sometimes, you just don't want to be bothered. Maybe, you should have moved and stood away from her?

And sometimes people just need to reach out to the anonymity of a stranger. I doubt I would have done something overt like move away since the encounter was going to end when your turn with the dentist came up.

Ditto Greywings. Did you have something to read? I'm friendly too, but there are some people I instinctively do not want to engage with.

This person was completely inappropriate and you did nothing wrong. I would have been creeped out, frankly.

I know how you feel. I'm a nurse and I really hate when I'm talking to a really sick patient and the wife, friend, girlfriend or whoever butts in and starts talking about all THEIR health problems. The patient could be really ill but it's all about THEM. I try and be nice and listen but I don't have a lot of time so I probably come off rude sometimes when I ignore them or change the subject back to the patient.

I usually bring a book to doctor/dental appointments so hopefully I would've been reading and the lady wouldn't have started talking to me.

I agree with what's been said. No one wants to hear all that...but she needed to get it out. It was kind of you to put up with it.

Sometimes it's kind to tolerate people who have a need to reach out. I wonder if she does this to every captive audience. It seems like way too much information, and I don't fault you at all for not being interested in being her sounding board. You could have excused yourself to go to the restroom, then returned and buried your nose in a magazine, sitting as far from her as possible. Or start some kind of chat with the receptionist ("Do you have my current insurance?") to break the momentum.

I would have handled it in exactly the same way. She wanted to vent, she wasn't looking for advice, she just needed an ear and yours was there. Sometimes I think that some people have welcoming faces or demeanor and you may be one of those people.

She needed an ear. I think if you had thought of her need instead of your own discomfort, it would have been a lot easier on you, i.e.: Mind over matter.

It's never wrong to just listen to someone who needs to be heard. BE glad you're not her husband. People never get over losing a child. Listening to a sad soul in a waiting room is nothing compared to that. I think we could all stand to be a little more patient and forgiving with people like her.

My father, a minister, told me once that he was preaching one Sunday at a church in the city (Boston) and some guy walked in off the street, walked down the aisle of the church, lit a Bic lighter, and started jabbering about something. My father simply stopped his sermon and let the guy talk (if I'm remembering the story correctly the guy also dropped his drawers!), then the guy pulled his pants back up, turned and left.

Parishioners after the service approached my father and asked him why he let this guy do that, interrupt the service, behave as he had, etc. My father said, "He had something he needed to say, and he needed to be heard, so I let him speak and be heard."

And that was the end of that.

Deep down inside, do you ever wish you had a good retort like "Maxine", the character on greeting cards, to punctuate some uncomfortable public situation/s? But darn, good manners usually prevail, as it did in this case :-).

"an older couple with a chair between them."

Many couples sit side by side. Perhaps the empty chair tells a story about lack of caring or perhaps it tells of space needed.

You did good to listen just as you did.

In this digital age where many of our contacts are with voice mail, texts, e-mail, etc., many people, especially the homebound, are starved for human contact. I found that while working in a customer-oriented position where my employer wanted me to build rapport with customers. At the end of some days I felt as if I had been the community psychologist but I loved that part of my job. If a listening ear is all that is required to help a fellow human being, I usually oblige. We are all pleased when we call a business and receive the attention of a real person instead of the impersonal "punch 1 for xxx or punch 2 for xxx". I am glad that you listened. You may have helped more than you will ever know.

My reaction is "Be kind." Since I live in an independent living situation where everyone is elderly I find there are many lonely people. Just listening (or even half-listening) is a kindness to them. I try to listen-- and sometimes I hear a story that I've heard before. I try not to be one of the "talkers" but maybe I bore others too.

Sounds like a desperately lonely person. Nice that you listened as you posted here most of what she said. Funny thing is, had you tried to counsel or comment it would have gone in one ear & out the other. She just wanted another soul to hear her. Maybe if this happens again you can look attentive while making mental notes of what you'll cook for dinner, etc. Let them talk, I say.

Doesn't matter where I am, I always seem to attract people that want to tell me their life story, problems, etc... I suppose some people just need an ear and if can spare 10 minutes out of my day to listen, then I will. It can be a bit frustrating at times because I usually have to try to wind their conversation down and do so without being rude. Most that I encounter are very lonely, I rarely get a word in, but that is fine.

You handled it fine, she needed to talk, you listened. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

tibbix, I think you have the snarky attribution backward. jkayd said she received a snarky comment.

I agree with most of the comments. This most often happens to me on airplanes. I'll give anyone a few minutes, but when unneeded personal information starts flowing and it seems like the "conversation" is turning into an emotional purging, I'll bring it to an end. Thanks to a smartphone, I can say "I'm sorry, I have a few things I need to get done right now" and then I'll dive into whatever I can on the phone. Listening to a stranger's descriptions of never-ending life dramas is just something I won't do.

tibbrix - it was the other lady that ended the conversation with what the OP considered a snarky way.

jkayd - I'm glad you were able to sit quietly without letting on that the conversation was annoying to you. In situations like that one, I always worry the other person may have some kind of dementia whereas they can't realize when their conversation takes an inappropriate turn. Not saying that hers was inappropriate, just that her talking appears so unchecked.

"I'm so sorry, but these word bubbles aren't going to spell themselves!"

I'm a listener too and instinctively (I hope) try to make people feel comfortable around me. Kind of a 'good manners' thing. I think that what you are feeling guilty about is that your 'good manners' sort of failed you . I don't get that impression at all, since you did hear the conversation and now it's bothering you that your responses were not as friendly "as usual" and HER 'snarky' Good Luck brought it to your attention. I believe you did handle the situation just fine. No one can be their "most friendly selves" all the time.... and at the dentist office especially. BTW...I'm probably more like the 'elderly old lady' needing to talk just because I don't get out much anymore. I don't usually start conversations, but I do have health issues that put me in waiting rooms weekly and I enjoy observing those around me and I most often see people interacting in kind and mannerly ways.

Tibbrix, the OP did "handle it fine". Please re-read her post. The snarky comment came from the other person.

Sorry you were accosted by an unbalanced person. (Normal people seeking a conversation do not say the things reported here.)

It happens. At least you didn't have to suffer long. Imagine being trapped in a elevator or on a long flight with such a person!

I think elderly is the key word here. I bet she has some degree of dementia. I try to remember our time will come! And hopefully when I am there I find a friendly person who treats me nicely. I in turn try to be a friendly person.

I think you handled it just fine.

Working with hospice for a number of years -- in addition to presently volunteering at a trauma hospital -- has given me a whole new insight into the sick and elderly. I have encountered people at their worst, in part because they feel as if nobody really hears them.

By simply listening to this poor woman instead of ignoring her completely, probably released some of her steam from the emotional pressure cooker built up inside her. No need to feel guilty; lots of people wouldn't have even done that.

jkayd, what an interesting little vignette. You've gotten some interesting responses.

Hard to know what to say and I can imagine a lot of possibilities. I also noted the chair between the couple.

Some people are self absorbed and will talk on and on, about nearly anything, oblivious to the context, people around them (who may also have needs or be in pain).

But, grief, loss, loneliness can also cause people to behave in odd ways.

I think that you handled things just fine. For whatever reason (dementia, loneliness, unresolved grief, self-absorbed personality), she imposed on you or needed an ear, and you politely listened. Her snarky comment to you might have been a confirmation of her negative perspective or depression, but what a downer after you listened so politely.

And sad to say, but encouraging to say, life does and must go on. People need heart and ears for a long time after losing a loved one, but, some personalities can just get into a depressive rut on turn inwards (if not already that way) not see much beyond themselves. That's not good for themselves or those with whom they interact.

I just got home from shopping and am overwhelmed with the responses from all of you. Thank you for your kind comments. I feel better. I'm still thinking I should have gave in and showed her the attention she must have been wanting. I'm really a friendly person however her talk, talk, talk just hit me wrong.

You did fine! You could have told her to shut up, or said something like, "and I care, why?" but you put up with her dumping on you, so you get points for that.

jkayd - it is so sweet of you to still worry over your interaction with the lady. You shouldn't feel bad as you gave her the best you had to offer at that moment. We can't expect our moods to be flawless at all times. I feel certain that her snarky adios was no reflection on how you related.

Yeah, the snarky send off. What's up with that?

How dare you leave her and her tales of woe?

I'm happy to see so many compassionate responses.

Jkayd, you let her talk. You didn't have to participate. You didn't open a magazine or walk away. You're fine. The snark you heard on the closing could have a different meaning. Perhaps it was meant to be a statement about being your being the dentist's next "victim" -- a lot of people associate seeing the dentist with pain and expense, rather than focusing on the blessing of a healthy mouth and strong teeth.

I think you did fine too...I am not the most sociable person but for some reason, I love talking with or listening to old people tell their stories. Sometimes all they need is a kind ear and with those few moments of your time, you've made their day.

Actually when people talk to me and I don't feel like talking (like a doctor appointment), I just get up and use the restroom.

What would I have done? I would have patiently and sympathetically listened until I was called in to see the dentist. With a smile. Takes a lot less energy that way and I feel better, too.

I think you handled it fine. Some days I feel chatty and friendly and other days I just want to be left alone. She wasn't going to grant you the chance to be left alone but still, you were polite. She didn't really want you to talk either, so I don't understand why she would snark at you, but it shows more about her than you. The fact that her own DH wouldn't sit next to her probably means that she talks non stop whenever possible.

I once got cornered in our clinic's waiting room by a friend of my MIL's, it was annoying because I didn't know him at all and I had brought a book along, but it turned out to be very informative as he did all the talking for the next hour and a half. I learned a bit of what she told her friends about my DH and me. When DH finally came back out, he was also shocked to learn these things (that he was dying of cancer and that I refused to take him to the doctor, when it was just a back problem, and look, there I was at the doctor's office!) and he let the man know that everything his mother had told him wasn't the truth. (I hate when they call your full name in the waiting room, heads spin around and you get stared at. Ah, small-town life.)

Oh, I did misread the "snarky" part of the comment. I apologize to the OP and will delete the offending comment!

It's interesting, some of you assumed that the talker perhaps had some kind of emotional or neurological problem, while I assumed she was a person with the annoying (and rude) habit of talking too much about personal issues with strangers.

Here's my take on it.

You felt a little guilty for not having given her your full attention, and when she wished you good luck, her remark sounded a little snarky. It might have sounded snarky to others too - those who were sitting with their eyes on their magazines but whose ears were secretly swivelling in your direction.

And maybe, after you went to meet your fate, she was sitting there thinking: Oh my Heavens! I hope I didn't sound snarky! Patsy's always telling me that I sound snarky. And that lovely young woman was so nice to me!

......

It's also possible that she did mean to sound a bit snarky. You weren't in the mood and couldn't quite handle her at that time. You are human. She is human.

I am a little affronted that someone said that normal people don't behave in the way that the snarky old- I mean the elderly lady did. I believe that normal people behave in all sorts of ways.

I've often encountered people who just want to "talk". Most are just lonely people who want to be heard, they are not looking for a wise response, just someone to listen. I learned this from my mother. She would look at someone who was trying to converse with her, smile, say "uh-huh", "oh", "yes", etc. Doesn't cost anything, just good manners.

Its too bad you could not have changed seats. If there was another seat, you could have gotten up, wandered over to a window or other object for a look, or took a magazine from from a rack and returned to a different seat.

That sounds like a situation most women have been in. You listen politely for a little while, and then expect her to drop it and change the subject, or to give you a chance to. It's a difficult one, because when I am waiting for a Dr's appt, etc, I try to use that time to relax and think about what I have to talk to the Dr about. She was probably a very lonely old woman (in her marriage), and she needed an ear, and you were just there at the time. I wouldn't feel guilty about what you said or how you acted, a lot of old people are like that. The next time though, if I were you, I 'd try to find a seat by myself. The book idea is a very good one also. Just in case!

I think you handled it just fine.

On planes I carry earbuds I plug into my smartphone - even if I am not listening to anything. Most people see the earbuds and don't bother me.

Have a friend who will respond with somthing completely off the wall, it usually immediately shuts people down because they think he is psychotic.

As an example when she mentioned surgery, he would say something like, "Oh surgery is great, they cut all the aliens out of you, that come to our planet on invisible spaceships on Sunday mornings at 4am, if not removed they take over your body and you become a zombie. I have surgery every week, sometimes twice a week."

Many people think going to the dentist is the worst thing in the world. The snarky "Good luck" may just have been a way to word the fact that she viewed it as a chore for you as well. She might be at home all day with her spouse, who maybe isn't a talker. Once he was gone, she saw her chance to get a few things out LOL. Maybe she was anxious about things and needed to voice them to the universe and you were a good opportunity.

I don't mind people sharing personal info with me. But I do admit a time or two when I just wanted to sit quietly and enjoy waiting for my appointment - I don't get a lot of free time to just sit by myself LOLOLOL.

Dances.

You have no reason to feel bad, in fact you should feel good that you let her have her vent that she needed. That's called being generous and there's not a lot of that around these days.

And BTW, for what reason IS surgery other than to cut aliens out of you? Have people so quickly forgotten that documentary some years back about the alien splitting a guy's gut open trying to get out?