him but I have my own situation to deal with, a 31 year old son with Autism, so can't really help him anymore.

On the other hand I have had a girlfriend for 37 years that has it and has done quite well with her life. She has had bad times when she tried to go off her medication but went back on and has stayed on. I think it depends on the person and how well the medication works for them.

I'm surprised at the number of responses...and curious too. Some years ago my DS was diagnosed BP by a psychiatrist and put on a cocktail of meds. Three and a half years ago he had a serious meltdown that amazed and brought us (mom and Dad) up to date on a heap of amazing stories of how his life had been so messed up.. (He did spend one night in the psychiatric ward of our hospital...then just put out the door, with no notification to anybody after his whole family including in-laws spent many hours there wanting to know what was going to happen to him...no jacket, no money, no cell phone. He walked 6+ miles crossing our interstate to get to our home.) After months of locating and relocating and finding him in suicidal mode to often, and trying to educate ourselves, we took him into our home and began a long time of just caring for him .He was in a seriously depressed condition, probably coming off of drugs that had been prescribed but gone...we never saw any 'manic' episodes...maybe some "visions of grandeur" that were worrisome, but depression that was severe.

Today he appears to be a well adjusted 57 year old guy. He believes that he never was Bi-Polar. He still lives with us as we have become pretty dependent on him since we got to be in our 80's. He knows that he can have severe depression moods, takes an anti-depressant and seems to be able to handle his life pretty well. He has done tons of studying the brain and neurological subjects; he has always been highly intellectual and is always studying something new.

I am not totally convinced that he is "Totally" well. I AM thrilled that he appears to be. I'm just not sure how he will be in the future if his wellness is put to the test. He does come-by his depression thru my family. I have dealt with it most of my life, and believe my Mother and Grandmother were sufferers as well. I think I question the 'easy' diagnosis of Bi-Polar now days. It came to easy for my son, and the drugs that were prescribed could have committed him to a lifetime of uncertainty and drug addiction. Bi-Polar diagnosis can be subjective and can be a "quick" answer to a much more difficult illness....or simpler. We are only beginning to learn how our brains can be altered by science.

Satine,

She gave me a prescription for medications for 90 days worth of pills and that can be refilled 4 times. I still have a few from before. The folks at the pharmacy are aware of the situation and all is good. I have no desire to take more than prescribed.

A brief follow-up. My sister was an alcoholic and my brother died as a result of HIV-AIDS. Because of that, it has become very difficult for me to get prescriptions that might be considered habit-forming, particularly to help me sleep. Once I get onto a regimen, I stick with it and don't vary.

The way I do my highs, I cannot and will not shut up. I'll talk about anything and everything. Lows are the opposite, you cannot get more than a few words from me. I know what triggers my episodes and make every attempt to avoid those scenarios.

We raised our daughter with BiPolar Disorder, diagnosed after a suicide attempt in her teens. Her teen years were terrible with more depression than manic episodes but she stays on her meds now and is working on a degree in a science field and raising two boys of her own. She still calls or texts me when she's feeling manic and I help her to talk herself down. She is managing very well and I think that diagnosis and treatment is key to managing the disorder. It doesn't have to ruin your life.

Jim, thank you for sharing your experience. I admire you.

Yes, Jim...I want to thank you, as well.

The first person I knew to be bi-polar was a birthmother in our self-help group, Truth Seekers in Adoption in Chicago. She and her DH had four kids. She was looking for a son surrendered to adoption when she was a young woman. She told us about her mental condition and how she managed it with the help of her psychiatrist. She'd been prescribed many different medications. One would work well for a while, then she would develop a tolerance and require something else.

I knew her over several years, during which two of her children also were diagnosed. Her surrendered son was 22 when she found him. She actually rescued him, as he was exhibiting symptoms of depression and feeling suicidal. Neither he nor his adoptive parents had realized he was bi-polar. Some of the meds that had helped his birthmom and half-sibs proved effective for him, once she got him into psychiatric care.

From what I saw in my years with TSIA -- verified by adoption agency social workers -- mental instability is not uncommon among women who surrender babies, sometimes more than one child. Some women said they only felt 'normal' during pregnancy. There may have been even more such birthmoms who were too young at the time they were pregnant to have been diagnosed. (I am not saying 'all' here, just that it was and maybe still is a factor.)

Depression, anxiety, *whatever* the disorder...meds can help, and a good 'talk-therapy' psychiatrist can help. However, because their brains are disordered, these people need support from family in order to get diagnosed and to stay ON their meds. The disordered brain doesn't believe it is sick. (This is not dissimilar to the person taking meds for high BP. The meds work. The person thinks, "I'm cured," and wants to quit the meds. Doesn't work that way!)

DH just attended a lecture where there was discussion of Super Agers. These are people who remain mentally agile into old age. One thing they seem to have in common is a small section of brain that is considerably thicker than in 'the rest of us'. It's just the way they 'come'. Some some people 'come' with a brain that's bi-polar or prone to depression, or *whatever*. Thank goodness there is more understanding and help for them!

A heartfelt thanks to all of you for sharing, which for some of you may have been somewhat painful.

Quite possibly you have helped some others who are coping with this themselves, or with others close to them, to understand some nuances of this issue which may have been new to them, which they may find helpful on their long, arduous journey.

And in such situations it's often quite helpful to feel that one is not alone, especially when the others who share are people whom they have come to value, as many of us here have come to feel for one another.

Good wishes as you take the many steps involved in this pilgrimage.

ole joyful

Deep thanks to the many who have shared their knowledge and experiences, both of which are extremely helpful. One point that concerns me is that some have mentioned that the bi-polar person does not seem to want help. Do most of you find that to be true? It is certainly true in our case. Thank you again for all comments.

I think that my daughter liked the manic side of it. She felt creative and 'alive' and because of that she did resist treatment. The medication leveled her moods and she lost the highs and the lows. She was a minor and with the doctor's help, she discovered that she liked the treatment more than being hospitalized (those were the only options that we gave her). I felt like the 'bad guy' a lot for forcing her hand.

I can see where it would be much more difficult to persuade an adult.

Yes, it is a 'catch 22' situation. The disordered brain doesn't recognize that it IS disordered. To the mentally ill person, he is 'normal'; it's YOU who is out of whack. This is the huge difficulty faced by family members of adults with any mental illness.

I have two dear friends who each have a schizophrenic DD. This illness often hides until late adolescence. Shortly after it erupts, the 'child' is a legal adult who cannot be 'made' to do anything. Parents are not legally entitled to information about how their child is living, or any treatment she is -- or is not -- receiving. These are both very bright individuals, but incapable of thinking rationally. It's a huge worry, and financially draining.

One of these DD's lived for a time in an expensive controlled environment until she came to accept her need to take medications for the rest of her life -- and to return to the hospital from time to time. The other has roamed the world, having unfortunate encounters -- with authorities who mistake her paranoia for willful anger and with men (some of whom are also impaired), resulting in two babies surrendered. This never 'ends'. Both of these DD's are now in their forties.

One of my friends is active in NAMI. You should contact that organization, Mama. I am a firm believer that self-help organizations are the best way to tackle problems. No 'professional' can have the same understanding without having had to 'walk the walk'.

I understand that bi polar people often decide that they miss the euphoric highs. Thus, they go off their meds. Then depression is part of the picture too. From watching my friend cope and reading about it, I think of all of us as chemical factories. We are each of use a walking chemical factory making and using hormones so that we can function. This illness is from the internal chemical factory and receptors lack of alignment with the body's needs.

As I said in an earlier post, I lost a daughter to bipolar disorder. I will add here that her death should not have happened. It was due to too many medications one of which should have never been prescribed for her.

Terry had suffered greatly with rheumatoid arthritis, diagnosed in her early 20's. Both knees replaced and a wrist fusion before she was 40. Bipolar disorder began controlling her life in her mid 30's.

The NAMI organization helped us, her loved ones, in trying to understand and help her. And she had good support from a variety of mental health agencies. And she tried to help herself. She knew the dangers of the disorder, both the manic and depressive stages. She was especially afraid of addiction as in drugs and alcohol.

Her death came while she was on my watch. She had driven the 100 miles from the home she shared with her husband and 2 much loved dogs. The next day we were to drive 100 miles farther to attend a family reunion. She and I and my sister spent the day in the kitchen preparing food, laughing and enjoying each others company.

Terry was into jewelry making and spent a lot of time that afternoon setting up a display of several beautiful pieces she had made. They would be part of a Chinese auction at the reunion. It had been a long day for her and I knew that she was tired and hurting after the long day.

Late in the evening we pronounced it a 'day' . Terry off to bed on a blow up mattress in the back room of the house. As she closed the door she said, Mom, please wake me in time to help you put the finishing touches on things and the packing up to leave.

I went in to wake her the next morning. She was laying on her side, glasses on, her hand holding open the book she had brought with her. When I touched her , I knew that she was gone.

The coroners report was "accidental death due to a combined drug overdose". Three of the drugs in her system were prescribed for the control of her bipolar. A fourth was prescribed for the pain of arthritis. That pain medication had been banned in Europe and Canada, but still widly being used in the U.S. That drug, Darvon! A component of it is a depressive of the central nervous system and stays in the system building up over time. It, added to her other meds put her over the edge. Her depressed brain simply forgot to tell her heart to beat. Darvon the brand name has been banned in the US now, but I understand that it's generic, propoxyphene, in some forms is still available.

My warning to all is be aware of the meds your loved one is taking, be a part of their treatment, be involved and ask a lot of questions?

For me, he didn't want help during the mania portions. He loves to feel "powerful" and it seems to me, that's when it's at its strongest. Or is it that he's convinced he's cured since he no longer feels depressed?

He totally wants help when he's depressed. Maybe it's the same for others.

How horrible and heartbreaking for you to find her like that Igmd_gaz. My heart just breaks for you.

Oh, lgmd_gaz, I cannot imagine how difficult and painful that would be. So sorry for your loss. Thank you for telling us your story and allowing what happened to be a cautionary tale for others.

Try the book Beating bipolar by Blake Levine

lgmd_gaz - Nothing one can say will ease your pain, but we are thankful you are brave enough and kind enough to share the tragedy with us so we can learn. A heartfelt thank you.

So many of you have first hand knowledge of this terrible condition! I am surprised and saddened that anyone has to deal with this for a lifetime. My heart goes out to you.

After reading through these posts and especially the post by lgmd_gaz, I am convinced this is what killed my niece. She had gone to therapists since she was a teen and to the best of my knowledge, she was never diagnosed with bipolar! I am now convinced this is what she suffered from, everyone always just assumed her troubles were drug addiction. I believe her drug addiction was because she never got the help she needed and was trying to self medicate. She died much as the story of lgmd's daughter's death. She just fell asleep and never woke up at the age of 31, just shy of one year ago. What a horrible illness!

(((lgmd_gaz))) (((Arkansas_girl)))

I bought the book recommended by Satine and two others. I will give them to my (step)son when I get a chance.